EmptySoul

Hello. For a while now, I've been wanting to be hurt physically. I self-injure and you think destruction to my body on my part would be enough, but I don't know... I've even had a dream about it a while back and I'm thinking about it more and more. I don't want it to come from a family member, but I want it to be a male. I don't understand why I want this and I can't recall hearing anyone else talk about something like this. Does anyone have any ideas? Have you heard of something like this before? Empty

anger is a very big trigger with me. resulting sometimes from the rocky relationship i have with me father. also, stress is a main one. along with habit, need for self-destruction, etc. Empty

i think it is one of your best writings. i love it. Empty

I liked it. It flowed well, I thought. Empty

It's good. I know, some may not consider it poetry. Oh well, I still like it. I was going to quote my favorite line, but I like all of it. Good job. Empty

I like it. Be proud, I don't usually like rhyming poetry. Empty

i like it. these are my favorite lines: Empty

I don't know how to help you. But you want to quit, (and get better?) so that is a start. It's not too late then... Empty

I didn't say one thing in paticular because I seem to feel that way about everything I do. My choices depress me, but I don't regret them. I don't want to change. I don't want to do something different. It doesn't make sense... Empty

Hello all. I'm needing an answer: There's a few things that either happen or I do, and they depress me afterwards. But I don't regret them, wish they hadn't happened, or decide to stop. What does this mean? I'm trying to understand myself... EmptySoul

i like it, nice choice of words. talented. EmptySoul

i like it, the last stanza best. EmptySoul

i love it, and i can relate to it. EmptySoul

lish, i am so happy for you. i don't care what happens, how you decide you want to be. as long as you're the way you are, that's the way it should be. i wish you the best in everything. EmptySoul

i am meant to be alone alone but with her by my side we have something that even i do not understand but i know nothing can compare to what we share with the silent words we say i love your laugh and your body your words and our memories but these feelings are like a responsibility- they're too heavy for me to bear i know you're like me in your soul i can feel it in everything you are and i'm sorry to push you away like all the ones before i'm sorry i can't stand to feel anymore and i hope on that last day you'll let me come say goodbye i know i'll want to see you one last time somehow you're everything i could be if i was meant to be "happy". what i really meant to say is i'm sorry for the way i am... i never meant to be so cold. i'll remember my love for you in my love for her... EmptySoul

we're not the type that likes to place our lives in the hands of a man, lish. i'm starting to think no matter how great they may be, we can never be happy, no, content, with them. i don't know, if in the future we will keep choosing to be alone or be alone with a male by our side, but either way you still have me and i have you. we put ourselves through pain to find our demented version of joy, and i guess thats what makes our lives interesting. black fingernail polish, a never ending array of haircolors. weird clothes, distorted views. we'll never fit into the mainstream. but we like it that way. one of these days we'll figure out how to be teenage girls... and still be us. all the love goes to you, Empty

i've read a lot of your poetry, but for some reason this is one of my favorite. maybe it's the subject, or it's just well written, or maybe both. EmptySoul

i am here, at my grandmothers, as i always am when on the internet. tonight, after yet another fight between my parents, over money, my father broke all the phones and turned off the electricity. so we left, and came up here. my mother left to go see how much else he destroyed and was supposed to come right back. i have lost track of how much time has went by, but i know it has been much longer than it should have been. how do i know that he didn't get bored with household appliances and decide to use my mother instead? if he hurt her, at all, i swear on my empty soul that i will kill him. my closest and only friend has started cutting. she is becoming me. it is so wrong. she started "scraping", so i got the idea from her and started doing it too. but then i took it further and further. and now she is following me in my self-injury. i hope nathan can save her. my 15th birthday is on wednesday. i will have survived 15 years on this planet. i cannot decide whether i want to spend it completely alone, or with my only friend. all day today i have wanted to cut so bad. worse than i ever have before. i want to cut so deep into my wrist that the blood will cover the floor and i can just watch it flow. but i didnt. ive had to resort to cutting on my ribs and legs, where the skin is thicker and no one will see. i didnt even do that today. for the first time, in a long time i have let myself place my limited happiness in the hands of a male. it is driving me insane. i am trying my hardest not to turn back and be the way i usually am: never calling, no feelings, no relationship, just sex. it is so much easier that way- there is no risk, no pain, nothing. maybe i'll just give up, i don't know. an old friend of mine is pregnant. i don't know why it is staying on my mind- yesterday was the first time we'd talked in years, and she's 18. (there are much worse ages to be 3 months pregnant.) i guess it is because i know what her childhood was like: parents who were always screaming about chores or mistakes or just yelling period. she seemed to have missed her childhood all together, and now as she had moved out of that house, she is pregnant. she skipped childhood, went straight to adulthood and now is going to be a mother. another person's life will be in her hands. i just wonder how much she is secretly like me on the inside? i wonder what life that child will have. there was a fire recently in guatamala. the people working at the store locked all the doors when the fire started, so the customers could not leave without paying. as a result, yes those people did not leave without paying- they didn't leave at all. people's ignorance makes me so angry. i guess thats all i have to write. the best of luck to all of those like me, struggling with themselves, with the world. (struggling to live.) EmptySoul

oh my god lish, you're starting just like me. i can't believe i did this to you... Empty

I think no one has the right to judge cutting as right or wrong. Who is to say who's oppinion is the right one? I think it is just one more thing that is part of certain people's lives that many think is wrong, and do not understand. If it is what feels right for you, that's okay. It may not be right for everyone. EmptySoul

Krystal, thanks for the reply. I definitly know what you mean about the never ending period, that is probably the most annoying thing about it. i'm planning on switching as soon as i can. EmptySoul

I guess I just want to vent. First here's a short poem I thought of a little while ago: silver knife held in my hand blood of mine pooled on the floor i'll cut deeper than i thought i could sanity doesn't dwell here anymore Anyway, really I don't understand exactly what happened to me to cause my "depression" and "cutting" and all my other weirdness. It seems like it happened gradually. Most people it seems kind of know what it was that changed them, I don't. Since I've become this way I've noticed a lot of things have changed: I love swimming, but no longer have desire to go unless I'm going to be the only one there. I've just generally started to hate crowds. i love the nighttime and darkness, but i can no longer fall asleep without the light on if I'm the only one in the room. i love to eat, but nothing really seems like it tastes good anymore and i feel like i'm eating more out of habit than anything. That's all I can think of right now. Oh, and this is the strangest one: for some reason i feel like i want someone to hurt me, physically. i'm a self-injurer but i don't hear anyone else talking about wanting someone to hit them. no one has ever really hurt me before- my father has some anger problems but has never punched me or anything. i've been with one guy who was a little rougher than most when playing around hitting and pinching. and a couple guys being drunk threatened to hurt me but never do anything remotely abusive to me. i really don't know why i feel this way but it's been in my head more and more lately... Somebody please reply if they have any ideas about the things I've listed. EmptySoul

I'm glad you're still writing, and I really like the 1st stanza: EmptySoul

Hi. I self-injure for other reasons, I guess and in a different way. (I cut or scratch myself.) I don't think what you do is weird (but hey, that's me), I think it's interesting and something I might try. EmptySoul

(i am broken) bloody knife at my side as i try to sleep away this pain i can see the light through closed eyelids sleep will never come in darkness (he will come for me) i think of you your hidden pain buried beneath sex and laughter only for you i feel again (i am numb) thoughts are racing i forget to breathe what is it to feel but to die? never a cut they will see breathe deep silver shimmer accross my ribs in later days a smile will grace my face red slashes on this skin (it's only a body) it only goes on day after day it is pointless it is painful you are joy. EmptySoul