SouthernSon

Sounds simply like someone is not over the ex.

PM me if you like and I'll give it a try.

heh, I hear this sort of scenario more often than you might think. In fact a friend of mine is sorta in the same situation. He and his g/f have been together for about 3 years now and they made the mistake of talking about their previous sex partners. The problem? She's had several guys; she was his first. He is the type of guy that he wants to bang a lot of women, especially asians for some reason. They have no children, however I do not interfere in their relationship. From a third person point of view, it is obvious he wants to go have sex with other women and I think it's disgusting and dishonorable since he has a great woman with him now that has had to put up with a lot of BS and gives more than he does. Quite simply, he is immature but she is not. For the life of me I can't understand what the deal is with people who have carnal desires of wanting to go around and have sex with all these different people, especially those that feel like they "missed out" at some point in their life. Why? What is going to be so great about have sex with this person? You think it's going to be different? How? Do you think that a possible difference in how a person has sex is going to make ending your current relationship all worth it? Here's a newsflash for anyone who might be reading this...practically everyone "feels the same" when you're having sex. Yeah yeah, I realize everyone is a little different in some ways, but for the most part it's all the same. We are all humans...we all have the same genitals.

Please, do not use the word "love" in your email, nor in any conversation so early in your relationship (if it develops into one more serious) when describing you'd like to do something. Example: "I'd love to go hang out with you, etc." , "I'd love to spend more time with you." , "I'd love to etc., etc." Seriously, I've been on the receiving end of this several times before in previous relationships where girls would phrase their sentences in such a manner and trust me, I knew exactly what they were thinking and no, I did not feel the same way so early in our relationship. There are plenty of other words to use besides the word 'love'.

I realize this is mainly a female discussion, but I did want to caution on using Mitchum. It's designed so that you only need to apply it like once every 2-3 days. The way it accomplishes this is by practically shrinking up your skin pores so tightly that it can last that long. I of course have never used it, but from a health standpoint, I'd caution on using it at all. Believe it or not, sweating in that area is a healthy activity for your body. If you suddenly stopped sweating there, you should be worried. I personally wouldn't use something that can clog your pores for several days.

Could it be in the realm of possibility that the local "catch" that is available to him, well, the "catch" doesn't find him appealing as he thought? All I'm saying is that if he is partying with girls there...I mean seriously, what guys will party without girls being there? Come on, a big sausage fest? No thanks, why would guys want to go party at something like that? You need to get him to communicate better. Not everyone can make a long-distance relationship work.

I'll agree that there is always two sides to every story, same thing DN was saying. This isn't really advice I guess, but personally if I were in that position and my spouse were doing all that, divorce would have already happened. I don't put up with BS like that. I trust my partner whole-heartedly and in turn I realize they are trusting me. I will do everything possible to never make them rethink that trust and cheating is extremely dishonorable in my eyes. If I give my word, I give it for good and never go back on it.

ZEM: I have been where you are now. Not so much really as "wanting to get off the bus", but rather not having anyone at all and being in a new strange place to live. That does take guts, in more ways than one. At the time I didn't think much of it, but now I realize I took a big risk in doing what I did. This may not rank as high as what you're going through, but in my opinion, you need to learn to appreciate yourself. Sometimes tuning out the world all around us and listening to ourselves instead is useful. Try to get away from the city for a while if you live there and stay out in the country in the middle of nowhere for a while. It may not make much sense but if you are patient, nature will show its beauty to you in so many ways. The problems we have today lies in the root of what people in the cities want...always living in the 'fast lane', wanting to try out new fads, new ideas that make no sense, climbing a ridiculous social ladder....sorry but it just isn't worth it a lot of times. Doing all that just to look good in the eyes of other people? No thanks, because I personally don't give a damn what those other people think of me. I do care about what I think about myself. You think you're a waste? You think you have no purpose? I beg to differ, you know why? The very fact that you posted this topic here indicates that you have not even come close to convincing yourself that what you say is true. You don't want to believe that and you shouldn't. In the late 1930s and early 1940s, the Nazis viewed plenty of Jews and Soviet POWs as the waste you describe...I would be more than happy to show you some very explicit pictures of what they did to people they thought were wastes of lives. These are not Hollywood type pictures that you see on TV or even in the movies...trust me, Hollywood does not have the guts to show the REAL pictures of the atrocities that happened in that time. Also, to somewhat correct myself, it was not the Nazis alone that committed a lot of those atrocities...there was wrong done all sides, but of course, history writes who the worst of them were and today we associate that word with pure evil. But I digress I'm getting off topic a bit here... You are not a waste. I'd be willing to bet that you've got a hobby or something that really interests you that another person would enjoy learning themselves. I am also willing to bet that your day-to-day life might be a little too monotonous. Work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. Instead, trying going to a bookstore and reading instead, or find a club to take up a new hobby. I won't lie and tell you it'll be easy, you will have to make a little effort, but it can make a really big difference.

From a male perspective, I can tell you that if a daughter of mine was ever in need of consoling or needed to talk, it doesn't matter if I'm healthy, on my deathbed or getting shot at. I'm going to be there for her until I take my last breath. It's hard to describe the feelings men have in protecting their daughters and ensuring no harm comes to them and that they only want the best for them. I agree...talk to your dad instead of talking about him.

You've just answered your own question.

I have to agree with you Iceman. If my fiance were doing that on a regular basis, there would be some big problems. Perhaps CJ's b/f is more open, that is certainly a possibility, but I can tell you that out of all the friends and couples I've ever known, none of them, zip, zero, zilch, ever allowed that sort of thing to go on in their relationship.

In my opinion, this is the equivalent of a guy asking his g/f if his penis size is big enough and if he measures up ok compared to other men she's been with. A little crude, but similar. It really doesn't help the situation.

A couple things here.... First, I don't think she's interested. Second, it sounds like you came on too strong. I mean, you come straight out of the blue and just ask her out. She doesn't know you from Adam. You need to start in with small talk. For example, you see her coming down the hall and instead of straight up asking her out, start by saying "Hi, you know I see you around here a lot and I just figured you live in the dorm...I've been meaning to introduce myself." (Yes, you already know she lives there, that isn't the point...the point is to make small talk) Then say "I'm ninjakid944"...then she'll reply "Hi I'm Melissa". Then follow-up with something else...I mean heck you're in college, you have PLENTY of things to chat about to make small talk, like what she's majoring in, how does she like her profs...tell her about a prof of yours you hate or can't stand or is terribly hard...warn her never to get in that prof's class...have a laugh over it or something. Near the END of the convo, then ask her something along the lines of "Would you mind at all if maybe I called you up some time...or well, I guess since you live in the dorm so close maybe meet up at snack machine to chat a bit?" Think of something witty because it sounds like you can do that easily. Good luck.

Kyoshiro: You've got some good advice coming here. Here's some input that I hope you will find useful. I was just like...no scratch that...I WAS YOU when I was younger. I was just like that...I always hoped to catch the eye of an attractive girl in my youth...I dreamed of it. Well it started to happen and on a very regular basis too. What did I do? Well I rarely reciprocated...I don't even know why really. That's one thing I wished I would have done was go up to them and ask them out because I already knew for a fact that they liked me. I had girls that wanted to literally get me into bed and go at it with me...and not any hags either, these were very attractive young women. But nothing happened with a majority of them. *sigh* Well that's in the past and I can't change that now but I'll always remember that. Look, I'm going to be very blunt here and hopefully it might get you to snap into action fast. Your profile says you're 32...is this correct? Look man, you are NOT getting any younger. You need to change the way you act around women NOW...not in another year, not when you're 35 or 40...NOW! First off, a table of women checking you out?! Holy cow man...think about this for a second. You could have possibly had your pick of any of those hot ladies. It's possible maybe they weren't all interested in you, but you don't know that for sure now do you? You know why? Because you didn't go make a little small talk with them. Let me give you an example of what I would do if I were in your position and a table of sexy women were checking me out... They all look over and smile at me? I look back, give a nice big smile. Maybe they might wave ...hell don't even worry about that...instead of seeing if they wave, I'd take a little initiative and I'll wave first. Wait for them to wave back. If they are within earshot, I'd probably ask them if they'd mind if I joined them? In all likelihood they'll very much want me to join them, so I'll pull up a chair. Great! Now I deserve a little reward for being a little confident in myself and taking a little step into the unknown. So for 5 seconds as I pull up my chair to the table, I fantasize about these 4 gorgeous ladies naked and pawing all over me at once, their sweet perfumes and the smells of their hair draping on my body completely intoxicating me while I let them have their way with me....oh yeah. \ Now back to reality because that's highly unlikely to happen. So I'll ask them "how are you fine ladies doing today?" They'll likely ask me how I am in return, so here's my chance to flirt a little bit. I could answer "doing just fine", but that's kinda boring, so I'll choose instead to say something like "well today didn't start out so well but things are really looking up now", or something similar. Likely they'll all smile at that response, maybe I could ask them what brings them here today or maybe instead "so what coincidence has allowed me to grace the company of you 4 beautiful ladies today?" Hopefully this might make them blush a little bit, in which case, great. The other plus to saying this is that you've communicated to them you think they're all attractive so now you've sorta put the ball back in their court to flirt back a little with you. After that I'd just see where the conversation went. Of course be courteous and introduce yourself and get their names as well. So to summarize Kyo...stop worrying about if your hair is perfect or if there is food on your shirt somewhere. Just keep being yourself. The only suggestion I might make is when you are out in public like that to carry around some cinnamon mints or something just in case your breath could kill a squirrel at 50 yards. Don't worry about anything else, but you have got to take a little chance and just make small talk with strangers, even attractive women. I know it's a tough job talking to sexy ladies, but someone's gotta do it. We just need you to step and say "YES! I WILL talk to these women!" Btw, shaking like Ricky Martin isn't all that bad if you get my drift.

First, I think part of the problem lies with your perception of life, but mainly your perception of yourself. If you think you're a loser and you think no woman deserves you, then that's what you'll get. People do give off "vibes" in a way and different people are able to pick up on them better than others. Second, in my experince in life so far, I've found some of the following to be true... -Girls at young ages do tend to like the macho, badass type guys. Why? I don't know really because I'm not female but my best guess is that they see these types of guys as the "alpha male"; they act tough, command respect (or at least try to) among others, have a somewhat high social status among a group of friends, etc. However those types of guys also realize what they have and so many people do not realize how power in even the smallest form can corrupt a person, thus they sometimes treat their women badly at that stage in life. Most girls tend to grow out of this and change the type of guy they're looking for...some don't and always stick with those 'bad boy' types in life. -I have learned that some people enjoy living in the past. For example, my high school graduating class has a rather large number of people who always stick around remembering old times like they were yesterday and of course remembering themselves in the same manner, when in fact today is the present and they are NOT the same person even though they try to be. Seriously, a person my age ( 27-28 ) acting like a damn 16 year old? That isn't mature and these people simply aren't. They don't want to grow up. True high school was some fun times for me, but I had to move on with my life because I realized one day it was all over and I have to start out on my own now. Some people try to extend this perpetually as much as possible by staying in college for as long as they can. I've seen this trend prevalent among guys in some fraternities who just love partying so much that they purposely get terrible grades so they have to take classes all over again and get held back...the "super seniors" we've come to call them. Hell right now my fiance has a friend (female) who is sorta the same way...she loves partying and drinking a lot and she loves doing it with the people she knows at college. She has never had a real job of any kind and she relies on mommy and daddy to pay all her credit card balances, which they do. When she must eventually strike out on her own it isn't going to be easy for her. -People who "live" in college receive less and less respect by others as time goes on. If you're still in college when you're 30 and you started when you were 18-19, seriously, what kind of life is that? I mean, have a goal like getting a degree and moving on. The only continued respect you might receive will be from the staff and professors at the college. People will respect you more when you get out in the "real world"...sorry but continuing to be a career student at a college for the purpose of trying to continue living those glory years is not living in the real world. I'm sure others might disagree with me, but that's what I've observed from life so far.

From the sounds of your post it seems she has her choice of many various "fish in the sea", which happens to include you. I think you need to evaluate if she is worth the amount of time you might have to wait and find out if you're her first choice or wait and find out if you don't mind being the second, third, fourth, etc. choice on her list. Perhaps you should cast your own line and find out what fish you can catch instead. It will get your mind off her for a while and give you a breath of fresh air, so to speak.

Perhaps both of you should try TALKING about it instead of wondering 'what did this mean?'

This might not exactly be the sort of answer you're looking for, but it is prudent advice and you seem old enough and mature enough to hear it. I don't know what country or what state you live in if you live in the U.S., but in my state, such acts that are of a sexual abuse nature or perhaps bordering on rape are certainly permissible for the victim to use force and in some instances lethal force to stop the attack. I'm sure you understand what I mean when I say this...there are too many instances of women getting raped in our country that if they were only packing heat I wonder how many men would actually be stupid enough to try and continue the attempt to rape them. They would literally have to have a deathwish in order to do so. Anyway...you need to understand that you have a right to privacy in your own home regardless if its a house or an apartment or an apartment that your family happens to own. It is still YOUR home. Sorry but as I said this advice was not the "go try family counseling sessions" sort of answer you might expect to receive. You need to face the facts and reality and that is that there are people in this world who will simply not get it through their thick skulls to stop invading people's homes or violating them in the manner you posted. It's great when you have family or friends to stand up and back you up for support, but you have to stand up for yourself first because there will be times in your life no one else will.

Go for it man. Let us know how it turns out.

I would have to agree with some of the previous responses. Personally I would not want to have a relationship with a woman who had a child and again I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from on this. The activities thing is a good idea, but I will again say that you really need to try and work on getting over your shyness. Try just starting up small talk conversations with people in the checkout line at a grocery store. It will help build up your confidence and pretty soon you can make small talk with hot guys you see. I've been in your position before. I was new to a large city and literally had no one...no g/f, no friends, no nobody. It was very lonely for a long while. But I rediscovered some various activities like various shooting sports and firearms in general and met some great people that way. I didn't meet my current fiance in that manner, but it helped me develop a better personality I think. I'll also suggest internet personal ads. Give them a try too.

My input: Step up to the plate and do it in person. Don't hide behind the computer screen over IM to do it. Have some confidence in yourself...TRUST ME, lots of women like it when guys are confident and have direction of some kind in life. This is one way to build up your own self-esteem. Suppose you do ask her out (in person) and she says no. Ok, you haven't lost anything...in fact you've still gained something! You've just proven you can take the risk and step up to the challenge of asking her out on the spot. If you want to go for something a little more subtle, why not just ask if she'd mind if you could call her sometime? If she replies "why not just IM me?" you can say "Oh the computer is just too impersonal for me...I'd rather actually get to TALK to you". Make sure to smile when you say all that. Please give it a try...I'm cheering for you and I'm sure we'd all like to hear how it turns out.

Look, you both being shy isn't going to get you anywhere. It's entirely possible he's just trying to keep up with his work at the bar. Smile at him when making eye contact...that's usually a great place to start. If he reciprocates, start up a conversation. What to talk about? I have no idea, so think of something before you go there in case it does happen. Just try to keep a couple of topics in mind to get started and let things go from there. Yes, I'm suggesting YOU take some initiative.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. In my opinion, wondering if she's staring at you and then wondering even more if she's interested in you still, and then wondering again if she wants to get back together...sorry that's about the same to me as waiting by the phone endlessly for someone to call. Move on, try to meet other women in your group or elsewhere. You aren't committed, you aren't exclusive, your options are plenty so show everyone who you are and have fun.

Hey man I know where you're coming from. I lived in a small town a lot of my life and I suppose I was lucky that there were plenty of females around, but the situation could have easily been worse. Maybe you could make regular trips to a nearby city and start checking out who all is available over there. Or maybe give internet personal ads a try...you never know. I'm just trying to come up with options to get your mind focused on other stuff.

My 2 cents... I'm pretty tall, slightly over 6'. For some reason I've always been attracted to shorter girls, like below 5'5"...I don't know why. Been that way since my teenage years and it's still with me today. Of course right now I have a lovely woman who is about 5'9", but I'm not that picky. Usually shorter girls of that height are lightweights, tending to hover around 100 lbs. sometimes. I always liked giving them a big hug and just picking them up like that and bringing them eye-level...pretty easy to kiss that way. Maybe you could see if your b/f will do that?