EmptySoul

yes, i do/did cut, but haven't since the 17th of June... i do it to relieve anger stress or any other emotions, to rebel against my parents or other people, to hurt myself, to see the blood, to feel real. it depends on the person and there are so many reasons....I've used an earring just to cause pain and a knife which will draw blood... EmptySoul

i understand where everyone comes from, saying you cannot fall in love so young. and i realize that i'm not that old...but i'm almost 15 and i've grown a lot and learned a lot of things since i fell in love at 13. i still believe i was in love, it was an oblivious kind of love, and it was painful, and lasted a long time. it still hurts every day. i believe there are different kinds of love, with different strengths. that is my opinion and everyone is intitled to their own. EmptySoul

i started considering myself bisexual earlier this year, but haven't yet had the opprotunity to do anything with a female. i might soon, and was just wanting some feedback on first times with someone of the same sex.... EmptySoul

i love it. don't leave. EmptySoul

u_t_p: some people seem to be born at the top, us, well we have to fight out way there. keep fighting, we'll get there one of these days... -EmptySoul

if you would give me one gift one thing- just let me go let me bleed let me cut let me die let me fall all i want is to hear you say goodbye i love you see you soon stop holding me here with your words your care your guilt and questions I AM NOT YOURS TO KEEP i am not your responsibility if you love me let me go oh please just set me free i can't leave- not until you let me. -EmptySoul

he comes to me hidden in the darkness. the blade glints in the moonlight as it traces it's intentions upon the skin above my beating heart. i stand still and offer myself to him. i am his toy, his gift though i do not even know his name. only when the ground is bloody and he leans close to watch me slip away will i let the tears of gratitude fall. "you saved me." i whisper and then i'm gone. maybe he'll never know or understand but if he takes the time to gaze upon my cooling wrist the scars will tell the story of it all- how he saved me... from myself. -EmptySoul

Looks aren't my top priority, but it's still on there 6 packs are great, but if they have a stomach in between a little chubby and a 6 pack thats hot too. EmptySoul

Boxers or briefs: either Curly or straight hair: either Tall or short: taller than me (5'3" lol)....lean towards tall though Six pack or muscular arms: both Good or bad guys: bad guy with a good streak Hat or no hat: either Ears pierced or not: either Tan or no Tan: either Dimples or not: either Stubble or neatly shaven: shaven Rugged or sporty: either Studly or cutie: stud Accent or not: either Glasses: ah prolly no glasses Smart or dumb: smart! What sport should he play: if he plays one, i dont care which. its fun watching a guy do any sport -EmptySoul

(i wrote this yesterday, Tuesday June 22nd) I no longer just want to cut bc of pain, stress, anger or any of the other things that build up and eventually set me off. I don't really know what it is now...seeing the blood, I think: the blood on my body, the blood dried on the knife. But I'm doing my best not to injure myself, for the sake of those around me. I know, I should want to quit for myself, but I don't. I hate it that everyone is walking on eggshells around me: anyone who really knows what I do is so careful not to set me off, does whatever they can not to anger me. My mother lets me do almost whatever I want now, she'll change her plans, drive me wherever, just because she's afraid if she pisses me off bad enough that I'll cut myself. Just bc I am completely f___ed up, it doesn't give me the right to do whatever and be a spoiled little b____. And the fact that people are doing this makes me angry, so it seems they are wasting their time. I don't want to be treated like I have some disease, but I guess it comes with the territory. I haven't cut since the 17th...I know that hasn't been that long, but I think it is since I'm only trying to quit solely for others... I've become increasingly interested in vampires and magic. Crazy, huh? No, I don't believe in the type of vampires you're probably thinking of, but I'm talking about the people who have developed an addiction to drinking blood. It sounds just as difficult a lifestyle as being a cutter. When you cut, it's just yourself and a knife (or whatever), for them they have to find someone willing to be cut, and willing to give their blood. Then they deal with everyone thinking they're insane (if the wrong people find out). I've always had an interest in people who stand out, live with great difficulties, whatever... As far as the magic thing goes, there's a bookstore in a nearby town with tons of magic books. Wiccan, black, pagan, everything. I can't wait until I get some money so I can buy some of these books. I can't really say whether or not I believe in it, bc I've never tried anything, but I'm definitly curious about it. Anyone who knows anything interesting about either of these subjects? I'd love to hear from anyone who has experience with these things... Well, now that I've even further convinced all of you how strange I am, I guess I'll be going...leaving you all with a quote from my new favorite book Sweetblood by Pete Hautman: "She looks different now: brow semiscrunched, half smile, forced cheeriness, and that haunted, scared look in her eyes. I know what she's scared of. She's scared of her daughter...Wherever I go, whatever I am doing, I see her face accusing me...I want to say, This wasn't my idea. I didn't ask to be born." bye. -EmptySoul

well, it might. i mean, getting a tattoo doesnt feel good and even though you can get it removed it isn't a fun process... EmptySoul

hey. i like this part: EmptySoul

every cut trying to free this creature inside of me every drop of blood one i'm willing to sacrifice to be FREE. all say no don't honey, baby, that's wrong so i stop for a while and leave the creature alone. can't stop fighting it will attach itself to my soul it'll grow so i cut some more so it'll leave so i can be FREE. now fear blinds them they wonder how long before i cut too deep before i let all the blood fall let my body die and my spirit leave try so hard to fight but i can't stand that look in my mother's eyes as she stares at my arm and she cries and cries so i do as she prays and forget my knife in my drawer while this creature takes over my mind until i'm not me anymore. EmptySoul

hello. i am the worst i can ever remember being. as most of you who are familiar with my posts know, i "cut". it is always in quotations bc I just scraped my skin until it left scars. there was never really any blood, just clear fluid.i hadn't done "cutting" of any type for a long time. but today i was angry stressed and disappointed with so many things. i went looking for a knife and found a big one with an 8 inch blade like this ^-^-^-^. i was amazed at the blood that rose from the cut on my wrist. after the blood dried/stopped i would go over the cut again until it would continue bleeding. i did 2 cuts like this. then i did 1 lower on my wrist, on my lower arm, on the muscle of my arm on my stomach, my thigh, and the calf of my right leg. i couldn't get any of these cuts to bleed (except for the 1st 2 on my wrist) and the ones on my stomach and thigh couldn't even be considered cuts, just red scrapes. afterwards i felt better. its taken so much effort lately just for me to function at all. then my parents got home, they sort of apologized for what they did to make me angry and we ate. i was happy when my dad suggested going to my grandmothers, bc even though i prefer to be ALONE that meant i could get online and talk to stitches and look at hottopic for my new clothing. halfway down the driveway my father spotted the new marks on my arm, got angry and drove back to the house to make me show my mother. i tried explaining why i cut to my mother by comparing it to her need for a cigerette when she gets stressed/angry. i felt this was a pretty good analogy and that this would help her understand. but it didnt, not really. she asked me the same ?'s as any other time: "I thought you said you'd never do this again?!" "What drove you to the point to do this?" "What can we do to help you?" "What do you need so you don't need to do this anymore?" And as always I couldn't answer any of her questions, i have no answers. finally they let me leave. when i got here my mother called, asking me if i was mad at her. it had seemed like it when i left bc it frustrates me that they can't/don't understand. i told her no and she started crying (so did i) and told me that she's not mad at me and everything they do they do bc they love me (it hurts to write this and now im crying again.) and that its just hard bc she can't understand. she told me to call her at work even if i just wanted to talk and said she loved me. i feel so guilty for hurting her this way, i hate her but i love her so much. i just don't feel like i can live a certain way for her or anyone else. i feel like im hurting everyone around me but that its not fair for me to have to live in pain and discomfort so i dont hurt other people. i cant live like this anymore but i dont remember how to live any other way. im dying from a need of something, but i don't want anything except to be alone. this is all i can write for now, and ive hardly touched with words everything i feel. i know this is long but it is full of ME and im praying someone will reply bc for the first time i truly feel like i am FALLING APART. EmptySoul

i really like it and i like the repitition, it had a good effect. EmptySoul

what i would say: i loved you with the innocence i still possesed i loved you with my innocence lost i loved you through all our lies and mistake and misjudgements and i will always love you because you were the first love the one no one can ever quite forget maybe your love was never real that's okay mine was and it always will be you've pushed me and bent me and broke me you've torn me and changed me for better or for worse i'll never know but the results of loving you will always show in me... EmptySoul

i wouldn't worry too much about putting yourself into a specific category. i find myself attracted to females and believe i would be comfortable doing things with one, but i have not yet had the experience so i dont truly feel comfortable putting myself into a category. i just say i am comfortable with my sexuality. EmptySoul

It's great that you've been able to find the words to write such a postive poem. EmptySoul

stitches, oh god please don't worry no matter what. all these posts are killing me knowing what you've been going through because i haven't been able to be here to tell you what is going on. i promise i will never leave you. facing the world together, remember? this love is yours always. EmptySoul

Under, thanks. Actually the line about us sounding like we're dating made me laugh. I want to be honest with you, so i need to talk to you about Jake if you want to hear it, if you don't want it to be your buisiness thats okay. PM me or talk to me on msn if you want to talk. EmptySoul

tainted_soul, i love your writing bc of its dark humor and difference from the normal flow of writing, so it is a great compliment that you like some of mine. thank you... under_the_pressure, i'll always care about you, i don't think that could change even if i wanted it to. god, i wish we'd never faded too. it's just another thing that hurts every goddamn day. i wish nothing had ever faded, but everything has... EmptySoul

the air in my face feels so good see the sidewalk drawing near you'll all forget me as the crazy one ThIS is my dying year memories fill my head right now as my blood pools on the ground wondering about what i always searched for- that something i never found you all screamed wh_re and psycho joked about the cuts on my skin you all came back for me later to taste my body again for those of you who "loved" me who'll reach and scream for me in the dark i'm sorry to cause your tears to fall i'm sorry to break your heart please remember how you made me laugh those times you made me smile and every time you're lonely remember- we'll be together in a little while... EmptySoul

She's right; it you start cutting it is like an addiction. I cannot say whether or not i have been able to quit bc my urges to "cut" are random and may come at any time, but it has been at least a week... It put even more stress on me, on top of loneliness confusion and depression, when my mother noticed the marks on my wrists and told my father. I started seeing a counselor, but only went twice and decided it wasn't what i need. If cutting is what I need to keep from going over the edge and committing suicide, or being able to function decently normally around other people, I am fine with doing it. but for those of you considering it, you need to read around and determine if you'll be able to handle the consequences that come later... i'm here if anyone wants to talk. EmptySoul

Right now it may be a little early to tell if you love this girl, i'd say you definitly have an interest in her though. no matter what anyone says though, i do believe you can fall in love young; i fell in love when i was 13, and now not too far from being 15 i still believe it was love. EmptySoul

Well, you can't really make the gerneralization that it is like this with every female, but yes, it happens a lot. For some reason, whether we'll admit it or not, girls are attracted and drawn to the bad guys. I like the good guys, believe me, but it depends on how far they take it. They have to be willing to stand up for themselves, and dare to have fun and be outrageous. It's a little different with every girl i guess. EmptySoul