EmptySoul

no black cloak. no gleaming scythe. a mere man in his words and deeds. he calls to me with a silent smile. i will come to him- fearlessly. there's no resisting everything he holds. there's no fear, and there's no pain. male fingertips follow his intentions bold- and he thinks he has everything to gain. dark eternities move in his eyes as i whisper my request. again, he thinks he holds the lies but i am the one that is blessed. i ask for more, for all he'll give and he'll go just a little too far. crimson stains his lips, his hands- and now- red splashes on the floor. like i said: no cloak. no scythe. but he is the new grim reaper. Empty

I was with him 2 weeks. I just decided I was ready to. It didn't really change our relationship. Empty

I really like it. Good job. Empty

Good job. This was my favorite line: Empty

Hey. I consider myself bi, but I haven't done anything sexual with a female. I've told my mother this, haven't really discussed it with my father. A lot of people at my school found out b/c my friend and I decided we didn't care what people thought, and we'd talk about it whether people were around or not. Some people started saying it was gross (mostly girls) and a lot of guys thought it was great and wanted to watch us. Stuff like that really got on my nerves, but it comes with the territory. That's all I can really tell you. Either you're prepared to handle people's reations, questions, and opinions, or you're not. Be who you are, nothing less, nothing more. Empty

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone. I guess I need to make clear that I'm not staying with him because I feel sorry for him. He's great. I guess I mean that the only reason I've been able to keep from blocking him out like everyone else is bc I know it would hurt him. I believe he at least really thinks he cares about me. I don't think it's right for me to leave him, hurt him and not even be able to explain why... Empty

Just really needing to write, I guess: As everyone in this little community knows, I am beyond screwed up... I've managed to refrain from actually cutting, with the exception of small marks and scratches from mechanical pencils/safety pins. I'm trying. (for them.) I faithfully take my generic Prozac every day... No friends. Alicia went back to home-school. (of course i still love her, but i'm a little too far from social for friends.) Paula's a bit__. And everyone else is just hated. The Boyfriend. It's been 2 weeks tomorrow night. (BiTTerSwEet HeLL) People started rumors about him and Paula, but of course they weren't true. I guess he asked out Kim yesterday. Ha. She should've got him to dump me and save me the trouble. But no...we're still together. He has to say that he loves me, and he has to say it constantly. he says he wants to be together FOREVER (forever??!!!) and wants to marry me when I turn 18. He's never loved a girl this way before, he says. I have let this get beyond way too far. I can barely handle living, let alone a guy who's 'in love', romantic, and looking to the future. I'm still with him completely for him. He's got screwed over too many times. He wants me to be different, to not let it end the same way as the others. I'm trying so hard to stay with him but I'm fu__ing dying. I'm wanting so bad to go back to far-apart phone calls from different guys wanting the same things. The numbness. Being alone. The shi__y thing is, I was desperatly hoping for something better to come along. But here it is...And for me it's not better. It's pain, and the only kind I don't seem to want. Because I'm me. Because I'm dead. Because I am supposed to be NUMB. Empty

Great job. Usually I try to pick out a part I like best, but I liked the whole thing. Empty

she works all the time to hide from all the screaming to hide from her life but can't she see- this is the life she chose and it's too late now to change it all if you choose hell, it's yours he works all the time to hide from all the speaking to hide from everything but can't he see- this is the life he chose and it's too late now to change it all if you choose damnation, it's yours i am here all the time and i won't hide you hide from me. can't you see- i am me because of the life you chose but it's not too late for me to change it all i choose him, and he is mine... Empty

Great job. I loved this line: I wish you the best of luck. Empty

This is my favorite part too: Thanks for posting. Empty

I like it. My favorite part was the first stanza: Good job. Empty

Great work. This was my favorite part: (I know, that was a big favorite part...) Empty

Hmm..I guess that's me too. *laughs* Empty

block you out so i can feel my pain again so i can breathe again- without you. everything is wrong again or to the world, it's right so much i just can't understand... all the words i hate to hear and still i smile for you caresses such a waste of time yet, i know i'd die for you phone calls in the dark like hiding from myself there should be no reflection i think that i am gone yet, there i am that blue eyed blonde the one that you think you love. you are mistaken, and you are wrong listen to my music in the dark i just want to bleed need to die quit making me forget we're leaving me behind you don't see what's wrong you don't see these scars and when i am with you these scars are invisible to me too... Empty

I can't really say for sure why I like this piece of writing, but I really do. I love the tone of it. Empty

I really like this poem. This was my favorite part: *smiles* Thanks for sharing. Empty

Great job. I love it. Empty

I know you're going to get better, and you'll have that life you dream about. Keep dreaming, keep hoping. Empty

Everyone, be amazed: I am writing about a boy. I have a boyfriend now. He's a senior and he's romantic. He goes to church and will be going to the marines in may, I think. He was even going to get married, but it didn't work out. This is insane What the hell am I doing?? I'm antisocial, anti-relationship, I trust no one and I'm more likely to kill than I am to express how I really feel. I feel so bad for him already... He likes to talk on the phone every day, he's always trying to make plans to see me. If he has a girlfriend, she's a big part of his life. I don't think I can do this. AND I've just added another person to hurt if I finally punk out of this pain people call life. I think I'm really scared. (wow, a moment of honesty. *faints*) I'm scared of not being good enough. Of breaking under the pressure of trying to be a normal, caring girlfriend. Of trying to feel to make this work. I'm scared of hurting him. I could break this off now, before it gets too far. Before we have sex, before he really starts to care. Before there's a one month anniversary and the gifts he's already promising. Before I'm really trapped.... but i know i won't. Empty

Great job. Empty

This will probably be long, since I'm doing pretty bad tonight. I don't want your sympathy, just your comments and the freedom to write my thoughts. I'm wanting to go so bad tonight. It's been almost a month since I've cut, if I've counted right. I quit b/c of the affect it has on my friend and family. The deserve better. My relationship was so horrible with my dad. Both of us walking around on eggshells with each other. Since I stopped, we haven't had one fight. He was always so angry every time he saw a new mark. The one time he handled it sensitivly his anger started showing up a few days later. He acted like it was an act that deserved punishment. I just want him to love me, to be proud of me. When he found out I cut, I couldn't see anything but how much he resented what I'd done. I don't think he could see anything else either. My mom cried almost every time. She wanted to understand. She got angry some too. But so did I. My depression seemed to rub off on her, like she carried the weight of everything she knew about my pain. Even though I couldn't feel it. I'm trying to make everything okay... I'm glad they've never discovered much of the rest. All the sex and the feeling every day that continuing to breathe takes more energy than I have left. The poetry and stories we've written about overdoses and a homicidal stranger. I don't know why I take my Prozac. I think I'm just too dead to fight any more. Everything is so short-term and stupid. Why do I care so much about convincing them to let me home-school and get my lip done? Or getting good grades this year so they can be proud for once? Wearing black and/or red every day? None of it matters. I can't go. She's so happy sometimes now. She's got him. She talks about her future. Having the perfect husband and beautiful kids. You think it sounds stupid, but I know she'll have it. Just like she'll forget this person she is now, and move to australia to be somewhere far away. I can't put a crimson stain on her life. She deserves better. Yes, you're right. Everyone can look around and find something to live for. I'm young. I have one true friend. A family that loves me. Yes, you can make something big enough to live for. I could live for these things but i'm chooosing not to. I kept saying I'm not growing old here. But I'll live to be 25. I don't think I can make it anymore. I feel it every day. The way the teachers look at me and try to guess why I've changed. They look at my black clothes and my one friend and remember last year. Some people don't waste their time on me, they can tell I'm already dead. Others like to pretend I'm still alive. Sometimes I'm one of them. I wonder sometimes why I want to die. Why I bother trying to save everyone from me. Why I've had sex with 6 guys. Why I liked my counselor. Why I'm not dead now. Why I love music so much. Why I almost never cry. none of it matters. we all rot in our graves. alone. alone. alone. alone. Empty

That was amazing. Great job. You're not the only one. Empty

Good job. I can relate. I hope you'll be able to get over this whole thing Thanks for writing. Empty

I don't really think anyone can say if someone's choices are wrong or right. A choice is a choice. You can't throw anything into wrong or right b/c every person is different. And no matter how much you know someone there's always more. I think it is just one more thing in life, just like having sex, drinking, smoking etc. It's your choice how you want to live. Don't judge. End of story. Empty