Caterina

That is odd...I don't really know. But what you're exes do is really irrevelant, which you know...chalk it up to how wonderful of a person you are and ignore them.

Its a fine line...do you feel fear when you think of going out or do you just happen to prefer the comfort of a quiet place? If you're constantly working in your business, you might just like a quiet place b/c you're so used to being busy.

It could be. I've known a lot of people who like people that are in their mind unavailable so that they can acknowledge to themselves that they have sexual/romantic feelings but don't have to actually be in a relationship.

Theres not much we can tell you now that will make things better. You've been delivered a punch and now you have to ride out the pain. Eventually the sun also rises, know that. Time and energy focused on being kind to others is the best healer in my book.

Well, I think you have a good head on your shoulders... so do what you think is best. Although if you've only gone on one date, perhaps you should wait for him to woo you a little more before giving him soup like a gf would.

I make a lot more then that and I'm happy with my job...you should get out of there. Although, there are always going to be problems. At my job I hate how there are no people my age around.

Why don't you just warn them beforehand? If this was my situation...before I even dated them I'd say something along the lines of, "Listen, I might as well tell you now that I have a very rigorous work schedule...sometimes I won't be able to hang out. I need you to not take it personal if this happens...I've had it before that people thought that I wasn't interested because of my schedule. If I have a problem with you, I'll just tell you." At that point or in the near future, they can decide if that is compatible with what they want...also, if they ask you to hang out the night-of, tell them that you'd prefer them to please plan it when they want to date you.

I had the same problem a while back. When I realized that it was so harmful to even look at it...I deleted my account altogether. You have to go through a lot of trouble to make a new one and not being able to sign in helps to just avoid the site altogether. Start thinking about other more important things...like your job.

I love how you justify the fact that the Australians hiijacked my thread. Lol, its okay though.

Its a good thing to be clean-cut. The trench coat sounds pretty cool although you might not want to wear it every day. Personally, if a guy is clean & attractive to me then it doesn't matter what he wears. If you look like topher grace, you're good to go!

I like the talent that comes from Australian music artists, lol.

Gosh, what are these differences? I have a feeling that this thread is going to die if everyone is afraid to talk about things. Speculation is speculation and if anything is untrue/unfair, I think most of us are mature enough to point that out. Not to mention that we'd all be operating under the assumption that this isn't scientifically or factually based but rather experience/assumption based.

You think? Well, up to a point I say bring it on! LOL PM me the differences...I'm personally curious.

Well, after the point that men have already asked and up to around the point that a relationship is mutually agreed upon, I think women tend to have a lot more power. But thats just based on my personal experience. I live life without asking anyone out. When someone asks me out, I rarely have enough emotional interest invested in him to care if he asks me out again or not- because I barely know him. It takes time for me to create interest...in the meantime, my time with him serves more as a test to see if he can even pique my interest enough to spend more time with him. This might play into why I tend to have a lot more power. Usually it comes out that the male it trying to please me more then visa versa. But that is only in the beggining. I tended to lose that power later on and an equal relationship began to take foothold.

I know a lot of ena'ers are from various places. Just for fun and with no scientific basis, I was wondering what you all thought might be some significant cultural differences between countries/cultures. For example, if you've been to America and are from the UK...are the men very different? You can also do subgroups within the US...for example, do mexican men have noticeable distinctions with their women that could be compared with american men?

Although, sometimes deppression results from too much selfishness...as has been in my case. When I started thinking of others and being helpful and kind and available it helped to cure my deppression.

I agree with the second poster! I'm so tired of the selfishness of people these days. Half of the American population comes from a divorced family. What you're presenting is inconcievably irresponsible. Yet, attitudes like this are incredibly prevelant...its a really sad and embarrassing example that my generation has been putting out. YOU should have thought about this beforehand. Now you are having a child. Get over yourself. And yes, hormones do make a woman a little crazy during pregnancy.

Honestly, being nice is an extremely attractive thing to be. If you're not attracting women, its for another reason NOT because you're nice. One thing I've learned is that guys who claim that they're nice aren't actually that nice. Usually they have low self esteem and are trying to pressure women to date them by whining about that. Truly nice guys are too humble to try to manipulate women into dating them by complaining that they are nice. I've been very annoyed by men with low self esteem trying to convince women that just because they're wimps, they're nice. Being a wimp and being nice are not the same thing. There are a lot of strong men who are nice that PLENTY of women are dying to have.

Like I said. Tell him you won't tolerate that kind of wishy washiness and that he has to choose.

I have to say I agree. He can't have his cake and eat it to. Also, its a form of control...you are forced to remain committed to someone who is in a sense is ambiguous about his commitment.

Personally, Id break it off . You are so young and to already have problems like this is not a good sign.

Honestly, I'm surprised by many of the male responses in this thread. Call me naive but I think more highly of most men then to see posts like this.

I met a guy like this. I didn't know him overly well and he treated me with respect in the time I knew him but it was really weird to know that he was involved with stripper/prostitute types in his past. It kind of makes me wonder if he has some issues with sexually objectifying women. I'd be freaked as well...its hard to trust with knowledge like this but you are the one who knows him best....

On the first part of your post...I don't think that we developed the sex=love connection from religion. First, I think that its not because of a sex=love connection that we view cheating as bad. Sex does not equal love...begginning with the Greeks we have examples of how there are different types of love. We also recognize that sex is practiced by people who are not in love. Sex creates a bond, but not necessarily a love-bond. Secondly, sexual infidelity is frowned on by many other cultures that do not have specifically the Judeo-Christian perspective. Polyamorous relationships do exist but I think they started from a deviation from social norms that became supported by dogma/doctrine that eventually allowed it to stay. So I think that its in the reverse. Cheating=wrong is normal, viewing cheating =not wrong is what is odd and must be supported by some sort of dogmatic mindset in an enclosed social system. The biological aspect makes more sense as to part of the reason why we view cheating as wrong. Mostly, though, I think that the people who made mention of the unique intimacy that takes place between lovers have it. Its impossible to have that sort of special, unique relationship without exclusivity because of the energy, attention, loyalty and sacrifice that is involved in it...I don't think its possible to give that sort of love to more then one person at a time...and also the passing of time often serves as a stronger and stronger seal to the bond. Any betrayal of intimacy is cheating. We speak of emotional intimacy...there is also the physical intimacy.