EmptySoul

There's more than one possibility as far as why she's wearing her shirt. I would try to explain to her that it does seem a bit odd that she's wearing her shirt IN THE SHOWER and during sex, and that, since this is different than her usual behavior, you can't help but wonder. Try not to come off as being accusing but simply curious, and maybe she will open up. She's definitly hiding something, but what it is, you can't be sure until you see... -E.

Another glimpse of me... My plastic heart in hand I offer it to strangers crush it under foot, I beg but no one will oblige me end this now, I scream on the edge, a ledge falling without wings bloodstained lips grasping fingers i reach for you, so far away words floating on the screen before my suicide you're a harsh glow on the bloodshed i wasn't a good enough where did you get the nerve to love this? (everything i am-disgusting) you've got it all wrong beautiful... this isn't what you thought this isn't what you thought oh please... my scream's a blood whisper i can't feel anymore am i bleeding? i think i'm bleeding i've bled out maybe. -E.

A wrote this a couple days ago, just venting, trying to hold on, stay here... don't put your faith in me i'm a fake smile on a suicide and i'm not sure this can last i'm fading fast and i've fallen once again i'm bleeding in a smoky haze drugged up and reckless push the pedal to the floor turn the music up let's wreck this close my eyes take a drag, a hit wait for the big crash i'm bleeding in my hands (are you bleeding thanks to me? i'm sorry) they all run together their words all sound the same truth or lie buit it's all good enough because none of it matters anymore so pretend for just a little while take my hand tell me everything you dreamed of, everything you wanted me to hear and then please just finish me finish me off... (oh, we both know you wouldn't) i can't make the choice so i'll let the odds make it for me i wanted you (needed loved) but i couldn't last so it's eyes closed music up waiting for the crash. and here's something i wrote yesterday on a different subject so crush me daily with your words your tone your ******** i don't feel the slightest emotion but rage i hate you and everything you are this isn't teenage angst where i'll forgive you one day this is where it stays i'll always feel this way your ****'s not justified so take every word you screamed and choke on it all all you gave is rage and insanity i needed something else you'll die alone because you made it that way but the sad thing is i will too. -E.

The poem was just about me, and the 'he' is someone I love. -E.

Thanks for replying. I keep a journal on xanga. -E.

I don't know why I thought it would be so easy I forgot the weight of reality Now I'm looking in the mirror thinking Bones, bones, bones Thinking, shouldn't I be happy? Thinking, god, I wish he was happy For a little bit, I could've swore I was okay I just keep forgetting Keep pretending That every part of me isn't broken and Diseased Twisted and Bleeding I tried to forget myself But I'm still here And I'm still dying. -E.

I was thinking that there is no eating disorder section on here...I was wondering how many people on here have an ED or tendencies. If you're going to reply please tell me what type of ED or tendencies you have. Here's mine: I have anoretic/bulimic tendencies. -E.

It seems ironic that even though there are so many people feeling this way, so many people like this, we all still feel alone. I guess it's the whole, alone in a room full of people thing. -E.

As a cutter I say that if you want to cut, it's your choice. I'm warning you though, it can easily/quickly become an addiction. As far as not going out, and people giving you crap about it, if you want to get anywhere you have to be strong enough to do what you need to do, and not worry about what everyone else is saying. -E.

I definitly think that it's a personal choice, and shoud not be treated unless the person wants to be. I find it a little bit stupid that we all smoke, inhaling carbon monoxide and giving ourselves lung cancer but it's pretty much acceptable. If you cut yourself, holy **** you're crazy and need to be fixed. It's all the same thing... -E.

Emotion feels like panic quick breaths cigarette in hand pacing the floor but being numb was a killing drug- and i'm not sure i want to die anymore. I don't feel like this poem is really complete, or that it really explains what I was trying to get out, but here it is. -E.

Depending on the day: To feel, not to feel, because I hated myself and felt like I deserved it, because I liked the way it looked, because I was addicted....there's so many reasons and they vary from person to person. -E.

link removed it's all come down to this nothing to do but wait it's all come down to this nothing to hold but faith oh i've got so little time and i've got so few beliefs it's all come down to this, babe... i've taken a jump from the highest story the air up there too thin to breathe and i'm not sure if i'll fly or fall- but this jump means everything. This is definitly not one of my best...I don't really like to write rhyming poetry, but I can't seem to get this out any other way. -E.

I'm just picky about wording, but I've never liked the word cute. It's always made me think of something little and chubby. And the word beautiful, I'm weird about it, but usually if I call someone that I'm not just talking about their appearance, I'm meaning how they look and who they are. If I'm only talking about appearance I'll use a different word. -E.

I've been to counselors, been in a mental hospital, and taken meds. None of it works, I'm just going to have to do it myself, and I'm working on it. Thanks for replying. -E.

I have depression. To me bulimia/anorexia are just something else that helps it all stop for a little while, like cutting. -E.

I have bulimic/anoretic tendencies(definitly not a full-blown disorder, it usually happens in stints, a week on, a few weeks off...) and an iron deficiency, but I don't think that really explains whatever's wrong with me. Usually if I don't eat I get nauseas and get headaches etc. But now it seems that even if I eat I'm still feeling this way all the time. It's horrible because I'll feel sick for hours or even days and I keep having to eat when I'm not hungry to try to get it to go away. I was having just the horrible headaches for a while, now it's everything. I went to the doctor for the headaches, they didn't find anything, thought maybe it's migranes. A couple months ago after an anoretic/bulimic stint I couldn't stop feeling nauseas and I started having horrible leg, foot and back aches all of a sudden, so badly that I couldn't sit or stand still for more than a few seconds. It went on for 2 days and finally it got so bad that I had to go to the hospital. They didn't find anything, just gave me a shot for pain. Now, I haven't been throwing up/starving for a while, so I don't think it's that. Any ideas? (Please don't lecture me on my ana/mia tendencies, I'm well aware that it can cause a lot of health problems and result in death.) -E.

You always seem to be writing everything I feel. -E.

The graphic's not mine, I found it online. -E.

link removed it's as simple as one thing being with you pain to ecstasy a kiss fingertips to skin hand in hand but i'm just lying in the dark eyes closed and pretending fantasy again and again without you i'm numb i can't feel a ******* thing except pain and i can only breathe when i bleed they're all asking for something my hand my heart my body so i hide in the dark eyes closed and pretending with you. -Empty

Everything you write is wonderful. My favorite line is -Empty

i'm false i've hit bottom once again bruise after bruise from repeated falls i'll put on a plastic smile and they don't notice my hands are shaking i see it all summed up my life is blood spatter in a sink razorblade in hand everything is slipping hopes are failing i'm left with a fantasy with a thousand gaping holes reality is poision seeping in except the air won't kill me... the pressure's too great and i can't fake this all much longer i need a hand to hold and all i grasp is air. -Empty

Beautiful, it is up to you if you want to cut or not. I understand what you mean about the scars, the ones on my arm have faded but are still there, a lot of my other ones have disappeared. It's like a piece of time is missing, because every scar is a story or something that happened...Whatever you decide just please don't get hospitalized.

You could do the whole, "I'll try it once and if I don't like it that's it." Thing, or you could just tell him you're not comfortable with it-if he cares about you he should be okay with it, and not try to force you into something you don't want to do. -Empty

let's abandon this for fantasy. grey skies and cemetery sex, paper ducks and biting kisses. let's abandon this and i bet it'd all be enough to stop the bloodflow of every self-inflicted wound, of every wound they've given. so tell me, tell me how to escape reality. tell me how to get to you. Only one person will understand this, so I guess there wasn't much point in posting this. Oh well. -Empty.