Special Fried Rice

Ok, this is where you really get to earn your keep. We went out for lunch again this week, which went really well. She let it be known that she was single, and asked me if I was seeing anybody (not yet ;-)). It went much better than the first one, and felt that we were beginning to relax a bit more with each other. So was left feeling quite optimistic. Went easy with the e-mails on Thursday (didn't want to over do it). Then today I took a deep breath and, after an initial "Hi, what you up to at the weekend" e-mail, asked her if she'd like to meet up outside of work at some point. To which she replied as follows: Re meeting outside of work - can we pause on that for now. Anyhow I say this, you will take it personally!!! But, in theory I have my son every other weekend. Most of the time in between is spent catching up with the things I can't do when he's with me - and I don't get to see the many people I've been meaning to see for some time. However, in reality, I rarely get a break - I'm not complaining, but the idea of adding to my lot at present is daunting. To add to it, I don't know what's happening here after next week and it's making my head spin. So, like I say, you will take it personally anyway, but it's not meant that way. I hope you have a good weekend, and once I know what is happening on the work front I can think a little clearer, but it's impossible to plan at the mo. Hope you understand. Now - don't go off and have a sulk!! (kidding) Perhaps we can grab another toastie next week To which I replied: Naturally I'm a bit disappointed but I know where you're coming from... so I hope you won't mind if I have just a little sulk on the way home. Seriously though, I know you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, so that's cool. But the offer's there, if you change your mind Look forward to another toastie next week. Hope you and [her son's name] have a good weekend, and don't play too rough with the children in the soft play area... remember you're a lot older than they are! I know you can't possibly tell, but do you think her reasoning is genuine, or was she just letting me down gently? We exchanged a few more light hearted e-mails after that, and she smiled and wished me a good weekend on her way out of the office. I really like her, and am prepared to hang around for a little while if there's a possibility that something might happen, but don't want to make a t*t out of myself. Any ideas/opinions anybody? SFR

Quick update. Today, after a week of chatting at work, e-mails, smiles etc (the usual stuff), SHE asked me to lunch for later in the week!!! Could be that she's just being friendly though, right? Assuming it doesn't go disasterously wrong, should I ask for an evening or weekend date afterwards, or leave it a little while before asking? SFR

Well, I'm actually somebody who's knocking on a bit now so I appreciate that a lot of women my age will have kids, and to be honest I'd love to have had kids myself by now, but it just hasn't worked out. I think if you find somebody you really like, who blows your socks off, then them having kids really isn't a problem. But I understand why mums might take extra care with guys who show an interest in them. Presumably I just have to take things really slowly, and not rush anything, and take things at her pace? SFR

Thinking about it... I show everybody at work pictures of my nieces and nephew, doesn't mean I fancy them all Thanks for your input, much appreciated. SFR

Quick question for the single mums out there... if there was a guy who you liked, and who liked you, would you still proceed with caution because of your children, perhaps more so than if you had no kids at all? Also, is showing a guy a picture of your children a significant step, or would you do this just to be friendly? SFR

Oh, they like her, but they had thought that I was barking up the wrong tree (I still might be) and that I shouldn't waste my time chasing after her. In fact, the girl I like actually comes accross to chat to my two female confidants, so perhaps I could ask them to start singing my praises?

So, Monday morning and I'm at the sandwhich van that pulls up outside our office every morning, and suddenly there she is, right behind me and joking that I'm emptying the van. So we have a quick chat and she tells me a bit about her weekend. A bit later I send her an e-mail (even though the girls at work would kill me, but hey, it's my life!) and she sends one back. Shortly after she turns up at my desk and shows me a picture of her little boy, and we have a nice friendly little chat (lots of smiles and laughs). A couple more e-mails, amongst which she tells me that she's still not happy at work, and that she might be leaving at the end of the month. Now, get this... I tell her "Don't leave without giving me your mobile number first!" How brave am I?! She said "Will do" and that she'd keep me informed. To be honest I wouldn't mind too much if she DID leave work, as it would make things easier, in a strange way. So surely she must now realise that I like her a bit more than just being a friend at work? SFR

I understand where you're coming from, BUT... this girl has a baby and thereforeeee arranging something for after work might prove to be a bit tricky, particularly at first. I'll give it a go though. (The girls I work with have urged me to stop e-mailing her and to not waste my time with her anymore, but I'm not so sure. Seems a bit daft doing that if I still like her, and want to keep things friendly. Perhaps just the one e-mail to her every now and again, and friendly chats whenever we run into each other at the office?)

Update: So I e-mailed her on Thursday to ask how her meeting went, and she said that she wasn't happy with how it had gone, and that she wouldn't give me the details on e-mail but would save them for another time. I replied to her e-mail, keeping it light hearted, and told her to let me know if she wanted to lunch again next week. To which I heard.... nothing. She's still smiling and waving hello and goodbye at work, but I'm not getting anything else from her. I've been advised not to send anymore e-mails, which I did today (not send any, that is). What's going on? She has yet to initiate any contact and I'm beginning to think that she ain't all that fussed about me. But I've kinda asked her out again, to which I got no reply, and yet still the big smiles and waves. I'm confused, and don't really know what I should do next. Should I just leave the ball in her court? Surely she must know that I like her by now. How long should a guy chase a girl before giving up? ](*,) SFR

Lukewarm? Are you kidding? She's lovely. Reckon I'm going to have to take it easy and not push too much for a second date just yet. Another day or two, see how it goes with her at work, and then take it from there. This is the trouble with liking somebody at work: I'm always paranoid about making a nuisance out of myself. SFR

I'm 96. Only joking. I'm actually old enough to know better (nearly 36). I don't know what I was expecting as this is the first time I've ever been out on a date that didn't involve alcohol and the possibility of a 'coffee' afterwards. I did invite her back to the office for a coffee after the date, but it's not quite the same, is it, when you have to make coffee for the entire team as well as your 'date'! In all seriousness, I guess I was expecting fireworks. I think my expectations were just too high. What do you think about me e-mailing her tomorrow afternoon, just to see how her meeting went? (She had a meeting with her boss to discuss her future/role in her department (so maybe she was a bit preoccupied with that?)). SFR

Just had a first (lunch) date with a girl from work, and am left feeling a bit deflated. Not quite sure why as we had a good chat, and started to relax into it and started making her laugh. What should I expect from a first date? It's been a while since I've been on a proper first date, as other recent ones have been with ex girlfriends who I've just dived in with. This is a new girl, and so I'm not quite sure what to expect. Also, we haven't arranged a second lunch date yet? Should I wait a little while before suggesting a second date? I told her afterwards that I'd like to do it again, and she said that that would be ok, and I got a smile and a wave goodbye from her when she left the office this evening, so how come I feel so flat about it? SFR

Eager? Do you think so? Don't know what I'll wear on Tuesday. I could wear my work clothes... a Ted Baker suit, with a nice tie (slightly undone), cufflinks and black shoes. OR, I could go for the full works and wear my black leather chaps, cowboy hat, and Brokeback Mountain t-shirt. What do you think?

Update: Well, after not hearing anything from her yesterday, today I decided to send her an e-mail, to say hi, and to ask her what she was up to at the weekend. 2 seconds later she appeared in front of me and started chatting to me (embarrassing, as I could all but feel the draught, caused by all my colleagues' ears flapping, on the back of my neck). She followed that up a little while later with an e-mail telling me about her plans for the weekend, and then asked me about mine. I told her what I was up to, and then, at the end of my e-mail I asked her if she'd like to go to lunch next week. To cut a not-very-long story short, we're going to lunch together next Tuesday. And on her way out of the office tonight she visibly swerved to come close to my desk, smiled her big smile at me, said goodnight, and wished me a good weekend. I've a good feeling about this girl, although I'll take things nice and easy, and will just spend the hour I'll have with her on Tuesday to get to know her better, and then take it from there. SFR

Right, I'm going to reply to your thread for a change ;-) You know my story I think, but back in September I went to a singles night, and on the back of that I went out on four dates, with four different girls within the space of a month. None of them really lit my candle, and so I didn't bother seeing them anymore. A girlfriend (that's a friend who's a girl, not a girlfriend) tried to set me up with a friend of hers a couple of weeks later, but I told her I was suffering from dating fatigue, which, as strange as it sounds, I was. I'd just had enough, and so I decided to just not bother for however long it took for me to be interested in somebody. It's ok to not fancy anybody at a particular point in time, because sooner or later we all know that somebody will turn up who really floats your boat. It's just a waiting game. Were it not for the girl at work who I like (you know about that one Afonselaca ;-) then January would be a very barren period for me too, but it wouldn't worry me too much. Wipe the slate clean, get yourself together, and ready for the next lucky fella who walks/stumbles/falls into your life. Just have a little faith that it'll happen, probably when you least expect it. Me, I've been least expecting it for some time now, so any minute the love of my life is going to turn up at my door!