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Zaphod

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Everything posted by Zaphod

  1. Zaphod
    Can't you be with him but just not see each other very much?
  2. Zaphod
    I think that one vent to be enough to him, I'll try and keep it on here from now on . This particular group of people could be tricky.
  3. Zaphod
    Personally, and only personally, if it was me, I'd write back and say "I appreciate you writing that, thanks, now I need some space to myself, take care of yourself I wouldn't just go into NC without replying, IMHO it's a bit rude and undignified - reply to her but keep it COMPLETELY friendly and neutral. THat's only a personal opinion though. THen if she writes back after that, don't answer - ion other words go into NC. THen she knows why you are not answering.
  4. Zaphod
    In my experience, NC doesn't start hard and gets easier, the difficulty kind of follows a parabolic curve, like a hill. I am on 8 days now and it's harder than 4 days. You must brace yourself for this intensifying. But then it will get better.
  5. Zaphod
    Although I feel strong I also feel rather brittle atm like cracks occasionally appear. It;s just that - although I have a fairly strong psyche I suppose, I have no one really to talk to about this apart from family who are sometimes not the best people because they are too close if you see what I mean.. That's why I turbo post atm on here .
  6. Zaphod
    Double damn..... I just spoke to another one of our mutual friends just now on the phone about something totally unrelated (again) - I was gonna meet up with him sometime because me and him are fairly good mates - more so than the rest of me and my ex's mutual friends. I am on the same wavelength as this guy. Anyway he has told me I can "talk" to him if I want - I have refrained from doing so , so far, I suppose under NC "rules" - however just now I found myself telling him a few things about how I felt, what had happened etc. - in other words I "talked" to him. I think I have talked to him about it more than my ex has - was the impression I got. He was pretty good, and we had a chat about women, he gave me a couple of his points of view, and it felt good to get it off my chest to someone that knows us both. Oh dear I feel like my intergrity's slipped again. I think I trust his discretion though. We agreed the conversation was just between us. Did I do the wrong thing? Damn......I feel good about getting it off my chest but I'm kicking myself for having been indiscreet, in a way.
  7. Zaphod
    Then do the PI/email snooping.
  8. Zaphod
    lol that's cute! Good on ya!
  9. Zaphod
    You mean physical chemical addiction as opposed to psychological addiction? Aha - I see I agree.
  10. Zaphod
    It is not a balanced life.
  11. Zaphod
    I can never understand it - I have enough trouble "fitting" inside some women sometimes - and I'm not particularly big, just average (maybe it's a "girth" thing or something?) - the thought of trying to shove it up there is like trying to fit an elephant through the eye of a needle. I reckon it would actually hurt me too because of the tightness.
  12. Zaphod
    You could take the pacifist attitude, smile and nod sweetly then totally ignore them and go off and do what you think. But I know it tries the patience. I reckon it's just thoughtlesness on their part because they are excited. Sweet but misguided.
  13. Zaphod
    Are you tortured because you don't know the truth, or are you tortured because you're scared of the truth?
  14. Zaphod
    Although sometimes I do think that negativity can be the first step towards positivity - i.e. in a job you don't like, admit to yourself you don't like it. Moan about it. This then give you the motivation to do something about it. The negativity was you admitting to yourself that it isn't right. I know a lot of people who kind of misunderstand this "positive thinking" thing and what they do is when something bad happens, or when something needs sorting out, they just sweep it under the carpet or bottle it up, kidding themselves "it's going to be ok"......and putting on this front even to themselves of unrealistic optimism. This is philosophy though - we could go on about this for hours.......
  15. Zaphod
    Well by all accounts - Diazepam, yes? Same thing?
  16. Zaphod
    There's only really one real side effect to weed, but for now I can't seem to remember what it is......
  17. Zaphod
    Hmmm.... sometimes it's a bit hard to "get started" but after about quarter of an hour you get into it.... that's what I sometimes find. Bit like cranking an old car up
  18. Zaphod
    Oh another thing, choose to take this route you might find out the truth, but don't kid yourself it's dark and sinister and grubby and you'll hate yourself for it. Although I've just caught up on the thread and seems like you've cooled off a bit....... anyway it's there as an option if you're so tortured by this you can't stand it.
  19. Zaphod
    My God do you know I was musing on writing this to you gus but I thought it might be viewed by the board as unethical, but seeing as someone else has mentioned it, I'll go for it. If you REALLY have cause for suspicion and you REALLY want closure no matter how much it hurts you and what you find out do exactly what Rabican says. Hire a PI to follow her about in person. Get the passwords to all of her email accounts and spy on them for a certain period of time. OR get the PI to do this for you - it;s cheaper to buy a keylogger, perhaps you might want to consider a software version that sends you the keystrokes to your email address - that way perhaps no geek will find the hardware one on the computer by mistake. I think the emails will be your key but prepare yourself, this is Pandoras box. If you find somethign you might be forced to read a love letter or something - this is VERY painful but it will tell you the truth once and for all. You are invading her personal space and might not like what you find. You might however find mails she's wrote to people telling them how much she loves YOU - or nothing at all. Who knows? Brace yourself. I am by no means an advocate of spying on people, but I do feel that if someone in your situation partook in this activity, it would be understandable, if not ethical IMHO. I would personally do it if I were in your situation. Be careful when reading emails that you either mark them "unread" if unread by her - etc. etc. tidy up carefully after yourself.
  20. Zaphod
    Why? You have nothing to apologise about That's not quite the point I was raising - I was talking about non religious couples getting married in a Catholic Church I at no point have said I dissaprove of marriage or think it's a bad thing. That's fair enough, I'm just interested as to how people who don't want to get married then push the relationship forward - there are couples in the world who have been together for years and years but are never going to marry, perhaps they do not agree or believe in marriage for whatever reason, I wonder how it is then that these couples show each other commitment?
  21. Zaphod
    Ah - only an old earring hole. I have enough scars on my body not to have bothered much with piercings and tattoos.......although I once thought of getting one of my scars tattooed over, I'm not sure it would be a good idea....
  22. Zaphod
    Ah right "the one" just means to agree to "see each other on the regular" as the yanks say? Aha..... Sometimes people refer to "the one" as the person they would like to spend to rest of their life with. That got me a bit confused.
  23. Zaphod
    There's about a thousand threads on here and some very wise people who can explain that to you. Look at my story in the "getting back together" section (I don't know why I put it in that section). You're definitely not alone here.
  24. Zaphod
    I just spoke to one of my ex's and mine mutual friends about a subject completely not related to either of us - he phoned me - there is some work I'm going to do for him. Well I have been doing really well with NC for about a week, and this has included when I've spoken to our mutual friends over the phone NOT talking about her to them or even mentioning her name. Anyway this conversation just inadvertantly he KEPT mentioning her - I told him about some work I had (she knows about it ) and he said "Oh yeah (**EX**) mentioned it to me the other day" . He then asked me whether I want to go out to an event with them in abotu a month. Undoubtedly she'll be there. Anyway I snapped and said to him I was a bit hurt by me and Ex's breakup and it would depend on what terms I'm on with her as one of the factors of whether I go or not. Damn - I shouldn't have said that should I - Does this count as a major faus pas? Have I in a way broken NC by talking about her to a mutual friend? Oh rats - I also asked him how she was (out of concern) - I kind of feel like I've let myself down a bit. I also feel like I'm being pressured just to hang out with her, as if nothign ever happened between us. She I don't think has talked much at all about our break up to them. They don't seem to like talking about that stuff, considering it private between couples.
  25. Zaphod
    It's been exactly one week of proper NC for me. It has seemed like about three years to be honest - this is difficult because time seems to slow down.
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