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EmptySoul

Bronze Member
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Everything posted by EmptySoul

  1. Sad... We're so lonely without people to share our life with, but it is so very hard to find someone worth the effort.. e.
  2. I thought I'd come so far, My love. As easily as we fell into this I just assumed my mind would do the same; Fall in love for real and the rest is history. But it's still here, Whatever's wrong- With me, that is. The higher road, the better road... It's so much harder Than just.. Falling down the rabbit hole. It's seeping in Slow, some days.. Most, in a breath Everything's all wrong And undone. (1 step forward 3 steps back) If it could be carved out, This... Defective... I can't find the words. But I'd say, take it. Please, take it. You're the one thing I can't turn my back on. E.
  3. I'm re-reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Great vampire love story.
  4. So we're left with silences Empty gaps in these empty conversations Let's exhange stiff hugs While all I can think Is that despite every line we've blurred I still need you. It was different when I saw you Through the misting rain In a Save-A-Lot parking lot It was different when I kissed you This was supposed to be forever But I'm falling apart And love has been bled and thrown Ruined by mistakes and mistrust Insanity and rumor We never even got off the ground And all I can think Is that despite the oncoming destruction We were supposed to make it. You've got the weight of the world In every kiss you give You're begging me not to break you Not you, not this time You hold on with a desperation That scares me You want everything I'm not a savior And as you mouth the words to every song That reminds you of you and me I'm shaking at the thought That I just keep breaking And every time I fall I'm taking Another one of you Down in the wreckage Down in flames With me. So shaking lips Kiss the metal of the gun I've got memories of every time I've disappointed The irony is this'll be The worst of all Leaving every one of you behind With a bloody stain on these summer days... -Empty.
  5. Yours is the type of writing I like. The first two lines are my favorite. -E.
  6. So I'm playing songs that I know just depress me And it's a little more, a little more each day And every day it's like you're further away Though it's not that many miles between us And every day over is another day closer... Your voice on the phone Makes my heart race And my words catch in my throat I'm completely at a loss And, honestly I can't concentrate on the conversation I'm too busy with the fact That somewhere in the distance You're holding a phone to your ear And we have a connection Other than silent words on paper... So, here I am again (I'm sure) Trying to push these incoherent thoughts Into a line that's close enough to a sentence Trying to ignore the fact that all I have right now Is a razorblade and medication, Wrinkled pictures and a stack of your letters. -E.
  7. Your eyes are full Like I'm something to behold You're shy, hiding underneath long lashes Ever the beautiful optimist Even when we're stuck walking in the hail And you kiss Like... Every time's going to be the last time And you just have to make it last, Make it perfect And I'm just totally, completely Wrapped up in you. (Ha. This is a horrible, horrible poem. I just can't find the words for this boy, I can't put him into writing.) -E.
  8. Yes, this poem definitely made me want to go, "Aw. That's so cute." -E.
  9. I've been wanting to make a post about Stitches, but I can't yet because I still have a post on the main page...I'm the girl he was talking about, the online relationship one...Stitches hasn't been online in a very long time compared to how often he gets online. I really hope someone here talks to him in person and can put my fears to rest. I've been very worried and trying to not mention it, but it's getting to be too long....I'm going to post a thread as soon as I can. -E.
  10. The pain spirals slowly upward Toward the ceiling As the day fades to grey Pictures on the wall portray The shallow friendships and rock star crushes While your cd plays in the next room Your clothes are folded, lifeless in the chair And the smell of you clings to my sheets The weight of the day without you Unbearable to the point of breaking The smell of drugs And alcohol Cigarettes and The stench of addiction I'm better than this When I'm with you But you're not here And their hands are wandering Despite everything I've said They don't care These words mean nothing On and on until it's finally through I'm a dirty reflection in a mirror Tear stained face Naked and broken and bruised I can't stop the sobs My hands are shaking... *I don't know how to finish this poem. I can't think of an ending. I wanted it to end on a hopeful note, but then the seconds half of the poem came in my head and the hopeful note is shot.* -E.
  11. Good job. It makes you want to read more. -E.
  12. I'll try to summarize things and keep this short. I'm a junior in high school and I've been suspended for 10 days because I was high (on xanax) at school. I have 7 classes and I was already failing 2 of them, 2 others were D's. When I get back to school because of the 10 days gone I will surely be failing every class. Honestly, because of my depression and everything else wrong with me, going on with me, I just really don't see myself having the motivation to be able to get all my grades up after this. And come back next year for my senior year on top of everything. I'm trying to stay rational and at least keep in mind that despite the pointlessness of school in the great scheme of things, I need to graduate or get my ged to be able to support myself in the future. If I want to go take my ged, how long will it take to get it? How hard is it? I'm wanting advice from people who have got their ged, explain the details of it to me, your experience with it, etc. I've written before about my drug use, depression, etc. Please spare me the lectures on that at the moment, I already have people trying to help me as far as that goes. I just need advice about my education. Thanks. -E.
  13. I understand where you're coming from, I have anxiety and panic attacks among other things. I advise you to keep taking meds because of how serious your panic attacks are, but you will probably have to switch meds a few times to get the right one. It usually doesn't work out right the first time, it takes a little bit to find what works for you, the right kind and the right dose and for it to build up in your system. Don't give up. You're not the only one. -E.
  14. Self-manipulation to control people is selfish and cruel. It plays with peoples emotions, the people who care. It's not right. I self-injure and people who do it to get their way make it that much harder for people to understand the addiction. I guess I can understand the desperation, she knows that if she cuts she will get your attention, get you to come to her, but it's not fair to you or anyone else. -E.
  15. I'm not even here enough to write well anymore. I tried. Shattered. Just enough pieces left to wreak havock On the fragile skin. So this is where the breakdown begins. Ends. Incoherency in the remnants of a high. Memories not enough to save a life This time. Traces of your dirty fingers burn Right through me. Did the words taste bitter on your tongue? I can't take back a single time I swallowed your lies. I gave the lowest expectations And not a single one of you Could even reach that high. And I'm a failure in the face of the ones that cared. You've all failed me and I've failed them. No matter how high, we're still not the same. I take what you've bought You take what I am. In the end you've gained everything. I'm left with your empty words and a life I can't stand to live. So in exchange for every time you had me, And every lie I depended on Give me enough not to make it out alive. -E.
  16. Yes, all of those things are most definitly happening. Even moreso when drugs and alcohol are envolved. Well I know they're all happening, except for the teenager/older woman thing, I'm not sure about that one, but it probably happens too. -E.
  17. Thanks so much for replying. This is the first piece of writing I've really gotten out on this subject. I'm glad you guys liked it. -E.
  18. You're all bones Cigarette in between long fingers Legs tucked beneath the glass coffee table. Sunlight shines through the sliding door Making visible the swirling smoke You exhale into the room. You're all smile Half a day going by Playing on the couch Laughing You made it more every time, you did. We're a tangle of legs in the bed Your heartbeat worrying me Not sounding healthy, even in sleep. I watch red numbers go by You wrapped tight around me Breathe in, breathe out We're so young And I'm still wishing we could live forever. I know in the morning I'll smell like you. Your voice no longer soft Admitting, quietly, that you can't wait to see me. You're calm, and cold, and sure. Blank On the other side of the room. I shift restlessly Used to your hand in my hair Your lips on my forehead You next to me on the couch So I put my hands in my lap and wait. You tell me, let's go And your eyes are empty, before and after. I get dressed with numb hands, and for the first time with you I hate myself. You made it more. In all the weeks, In all the phone calls, in all the plans And things you did and said. Every time you say, I'm sorry Every time I say, It's okay We're both lying. -E.
  19. So let's discuss What we used to be And what we could have been Make this as painful as possible I know that's what you're aiming for And every complaint I ever had Is out the window It's useless and you think apologies And plans for change Solve everything So tell me how I'm so ****ing unforgiving While I wonder if you ever really say what you mean Do you ever, ever mean what you say? Every time you touch me Things go wrong. -E.
  20. "Sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not. 'Cause you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me..." -Armor For Sleep I'm just a lie Wrapped in whatever you want me to be Tell me how you like me How you want me What you need It really doesn't matter Not now I'm all cleaned up when you find me But you'll still see the scars So are you ready? Don't ask for truth I'll give you what I can How can I be anything but a fake When there's nothing left of me? -I'm a ghost of your hopes and dreams. -E.
  21. I'm not going to commit suicide, as long as I'm writing it's okay... -E.
  22. I hear the song I associate with suicide I knew it'd trigger me But I play it anyway Just to have some feeling So slit my throat and call me a fake I want to be done I just can't function anymore I'm so da** tired of breaking They told lies when I needed them most I'm dying for truth when it'll kill me (The pills were to kill yesterday The alcohol to kill tomorrow.) ("Car Underwater" by Armor For Sleep: link removed ) -E.
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