Caterina

It might be part of it. When the holidays come around, we want someone who will enjoy them with us. When January comes, its back to business and so only the most appealing of guys are interesting to us. It sounds like you aren't attracted to anybody at the moment. Don't worry, someone right for you will come along. Just have fun...don't let anyone pressure you into being more serious then you want to be. Break it off with the people you are annoyed by.

Thats horrible. Take this hard experience as something where you will learn great truths and after it (and there will be an after) you will be stronger.

Same thing happens to me. I think that during dreams, my body reacts to what its seeing so I move around a lot while I'm unconscious/sleeping.

Oh God, you're not getting the point. What I'm saying is you are needlessly worrying. Don't take a response or lack of response personally.

Sounds like you were bored/utterly dissatisfied with him. Next time don't cheat. Just leave. Anyways, its hard to meet guys ...I've wondered the same thing. Honestly, its more about you...guys are everywhere but the confidence to go up and flirt is what really catches a lot of them. Go to the gym or to the grocery store...they're there. It sounds like you're artistic...go to a poetry reading. Also, I wouldn't call your guy that nice...I mean, he sounds kind of selfish to me.

You don't want to appear needy. So don't. Don't constantly call or write and make sure you have your own life.

Could be a number of reasons (busy, hasn't seen it, will reply later, inconvenient, doesn't like you)...but none of them are something you should waste ANY time worrying over.

She's leading you on and using you as a back up plan. I say if you want to still be involved with her, think of her the same way...not as something serious. Keep dating other people. If you think you're going to get hurt, move on and find someone else.

Stop dating players. The guy who didn't respect your intelligence--why even give him another chance by going on a date with him?

They haven't spoken in a year...why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I think when it comes to dating and not knowing if the person is a potential player...there are some practical things to keep in mind... 1) be true to yourself...do not allow yourself to do anything you do not want to do just to please them 2) pay attention to their ACTIONS not their WORDS 3) do not allow yourself to be emotionally involved until you are READY, meaning you truly TRUST this person...and honestly this usually takes---> 4) TIME...for heaven's sake the world isn't going to end tomorrow. give yourself TIME to find out about who this person is. I think that we need to learn from experience. I was played once...but it was because I had never been told/understood that their are a lot of deceitful people out there. Players are usually liars...meaning, they are often well skilled in FLATTERY and women are usually very suseptible to it...especially if they are attracted to the guy. I've since learned from my experience...I know that what people say they are and what they really are are DEFINETLY two different things and I am no longer gullible. When it comes to me, I have not had to deal with any players after my first one because I put forth some preventative precautions in my romantic interactions...a lot of people might not agree with me but for one, I usually tell them that I do not have sex. This part usually scares off at least the players who don't want to work too hard. It might not scare all of them, though, because some of them do not believe you. Some guys will stick around in hopes that they can bed you evne if it takes work. These guys just view you as a conquest. I've scared off a few guys like this...but honestly, instead of looking back at them and saying "they were such jerks!" I kind of laugh at the fact that they wasted their time, not mine. Some guys don't really care about anything but sex...just because a guy is long-term exclusive it doesn't mean that he cares about anything else...some guys just want someone that they can come home to every night and have sex with and thats about it. Those type of relationships can honestly last up to 2 years. Thats why I think its better to just tell them you don't have it. Sex is a commodity in our culture...to say its only about Love is a lie since so many people want it because of the pleasure factor. To tell them that you don't even offer that means that you can know for sure whether or not they are sticking around for sex or for what you are actually interested in...a Love relationship. To me, we have to consider the fact that some men only want sex. In an ideal world, we wouldn't have to worry about being lied to or whether or not the guy wants us for love or sex. But in reality, I think we should be practical...I actually find it really amusing when I've scared a guy off by being upfront about my views when it comes to sex. A lot of people will probably disagree with me...but I think we human beings just need a little discipline...wait for the right one, don't just rush in because of good feelings. They say that fools rush in for a reason.

denise and doyathink, Well, I did something wrong to myself in this relationship...but it wasn't against the person. I felt guilt over that for a while because the person took full advantage of a vulnerability I had...and exploited it to the fullest degree. I regret the mistake I made...because I knew I was doing wrong when I did it and he knew it was wrong but I still did it and he still got away with a lot. Juliana, thanks for the excellent insights. I think that I still am dealing with an issue that I wish I already had resolved...its an issue that should be over and done with long ago in my opinion...and most people close to me would certainly agree...but it hasn't. So it comes up in my dreams. Basically, I am struggling with hatred. This is instead of forgiveness. In my dreams, I relive this same person doing all sorts of wrong things to me over and over and over again...he attacks me...but in the end some sort of justice/vengeance takes place. Usually I'm the one to bring about the justice. I think a part of me wants revenge...but in real life, I understand that the BEST thing to do is forgive...maybe I will continue to have these dreams but you really helped me with reflecting on their meaning, so thanks for that. *hugs*

What do you think causes us to dwell on something...to obsess? I have had the same dream over the past six months and it involves someone from my past. Odd thing is, most of the time these days I've been pretty happy. So why do I keep having my dreams. After having one of these dreams, its very hard to pull myself into a positive mood. Is there something about this person that I haven't resolved? I mean its been over a year since I've even spoken with this person...but I keep having dreams where this person is tryng to harm me and I keep having to violently defend myself...dreams where some sort of redemptive justice takes place. Do you have any thoughts about this?

I don't know if its shallow. Why get into a relationship if none of your needs are going to be met? I mean, its not just that he won't have sex with you...its also that he's making you feel 1) unhappy 2)unattractive 3) worrisome 4) dissatisfied 5) needy Certainly you should talk about it. Good relationships definetly include communication.

What you're feeling is normal. What it indicates? Only you know that. But if she is falling in love with someone else, that can't be good for any future relationship for you and her... Don't let it bug you too much...I wouldn't talk to her if she is gonna hurt you with info like this.

Talk to him about it. Ask him what the problem is. If he can't give you a legit reason, I'd think twice about staying in a relationship like that.

If you think it will help, do it. Are there any risk factors, however, to consider before doing it? Do you think it will be freeing or do you think you'll miss any of it? Are you SURE you aren't trying to get her back? Are you completely over her? Why not just dump it instead of returning it?

Well, I never had a dream wedding but I did have a dream man because damn wouldn't it be nice.

I was going to return a tv in the front door of an ex before. It was to get him back in a way. But I kept instead and now I'm glad cuz hey free tv.

Okay, so she didn't get you a cool gift. I totally understand that because yeah, a stuffed dog is a stupid gift to give someone for Christmas. I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of maturity on her part. How did you tell her you didn't like it? How long have you known each other? Also, your gift wasn't exactly the greatest either. I mean, come on, it was only for YOUR pleasure...not hers. So why are you complaining about her gift? If you've been together for a while, then I'd say it would be okay to say something NICELY, in the arena of, "Honey, I love you but why did you get me a stuffed animal...I just don't feel very manly when you get me a gift like that..." And after that, communicate and reach a conclusion. Seriously though, you're making too big of a deal out of it. And I don't think that an entire relationship should rest on the shoulders of something like this. If you haven't been together very long...I'd just let it go b/c you're likely to make her angry for a stupid reason. Also, on an aside, whining about the gift she gave you isn't exactly manly either.

She likely has had the possibility of it being you cross her mind. If you like her, ask her out. Be aware of the risks if she turns you down...if you aren't ready to take that risk, then just keep being friendly.

Of course I'm not upset. I disagree with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I have an emotional attachment to anything you're saying. I really need to learn to convey that to people...a lot of people think I am angry when I disagree with them for some reason. On some level, I appreciate people who have different points of views because it livens up my life a little. I don't think its really tactful for someone to rant at you when you tell them that you are an atheist...I wouldn't really do that to someone myself. However, I don't think that there is anything wrong with telling people why I believe what I believe in hopes of conversion, either. Your observational conclusions have obvious logical holes...which I'm sure you recognize...just because you encountered certain situations within the boundaries of where you've been doesn't mean that is the way things are...and of course you mentioned exceptions. Anyways, thanks for bringing up an interesting topic.

When it comes to conversion, I've always thought it was strange that people think it was such a terrible thing that people desire others to convert to their point of view and actively seek to do so. If you think something is right, and you believe that you have enough compassion to share/influence people with that correct/right thing you believe...its only natural to share it with someone else. For instance, if you think that giving is better then stealing and you spy a friend who is constantly stealing...its only natural to try and make that friend come to your point of view about the better actions of giving over stealing. Now, if people are pushy, or rude or oppressive, thats when the ethics of attempts at conversion become more questionable.

Its odd to see the weird, various things that guys choose to call "lady-like". I've been called lady-like by a lot of men and I've had some men tell me that I was the farthest thing from lady like that they've ever met. Some examples I can think of are that some guys think that a strong woman is lady-like because she's capable of handling a lot...others say that a strong woman isn't lady-like because it somehow lacks a delicate nature. Regardless of what people think of me, I am who I am and I certainly don't have my beliefs because I think someone will think that I am more lady-like. I don't see how being atheist is masculine or being theist is lady-like...to me, thats like saying wearing green is lady-like and wearing white isn't. Attraction is a weird thing...often we think that certain attractions have meaning and we put even more assumptive meaning on top of that meaning when really it was something else alltogether. Maybe its not so much that you are attracted to mildly religious women as something else.

This is a personal question that will vary with everyone but personally I prefer religious men. I don't find non-religious men unattractive but I wouldn't consider them for a serious relationship considering that I'm religious myself. Also, I prefer them to be of the same religion that I am.