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  1. Okay so a little bit of background…. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year – let’s call him ‘Brian’. We clicked straight away and we have just exchanged contracts to buy a house together. We get on so so well, he makes me laugh constantly and I trust him with my life. He’s helped me through some really difficult times and is always there for me. He’s my best friend. There’s just one issue that keeps being brought up and really causes tension between us... the way we first met. I had a one night stand with his friend, in what I found out afterwards was Brian’s house. I was really drunk, immature and going through a hard time - I’ve never had a one night stand before or since. In my right mind, I’d have never even looked twice at his friend. I think back and wish I hadn’t gone out that night/ hadn’t drunk as much/ had thought more about what I was doing. I met Brian later that night – we really really got on and I found him so sweet and endearing. About a week later, Brian started to pursue me… he got my number off one of my friends and started texting/ direct messaging me on twitter. At first I ignored his messages. A few weeks later he then started snapchatting me, to which I started to reply. We instantly clicked. I’ve never spoke to a more charming and funny person. The next day he invited me on a date, to which I accepted. We hit it off from the get go, we had so much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company. We been basically inseparable since. At first how we met didn’t seem like an issue…. However, as the relationship began to progress, it started being brought up… especially when Brian gets drunk/ anything about my past comes up. We can go months without speaking about it, and then all of a sudden it will come up, in a (usually entirely unrelated) argument. He tells me he thinks the relationship is tainted by how we met, and that if it wasn’t for that it would be a fairy tale relationship. He feels like he’s drifted away from that group of friends as a consequence. He thinks it’s a very ty thing for me to have done (although I think this is just the jealousy speaking as he has had numerous one night stands himself going through University). He says its embarrassing when people ask how we met and if we were to have kids, he wonders what we will tell them. I carry so much guilt with me for that night that I can’t seem to shake off. Knowing that something I have done has caused him this much hurt really upsets me, especially how I can’t do anything about it. I feel the guilt like I imagine people who have cheated on their partner feel, except I didn’t know my partner I’m writing this for advice as a few days ago we very nearly broke up. Brian had spent a night out with his friends. Being around the friend seems to remind him of what happened, and so in both of our drunken states, we had a blazing row. He said he can’t get over it and he thinks about it all the time. That he feels like he’s going to continue to really hurt if we stay together… but he doesn’t know what he’d do without me. The next day, he seemed really cold and said he needed to have a think about the situation, but he didn’t want to break up with me. He said he realizes that I haven’t actually done anything wrong as we didn’t know each other at the time, but he can’t help that it affects him. I don’t know what to do…. I feel like I’m waiting for him to turn around one day and say it’s too much and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to him about it as every time it’s brought up it turns into a huge argument. I think because I’m the one that has done it, he thinks more about his own feelings and not mine, as he sees me as being at fault. He doesn’t seem to realize how badly it affects me. I worry about it all the time and get intense anxiety. It’s difficult as 99.9% of our relationship is perfect – he treats me like a princess and makes me feel so loved. He spends a lot of time with me and I have been fully welcomed by him and his family, but I can tell he’s hurting and I don’t know how to help him. When we talk about it he reads into everything I say and I find that everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong and seems to upset him more. We both want to move past the issue, and don’t want to break up. How can I help him come to terms with what has happened, and to help him realize it doesn’t have any effect on our relationship? And how do I stop feeling the intense guilt that I feel over hurting my boyfriend before I’d ever even met him, and stop the past from ruining our future? I’m really struggling
  2. Hi, My 24 yo daughter is in porn. I found her pseudonym online last night. She has posted hundreds of EXPLICIT shots of herself in the "act". I also found her pseudonym's twitter account where she posts daily about her "shoots" and how excited she is. According to her first post, she's been doing this for 2 years. Over those 2 years my husband and I have tried to give her a part time job with us which she flaked on constantly. Working with us she had learned advanced excel and office skills that I hoped she could apply to other more lucrative work. In the meantime I paid her rent and supplemented her food. I had tried to get her interested in nursing school again [she flaked out twice before] but she flaked out a 3rd time stealing my tuition money in the process. She's smart, scores well on tests and is extremely personable. All this and she claimed she couldn't find other work blaming the economy. Yet her cousins - between the ages of 19 and 25 also can not find jobs "in their field" but they are all employed delivering pizza, waiting tables and even dressing up in squirrel costume at an amusement park. She became angry with me for not giving her more money and for not visiting her after she moved out of town 3 months prior "for a job" unleashing a barrage on me when I asked why her job wasn't paying her bills. I told her to give me a break - at the time she chose to take off, I'd recently 'adopted' my adult disabled brother, relocated him and at the same time became trustee in my recently deceased step-father's messy estate which took a lot of work. Her move, my brother, the death of my stepfather and taking on the trustee tasks all happened within one month. When she left it was on good terms. I thought she understood that the new mess I was embroiled in was a disruption in my life that would take time to smooth out. She has to take care of no one but herself. I also work full time and began suffering mild depression. Her response to me "YOU GO GIRL," then began mocking me til I told her I wanted her in my life but not like this. before she moved I'd given her $3000 in hopes she put it toward something useful. I don't know what to do or how to go on with this in my head. To be honest, by the time she left, she had become a torrent of heartache and to see her just made me unhappy. I could have gone to see her... but I didn't want to! She was so awful to me. blaming me for everything that's gone wrong in her life. Full of lies, stealing. all that came out of her mouth was deceit. All this sounds like strange behavior. I've asked her to get herself seen and offered to pay for therapy. Nothing. Last night I wrote her after 3 months of silence between us. I told her I was still angry about before but that I still loved her. Asked her to stop what she was doing because it is dangerous. I am worried for her safety but the hardest part is facing the fact that I dread seeing her again.
  3. Hello everyone. I'm a 26 year old male. I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone, and really it doesn't make sense to me either. But I know I absolutely need help. Basically, for my entire life, I have been searching for the right woman, to have a long-term relationship with. I always felt that real love and a happy/healthy relationship was the one missing piece in my life that would make me feel completely happy with myself. I've had relationships with 8 different women before, most of them were happy relationships, but not very long-term, as they all failed to last about 7 months or so. I decided after my most recent relationship, which ended well over a month ago now, to finally take some time and focus on myself. I deleted all of my online dating apps, all social media (except twitter which I use for news) The problem is, I literally never did this willingly before. Pretty much, since middle school, all I did was either try and find that relationship, the one that lasts for what I hoped to be an eternity, or be in a relationship that I thought had potential. There were times where I probably was desperate, honestly. Whether it was in school, online dating apps, wherever, I would always hope to try to find that one person that I would make a connection with and hopefully begin to build a long-term relationship with. I thought that a happy and healthy relationship was the key to real happiness for myself. When I was in a relationship, I felt completely fine and happy, no worries at all. Heck, even when I was just talking to a new female, or even just looking on an online dating app or something, I was always feeling completely fine, none of these issues (that I will describe below) at all, because I knew what I was looking for, I had a goal in mind and I was going to do whatever it took to reach that goal, no matter how long it took, of finding that right woman for myself, and finally truly be happy. Now, like I said, I decided I was going to take time to focus on myself for awhile, and wow, let me tell you, it's not going well at all. Couldn't be worse, honestly. I've learned that I'm simply not okay when I'm willingly alone. It's been just over a month of not talking to pretty much anyone outside of a close group of 3 friends, and my parents. I'm experiencing crazy anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, I feel violated (I don't know why) confused, insecure, I'm questioning literally everything (including my own sexuality which I know I'm 100% straight, and I'm sure of it, but I still question the possibility of what if I wasn't, even though I know I'm definitely straight. It's like H-OCD, but I can somewhat stop those thoughts temporarily when I know they are coming) I find myself extremely bored out of my mind during this stay-at-home initiative here we have in New Jersey with the Coronavirus going around, I find myself not feeling worthy to even think someone would want to date me at this state I'm in, and especially at a time like this where we can't even go anywhere or do anything, I feel like I'm really just losing my mind. I'm somewhat able to control the intrusive thoughts, well when they start to come I'm aware they are just thoughts and I let them be, I don't fight them, but they never truly go away, they only go to the back of my mind and eventually come back to focus, and it's like a repeating cycle. (To keep the thoughts away I treat it like a food I don't like, I say like I dont like _ and it goes away temporarily. I also dont put meaning on the thoughts because they are just thoughts and don't mean anything to me) I know I want a relationship with a woman, that leads to engagement, a wife, and kids, a family, I know for a fact that's what I want in life, more than anything in the world. I want it too much, honestly, and I'm scared that because I'm not looking and the state I'm in right now, I won't be able to find it. I'm currently seeing a therapist, but she hasn't been much help yet, though it's only been two appointments though, I'm still holding out hope People close to me would always tell me, "you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else" and when it was said this way, that never made sense, until now. Recently, I read something online that is basically exactly what was said here, but in a different way. Basically, it said "love doesn't fill a void in yourself, you have to find something else that fills that void and be completely happy with yourself to love someone." That's when something clicked. It made me feel better inside, knowing this is the right mindset for the long-term, but in the short term, it made me feel worse, because for literally my entire life I thought that real love was the one missing piece to be happy. If it's not love that's my one missing piece, then what could it possibly be? The other night, I came up with possible solutions, and I basically narrowed it down to my dream job, which is a technical director in tv production. I absolutely loved doing this when I was back in college, it was my favorite thing to do, I did it as often as I could. It's been 3 years since then, and It's an extremely hard job to land. And if I don't get that job, I'm happy with what I have, but its not very fulfilling, super slow paced. I'm happy to have multiple jobs in my field for sure, but not the most ideal job that I wanted. I guess I'm just writing to you all to find out why do I feel violated in a situation like this, why can't I just accept being alone, and be happy with myself? why I fear being alone in general? is there a way to permanently keep these intrusive thoughts away, instead of only temporarily? I didn't always feel this way, and I know this won't last, so I know there's a way out of this, I just don't know how to get back there. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm sorry if I sound like a crazy, irrational person here (I know I do) but I'm just trying to figure this all out, because I'm just lost.. Thank you!
  4. So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year, I’m 23 and he’s 24. Before the terrible situation came about our relationship was really good. Our families love us together and we’re very involved in each our families lives. We’ve taken trips together and we’re really each others best friend. He’s the most patient man I ever met and he’s very caring and kind. So before the recent cheating I would have told you he’s a really good man, rare even. And i’ve dated some ****ty guys before. Now recently, I discovered he’s been communicating with this girl he met from twitter. Apparently the 2 have been heavily flirting and talking on the phone for months on and off. She even told me she’s speak to him while he was with his friends. However they never met before due to her living in a state 3 hours away. She claims he planned to meet her but never did. She told me she knew nothing of me and thought he was single. He claims in the midst of a rough patch we had (constantly arguing) he started talking to her as a way to talk to someone to have an escape. He claims he never intended on having sex with her nor meet her in person. He’s owned up to his mistakes however, he only has because he got caught. Its been a few days and he’s been calling and pleading every day to fix it and make it right. He claims he was stupid and says theres no excuse for what he’s done. He claims he was weak and didn't deal with his problems like he should and he cowardly went outside of our relationship to find an escape. He tells me he wants just one chance to change and fix everything. He’s offered to give me his passwords to his social media and phone. He told me he doesnt plan on going out with his friends until we’re okay. Until this incident, I never thought about him cheating. Of course we’ve had fights here and there, and recently more frequently but nothing worth being mad about for more than a day. Im struggling with this though because even though he didnt sleep with her, it still hurts me to know he even entertained another women and I cant help but wonder how long it wouldve gone on if I didnt catch him, would he have ended up meeting her? I want to take him back but I want him to struggle first. I want him to hurt and go through hell so he knows to never do this again. I’ve blocked him and rejected all his proposals of fixing this. Its been extremely hard because I really just want to give him the chance to make this right. He just sent me a long message about just wanting me to give him a chance and he’ll prove he’s worthy of it and all that jazz. I ended up blocking him and before I did, telling him how I love him and this will be the hardest thing ever. I feel like maybe I should make him feel like he’s really lost me before I give him a chance. I love him so much, I started to plan my future with him, I dont want to let him go but I don’t want less than I deserve. What should I do?? What would you do?? Leave him and move on? Or make him work hard to earn a second chance??
  5. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months (known each other for 2 years). Things have been perfect between us; the conversation never stops, we constantly want to be around each other, and he’s the sweetest most thoughtful guy ever....I get butterflies every time he touches or looks at me. Welp...I’m realizing there is no such thing as perfect. I discover that my BF has an after dark twitter account. He tweets about sex and and retweets porn links, that’s not what bothers me. The issue I have is that he post photos of his penis and videos of him masturbating and cumming. It gets worse....he converses with people under these posts about sexual things they would do. BOTH WOMEN AND MEN. I have no issues that he did this before we are together, however his posting has not stopped since with got together. I feel like this is low key cheating...cyber cheating. What do I do? How do I bring this up to him? I don’t want this to be the demise of our relationship.
  6. I’ve posted here a long time ago and i’m not sure if I need to cross post or how to so I’m just gonna make a new one context: my ex gf broke up with me in february because she wanted to work on her self esteem and emotions. My ex was an emotional wreck. She was extremely insecure about her image, her emotions and almost everything. She goes back and forth from over confidence to very little. She also was never able to start a conversation because she would be scared that she would annoy me. When we were together she would always tell me she loved me. She said honesty was important to her but nobody can ever tell if someone’s being truthful, so as far I as know, she loved me as much as I too her. When she broke up with me she said that she needs this time to fix herself and it had nothing to do with me. I tried and tried to get her to work on it with me but she wouldn’t budge. This is what she had to do. Months go by, and I text her to try and fix us. I get hit with a “I’m really trying to focus on myself. I can’t be in a relationship because there is so much wrong with me. I don’t expect or want you to wait for me. I don’t know how long I’ll be.” A week ago, she texted me happy birthday, so I said “thank you *******” and then she liked my message and I haven’t heard since. I love her so much. I’m going crazy without her. I constantly look at her social media, and I know I need to block her or something but I know I’ll just unblock. I don’t want to ask her to remove me, because I’m scared that I’ll never be added back and never get to see anything again. I look at Twitter to see if things she posts and retweets are about me, because when she does tweet or retweet something, it’s because it’s her opinion. So i see things like “If I’ve ever loved someone I always will, and it may be different but I don’t stop” and “Real feelings don’t just go away”. This was a week ago. But I also see stuff like “I wanna cuddle with someone”. I feel like the former is about me but I don’t know who is the other. If she was honest, then I am her first love too. I just don’t get how she doesn’t feel the way I do. I love her so damn much and I just want to be with her. I need help. I’m so optimistic and believe that she misses me too, but it sucks knowing that she’s on her phone everyday and never texts me, except to say happy birthday. Please someone tell me something. It’s been over half a year now.
  7. So I guess this is going to be long but please bear with me. I am 19 and my ex boyfriend is 18. We had been friends for around 4 years before we started dating because he was a friend of my brothers. When all of my high school friends went away to college and i stayed at college locally i decided to just become closer with my brothers group of friends. A little over a year ago my ex and i started casually hooking up. Within a few months we confessed we had feelings for eachother but he said he wasn’t ready to date because he didn’t know how my brother would feel. He also said he was afraid to get attached to someone again because he lost his brother to a drug overdose 2 years ago and then his mother to cancer a year ago. I understood and told him to take his time. During the few months until we actually started dating he was kind of disrespectful towards me. I know we weren’t officially dating but i assumed that because we had been friends so long and we both discussed our feelings he would be more respectful. Well i assumed wrong. He lied about many things including girls he was talking to, hanging out with including the one ex girlfriend hes ever had. She would call him constantly and it bothered me which caused some hurt and arguments about trust. It wasn’t the fact that he was talking to people or hanging out with people it was the lies. He said he understood and that bc he wanted to date and regain my trust he was going to delete social media all together. That confused me a lot because all i asked was for him to stop contact w his ex but he went very extreme so i just assumed he was really trying. We finally started dating and i still had some trust issues that he said i needed to let go of because he wanted to be with me and that should be enough. In august i looked at his phone which i know was wrong and i saw he had a twitter where he liked a lot of girls pictures and what not. He said he was sorry for lying and that they were just stupid online girls that meant nothing and deleted his twitter. I became even more untrusting and always felt like he was lying. I should also mention that while we dated it was very intense. He slept over all the time only hungout with our mutual friends while i was there he came to family dinners holidays birthdays on vacation with my family twice and i went away with his family too. He also lost his virginity to me. He was supposed to start at community college in the fall and i tried to push him bc he never had motivation for anything except to lay in bed with me or smoke and then wait for me to come back from my classes. He ended up saying he wasnt ready and that he would start in the spring because he wasnt in a good place. I told him id be there for him and support him but sitting around wasnt good for him. I tried helping him apply to jobs or pushing him to spend time home with his dad who is also very sick or to spend time with friends without me but he always refused. About a week ago we were hanging out and got into an argument about me going away for thanksgiving. I told him i was worried about being so far away for the first time and he got very defensive and said if i cant trust him we need to breakup. He decided he loved me so much that he wanted to try and work on things. I told him he should go out with his friends but i wasnt really comfortable yet with him hanging out w girls because of his lying. I told him i know at some point if he remains honest we will get to that point where i can be comfortable with that. He said he understood bc he knew my past of exes cheated on me and my dads cheating on my mom since i was a baby and he said he would just be with one of his friends and he would facetime me that night to say goodnight. The night before i left he told me he loved me and would miss me so much and he couldnt wait to be here to sleepover when i got home. Thanksgiving morning comes and hes his usual cute self sending me selfies saying he misses me. That night he says hes going out and went to his friends house. I got nervous and asked if girls would be thrre which he said no. Later in the night i asked again and he got very upset saying im frustrating and hes allowed to be out. I left him alone for a few hours and at 2am i asked if he would be home soon to facetime. He said probably not ill be later. Then a few minutes later he said he was sleeping at his friends house. I got upset not bc he was sleeping out just bc it was another broken promise. I finally said okay can we just call to say goodnight and he said no hes trying to sleep. The next morning i wakeup to a text that says idk if i can do this anymore. He barely answers me all day i apologized for the way i acted and he finally answers at 2pm saying his phones been off all day but that he wants to talk and will come over as soon as i get home. I get home but he was out w friends so 3 hours go by and he finally shows up. He sits down and says idk if i can do this. I give him a whole talk about how im really trying to change and last night was wakeup call that if i dont let go of the past ill lose you. Then he just kept repeating no no no im done im done i cant no i cant i need to be done. I then got a little upset saying well when i asked you if you were just coming to breakup with me whyd youd say no im coming to talk about it. He just kept saying no no no i have to leave. I got him to calm down for a second to say that bc of all his sleeping over he has about 10 sweatshirts pajamas cologne slippers sneakers and his playstation here so he needed to take them home. He told me to keep his clothes he doesnt want them and that he would leave his playstation and whatever else here as a reason to come back and hangout as friends. He then kissed me twice and hugged me and left. That was 2 days ago. Since then all hes done is go out he made new social medias and followed every girl i used to be worried about our mutual friends post pics of him smiling giving thumbs up etc. I texted him last night saying do you want to come get your things now (bc he was at his friends up the block) i will put them in your duffle bag and leave them in my car because i think its easier that way. He responded by saying “no its okay, do you want to talk next week if you’re up for it? And then i can come get some stuff maybe” and then i didnt answer for a few minutes and he said “but if u dont want to see my stuff around i guess I understand i guess i can come now if thats what u want” I responded by saying “ok maybe we can talk i just thought this might be easier” and then he never answered. I just dont get what all this means how do you switch up so fast? Is it even worth it talking to him? I just want to get him back I’m so very willing to change to make this work because i know my trust issues will affect future relationships. How can i get him to see i can change and give me a chance...do you think he will ever come back? I feel so terrible i cant eat ive been taking sleeping pills to sleep i can barely get out of bed. Sorry this is so long but any advice would be very greatly appreciated
  8. So I logged in to my old laptop today, and, lo and behold, noticed that my ex-wife still has me on her contact list for Skype, LinkedIn and Twitter. We have been divorced for 2 years and we are not on speaking terms. It’s funny, we are both online on Skype but we don’t communicate. I have initiated No Contact on July 1st. I was so sure that she didn’t wanted to have anything to do with me and blocked me on everything. Am I reading too much into this? Is her behaviour normal or is this out of the norm?
  9. I am aware after writing this a lot of people will tell me to move on & if that is the only option, then I will. However I dont want to give up on this girl quite yet. so I met this girl online late last year, we talked for a couple of months and got on pretty well, had good banter, a lot in common etc etc. I was never sure if I wanted a girlfriend as I had been hurt in a long term relationship a couple of years before and was scared of the same thing happening again. anyway to make a long story short as possible, we ended up going on a few dates, and we really clicked. everything I wanted was there, emotionally & physically. of course she wasn't perfect in every way, she's a human being, but to me she was everything even though we only really saw each other for 4/5 months. I decided that even though I was happy single, that this would be worth pursuing, she made me realise what I had missed so much about being in a relationship and she made me feel amazing. skip forward a 2 months or so, and this is where things start to get tricky. she starts to worry about commitment etc even though she thinks we're great. we stop talking for a few days but she comes back, and reveals that she had slept with a couple of past flames, on a night few nights out that she had seen way before me. (obviously not at the same time). although I was hurt, I didnt take it too personally, as I hadn't let her know my feelings and tried to take things slowly. we were only casually seeing each other and though I found it a bit disrespectful, I let it slide. she broke contact with them both, meeting one in person to do it. however, one of the guys she had to see at college, but assured me that nothing would go on as they didnt like each other like that and were more friends & he was now seeing someone else. from here she knew that there was a bit more exclusivity between us and we carried on together and got closer and closer. at this point she started to reveal that as her mum and dad hadn't been together since she was very young, she didnt really have that father figure in her life and that it has affected her. she made me aware that she was suffering with anxiety and it can get in the way of things, so much so that she had got herself a nickname around college and past relationships. I understood this, but ive not really had much experience with mental health before and come from a very stable home with a close knit family (which she always said she loved and wish she had). I continued to do some research on it and slowly learnt via the internet and her about how to cope with it. im a patient guy and am really laid back and am told by a lot of people, including her that im an amazing guy and make an amazing boyfriend. so I thought that this would be an obstacle we could work through. this was the cause of her commitment issues. so we carry on seeing each other, however this time its more on and off. every time we get closer to making it official, she bales out and says "I can't do it anymore, we should go our separate ways" etc etc. this happened every 2 - 3 weeks however we'd always get around it, by me re assuring her or us taking a break for a few days and she comes back to me. this is when she went on a night out with some friends , it was all going well at this point, probably the best it had been. I trusted her and she went out, got very drunk and ended up hooking up with one of the guys I had mentioned before, the guy that she had slept with the first time and broken all contact with. (not the one she had to see at college) she didnt text me at all for the day after, I knew something was up as she was always keen to speak to me. she eventually got back to me that evening and confessed straight away. she was distraught, sending me voice messages, crying down the phone, basically genuinely upset that she had done it and she had ruined "us". I even got a message from her mum telling me about how she "sabotages" things when they get serious so that she doesn't end up hurt, again all stemming from her not having a father figure and that she'd only ever had one serious relationship over 2 years ago. these were her mums words, not mine. she wasn't trying to make it acceptable & she was angry at her for doing it as much as me, but more like telling me what would of gone through her head. im pretty sure the other guys didnt work out for very similar reasons (sabotaging it somehow, not necessarily cheating). I was heartbroken, but was weirdly even more determined to make it work, even if it was just for her & her mental health ( I know that sounds ridiculous). I took a few days off from talking to her. in this time I did more research into anxiety and for what reasons it could of happened. I am well aware that it could be nothing to do with mental state and that she just got with another guy, however, knowing her like I do, its hard to think its that, as weird as it sounds to anyone reading this. I got back to her and decided to give it another try, although I made it extremely clear that I wouldn't tolerate it if we became "official". again, same story. its amazing between us for a couple off weeks then bang, she starts to worry about us. this lead to me telling her to go away for 2 weeks and sort herself out. we were having an actual break from each other. I actually really struggled with missing her and the uncertainty of what she wanted from this. after the 2 weeks had passed I got a phone call from her, she said that she had been on a very casual date and that she had all but decided to end things with me until this date, when apparently all she could talk about was me and that made her realise what she was throwing away. she came over mine after that and here we go again. 2 weeks of almost a perfect relationship. Unfortunately, this time is where WE really start to struggle, not just her. im getting clingy to her because of all the things that had gone on. im emotional and basically not myself. we met and discussed the problems on a "romantic" walk. she said that she felt like something was missing, and that I was almost too laid back, and that she couldn't help but think "the grass is greener" (this spiked my interest) with someone else or being single. I told her that she feels these things because you didnt give us a chance to develop as a couple as its so "on and off" with her and that she should let us have a proper period of time to be together and let me treat her like the boyfriend I know I am, then after a few months for example if it wasn't working then that was that, at least we gave it a good go. she agreed with me. couple of days later, im out with my friends and she's out with hers. again, because of the circumstances im clingy and needy (I know this isn't good but I couldn't help myself, normally im a confident guy and wouldn't dream of being like that, I guess it just broke me down). we're both stressed with the relationship now. the next day, she breaks up with me. told me that she had kissed another guy that came onto her and that although she regretted it, she knew she had ruined things and that she wasn't happy anymore and he felt "new" and she felt "free". we were both stressed with it and she has exams to do. we spoke on the phone that night, to get some closure on things. we decided that she needed to get herself happy again, by being single and maybe even seeing other guys and me doing the same. I was cool with that. she said that she was speaking to the guy that she had last seen out but that it would never work out as he's a bit younger than her and the distance etc. however we both mutually agreed to maybe speak to each other in a months time after her exams and see what happened from there, but no guarantees. in the following days we had the odd "I miss you" message and saw her tweeting certain things, but nothing that isn't un common for people going through a breakup. so im moving on at this point, doing ok for myself, I miss her so much but im improving myself and getting on with life. thats when one night I get a phone call at 3am saying she was out and couldn't get home, she could "only" come to mine as she had fallen out with her friend and had no money. I reluctantly agreed and stupidly paid for her taxi to my house, however, I let her know I was not happy about it and felt messed about. she gets to mine, I pay for the taxi and she runs off to bed ( pretty drunk ). she strips off in my bed and I have to get in as I have work early the next day. she says all these things whilst trying to kiss and hug me like "I miss you so much" etc. I didnt recuperate anything and went to sleep. next day, I leave out some paracetamol and my hoodie as she only had a small top on and my family were In the house. I text her and tell her to wait for me to get back so we can sort this out properly as I wasn't happy with her messing about. she replied with " im meant to be going out with my friend, im really sorry and really appreciate you letting me stay, I didnt mean to mess you about" and then got picked up by her friend and left, telling me she would speak to me later about it. I get home and find that she's taken my hoodie. I text that evening and have a go at her for coming over and she again agreed with me and apologised. she said she took my hoodie and that she'll return it and pay me the money for the taxi when she gets paid. seeing as I know when she gets paid I agreed and after a short conversation like we used to I said to her goodnight and we went back to the original plan of being single and maybe talking In a month after exams. however this time, she has to contact me as she owes me money... I went into full no contact and a couple of days later, im blocked on everything, except from snapchat (where she can see my location...) ( I know I can turn this off) another strange thing is that around the same time im blocked on everything I get a follow on twitter from a fake account which I am certain is hers, seeing as her closest friends follow it and it only follows her friends and her actual account, and now me,lol. I can still contact her, through snapchat and she still has all my friends and family on social media. now ive done some research and although it was only a short term relationship, it sounds to me like she has "grass is greener syndrome", not just with me but in other aspects of her life too, but I won't go into them. im sure this stems from her initial anxiety. its not just her thats said it so im fairly sure she isn't playing me, as it came from her own mother and have seen evidence of things before. what I want to know is, does it sound to you like "grass is greener syndrome" or any other form of anxiety or personality disorder? I only want to help her... should I be worried about her talking to this other guy or other guys in general? will she forget about me? why did she block me? did she text me and take my hoodie so she has an excuse to see me agin or am I just looking to deep into it? I know girls like guys hoodies I know it maybe healthier to walk away for me, but im not a quitter and although this situation sounds messed up, I truly believe she's an amazing girl and I feel like I can be someone she could be with. how / can I get her back from this? apologies for the length and complexity of this post, any response is appreciated but id like some advice here, preferably not just telling me to leave it, unless its the only way. I feel I will know when that is. thanks!
  10. I am a 29 year old female, turning 30 in June. My boyfriend is 26 and will turn 27 shortly after I turn 30. We met at work- even after working several years "together" (using quotes because together meaning same company but diff areas so it was years before formal introductions were ever made between us). Finally though after a break up with his gf of 4 years and me in an abusive relationship that I'm sure would have resulted in my death I was approached by him and told that my only co-worker I would call a friend- his friend as well- so the only mutual tie between us, had told him about my home life situation and he offered me a "safe haven" using the exact words of "my apartment has 2 extra rooms one for you and your daughter, I am sorry because I am sure it is sensitive but you know __insert gossiping friends name here___ told me that you maybe aren't safe at home. I obviously did not just jump and do that but from that text on we did start texting from 6 am until the early hours of the AM-2 and 3 in the morning early. This was early March 2015 but within 3 weeks I had decided that I was in love with him and wanted to be with him- he had decided the same, and so I left my boyfriend and my fear of being beat to death in the past from there. So by the start of April (I moved fast I know) I had told my landlord I would be moving and boyfriend it was over and we moved to a nearby town to live closer to one another. By late August/early Sept 2015 he had broke up with me though. And he would play the most horrible mind games with me- the kind that made me certain that emotional abuse hurts more than the bruises a beating leaves behind- by mind games I mean he tricked me into having sex with him or doing x type sexual thing- at one point him having a gf that I never even knew about. So this goes on from Early September 2015 until October 2016 when he tells me he is done with the games, he feels himself losing me, he realized he has made a horrible mistake please give him a second chance. I can not help it so I do, I go with it and hope for the best and everything has been great until August when I lost my job at a company we both worked for. I was depressed of course but by January of this year I could tell that reliance upon him to catch me when I fall was nonexistent and would be a bad idea. But early March comes around and something changes- he is almost falling under the lovely saying of being a guilty dog barking loudest with the false accusations made against me by him of cheating- he is almost fishing and desperately to take this situation and that one and put them together to make them more than they are, like he will get the outcome of being cheated on if he just kept at it. I spent half my week with him because of my joint custody agreement of 4 days that my daughter spend with me and me one week and 3 the next, so on and so forth. It had got to where I would spend the first of 3-4 nights with him and the next morning he is already starting a fight with me to have an excuse basically to get rid of me and bring me home. He did this on our anniversary as well- March 18 and 19- because I say one day he says another and we celebrate both. I spent them home alone as I have the last 3 weeks because he ended up pretending, legit pretending he's caught me doing something AND I DONT KNOW WHAT IF YOU ASK HIM HE WONT SAY ANY REASON WHY EITHER.. JUST 'DON'T WORRY I CAUGHT YOU'.. but the last few weeks have been horrible. week one after break up was not accepting it, week 2 was crying alot now we are onto week three and he has been talking to me for the last 2 weeks and he does it in ways that imply we aren't broke up. but his actions are louder. He has already faked catching me cheat on him - come to find out he offered someone to try and set me up to actually cheat- give him any evidence and then he could use that? who does that. The fact that he can't spend one night with me without wanting away and bringing me home, No I love you, no structure and no consideration for myself either. He has me blocked but only on specific forms of social media- snap chat and instagram I am blocked there- ig was blocked unblocked blocked unblocked now just blocked-, fb and twitter though I am not. He is also out of town for work- this last weekend I go out with a gf and I am wanting to show her photos of a girl -a girl whose recent ex after many years together being one of my..ex bf's ..bf's ??good friends, she has also tried to get with my boyfriend for sex- to show my friend this girls picture and name and see does she maybe know her, I can not think of her name.. so I add her boyfriend to my fb friends and then realize oh well I can scroll through his pics and surely shes liked one and then from there I will know her name without even having to add him but my boyfriend who is again in AL while we live in TN has messaged me about adding his friend before I can even cancel the request. When I ask how he knew and explain why he doesn't seem bothered by me explaining why but asking how he knew makes him angry.. There are many more things I could list off but those are a few to start with. but this is the second time that I have been broke up with by him for no reason. I can not help but think that it is for another girl.. in a way I believe last time we broke up it was specifically for a girl or to date but using me for sex along the way was the problem there and this time for certain I feel like this has something to do with a girl. I can not get him to be honest with me and he wont see me or call me, so we only text. I am not sure what to do here- this could be the worst time for me to feel abandoned; I have no family- with my job loss I needed him and he promised to have my back,. I feel so vulnerable and let down. I don't know do I walk away or hang out until I can find out exactly whats up or maybe we even get back together.. because my dumb ass would most certainly take him back. any kind of help, advice, thoughts (besides that I should not go back -because I know this) would be great :) -E
  11. My ex bf and I remained friends on all social media after we broke up up until he got in a relationship with the new girl nearly a month later. As soon as they became fb official he deleted me and my best friends on fb and blocked me on instagram but kept watching and following all of my Snapchats and tweets. I eventually blocked him on there because it wasn't fair to me he was still keeping tabs on my life. I don't understand why he kept following me on those though? Isn't that weird? He even went and liked a tweet then hours later went and unliked it. When we broke up he waited a week to delete the pics he posted and to change his fb status back to single. Then about a week after that he removed every tagged photo or post of him and I whether I posted it or my friends posted it etc.
  12. Hi, basically I’m 23. I spent all of my teen years texting and using social media. For the last 2 years, I literally despise texting. I feel awful, because my friends will text but I have no desire to text back or even make an effort to communicate with them at all. I like sitting and scrolling aimlessly through twitter, Facebook and I love reading things online but texting makes me feel anxious, I can’t describe how it makes me feel but I honestly would rather never text anybody ever again. My friend will text between 30-50 times in a 24 hour period if I do not respond - and if I do respond she wants to text all day, every day. She babies me and constantly asks me if I need anything or if she can buy me anything, she asks what I’m doing every 30 minutes. If I don’t answer she says “guessing your asleep, or chilling, or out with your friends. Hope you’re alright.” And she seems to want more of a relationship through text than seeing each other. I could meet with her and spend hours with her, but the SECOND I leave, the texting starts again. I feel like this experience with her has made me despise my phone, and despise contacting other people. Am I being irrational? Please help me understand is this normal or not?
  13. This is my first post but I need advice! Please help! PSA: Yes, the rule of NC is to heal. I know that. Yes, it is possibly better to just let him go. I know that. I know these things! And I have heard it enough, and ultimately, if I lose hope, I will move on. Until now, I want to know how I can breathe life back into this relationship. I know I am new and definitely do not have the experience to demand for certain answers, so please answer however! Just keep in mind I am aware of the things I should do and would first like to learn what I can do. (And I know how long this is please readdd) My (ex?) boyfriend is the love of my life. I am 16 and he is 18 and this the first long, serious relationship we have both had, so I bet a lot of y'all are shaking your head and thinking, "No, he isn't the love of your life." But I know if we try hard enough, we can be really happy: we are both mature (me not so much) and have identical beliefs in a state where everyone has opinions we disagree with, we laugh all the time, we are both very similar in the bedroom (freaky - sorry, TMI, but that's hard to find in a country small-town). He is special. I have talked with other guys before and never been impressed and I know he is special. Now that you know I am serious let me say this: Today is 1 week since we broke up and would have been our 1 year. I kind of initiated everything in the relationship except for intimacy. That sounds wrong, but he's really just a gentle giant who gets nervous. I hit him up, I approached him, I kissed him first, etc. He did ask me to be his girlfriend, however. We bickered constantly but it was never uncomfortable and he never called them "fights", more banter. Exact same personalities and all. I got clingy, though. That was my NUMBER ONE PROBLEM!!! I KNOW it now, and I HATE how I acted and I am ALREADY starting to change this. It was so ridiculous. He is a senior and I am a junior and his excuse was that he knew we would have to break up later when he went to college, but I know that my clinginess was a huge part, especially since he is only going to be 45 minutes away. I left him alone this week for the most part except I approached him in school because we have choir together, and we were literally acting like immature babies refusing to look each other's way and I was not having it. We ended up having a long discussion over lunch and even after school. He said it was mature of me to approach him and he was just giving me space because he figured I was mad. (He broke up with me over the phone and I did say when he broke up with me that a small part of me would always resent him for valuing our fantastic relationship with one phone call, but I already apologized for that and he said he understood.) I eventually persuaded him into just giving each other space and not being totally broken up, and he said he wouldn't mind trying that for a few weeks, gave me a hug, etc. He also said, "You make me so happy and I don't want this to be so hard." I can't tell if he is scared of commitment (we ALWAYS talked about our future but it was not just me that initiated those conversations) or he knows because of my clinginess a LDR wouldn't work. Two days after we spoke in person I slipped up and contacted him, but it was very brief which is unlike me and although he ended it, I did not respond back and I think he might have been expecting me to. I am trying to do a modified version of NC because there is no way I am going to act like he does not exist during school, it's ridiculous. Already though I think he might have been expecting me to contact him more. He has looked at every single one of my Snapchat stories (and I post a lot), liked the only photo on Instagram I've posted, and although he deleted our pictures on Instagram I think it was because I did it first, he still has pictures of me up on Twitter and they are still his pinned tweet. FYI - it is not another girl. I asked him such and let me tell you, he is a HORRIBLE liar. I know when he is lying, and he's much too awkward of a person to even manage a hookup. Besides, he called me beautiful up until the day we broke up and we had fantastic intimate relations (I don't know if I can say s** on here haha!) 3 days before. I am really just asking two things - is there hope for us? And how should I continue this? I am going to do NC outside of school and everything but I am so worried he is going to move on or forget about me if I do that. I also do not think I should do NC for very long. I am honestly heartbroken and I feel as though a part of me has slipped away. My hand feels empty without his in it and my mind is preoccupied of him always. My hobbies (show choir, music, my academics) mean less to me. I know it has been so recent but I can't imagine healing this before giving a second chance. Please, please please help! If you want me to post the text conversation we had, I can, it was so short. I am kind of embarrassed of what I said, it wasn't too bad but if I don't have to say it I won't haha
  14. *I posted this under another forum as well but it didn't get responses, administrators feel free to delete one of the two I just need more responses/opinions* Hey guys, it's been a little while! I've been doing very well the last few weeks especially. I decided to kick the habit of checking my ex's social media daily as well as his new gf's. About one month "sober" lol. Anyways, I'm writing because yesterday out of the blue I got a follow request on instagram from one of my ex's closest friends at his college. I wouldn't be so suspicious if we had spoken before or had mutual friends, but neither of those are the case. He followed me back in september when my ex and I were kind of still together and he would go to this friend for advice. Once we officially broke things off, this friend unfollowed me after my ex did. I find it weird as we have never spoken before and it was so out of the blue. As far as I know my ex is still with his new girlfriend but I refuse to check their social media to find out, in fear of kicking up the old habit. I guess I'm just confused on the reasoning behind this. I'm tempted to just message the guy asking why but as of now I'm thinking keep doing nothing and push forward. What are your thoughts? *another weird thing: about a month ago my ex blocked me on twitter, 6 months after we broke up. We have not spoken, had not been following each other, I didn't accidentally "like" anything he posted, so there was no real reasoning behind it. The only thing I can think of is maybe he was forcing himself to stop checking my account, something he admitted to routinely doing while we were together and even while we still talked after we broke up. This blocking is what made me officially decide to stop looking at their social media lol it was my final straw.
  15. I was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months, we overall had a very good relationship and I personally couldn’t fault it.he was amazing and very loving, caring and affectionate and Romantic, then he got a new job which I helped him get and he started speaking to a girl from work (he had only been there 4 weeks and was speaking to her for 2 of them) and I found out they had been speaking and arranged to meet up I found out after the first meeting, I asked him why he done it he said it was a mistake but then went on to say it was being he felt I was becoming a nag, and that the relationship was very much routine and that he felt he had to book me in to see me and that he felt I didn’t want sex with him. The first year we did have sex like 3 times a day then it reduced to 2 times a week which I feel is reasonable, we have now been over for 2 months but I my last contact with him was 2 weeks ago, he has tried messaging since then saying he misses me and loves me and we don’t have each other on social media anymore but he liked my twitter picture last night, is there anyway of winning this back? I’m doing no contact currently and bettering myself, I just don’t understand why he’s being hot and cold our relationship was very good until he did what he had done
  16. The title is self explanatory. A few days ago he messaged me about some twitter drama (nothing to do with me), then after that he messaged me about my pet spider (??), and today he messaged me saying some dumb jokes. I️ haven’t replied to any of these, and he is notified whenever I️ leave him on ‘Seen’. He also makes it a habit to like my photos too. Why would he suddenly a heightened interest in talking to me about dumb things? We broke up almost 2 months ago. Please don’t say block him because we broke up on amicable terms and we have mutual friends. Thanks!
  17. Sooooooooo, my ex and I broke up 3 months ago and in between those months a bit happened. April, after we come back from a trip to universal studios she announces the break up giving me the "I don't have time for a boyfriend". So we broke up and a couple days later she contacts me after weeks of no contact. She face times me one night and tells me that she cheated on me in the middle of the relationship. This part I don't get, she could have just broken up with me instead of cheating why did she have to wait and why did she still stay after cheating on me. Sounds like she was just stringing me along until she was stable enough on her own. May: I started my new job at the same establishment as my ex. She works at the first location and I work at the second. This one day I worked a morning shift and it was super busy, as I came back from the kitchen to hop on the register and help the next person in line I can see that my ex was in line. I ended up taking her order but was cut short because I had to run to the back. She left a couple of things at that location the one day she worked there and she got them back. That's all I thought she went to my job for. To get her things back. June/July: somewhere in these two months I had a quote on my bio on instagram, "looking for someone to play hide and seek with me and my feelings". This quote was said by cole sprouse, whom I follow on twitter. This is relevant because my ex texted me from a number I did not have saved and at first I didn't know who it was until I saw the picture of my own bio and a couple of responses on my end, the person ended up saying after I asked who this was, "since you got the picture I'm sure u had time to look at it", sure enough it was my ex and she accused me of "Stalking" and "stealing her words" because she had the same quote on her bio on twitter. August: first week of august is always fiestas. The reason for me posting this thread is to vent. Fiestas was the time I met my ex and I've just been feeling lonely lately. Plus, I broke NC and looked at her social media, BUT I did not feel any kind of negative feelings toward her. I went through our old conversations and to be completely honest...looking back at the conversations I saw where I came off as starting to be a douchebag. I could literally see my own mistakes and I'm very upset because I was such an who treated her like the way I would respond. I was going to message her on twitter and explain to her that I'm beginning to see why things didn't work out. But, I said f that I gotta let her do her and I gotta work on myself. Maybe I'll try to reconcile sometime in the future? who knows. Thanks for reading me out And any feedback into me reading between the lines too much or and feedback is welcome.
  18. Reading over my poem, I can definitly see that most people beside the one who I wrote it about will not understand most of this. Maybe you can relate though, so please take the time to read... I can see you in the darkness Just a memory of those forgotten things But I remember how it felt Yeah, I remember how it felt... You're not here anymore But I remember the way I loved you I remember the way it went Sometimes holding hands Don't you remember the feeling? Walking in the dark Eating burnt bacon Listening to oldies, and Linkin Park. I can see you in the sunlight Just a shining of the past But I remember what we said Yeah, I remember what we said... I don't know when you'll find this But I love you, for all of time That's what the paper said And the notebook filled with Tweet and Moo It was all pointless, I see now But it didn't matter then. And I remember what we did Wasting money at the mall You wouldn't eat a thing at the Olive Garden And those converses, well you got them cheaper than mine I remember all the times, All the times I think we had I had the chance to kiss you But it was wasted Didn't move fast enough With trying something new I know it would've been amazing- It would've been with you. There's no point to anything But I'm writing anyway Just like, when I get your address I'm sending that letter, in the mail I guess some part of me remembers Well, all of me remembers How I loved you How I love you. And I hope you find your happiness. Empty
  19. Everyone have social media nowadays, just meet this guy who is young and attractive but have no social media. No,fb,Ig,Twitter ,WhatsApp nothing couldn’t ask him why, though. I would definitely still date him but I think is a bit strange what do you guys think?
  20. So my bf and I have been dating for 1yr 6months. June last year(nov. 2017) he went to visit a friend (let's call her ally) at college, stayed 3 nights and just chilled. He then tells that allys friend is chillin there just for a lil bit. Didn't think much abt it and moved on. Now (jun/Oct. 2018) he was talking abt having a threesome, he's talked abt it in the past but I'd always say no, but this time I felt the need to test him and I said yea and to show me a girl. 3 seconds later he sends me a screenshot of a girl(BTW I DIDN'T KNOW THIS GIRL WAS FRIENDS W ALLY UNTIL I SAW HER IG, AND I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THIS GIRL WAS THE ONE IN THE DORM). Asked him a few questions which he answered: I don't talk to her, I met her when I went to visit ally, she just walked right passed me and decided to follow her. He clearly stated that they did not have any sort of communication ally and the friend just said hi to each other in the hallway and kept going and he just had to be there, nothing else. I asked why her and he said, "I've always wanted to be with a black girl and she's pretty" then I said how will he ask her and he said "I'll just text her and ask her for a 3some" mind u he said they don't talk. If I random guy I barely met comes at me with that question he'd get blocked. I then told him I was not w it. THIS SAME FRIEND 2 DAYS LATER pops up thru his dm telling him to text her back (no answer) the day after she texted him again the same thing. I texted her as my bf (w my bf next to me) she was saying she sent him a funny tweet and when shed see him again, I texted her back saying how ally transferred so there's no reason for me going to that university and she seemed confused and was asking me what was I talking abt. She ended up blocking my bf and every thing. There was nothing else but those dms so I let it go. Went thru his snap and saw a chat with ally and she sent him this girls snap (jun) he didn't had her on snap so I added her and he basically said hi to her and how he's "been thinking abt her cute a$$ for a while now" and to text cause he wanna talk to her. Would you guys break up? Is this cheating? Do u think he's cheating? I haven't said anything abt this to him.
  21. Hi eNotAlone, This is a long post but I am really struggling. Your opinions are appreciated. I’m a 31-year-old man engaged to a 26-year-old woman. We’ve been together for five years, engaged for one year, and have planned a wedding for next year. My parents have generally been supportive of the relationship and have done a great deal for me and my fiancé. They are wonderful people and have always done the best they could for my siblings and I. However, their interference in my personal life has led to a lot of conflict. A month or so ago, my father and I had heard some news about a certain couple getting engaged. For his own reasons my father lied to my mother and said he hadn’t heard this news. My mother suspected otherwise and probed my fiancé (who did not know about my father’s lie), who then told her that my father had heard the news, not knowing any better. After my mother had confronted my father, my father lost his temper and called my fiancé in to his office, reprimanding her for talking about him. My fiancé is a very sensitive person and started crying. I thought this was grossly unfair and I defended my fiancé, however this occasion led to many more arguments between my fiancé and I. She has a great deal of respect for my parents and does her best to get on with my family, and she felt unfairly bullied in a situation where she did nothing wrong. I confronted my father and asked him to talk to me directly in future about any concerns he might have, rather than confronting my fiancé and creating problems in our engagement. He gave me his word that we would do so. My parents are now upset over what my fiancé has posted on social media. It is causing a great deal of damage to my relationship with my parents and is putting me in a very difficult position with my fiancé. My fiancé and I usually go out together, however from time to time we will attend parties or events on our own if the other can’t make it or if the function is work related. We are comfortable with this, provided we’ve communicated in advance where we will be and with whom. My fiancé also uses Instagram. This past Friday, my fiancé invited me to a party on Saturday. The party was at her co-worker’s boyfriend’s house, with both men and women attending. I had existing plans to see a friend of mine, couldn’t make it and was happy for her to go alone. We spoke for a while without incident when she arrived home at around 11pm, and then went to bed. She drove herself to and from the party and was sober, having told me she’d had two glasses of wine over the course of the day. My father, mother, fiancé, my two brothers and my brother’s girlfriend are in a WhatsApp Group together. Yesterday afternoon, my father sent the following message to all members: “Hi Guys, good to be part of the group. SOCIAL MEDIA in all of its forms, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc. etc. is the perfect platform for which a person or persons can post and as a result thereof be judged by others. As in business we say, he who signs beware. Regarding social media we say, he who posts beware. ( you have been tried and tested and you have been found wanting ) or ( you have been weighted and measured and you have been found wanting ) Have a great day further.” After seeing this, I called my father to see what it was about. He was angry and told me that he’d seen a video my fiancé had posted on Instagram; they thought the video was inappropriate and were concerned about what people might think. I hadn’t seen the video and hung up to watch it. The video showed my fiancé in a middle-class home (my father’s words: “seedy”, though it looked like a regular home to me) playing beer pong (a two-team game where beer cups are set up on a table and a ping-pong ball is bounced on the table into the cups) with another woman and a large group of men, with some other women sitting on the sofa. A few of the men were drinking alcohol, shouting and swearing. Later in the video, my fiancé and some of her friends sang loudly, arm-in-arm, and blew kisses into the camera, after which the video ended. After watching the video, I was genuinely satisfied that it looked like a regular house party and that nothing looked out of the ordinary. Aside from loud music and a few of the guests swearing and shouting while drinking, the video was uneventful. I didn’t see anything inappropriate and decided to confront my parents later in the day. My parents told me that they were disgusted and disappointed with the video and that they were very concerned about what their friends might think when watching it. They told me that if my fiancé was to become part of the family they would not tolerate her posting such things, and that they were also angry that she would dare go out to a party where men were present and alcohol was involved without me, and especially that she would post it on social media. The argument became very heated. I told them that I had watched the video and that I was comfortable that it was not inappropriate, that I had full knowledge in advance of my fiancé going out, that the boundaries of my engagement were not being respected, and that as a 31 year old man who has been with my fiancé for 5 years, I am capable of judging what is and what isn’t appropriate in the context of my relationship. I told my father that he had broken his promise to talk to me directly, and had instead sent a passive-aggressive message to a channel where my brothers and my brother’s girlfriend are present, needlessly embarrassing my fiancé and I. My parents would not budge. My mother has told me she will not attend my wedding. She has removed my fiancé off all social media channels. My father and mother have removed themselves from the family WhatsApp group. My fiancé and I have had a very serious argument about this. Even though I sided with her, she is very upset and feels unfairly bullied by my family. She is upset that my father sent the above message in a channel where my brothers and my brother’s girlfriend are present, and so am I. She can’t understand why they would question her character after five years, especially when she puts so much effort into getting on with my parents and siblings, and I agree with her. She genuinely makes every effort to maintain a good relationship with my mother, and feels extremely hurt. Even though I want to assure her my parents will respect our boundaries, their actions are out of my control and their inability to let us manage our own relationship dynamic is leading to recurring incidents which are seriously hurting our relationship, and building huge resentment. We are dealing with our own issues as a couple, independent of my parents, and this issue on top has left our engagement hanging by a thread. Earlier today we spoke about calling the engagement off and cancelling the wedding. I cannot find a way to make my parents understand that they are creating chaos in my personal life, and that their actions are causing permanent damage to the trust between my fiancé and I. They strongly feel that the video was inappropriate, while I don’t feel it was inappropriate. I don’t want my relationship with my parents to be strained, and I want them to be happy, but I cannot in good conscience side with them where I feel they are wrong. I feel that for them, imposing their will on my fiancé and I is more important than respecting my wishes and independence. My parents did more for me and my siblings growing up than we could have ever wished for or deserved, and they have always put their children first, but I also grew up in a family where my brothers and I have never known our cousins because my mother hates my father’s sister, and my father hates my mother’s brother. I grew up in a family where my mother hated my father’s parents, and my father hated my mother’s parents, because neither side would stop interfering in their marriage. I am afraid my parents cannot see history repeating itself and are leading me down the same path. For them, it is an argument that stops when I leave their home. For me, this creates huge damage which lasts for days, weeks and months and disrupts my happiness and my productivity. I understand that they may come from a different generation where expectations were different, but to me this issue is petty and has created massive drama needlessly. I would like my fiance to be on the best terms with my parents, but they seem to take every opportunity to police our relationship even though we are adults. Rather than focusing on the many issues we have already (and which all couples have), I find myself trying to minimise unnecessary drama and becoming tangled in conflict which upsets me and strains my relationship. My fiance's mother has never interfered in our relationship - not once, even when my fiance has visited her crying after an argument - and if she did, I know that I wouldn't take kindly to it. I'd love to know what you think.
  22. On May 4 2018 I found out my wife was sexting on Twitter. We have been married for 21 years. I found out she had been messaging mainly one man sexual stories as well as some nude pics. This man lives several states away from us she has never met him nor was making any plans to meet him. I found out most of what she said to him was basically trashy romance stuff. Definitely inappropriate but not the way she would normally speak. I found this out by her honesty as well as I found the guy and spoke to him through email getting him to answer questions or I told him I would contact his wife I found her email as well. He basically verified they met on line in late January. He was looking for this type relationship he said my wife was skeptical at first. About a month into talking they started cybersex. He said she also sent bra and panty pics at first. Then she sent a pic of one breast. Her confidence grew and she started sending both breasts. He constantly wanted vagina pics but my wife said no. As far as pics went she sent one with her hand covering it where you couldn’t see anything but legs around it. I’m my mind had I not found out it would only have gotten worse I’m sure vagina pics would have eventually been sent. My wife has deleted her Twitter and had no contact with anyone from there. She seems sick with guilt constantly apologizing saying she never meant for this to happen. She said in her mind she rationalized it wasn’t cheating because nothing physical happened and she never wanted to meet. She has started seeing a counselor. I found out from the guy they both knew each other’s first and last names and had looked at each other’s family on Facebook. My wife is not a visual person when it comes to sex you have to preheat the oven so to speak. She said he sent her pics of his privates but she never asked for any she said if he asked her if she wanted a pic she would say yes send me one of your butt she said she did this where he wouldn’t send one of his penis all the time. I confirmed this from him as well he said she seemed to like his butt. My wife said she did this because she craved companionship. She is a volunteer at a dog shelter and loves helping dogs get adopted. I am not an animal person. She said she could talk about dogs, the shelter, and send dogs pics and he seemed to care. She said her and I seemed emotionally distant from on another. At end of February we had a big fight over a rescue dog she was helping this is about when her sex talk and pics started. My wife has a photo editor app she plays with she got me to download it to play with. Before all this started she sent me a pic of her in her bra and panties I changed her skin tone on this app showed her and said the app was neat. I deleted the app and altered pic but she didn’t know it. She thought I had to photoshop her pic to make her attractive of course I didn’t but she thought that. So now my wife at this time when this started thinks I don’t find her attractive, we are emotionally distant, and she is lonely. We have always been best friends even before we got married. I know she made the choice to do what she did but I feel partially to blame. I see how it got to the point it did. She even said if she didn’t send pics every now and then they didn’t talk as much and she missed this. I think she viewed him like a best friend. The emotional attachment is what scares me. She has said all the right things, showed grief (literally made herself sick) dropped all contact with anyone of this nature and immediately started counseling. I go to counseling as well forgot that part . I don’t want to lose my wife we are working through things and seem closer than ever best friends again. If I ask a question she answers it with total honesty we share a Facebook account email account etc. 100 percent transparency. I don’t want to keep asking things because it puts it in her mind we will never get past it in my mind. The counselor I see said forgive her is easy but you won’t forget right away in a week if all is good I might not think about it for a month if were good then six months all good maybe couple years until I have it all way out of my mind. If anyone has been through this input is greatly appreciated. Is there anything else we can do? Or I can do to get it out of head? Thanks Max
  23. I came across someone on internet three years ago. A social figure. Started interacting on Twitter. My I'd was anonymous and had no friends on Twitter. Interactions we're purely on basis of persons work area. We belonged to two different countries. Same time around Twitter launched analytics. I realized someone was a regular visitor to my profile. Certain interactions indicated it was the same person. Since the person is married I was not sure why this person looked for me when expected to be sleeping next to the spouse. Fine months later the person came down to my country and I felt some unknown Twitter profile tried interacting with me indicating it was the same person. These tweets forced me to meet up the person in social encounters. Lots of things happened then. Series of events proving the interest in me but nothing direct. Indicative. It's been three years I was conveyed that certain things need to be worked out before we are together. The person has not left my side since then. But again not by real name as anonymous Twitter ids. I can't prove anything. I wish to get out of this. I don't find a way.
  24. Hi, I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend of 13 months back on January 6th. I was the dumper and she was the dumpee. Basically, I’m going through dumper’s remorse and I want nothing more than to be back with her. Background: We met back in October-November of 2016. We never became official, She was the first girl I ever pursued and she took away all my firsts. (I was not her first). We had a fling for about 1 month and out of nowhere, I ghost her. I found out she had a bad family background, she was emotionally unstable and had depression. We were young, she was 17 and I was 18. I had never dealt with self-harm or depression and I became scared of the though and I ended up running away from the responsibilities. Fastforward to November of 2017, I see her again during black friday. She does not see me, but I saw her and became infatuated immediately. Between last year and now, I had not seen or dated anybody. When I went home, I immediately texted her ( super late ) basically apologizing for ghosting her and asking if we could be friends. She accepted and we began talking again. She honestly wanted nothing to do with me, for the next 3 weeks we would hang out, but she would try her hardest not to show interest. Needless to say, she had trust issues because she knew I ghosted her because of her issues. I reassure her when we become official that I loved her regardless of everything. Basically one night (early December 2017), we were out super late and she offered to let me sleep over so that I didn’t have to drive home late. That night was basically the spring for our relationship and we spilled our feelings out to each other. We became super lovey-dovey and I chased her super hard until we became official on February 7 of 2018. We were exclusive starting december and that was basically the start of our “honeymoon” phase. So, basically this phase was short-lived on my end, I grew complacent and began taking her for granted. She was still head over heels for me and would always put in the love and effort. Our relationship grew into a routine (I did not mind it and in fact it made me happy), but for her she wanted more excitement. She was happy, but it started to gnaw at her. She became irritable easily and would pick fights with me over the smallest things. At the end of October, I broke up with her (For like 3 hours!) because of the accumulation of stress from school and these fights. We got back together the same night and were happy again. In November of 2018, I found out that a highschool friend of mine had passed away. It was the first death of a close friend I had ever experienced. She’s experienced death before and tried to comfort me, but I just shut her out and basically we had an argument. I wasn’t in the best place. She blocks me on socials and doesn’t talk to me after this. About 3 weeks later (The day before christmas) she comes asks if we can talk and I agree. We meet in person and basically she’s asking if we can work things out because her heart feels heavy and she wants to be with me. At first, I say no because she basically tried to cut me out of her life on the spot while I was going through a really rough time. It felt disrespectful as if she wasn’t trying. However, after we leave, I breakdown in my car. I text her back saying I do want to be with her and if we can take things slow. She accepte my proposal and we start talking again. This would last until January 6 of 2019. I broke up with her over the phone because the night before she felt controlling. She was drinking and she was being upset with me because I was drunk and not responding to her ( We were at different parties ). I was stupid, looking back I was just angry in the moment. I didn’t even try to fix the issue, I just decided to break up with her without working things out. I regret it so much. I found out 6 days later, she posts a text log of a new guy on a twitter who is already calling her “Sweetheart” and on valentines another of “I wanna cuff you” ( as in make you my girl ) For the next month I would send breadcrumbs ( I miss you texts etc.). With no responses. On february 18, a friend tells me that she is with the new guy and I kind of freak out. The next day I call her and surprisingly she picks up. We talk and I try and tell her I miss her and want to be with her. She tells me that it’s too late to realize what you had. “I’m finally happy now” stuff like that. If you need a more detailed explanation of the call I can talk about it in the comments. So basically, the roles are flipped and I basically became the dumpee. I convinced myself that “Oh this is just a rebound, I can just win her back no problem” I don’t handle this too well and I go full out desperate and needy. This is before I read about NC. I would send her texts of reminiscing memories, how much she meant to me, how amazing she was, how much I wanted to be with her. I would send her old pictures and videos of us. I got so depressed that I actually self harmed three times. I told her and she told my friends. She didn’t say anything to me she just told my friends. There was one night I wasn’t feeling well. I asked if I could come over and talk. I was parked across her house and begged to see her. I told her that I would come in ( I didn’t, I understand this was manupulative and scary) she called a mutual friend to come out and talk to me. (I know that this was a scary thing of me to do and I regret it a lot, this pushed her so far away) She’s been telling me to stop contacting her, but at the time and barely now, I couldn’t control myself emotionally. I began trying to figure out where she goes and where her boyfriend lives etc. because she’s been sleeping over almost every night. So this goes on until March 30. So basically 1 1/2 months of begging, pleading, and following. Keep in mind, this entire time she’s been telling my friends everything. She wanted them to help me stop and to leave her alone. She threatened a RO for a months and I kept deluding myself into thinking she wouldn’t actually do it. I got upset and I’m ashamed to say it, but I keyed her car and flattened her tires. I didn’t slash them, just let the air out. She says she’s going to do it, I haven’t been served yet so I don’t know if she bluffed or not, we’ll see. Honestly I’m super ashamed of myself. I told myself a month ago that I would start NC, but I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to keep to it. She knows that I’m a super genuine and kind person, so her seeing me like this is 100% a complete shock and 180. She’s never seen me become emotional or lash out. I was always the super logical person in the relationship and she was the emotional one. It sucks because she thinks I’m crazy right now even though she’s known me for well over a year. I’m starting to implement NC now, its been 5 days and I know she must hate me now. I know that NC is supposed to be for me, but do you think at this point ( IF I don’t get served ) she’ll be able to forgive me eventually? And have hope at reconcilliation? It sucks because of how I deluded myself into thinking that her new relationship was just a rebound thinking I could win her back. I mean come on, 6 days after our breakup you’re already flirting with a new guy? She’s the type of person who needs someone in her life, but was it really that easy?
  25. Hey guys, so I just had, in my opinion, the most childish fight with my boyfriend. Let me give you the backstory: October 2017, my boyfriend posted something on twitter saying "let's just disregard those text messages last night". He had been out drinking that night and I didn't hear from him at all until the next day. In my mind, I'm thinking "what text messages and why would he be posting that for everyone to see?" As you can imagine my mind immediately goes to the left (he's been caught cheating before) and I proceed to confront him. We get into it and he shows me messages he sent to his guy friends. I still didn't see the point of him addressing his friends via twitter instead of a text like he always does but I left it alone and completely apologized for going left, afterwards we got over it and moved on. That was the only time in our relationship I had gotten upset over something he posted. Fast forward to January 2018, I find out that he decided to block me on Twitter just as he starts becoming active again and then catch him in a lie about the timeframe of when he did it. He claims he did it back in October 2017 when the original incident happened but later told the truth and said he had just done it. So I got onto him again because I thought we had moved on from that misunderstanding and I couldn't understand why he waited 3 months to do this, and why he went out of his way to do it. We get into it yet again, and get over it. Currently: He hadn't been on Twitter for over a year, decided to get back on it several days ago and I was blocked yet again. At this point, I'm livid because we've already been through this and I'm wondering why he keeps going out of his way to do this. I was able to see what he was posting and its not anything of importance, so now I'm wondering why would he go out of his way to hide it again? He attributed it to the incident that happened pretty much 2 years ago now. I told him that that issue was resolved a long time ago and he can't keep using that as a reason. I honestly, thought all of that was over and done with last year when I told him how I felt about it the first time, and I feel like we're too far into our relationship now for him to be doing stupid little things like that. He insists that I'm the one who's making it a problem, but my stance is, we haven't had any issues for a year now, so why take the time to do this again out of the blue? Everything has been so great between us to the point that we had been planning a summer vacation and blocking him on any social media platform has never been a thought in my mind. The fact that this keeps happening makes me feel like something is going on. Am I overreacting??
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