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Okay so I thought I would update the situation just so the people here who offered help/advice could know whats going on. First I decided that is was best to let this go, not just for me but for her too. I had left her a message apolagizing for being so demanding and upseting her (I know she was upset by the tone in her voice) and also telling her that all that mattered to me was that she is with me now. Later that night (when she got off work) she called me and said she was glad that I was able to realize that the past doesn't matter since whatever we do together is something new to her and she cherishes every moment she spends with me. She said she loved me then we left it at that (since I had to go to sleep for work, and she was just getting home from work). I kept coming back to this thread reading everyones advice and just trying my best to take it in. I know I was being very naive and selfish by thinking that just becasue she did something before, then it wasn't something new to her. But then when I was thinking like this, I tried to think about what is "new" for her. I realized that she had never told someone she loved them before, but she says it to me and that's new. I realized that she never thought about having a future with someone, but she wants one with me. I realized that although we had sex before each other, when we are together it is something new because we are "connected" on such a higher level. I kept going like this for a while, and then realized that I was just being so stupid with how I was acting before this. So anyways, I was being really stupid and immature earlier this week with my thoughts and with some of the things I was saying. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the tips/advice, because they really helped me realize that which I needed to realize. The past IS just that, the past. No need to live in it or worry about it, since what matters is now. And right now she's with me, and wants to experiecne all these things with me since there are so many feelings/emotions attached to these experiences when there with each other. Thanks again.

A Memory Box filled with ticket stubs, flowers, and other things from nights we went out. She made me a letter box to keep all the letters and cards she made me. I also just made her a Memory album for Christmas, filled with some of our pictures from the past 2 years. She made me a painting last year for an anniversary (we used to celebrate everymonth together) and I made her a "slump" (it's melted glass ontop of a mirror to look like art). Anything that she makes and puts her effort into will be something he will cherish. Even if she just goes out and buys him something, it will still be something he cherish's. Some "smaller" things that my g/f and I have made for each other on anniversaries include: CD's, picture frames, sculptures, videos, poems, and drawings/doodles (usually from classe's that we get bored in). Those are just some ideas.

Well you don't have to be "in love" with someone for it to not hurt when they leave. You cared for him, and that's more than enough to make it hurt when he was out of the picture. When does the pain stop? No one knows. Some people still feel the pain of a lost "love" (or person they cared about) for years after the break. Some only feel the pain for a few days. Even some only feel it for a few hours. Everyone is different and it just depends on how that person "innertwined" into your life. The more the person was "in" your life, the longer it takes for those hurt feelings to go away. The only way to help the pain stop faster is to keep yourself and your mind busy as much as possible. The less you think about the past events, the less "pain" you feel in the present. It's almost a form of supression, but it is a way of helping you get over that person so you can move on with your life and find that happiness again you had before that person.

Well the best thing to do is keep yourself active enough to were your mind stops thinking about her. Try working out everytime you start to feel the way you do, and keep working out until you feel better. After your workout you will feel so releaved and tired that you won't even have time to think about things again. Another thing that helps is talking about her with friends until you get bored with the subject. For some this really helps, since once you get tired of the subject it helps you realize that your moving on. Keeping a journal works just as well, plus it allows you to write down all your emotions/feelings to help "vent". All I can say is you just got to keep your mind busy and "out there" so it doesn't have time or energy to think about how things "were", but thinks about how things are going to be.

Being an F-Buddy includes hanging out with someone just for sex. Any type of sex will do, but that's what the whole "friendship" is based on. Some guys and girls will have a couple F-Buddies, so it isn't the best thing to consider when someone brings this idea up. Some people are exclusive F-buddies, like when my g/f and I broke up we remained just F-buddies since we knew we didn't want that from anyone else, and just wanted a break from a relationship. There is some room for a friendship, but most of the time it's really one-sided. Usually one person wants more than the other (like one wanting more sex or time with the other, or one starting to get "attached" to the other). The only way most of these relationships work is for people that are almost in a LD situation, so the only time they acutally see each other for sex during a visit. I had a few F-buddies a while ago, but those relationships had to end once I started thinking about how many other guys were there as well (like if I told one of the girls I couldn't see her, she would just say she would call someone else then), and some of them started to get attached and wanted things to lead to a relationship. Some people use these "friendships" to build up to a relationship, although it seems a bit backwards. Some girls I knew said it was easier to be in a no-commitment sex friendship to see how much they liked being around a guy, and if feelings arise then they take it to the next level. If not, well then at least there getting there sexual needs fulfilled by someone until they do find another person. Like most people have said, these relationships aren't really worth the time and effort since they only confuse most people. Like ticlebug mentioned, these relationships don't give you the "drive" to want to find a person to spend your time with, since all your sexual needs are being filled, and you are still free of "worries" that come with being in a relationship. Well that's all I have on this right now, since I'm writing a novel on it, so I'll stop here and see what other people have to say.

I think the one thing that is eating me up, and making my mind go crazy is what I may hear if I do ask her more about her past. The reason why is because I can only think of one other possiblity that she would keep a secret, which would be "group sex". I also think that I'm thinking that is the possiblity so much becasue that is the one secret I'm keeping from her. I was thinking about telling her the reason why I'm "stressin" over this so much is because that's the only thing that she would keep a secret from me, and I'm keeping that secret from her. But as some of you have pointed out, I don't know how I would react to what I hear about from her, and if would cause me to "look" at her differently. I don't want this to become a dilema/problem, and I'm trying to not let it be. I know that it's best to just let it go, but I'm very stubborn when I'm curious, but I'm trying my best to just let it go. I talked to her this morning for a bit and told her that I felt like I needed to talk to her about something. She already knew what it was about, since she said "is it about what I've done?" and I said "yeah". She said that she feels that whats in our past is in our past, and that although we both have experienced things before, when we do them together it's still a "new" experience. Like last night, she said although she had tried it before when we did it, it was new for her. Her past experience was something she didn't like, was forced into, and only lasted a few seconds. With me she said it was "new" becasue she was comfertable, ready for it, and wanted to share this with me, so everything was new and it felt like a new experience. After hearing her say that, I do realize that I really need to let this go, and not care about it since she (and everyone here) is right. What's done is done, and everything we do together is a cherished moment and a "new" experience for both of us. Anyways, she said we'll talk a bit more tonight, sicne we both had to leave for work and end the convo, but I think I'm just going to tell her that I'm done with this issue and will just let it go. I know that she really wants me to let it go too, since hearing about each others past could change our relationship, and most likely in a bad way.

Yeah thanks everyone for your thoughts. Your all right too, and after sleeping on it I realized the same thing. I don't need to know her past, just as she doesn't need to know mine. What we did is left there, and we are happy to be with each other and share the moments we have with each other. I also figured that this is more like her "first" time trying it, since she was willing and wanting to do it, unlike her past experience where she really didn't want to try it. She said that's one of the things that made it feel good for her, since I never pressured her to do it and it was something she chose to do. Anyways thanks again everyone, you all have been helpful and I really appreciate it. I'm glad I put some thought into this before I just jumped up and asked her to tell me those "secrets", since it could have been something that affected our relationship in the wrong way (since she didn't really want to tell me, and I really don't want to know). Thanks again.

Okay so for the past month I've asked a few times about anal sex since I felt that my g/f was interested in "trying" it out. She would make hints about it, and sometimes I would "play" with that area to see if she liked it or not, and she seemed to enjoy it each time. But I never wanted to pressure her into it, and just wanted her to want to try it when she was ready to. So tonight we did. While I was giving her oral, she moved one of my fingers towards her and I took it as a "go ahead" and try it. Then later that night after sex, she asked if I was ready for it again, but this time she wanted anal sex. Since she was ready we did it, and I was being very careful at first so I wouldn't hurt her, but then soon realized that it wasn't as "tight" as I thought it would be. This lead to my dilema/question. After we finished we were laying down and I asked her if she has ever done that before, and she said "not in a very long time". I was shocked, but not too surprised. This was coming from a girl, who for the past 2 years told me that she thought anal sex was gross and would never try it. Now I find that she never thought it was gross, she just wanted to see my reaction and see if I was interested in it. I asked her to tell me more, since I was a bit intrigued by it, and she said she only did it a couple times. I asked her if it hurt the first time, and she said a little but she only let the guy go in a few times then made him stop. She said she didn't really like it because she wasn't really willing to do it, but was almost forced into it. I asked her if it felt better the next time, and she said "the next time was tonight with you, and it was great because it was with you". Of course this made me feel a bit better, but I was still a bit hurt that all this time I thought this would be the one thing we could be "the first" with each other (since we've both done many other things before each other) but I find that it was only my first, but a "better" for her. So as I said, this made me feel a bit different about her. For 2 years I've known her as the woman that considered this to be the most disgusting thing, but was interested in trying it with me. Now I find out this was mostly a "lie" (not trying to sound mean). This also made me curious about what else she's "tried" before that she has told me she "never did/thought about". Later that evening/morning we were laying down talking and she was telling me about a time where she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but was able to get out of it safely. She said that she felt like there were more things that she wanted to tell me about, but she feels that it isn't necessary since she put it behind her and alread asked God to forgive her. But by saying that it just made me more curious about what she's done, but at the same time I don't want to "pry". I asked if I was when I asked her all those questions about her having anal sex and she said that I wasn't prying and she wanted to answer any questions I had. But it was getting late and we both have work so I ended up leaving so I could get some rest. But here I am, wondering about this girl I thought I "knew". Now don't misunderstand me, I stil love her completely and I know that what's in the past is in the past. I also know that I shouldn't care since she chose me to be with, and wants to be with me forever. At the same time I know that she doesn't know about my past either (she only knows how many sexual partners I had), and I know that if I pry she will want to pry into me. This will probably change her view on me, as much as my view of her has changed after tonight. So anyways, I don't really know if I'm asking for tips/advice/opinions or what, it's just all this stuff is racing through my head and I'm curious about what her past includes. I don't know if I should really care as much as I do know, or if I should even try to find out more, but you can see how curiosity built up for me after finding out this new information about her. Well, I better stop here, thanks for reading all this (if you did), and I guess I'll just leave it here.

Well one thing that I want to ask you is, did he give you any other reasons when he came back as to why he feels confused? I would hate to jump to conclusions, or be the bearer of bad news, but 90% of the time when a partner goes on vacation and comes back confused it's connected to an infidelity issue. He may have had some "fun" out on vacation (and don't say he was with his family and couldn't, becasue it is possible) or he may have started to have an attraction to other females and started to wonder if he should still be with you if he's attracted to other girls. This is really common in many couples, especially in your age group, and I wouldn't doubt that he started to have feelings, or already started "fooling" around with other girls while he was out. If you can, first try to find out what he's really thinking, sit down and try to get everything out in the open. Try to find out why he's confused (sometimes partners will say they don't know, but they know something or else they wouldn't be confused) and then you can make a decision on whether to keep hope for him to come back. In the meantime though, keep yourself open and free and don't just sit back and wait for him to figure out what he wants.

Yeah, we've been back together for almost a month now.

Yeah panchala23, when those 2 girls approached me with the offer, all I could think of was how great sex was with just my g/f, and couldn't see myself giving my body to these 2 girls. It just made me realize how much I really wanted to be with her, and only her (that's a pretty damn good test to see if you want someone or not), and some of my friends haven't let it down. They know that I'm happy with my g/f, and they all like her too, but they keep making fun of me since we were broken up (and during that time not even speaking) and I had an opportunity that all of them dream about. Most of them have backed off now though, except for a few friends who are single and wondering how I get myself into these situations (this wasn't the first time I was offered "group" sex by some girls, and not the first time I rejected it either). Oh well, don't let them get to you, since you can always say "hey at least 2 girls want to be with me at once", since when's the last time any of your friends have had that kind of offer proposed to them

Yeah Nebulous, don't get pissed about being lectured when you make very immature mistakes like those. First of all, if you knew she had an STD why the hell would you finger her? If you didn't find out until afterwards, why didn't you go get tested ASAP? And once you did know that you might have a STD, why would you endanger another girl's health by letting her perform oral on you and have sex? You say that she knew the risk, but that's highly unlikely that anyone would go ahead and have sex with someone that may have an STD, especially without a condom. That leads to the next question, why would you have unprotected sex if you were not ready for the responsibility that comes with it? Sorry man, but if you want to act and be treated like a mature adult, then you need to prove that you can handle those types of responsibilities. The probability of you getting an STD from just fingering her and masturbating is there, and very likely. Your description of the sex you had with this girl is confusing, did you put the head of your penis on her/in her when you ejaculated? Or did you just feel something "wet" while you were there? If she was just wet, well that's what women do, so it's not because she may be pregnant. But if you were ejaculating on/in her in that area, there is a slight risk of her becoming pregnant if some of the semen made it's way insider her. This also counts for pre-cum, since it's about 40% semen too. Just pop for the test instead of waiting for her period to come, because if she is pregnant then the two of you need to start seeing a doctor and prepare for this child as soon as you can.

Yeah this girl is really "stretching" the truth. Unless this guy is popping Viagras and NoDoze there's no way he's going to "up" for all that sex. I mean geez, 3 hours is really long, and if you look at is a workout (which it is) then that is one really long, nonstop workout. Even with a contant change of positions one, or both, of them would be getting tired pretty quick. Now if it did include foreplay, oral, and all that other good stuff, then yeah 3 hours can be achieved, even more if the partner is willing. This girl may just be trying to cover up for something that isn't there (such as premature ejaculation on his part) since it helps that person feel "bigger".

Well your not going to win her back within a few hours or minutes of a break up, this isn't a hollywood movie. The biggest problem you face with her rigth now is you let her know that you didn't trust her (by saying she was lying), even though you knew you were wrong. You can try to apolagize to her, but just because you do it doesn't mean shes going to come running back to you. She's going to need some space and time to figure out what she wants from you, and she needs you to prove to her that you can/will trust her in the future. Sorry to hear that happened, but it was bound to happen if you couldn't trust her.

Well if he invited you out to have a drink, he may want to talk to you about something as well. First try and see what it is he wants to talk about. If the "us" conversation starts to brew, then you can feel free to get out what you wanted to say as well, since he initiated the "us" conversation. If all he wants to talk about is how things are going and mainly shoot the sh**, then just sublty put little hints in the conversation and see if he picks up on them. If all else, you can just be upfront with him, and tell him what you need to say if he tells you that he wants to be friends with you now (that's when you say "well before we take that step I need to know something from you"). Although "us" talk is supposed to be kept to a minimum, sometimes it is necessary before any further steps can be made. All relationships are different, and take different actions to work/not work. When my g/f and I broke up, almost 80% of our conversations were "us" talks, just because there were things we both needed to know and say to each other. Most people said we shouldn't do that, but it helped us "heal" faster, as well as help us see that we still wanted each other, "flaws" and all. Mainly I think the best thing you can say to him is what you said in the end of your post. "If you want to be friends then I need you to tell me what really went on, if not then I don't think a friendship will work between us". Good luck.

Well the possibility of him smoking pot is likely during this of age. That's about the same time I started to smoke pot, a bad habit that lasted almost 10 years. One thing I have to ask is have your parents ever sat him (or any of you down) and had a smoking "talk" with him? It seems like they didn't if they are having to "snoop" for evidence. Anyways I only say that because my parents waited until I was 17 to have that talk, and by that time I was already into using pot on a regular basis and smoking cigarettes too. I'll try to answer your quesitons and see if I can help you out. 1. Most pot smokers are big into denial, solitude, and lies when they first start to smoke. Your not naive for believing him (it shows how much you trust him) but if you have doubts then you should talk to him about it. I know it's hard to try to talk to someone who is starting to smoke pot, since they usually just want to be "left alone" and not bothered about their life, but if you keep persisting you may be able to find out more from him. 2. Some symptoms from pot include the bloodshot eyes, lack of socialbility with family, weezing in breath (you could hear this when wrestling), inability to concentrate (even when talking to someone), and sudden mood changes (usually anger and frustration are the top ones). Some of the things you should look for are the same things your mom noticed (with his eyes and showers). When I first started smoking, taking a shower when I got home was a good way to "sober" up a bit, as well as help me get some "private" time to still enjoy being high. I wresteld and did martial arts too, so I used that same excuse for all the sudden showers as well. Although you believe him, just keep your eyes open for sudden changes that don't seem normal, and attitude changes that really don't seem like him. 3. This part is hard to do, since it requires effort from both of you. Although you want to be close with him, he will have to want to be close with you at the same time. If not your just going to be talking to a brick wall. You two have wrestling in common, and you can use that to help bridge some gaps that you have. Try watching videos together before a tournament/competition, or tell him that you've learned some new moves that you want to show him. Stuff like that will at least give you an "ice breaker" so then you could start to talk to him a bit more. Other than that you can just tell him that you feel he's getting a bit distant and you just want to talk with him just to see how life is going (my older sister said this when I was 16, and it made me feel bad that she didn't know "me" anymore). If you find out he is smoking, then you need to tell you parents. It's for his own good, don't let your bro make the same mistake as me and end up wasting 10+ years (and thousands of dollars) on smoking pot. He may be upset at you for a little bit, but he will realize that he's better off without it and will thank you for it. One thing to add, is that most beginner smokers are very cautious on leaving "evidence", so it will be hard to find anything for a while. It's not until they really get into smoking pot when they start to make mistakes like leaving cigarette buts or joints on roof, or leaving empty bags in their dirty clothes. So don't try to search too much for "proof" and just go straight to the source (him) and keep going until you feel satisfied with the answer you have.

I think that the whole mentality of a soulmate being a "destined" person is wrong. To me I believe a soulmate is someone who you can connect with on a "spiritual" level. For most people they only gain a physical or mental (or both) connection with the person they are with. These connections are good and keep relationships healthy. But in some rare occasions you meet a person that you also connect with in a spiritual way. To me that person is your "soulmate", someone in who you can feel a physical, mental, and now spiritual connection with. These connections are very strong when all three are present, and those relationships are usually the ones that last the longest and make other peopel jealous (ie "how are you two such a happy couple?", and so on). I don't think it's destiny that you were meant to be with that person, but I also believe that God will guide you to that person that makes you happy (He did for me, and lead to the woman I'm with now who I feel is my "soulmate"). Well I don't know if this makes any sense, sometimes it's hard to put thoughts into words, but just something that came to my mind when reading this thread.

Well if that's the case then you need to be more mature about things and be better prepared. Sorry for the lecture, but you know the saying "if your going to do the crime, prepare to do the time". But back to your dilema. You should be fine. Semen can't live in "open air" for more than a few seconds. So from the time it went from your underwear, to her's, and to her pad, all the semen there would be dead. You shouldn't have any worries at all, but if you want to be sure you can pick up a home test in a few days and see how things look. Just be more cautious next time.

Well most people are so concerned with the afterlife due to the uncerntanty of death. Most people feel they need to work towards that afterlife, since death can come to them in any day at anytime. But I think people should try to have an attitude similiar to yours. I don't worry about death at all, and like you, I just live each day one day at a time, experiencing all God gave me and doing as much as I can to help everyone else. I know when I die, it's my time to die, and that's why I would rather live each day as "good" as I could, so when death does come I wont have to feel like I "missed out" on anything. If you keep trying to prepare for the future, then you wont be ready for the present, and what it has to offer you.

Well I think that the aricle you read is pretty acurate, and makes some good points. There are relationships that are "healthy drugs" and some that are "toxic" like your ex. Some people are addicted to each other in a good way, like wanting to be with each other, enjoying each others company, feeling good when together and so on. But I think the article was right in saying yours was a "toxic" drug, since the actions he's taken/done don't really show him as a "great" guy for you. It's right when it said you should cut him off cold turkey, especially since you've already done all that you can do and showed him all that you can show. Now it's time to just let him go, move one, and see where your life takes you. Hope this helps, my mind is a bit out of it after taking 2 finals back to back.

That is the best attitude to have. When I hear people at church saying that they are going to help people or do something for the community just so God knows there a good person, it makes me realize how "fake" those people can be. My pastor spoke about this last week, and he pretty much said the same things you did. God doesn't want you (people) to do good things just to get to Him, God wants you (people) to do good things beacuse you want to do those things to help humanity.

Well even though the relationship was short and you feel that there was no "beginning" it wont make a difference when it comes to "being friends" after a break up. You two were a couple for those months, and becasue of that certain feelings have been made about each other. Now that things are "over" those feelings need to be dealt with first before a friendship can take off and really blossom into someting worth keeping. Yeah life is full of mistakes, and being with someone that you can make those mistakes with means being with someone you would stay with when "problems" arise (other than cheating and abuse). It will be hard to let go, but it may be the only thing you can do right now to make things better for both of you.

Well I think at the end of your post you answered your own question. You've known him for a while and say this is his "normal weird self" right, so has his attitude/actions changed towards you to make you think different, or is it just because of all these things other people say that make you think he's flirting? All in all it just sounds like a typical "just friends" relationship between two opposite sex people. Of course in some of these friendships one person may have stronger feelings about the other, and he may in fact like you a bit more that you like him, but if you dropped the "friend bomb" on him and let him know that you two are "just friends" then he will surely get the point. Most guys know that once a girl says that, there is no way of changing her mind about it.

I'm best at speaking when it's on the spot. I usually just say whats on my mind and what pops in my head when I hear others comments/reactions. Yeah speaking with confidence is a balancing act. You don't want to say too much to make yourself sound like your bragging. But saying to little makes some people think your arn't that confident in yourself and in your speaking. One thing to do (which I've notice a lot of people do) is try not to make every conversation relate to you. Even if you have had a similiar experience, try not to be "Oh that happened to me.." or "Yeah it's like that time I..." since that just shows some women that you need to be the center of attention and arn't comfertable with yourself (I've heard many women say this about friends). Just be yourself and don't try to overthink things too much (that's how mistakes are made) and just go with the flow of the night. If a girls seems interested and asks you to "tell me more about that time" then go ahead and indulge her in some more details, if not then just leave things "in the air" for the girls your talking to. Have fun.

I also agree with stopping the intimacy with your ex. When my g/f and I were broken up we also ended up being intimate together after a fun night out and a few drinks. Anyways it really killed me inside afterwards since she would call me and say "You know that this doesn't mean were back together right?" and after I would say "yeah" she would say "It's just you know how to please me, and I don't want to have sex with anyone else", and by that she was giving me a false hope of things working out, when all she wanted was for me to be her booty call during the "break". Anyways, your guy is probably feeling the same way, and he's just asking his friends for advice in this situation (I did the same) since he may feel that sex between you is very special and something that means you two are "bonding" again, but you turn it around and just say it's a booty call. First you should stop the intimacy and see how he reacts to it, from there then you can make a proper analysis on what he's thinking.