Caterina

Proud of you. Some people wait much longer then five years.

Some thoughts...It depends on the way people choose to react to knowledge. On its own, I think historical knowledge is much more beneficial for humanity then destructive. Of course, all of our historical accounts are going to be biased but I think every little bit of input has a way of getting us closer to greater truths about mankind and how to possibly function closer and closer to worthy and even achievable ideals. Some people choose to take things personal instead of leaning on solely understanding the whole conceptual idea behind trying to become a better people. The Japanese did a lot to our grandparents. However, a large following of our generation and also the young Japanese generation these days also seem to share a mutual admiration because of the different spins that each of the cultures take on similar values. If we look at history, we have a reason to hate every human being on this planet. You might pick and choose to feel that way because you've decided to take the past personally instead of looking at it in a solely scholarly way...it is easier and easier for people to look at history with an objective view if they are further away from it...something has made you take the past resentment/pain of our nation and choose to feel it...this is a reaction that has a poetic quality to it but when it comes to practicalities with our true idealistic, philosophical goals when studying history actually fails.

I don't know what planet you're from, but in mine there are a lot of hot shy people. Shyness does not come from ugliness.

All of you make interesting points. Perhaps when people are attached to one another...there is a degree of delusion about who the other person is. They might construct positive characteristics and place them onto the abuser despite the fact that they never were really there. The victim focuses on the percieved/imagined "good" traits of the abuser and also has hope for the good to one day somehow triumph over the evil in that person. Also, when people choose to fall in love...they fall in love with the person for the person, so that includes the good and bad. Although that doesn't completely account for the times we fall out of love with people because experience taught us that person is bad...so its still something I dno't know the answer to. What makes us so attached to one person but less attached to another? I think thats connected to why whether or not the person makes us happy is sometimes relavent to propelling us to leave and sometimes not relevant at all.

So you're turning thirty...so what? Your life is just beggining. This isn't the homefront at the turn of the century...there is still no hurry to get hitched. You are a Christian- perhaps God has given this special time to you so that you aren't caught up in the pain and distractions that keep one's focus off of Him when in a relationship. Don't worry over what you can't control...if you are making efforts to put yourself into social circles, the oppurtunities for romance will arise. Calm down and like a previous poster said, focus on helping others...there is no other contentment and peace like that which comes when we are truly needed. Find people in need and help them...trust me, they're EVERYWHERE.

She's at the very least on some basic level attracted to you. Don't know if she's hesitant about actually acting on that though.

I've noticed that in post-breakup mode a lot of people tend to still struggle with emotional pain despite practical reasons for why they shouldn't. For instance, if someone was abused...instead of rejoicing at their freedom, they will still mourn over the loss of this person who did nothing but humiliate and disrespect them. If they were cheated on, they still want the lover who betrayed their trust back...and face further and further rejection and humiliation. When they come here looking for solace, there isn't much to say other then the practicalities that state that they are now in a better place then they would have been with an abusive person. They can't separate their emotions from what is best for them...but shouldn't their emotions naturally result in wanting what is best for them? I mean, people don't take pleasure in pain, or do they? My question is...why do you think that people still miss someone who treated them terribly?

No matter what you do, because you met this guy you are going to feel pain. Now, someone who says things that hurt you that badly: do you want to be around that for the rest of your life? You can either go through the excriating pain of knowing its not going to work out and break up or you can go through a prolonged pain of having to put up with verbal abuse over a long period of time.

She has baggage. Everyone does but its difficult to tell at this point whether she is going to get over it enough to focus on having a good relationship with someone else. I say relax and see where this goes...its not like you are thinking of marriage at this very second. If things turn for the worse, you'll know then. Are you interested in her? If you are, keep dating.

Relax. He might not be ready to kiss you yet even if he likes you.

I've noticed that a lot of guys are only interested in me because one person was originally interested in me. Meaning, most guys only like me because one guy liked me. Otherwise, if no initial person chooses to like me, no one does. Do you think its true that men are usually only attracted to someone that they know other people like?

I can understand that. SHE'S not ready to trust. The guy pretty much made her reevaluate whether or not she ever wants to be in a relationship. Time is the only way she will heal of this and you just need to keep being nice to her but DO NOT PRESSURE HER. Also, make yourself less available. She's not ready right now and so your presense will probably create negative associations instead of the positive ones you hope for.

LOL thats funny to read...but probably was hard for you!

That might be true. siiigh, i've dissappointed a lot of men who thought that I'd be in Greece or something on my weekends instead of what I do every weekend...enjoy myself in my apartment with a BOOK!

Well, I've always hated it if a guy put me on a pedastal before he even knew what I was all about. Don't elevate someone before you get to know them. Take this time to get to know them. Its not just you who is going to be evaluated for compatiblity in this situation here.

Well, they may be pleasurable because its someone who is sitting there, listening to you, devoted to you and all your mess and trying to work things out with you...but its like paying for a friend without the friend really loving you. As far as I'm concerned, they are really just another person. I mean, counting on them to help you is bound to create a disappointment unless you stumble on a particularly competent human being. Being a psychiatrist alone doesn't mean much in my book.

You should have more control of your emotions. Women like to feel special and falling for just anyone because they are a girl without knowing much about them isn't very romantic.

It could happen but by then you might be over her yourself. Do you really want to wait around for that? She may or may not realize the mistake she made but the thing is that she is sticking with her mistake right now and the only thing you can do is move on or allow this to tear you apart.

You seem to hit a little bit on it, but we have to keep in mind that our mentality should have a fine balance. Meaning, optimism is also a good thing that also has the potential to have negative effects if done in excess. There is nothing wrong with a positive mindset...I prefer to say that Hope is a very wonderful thing to have. However, when the situation is bleak, it isn't good to try to convince/brainwash ourselves about it as though it isn't what it is. Sadness and discontentment are healthy in their own ways because they propell us to achieve and to improve if taken correctly. Mindset should be determined, and yes, positivism is a great thing to help us stay healthy as long as we don't look at everything through superficially positive eyes. A lot of times, very optimistic people can also be grating because they are very naive about the cruelties of dealing with the real world. Although, needless worrying is also a very dangerous thing. I definetly agree that not beating ourselves up over what we cannot control in order to achieve inner peace is a good thing.

Did you fall in love with an Indian girl that turned you down or something? It sounds like you have issues with women, especially Indian girls for some reason.

He might be truly happy for you. I had a relationship that ended because of ideological differences. I would have been happy with him otherwise. I was sad to see it end mainly because he didn't deserve to be alone. Well, he soon had someone else and I was happy to see him happy.

Some women are born without hymens. Also, women who do have hymens can break them while bike riding and as a previous poster said, riding horses. I think that there are some precautions people should make when thinking about having sex with someone because its obviously something that has great meaning to a lot of people. Anyways, this is an interesting topic because it brings up the problems that arise when men try to control women through idiomatic rules, as has been done in the past.

I've seen girls a lot heavier then I am get lots of men after them. Usually they have curves...meaning that they don't have the "apple" look. Personally, I'm heavier then some of the ones mentioned...I'm 5'6" @ 140-155. I usually wear a size ten but sometimes I wear a size 12. But I get a LOT of men after me so I don't complain about my weight too often. As long as there are guys out there attracted to me, I'm fine. For some reason I'm not even attracted to a guy unless he's shown some attraction to me anyways so thats perfectly okay with me. Not only that but I often wear thick glasses. Its really odd, but more guys hit on me when I wear my nerd glasses then when I'm without them! I think that they're intimidated by me without my glasses. Its kind of funny, but I have also noticed that a lot of really skinny nerdy guys tend to go out with women bigger then them. I always thought it was funny but it goes to show that there can't be a total standard in the direction of a demand that women be skinny. But attraction is weird...there are some guys I find very attractive that my girlfriends are like, "ooh gurrl no way," to. There are other guys that many many women are attracted to...like johnny depp or brad pitt...so the qualites that they have should be looked at to at least come up with some conventional standards for what is beautiful. By the same token (and its been said before) all men have their preferences. Some men really like skinny women. Other men are glad that those men like skinny women so that curvy/normal/obese/overweight/athletic/muscular women are free for them. Its like what my little sister once said. One of my sisters said to her, "Look at all these pretty girls settle for these ugly guys," and my sister said, "hey thats fine with me, save all the hotties for me!" Maybe there are no standards for attractiveness. A lot of people are attracted to Angelina Jolie but hey a lot of women are attracted to Jack Black...you can't deny it...and he's overweight. Basically we can look at numbers but people are just going to like what they like...don't worry about the ones who DON'T like you...be happy with the ones who DO. Galaxy, I saw your pic and I don't think you're ugly at all. Some people don't care about looks altogether at all. Some people are attracted by a person's personality alone.

Rofl, thats funny.

I don't really know. I don't know what would be compatible with me or even what I'm looking for. I mean, I could list attributes/flaws and say that I'm attracted or repelled by these but I don't know myself well enough for that either, I guess. Some thoughts: If it came to having a partner that understands me, that would be amazing...so I'd definetly date myself for that. The things I find especially unattractive in others are things I probably struggle with myself. I can be a bit stubborn. I have a bit of a temper, although its quite infrequent. I am really nice to myself when it comes to describing my flaws, lol. I also tend to be attracted to NEW things. I already have a basic understanding of myself...I'm not sure if I could fascinate myself unless my myself had lived an entirely different life then I did and just kept the basic genetic make-up stuff. I like mysterious men and I'm not mysterious. I do like that I could share the same interests with myself and that we'd be able to double my intellectual pursuits and have the same goals in mind.