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EmptySoul

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  1. EmptySoul
    I used to cut myself okay But they said it was wrong So I pushed it all away And now I walk alone I wish I liked the taste of alcohol So I could drown the pain But there's only sex and music So it comes back again Close your eyes to me Yeah, people close your eyes I'm like the homeless on the street You refuse to hear my cries My words are in my actions In the clothing that I wear They're in the grades I make at school In my blank and empty stare They're in the boys I f*** each day In the secrets that I hide They whisper in my athiesm In the pill I take at night I can't make it stop It's just the way it is Like teenage boys with weed And teenage girls with kids So I just do my homework Take the phone calls Wash my hair Take out the trash Write some words Until eventually I'm not even there... Empty
  2. EmptySoul
    Hello. I'm wanting to ask some questions, mostly about depression, etc. just to see how many people are dealing with this type of thing on this forum. Thanks in advance for replying. 1)Do you deal with depression, or bi-polar disorder? Yes, depression. 2)Are you on medication? Yes, an anti-depressant, Lexapro I think, and a sleeping medication. 3)Have you, or do you commit self-destructive behavior? Yes. 4)If so, what? I used to self-injure, I'm beginning an eating disorder, and I am promiscuous. 5)Do you like the way you are now? I'm not sure. 6)And if not, how do you want to change? I'm not sure. 7)Do you believe in God? I am neutral. (i will not say there is a god, i wont say there isnt one) 8)Are you gay, straight or bisexual? Bisexual. 9)Do you like to be around people or keep to yourself? Keep to myself. 10)What would you say to the world if you left right now? I don't know why I am the way I am. But it's not your job to fix me. Sometimes I love the way I am, and sometimes I hate it. It was my choice to live the way I do. Please don't hate me for it, or cry because it. I've had some great times, and done and felt so many things. It was just time to go. I wasn't meant to be here anymore. I just had to trust in fate, trust that something better was coming. Every one of you that loved me, I love you for that. Those of you that ridiculed me, that hated me, that feared me, that hurt me: now you'll always remember me, but I won't remember you. Empty
  3. EmptySoul
    where do you go, when there's nowhere left to turn when every road you take leads back to the one you left behind when the shadows just won't go they're there all the time when the only time you quit is just to cry... You leave it all behind Yeah, you turn away In the arms of those angels You didn't believe in 'Till today Yeah, close your eyes It's time to go You tried so hard to make it But it was just too far If God's there, he'll see that I know. when there's no one left to speak to and you don't hear their words you're left in your own world and they're talking to you they keep talking to you you just can't take the laughter the confusion it's too hard to understand it's time to turn away girl it's time to go away... You leave it all behind Yeah, you turn away In the arms of those angels You didn't believe in 'Till today Yeah, close your eyes It's time to go You tried so hard to make it But it was just too far If God's there, he'll see that I know. Maybe God's there And you'll have someone to love you I do hope so. Empty
  4. EmptySoul
    *sigh* Being honest: I am fasting for weight loss purposes, and as a form of self-destructive behavior. I recently decided to stop cutting so that probably gave me the final push to be able to handle not eating. I do eat SOME, just very little. Today is my 2nd day of limited food, I haven't thrown up, and I ate more than yesterday, then went and did jumping jacks, stretches, pushups, and situps. My head hurts a little and I'm low on energy, but I'm okay. Please don't try to get me to stop, I get a rush out of doing things like this, and I will continue to do it. I was just curious as to why, on only my 1st day of not eating, I was already so sick. Empty
  5. EmptySoul
    It was my choice to stop eating. After not eating I felt sick, so I tried to eat some crackers, but every time I tried that I threw up. Empty
  6. EmptySoul
    Hello. Today, I started fasting. Yes, I know: very unhealthy. But it is something I'm going to do, so please just read this and try to answer my questions. It's about 10:15 pm, I haven't eaten anything today besides crackers. I was feeling sick, so I ate a few, but that made me throw up. I took a cold bath etc. etc. then tried eating some crackers again...I threw up again. My question is: If I'm not eating, am I always going to continue to feel sick, and get sick if I try to eat anything. It seems strange to me, considering this is the first day I've done this and already I can't keep anything down. Please explain this to me. Also, I took my birth control pill and anti-depressant right after I got home from school, probably around 4 maybe. Did my pills have time to get into my body, or am I increasing my chances of getting pregnant bc I'm getting sick? Empty
  7. EmptySoul
    My favorite part: Empty
  8. EmptySoul
    I like the line Empty
  9. EmptySoul
    *smiles* Interesting. My favorite line: Empty
  10. EmptySoul
    Thanks for writing. My favorite part: Empty
  11. EmptySoul
    As far as talking dirty myself, it's not something I really do or am comfortable with, I just make noise to express myself. Most guys don't talk dirty to me, but one liked to say 'Baby' a lot, and yes, that was a turn on. Empty
  12. EmptySoul
    Good job. My favorite part: Empty
  13. EmptySoul
    Hmm...I guess I just get angry sometimes at how fake males can be. I learned the hard way a long time ago, and now I'm smart enough to see that they want sex and will tell a lot of lies to get it. Empty
  14. EmptySoul
    Turn your head to look at me I'm bed-ridden Blood's drippin' Bet you don't recognize me Anymore It's dark And you can't see Everything is crimson now I'm comin' for you boy Can't you feel me comin'? I want a taste of you Like when you tasted me I'm comin' for you boy, I'm comin... Turn your head To hide from me I'm faithless Ageless now You can't kill me You can't rape me Oh, it's all over now I'm comin' for you boy Can't you feel me comin'? I want a taste of you Like when you tasted me I'm comin' for you boy, I'm comin... Hush, baby boy Everything's gonna be All right Let me taste you Let me take you Fade into the pain Die in the night Everything is perfect NOW I'm comin' for you boy Can't you feel me comin'? I want a taste of you Like when you tasted me I'm comin' for you boy, I'm comin... Oh, I'm comin' boy Don't you bother runnin' I want a taste of you... Empty
  15. EmptySoul
    Thanks for writing. I really hope you're doing well. God, you'd been gone for so long.... Empty
  16. EmptySoul
    1. Have you ever seriously considered committing suicide? Yes. 2. What led you to consider suicide? My depression, I guess. Though I'm not really sure why I suffer from depression. The feelings I have for the world and everything in it, or actually the lack of feelings. 3. What caused you to not commit suicide? The fact that maybe I do want something more, and that I'm so young, and there may be things I will miss. My parents, they would feel like the didn't do enough to help me. My grandparents, they have noticed how I no longer attend church, and would spend the rest of their lives worrying about me burning in hell. My other grandparents, they already lost a daughter to cancer, so I am sort of a replacement, I couldn't hurt them like that. My old best friend Alicia, it would put a stain on her life. My siblings...the list just goes on and on....all the people that would be hurt. 4. Do you have any advice for anyone thinking about committing suicide? If you are wanting to do it, spend a lot of time thinking about it. You only get one chance, and almost always there are people that are going to be hurt. You never know what you might miss. You don't know if death will be a relief or not, it could... Empty
  17. EmptySoul
    Hi. If your conselor gave up on you already, that's very wrong. I still go to counseling, I've been to 2 different women, and I still am not sure what I want. I don't know if I want happiness, if I want my depression, if I want to quit cutting or not. I still don't know, but I'm still going. You need to find someone else to see, if that is what you want. Even if you're not sure of anything right now, they can at least be there to listen and give their perspective on what you're saying. Empty
  18. EmptySoul
    I've read recently that diet pills will work at first, but then your body will get used to them, the pills will stop working, and you'll gain back the weight. So, if you're wanting to use the diet pills, use them, but hurry up and find something else to do, before you gain back the weight. Empty
  19. EmptySoul
    Hello. My question: I've had sex a number of times (think what you want) but never had an orgasm. I've masturbated, but get no enjoyment out of that. It's not that I haven't tried enough, or figured out how to please myself or whatever, I just can't get turned on by myself. I have some problems with depression, etc. maybe that has something to do with it? But to me, having sex, I can forget about everything, and enjoy it while it's happening. So why can't I have an orgasm? Thanks in advance. Empty
  20. EmptySoul
    Really great job. Your words all fit together well. I'm guessing (but could be wrong) that you wrote this poem from personal experience. I've struggled with being a cutter, not an eating disorder, but you're welcome to talk to me. Empty
  21. EmptySoul
    Wow, good job. This is my favorite part candle that sheds light, Shall slowly fade like morning to night, As nothing is neverending, But helpless fools believes in the comfort it brings, Empty
  22. EmptySoul
    I was 14. Even though we're not together anymore, he's still a great guy. I don't regret it. Empty
  23. EmptySoul
    *Smiles* It's to a she. Let the 'oh my god's begin. Empty
  24. EmptySoul
    Great job, and extra points for being 12 and writing that great! Empty
  25. EmptySoul
    Reading over my poem, I can definitly see that most people beside the one who I wrote it about will not understand most of this. Maybe you can relate though, so please take the time to read... I can see you in the darkness Just a memory of those forgotten things But I remember how it felt Yeah, I remember how it felt... You're not here anymore But I remember the way I loved you I remember the way it went Sometimes holding hands Don't you remember the feeling? Walking in the dark Eating burnt bacon Listening to oldies, and Linkin Park. I can see you in the sunlight Just a shining of the past But I remember what we said Yeah, I remember what we said... I don't know when you'll find this But I love you, for all of time That's what the paper said And the notebook filled with Tweet and Moo It was all pointless, I see now But it didn't matter then. And I remember what we did Wasting money at the mall You wouldn't eat a thing at the Olive Garden And those converses, well you got them cheaper than mine I remember all the times, All the times I think we had I had the chance to kiss you But it was wasted Didn't move fast enough With trying something new I know it would've been amazing- It would've been with you. There's no point to anything But I'm writing anyway Just like, when I get your address I'm sending that letter, in the mail I guess some part of me remembers Well, all of me remembers How I loved you How I love you. And I hope you find your happiness. Empty
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