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Well of course love is "real" Phoenix, but you kind of just have to leap into it blindly. Just like people say you need to have "blind faith" with religion, I think it works the same way with love. You can't really look for it, it just happens to come to you. I don't know if I'm making sense, I've had a long day of studying and my brain is fried from all the reading. I guess I just need to stop and chill for a bit.

Well you will never learn how to treat a girl the "proper" way until your with a girl and find out what is "proper" and what isn't. Thinking the way you do right now will make things hard for you in future relationships, since you will always be on your toes trying to make sure you never do something wrong. But by doing that you may already by doing something wrong to the person you love/like. You wont know how to treat a girl, and more important how you want to be treated until you go into a few relationships. So for this girl that likes you, and you possibly like her, well just get to know her and see how things go. Don't overthink too much about what you will say/do, and just go with the flow. If you hurt her feelings, she will let you know and then you can see what it is that you do/say that hurt her. The same goes for her and how she treats/talks to you. That's the only way to figure out how to treat someone "properly".

My take is pretty much the same as PrincessLinzay's. Your girl is just really confused right now, and you really shocked her when you did what you did. But it was good for you to do it, since she was thinking that you would just wait on the sidelines for her to figure things our for herself. Of course she won't be able to "throw" away the 2 years you've had together, but she will look at those 2 years as a learning experience. It sounds like she really does want to be with you, but she wants to make sure things are different. I don't know what you should do for those next holidays, it's pretty much up to you and how you feel at the moment. If she calls on Christmas, and your still not ready then you can just let her leave a message, or just turn you phone off so you don't have to worry about it. Same goes for New Years. But who knows, you may actually want to talk by this time and if so then just talk for a bit. On her B-day you can just send her a card, it's not like your talking to her, but then again it's just how you feel at the moment if you want to do that. Since you know she may call you or contact you after getting the card. It's a hard time to be in right now, but you already sound like you know what you want and what to do, so just keep your head straight and keep using this time to make yourself happy again.

Well all I can say is the "hate" will eventually go away with time, and will be replaced with "hope", I know this. I felt that way too a couple times in my life . Once when I was 15, another time when I was 18 (I had the letter written, the rope ready, and the pills in my hands), and once again when I was 20. All these times I felt this way, a "door" opened up and showed me that there was more to life than what I was seeing at the moment. Right now you only see a few things life has to offer, and they seem pretty sh***y. That happens to a lot of us, and it's how we learn from these times that makes us stronger. Each time I had felt that way, someone came to me and offered help, and showed me that there was more to life than what I was seeing, and that there is only one way to go when you feel like you hit "rock bottom". And thats back up. Keep heading "up" and keep asking for advice/help from anyone you feel that can be there to help. Whether this be a counsler, a relative, or just a friend that you trust, let someone "in" to help you "out".

Well you can look at it as "fate" if you wanted it to be that way. It doesn't mean that you were never meant to see him again, but maybe it was too soon for you to see him. I know you say your pissed that you didn't go, but have you thought about how you would have felt if you did go and then saw him there, possibly trying to meet a new girl at the party? Or how pissed would you have been if you talked to him and something rude was said? You can look at it as a "sign", but signs do come in many different packages. When my g/f and I were broken up for a while, I had some signs and she had some signs. One of them was a party that both of us were going to go to for halloween (this was 3 days after we broke up). At the last minute (literally, the party was at 9, it got home from snowboarding at 6, and she called me at 7:30) my ex calls me and says that she didn't want to go to the party anymore and wanted to hang out with her sister (it was a lie, she was going to a different party). For me I thought the same as you, it was a sign that we weren't ready to see each other yet. But after that I had a different sign. I had prayed about what to do (either give up on her, or try to work things out) and I was in the city when I met a bum who played a song for me. On his guitar was my g/f's name and his song was about holding on to love and not giving up. Talk about a sign to not give up. She also had a sign during this time. She had prayed about us as well, and she also got a sign to not give up (hers was a bit differnt than mine, but pretty similiar). So one night after she prayed about us being able to see each other so she could tell me about her sign I called her (this was after a week of NC, and maybe 3 days after my "sign") and asked her if she would want to get a cup of tea with me. She also took that as a sign, since we weren't talking at all and the last time we talked it ended in a pretty bad argument, with us telling each other maybe we shouldn't talk to each other at all anymore. Anyways, some signs are there to help guide us while some are there to help teach us. Right now I think this may have just been a sign that you two aren't ready to see each other just yet, but maybe in time you two will be able to (not to get back together, but to probably just talk). Like I said before, you wanted him to contact you when he was ready and after giving your letter a lot of thought, so maybe you weren't supposed to see each other at the party because his mind wasn't ready yet, especially to see you and then most likely talk about the letter as well.

No it's good for you to get all that frustration out of you, it will make you feel better within time. Yeah he's now showing you his "true" colors, and it's definatly someone you shouldn't even waste your time with. You deserve to be treated better, and you know that. He's definatly being an a** right now, and is trying to make things look like it's all your fault just so you can react the way he wants you to react (just like saying "I know your ways" he knows how you will act when he says/does something). Pretty much he laid it out on the line with you just to see if you would still wait (some girls will say "I know that's not how he acts", or "It's not him right now, it's someone eles", and these girls will sit and wait for the "old" guy to come back). Well the "old" boy is never coming back, people change for a reason and his changes were done so you can see what type of person he really is, as well as teach you what type of man you know want to be with. Cut all the strings now, and show him that you don't need him to survive or get on with life. This will definatly shock him and make him realize that his "safety net" won't be there for him when he falls on his face. Some things that will help you get on would be to keep a journal or something to write down all your thought/frustrations/emotions in, it really helps during this time. Also keep yourself as active as possible, by going to the gym or doing hobbies that you have been wanting to do for a while but never had time for. This time is all about YOU, and making YOU happy, so don't worry about what he (or other people) think. It's going to take time, and of course it's not easy to just get over someone that quickly, but you can also just think back to all the things that he "pulls like this". Hope you get better and do well.

Yeah sorry, I used the wrong words in my reply. Thanks for catching that.

Well from your post it already sounds like you know what you need to do. You need to just cut him off and leave everything behind. He broke up with you, and expected you to just turn your feelings off for him immediately. unfortunately it's not that easy. Right now he's acting very selfish and childish to you. He tells you it's okay to talk and stuff, but when you do he wants to tell you all about these new girls and then tell you that you need to stop talking to him. Right now he's going through what a lot of couples do when they enter college, doubting that they should be in a relationship and just enjoy "college life". The best thing to do is just give up all contact with him, and if he decieds to come around again, just throw it back at him if your not ready anymore. Tell him that you don't want to talk and you want to be free to do your own things. He's doing all this because he wants to know that you will be waiting on the other side if all of his "fun" doesn't work out for him. That's really unfair to you, and you shouldn't put yourself through it. This is one of those relationships that you just throw away and look back at it as a learning experience. Good luck next semester, and don't worry too much about him anymore since you will be able to enjoy "college life" as well.

Well thanks everyone for the tips/advice. I'll just have to see what happens. I have "played" with that area a few times, and she didn't seem to not like it. She said it "tingled" but in a good way. So maybe she is interested in trying it, and I do feel that it's nice that she trusts me that much to want to try it with me. I'll do some research just to be ready in case she really wants to try it out. Thanks again everyone.

Yeah there are many "spelling" and translation mistakes since the Bible went from Latin, to Greek, to Hebrew, back to Latin, then to English. It's supposed to go back to Greek sometime soon as well. Many of these mistakes cause many missinterpretations about life and afterlife. One of the biggest ones would be Gahenna. This was an acutal place in Jerusalem used to burn garbage and dead bodies. Jesus used this place as a metaphor to the Jews about what Hell would be like, but when they wanted to use that same metaphor with the Greeks, the Greek dictionary didn't have a word that would mean the same things. The closest word they could find was Hades, which is a complete miss-translation, but worked for the metaphor. Things like this can be found within the Bible in many different places. The thing is the Bible isn't meant to be take literally, but more symbolic. God's messages are very symbolic and He uses metaphors and associations like the one above to get His message accross. Problem is too many people take things literally, and then start to make general mistakes during translation. It's a problem, but I can't give an answer on why God allowed it to happen. But then again God shouldn't be the one to blame for a human mistake, that's why God gave us free will.

Yeah I agree with everyone here. You did the right thing by letting him know your not ready to be physical with him just yet. You need time and he should respect that.

Okay so for the past month or so my g/f has been making some comments that I don't quite understand. Mainly her comments have to do with anal sex. You see we've been together for 2 years, and the whole time she would tell me that she thought anal sex was disgusting and how she thought it was wrong. I never pressured her or even brought this subject up either, since I wasn't too fond of anal sex either (never had it, and never really thought about doing it). But lately she will make a joke/comment about us having anal sex. Like a few weeks ago she really wanted to have sex, but she was on her period. So she turned to me while we were laying down and said that I could just have anal sex with her, since we couldn't have "regular" sex at that moment. Then a few weeks later we were at the store and we passed by some lube and she was like "maybe I should get some so we can try it out", and then she just laughed and we kept shopping. Then last night I was helping her study for her math final, and I said that I would show her both ways to do a problem so she could see which way would be easier. Then she kept saying, "yeah we can do it both ways" and kept saying it until I realized what she was talking about then we just laughed. So I'm a bit confused right now. I don't know if she really wants to try anal sex, or if she's just joking. If she does want to try it, then I don't know if she's joking just because she wants me to take the initiative and make all the steps. Plus I'm the one who is really not comfertable right now with doing that (I know most guys may want to smack me right now, but I don't want to hurt her or anything like that). Every time she jokes about it I just tell her that it's her body and it's her choice if she wants me to be in there, but after that she just laughs like it was just a joke. So I guess I'm just asking for some advice on what to do. Do I just come out and ask her if she really wants to try it or do I just wait and see if she comes forward and tells me she's ready? Also if I'm still not too comfertable with it, how do I go about doing it or getting myself ready to do that with her? I just want everything to be right, and for it to be enjoyable for both of us if we do try it. Any help/advice would be great. Thanks.

Okay your questions are understandable and the answers can be found with some research. Fist off, you should understand that most religions branched off from Christianity in the early 300's and on. Some of these religions started with a monk/priest/peasant having a vision that told them to do something different. I forgot which religion started this way (I know it's one of the eastern ones), but a monk had a vision of Gabriel (the angle) who told him to lead his people to believe in God, he just did it in a different manner. Another thing to point out is the one God theory. When Christianity started, it was during a time when the Roman Empire was filled with Pantheon religions. These religions (such as Greek, Roman, German, and Egyptian) had a large amount of Gods they worshiped, pretty much a God responsible for everything that happened. Catholicism is the only religion that carried on this idea, but instead of Deities they worship Saints. The Saint belief was used to help convert the pagan believers into Christianity, by just replacing thier Deities with Christian ones. Also with Church, like said before, it's not a requirement to do. It's someting that people do for various reasons. God never said if you don't go to Church and pray to Him everyday then you will be punished. remember being Christian means being Christ-like, so devoting your life and time to doing good is something that God does recognize.

Well an'ka all I can say is you did tell him to think about it before he responds. He's only had a few days to contemplate things, and although you really want to know what he's thinking and how he's taking it, I think your just going to have to bite the bullet and give him a few more days to contact you. Wait a week (until Thursday) since that should be enough time for him to process what you said in the letter. If you havn't heard from him by then, then I guess it should be fine for you to give him a call and ask if there's anything that he wants to talk about from the letter (maybe he felt that he needed to "back off" to give you space, and this is the only way he knows how to "back off"). Actually a punching bag really helps during times like these. Thats why I'm glad I had picked up my bag a week before my g/f and I took a "break" for about a month. It helped to be able to go out there and just let out all my frustration and anger. Try to go to a gym later on in the day so you can get rid of all this "excess" energy you have right now.

I'll try to answer with the best of my knowledge. God shouldn't be blamed for diseases and things of that nature. God doesn't hurt people just to do it, God tries to teach people through example. I'm sure your reffering to your mom right now, but if a lesson could be learned from this, then it should be learned not put to the side because you feel it's unjust that your mom is sick and God isn't helping her. God doesn't give disease's, He gives hope. Well the Bible says the only way to heaven is through Jesus, so accordingly those people who choose to not believe and not have Jesus in thier heart has a place reserved for them in Hell. Now remember God doesn't send people to Hell to punish, people choose to go to Hell by not believing. God gave humans the freedom of choice, and it's because of that freedom we are able to sin and able to not believe. God only grants eternal life to those who choose to believe in Him as their savior, everyone else will be burnt away in Hell until their soul is no more (that's why the Bible says perish in flames, not live eternally in torture). This goes with the same question above. God isn't the one being spiteful and acting childish, it's humans that act that way. God only wants to save, and wants to see every human in heaven by his side. God doesn't want to loose souls to Hell, He wants all the souls of humans to be happy and free. God takes no pleasure in hurting people or making them feel like "it's all Gods fault that things are going wrong", God makes changes in our lives to teach us how to be stronger. It's harder for people now to "hear and see" God because people don't "truly" believe as much as the people in the Bible. It's sad, but true. Most "christians" think that by going to church a couple times a year, praying every now and then, and being kind is what it is to be christian. But being Christian is being Christ-like, in which we need to be less selfish with ourselves and more giving to one another. People in the past had no problem doing this, and most were "guided" by God to spread his Word. It still happens today, but it's more rare than it was in the past. My future brother in-law (yes my g/f and I talk about marriage) had a "vision" from God during his Senior year at College. He was going to play Pro Baseball (since he broke 15 school records while playing, and was scouted by many agents) but God had a different plan for his life. God told him that playing ball wasn't what he should be doing right now, and he should be spreading the Word to the people that needed to hear it. He's been out of college for a year now, and has been working hard towards becoming a missionary and hopefully starting a church in LA. Although he misses playing ball, he just says that he will play in heaven after his work is done. God already "showed" himself once with Jesus. If/When God shows himself again it would be to "end" the world. If your waiting for God to "show" himself to prove He exists, when he does it will be too late. It's human nature to not want to accept what can't be proven, but with God you just need to give up that mentality and just believe. If you want proof why not realize that everyday when you wake up God has given you the ability to live for another day. Why not realize that when you go to sleep God was with you the whole day keeping you safe and alive for another day. I know that I don't need anymore proof that what God has given me. The event that made me realize this was when my younger brother was hospitalized. He was jumped by 12 guys, who took turns stomping his head into the cement. When I arrived to the scene, the police said they needed to airlift him to the nearest hospital, but he may not even make it to the hospital. At the hospital I was told the same thing, that he may not even live through the night and if he does he will have sever brain damage. He didn't know who he was, who our parents were, or anything else that whole night. We got together and prayed, and just asked for help (it's all you can really do in a time like this). The next day he woke up with no brain damage at all, his swelling and scars were almost gone, and he felt fine. Even the doctors were amazed at his immediate recovery. They said it wasn't even possible for scars and bruises to heal as fast as his did, but there was no denying that they were gone. It's been a year since that incident, and my bro is going to graduate from HS with excemplatory marks as well as live life with a perfectly working brain. If that's not proof for me, well then I'm looking to hard for an answer. I know God helped my brother, and my family during that time, so I don't need to keep looking for proof, since he gives it to me everyday when I wake up and know that I'm alive and that my brother is alive. Well I don't know if I answered your questions or not, or if my answers will "work" for you or not. This is just what came to mind after reading your post and I thought I should share it. If these questions are bothering you then please go and meet with people to find the answers. Meet with some priests (not just one, so this way you can see how answers vary from person to person), meet with some people at church, meet with some people online. We are all taught the same thing, but that doesn't mean we interperet that information the same way. What could be a miracle to me, could just be a coincidnce for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but "you need to have faith" if you want to find those answers. Not just faith in God, but faith in yourself. [/u]

Yeah it's still perfectly normal. One of the friends I was talking about was 6'5" and all of his g/f's were usually 5'4" or below (his last g/f was 5'2"). If you don't think it's related to that, then it could be a more subconscious thing. You may like the feeling of your girl "looking up" to you (like a power struggle, or sign of status). I don't know, and don't want to analyze you at all, but it could just be something along those lines too.

Well I guess I'll give you the guy answer, but it's pretty much the same as the previous answers. 1. Guys like to start a kiss to show that they "want" thier girl, but guys love it when a girl starts a kiss too since it shows she "desires" him just as much. It's kinda like a give and take situation. All guys like to give all kinds of affection to thier girl and show her how much they care, but deep down every guy wants that same type of attention showed back to them. If you want a kiss you should just go for it, and not worry about who should have started it first. 2. Yes and No. Lipstick/gloss is sexy and sometimes taste good, but it makes a mess and sometimes leaves both people's lips sticky. Lip balm is a nice "medium" of the two, since it still gives the girl that "sexy" look without making the mess or leaving the sticky feeling. Although some guys don't mind lip gloss and lipstick at all either, but sometimes a break from it is nice too. You b/f will let you know somehow if he doesn't like lipstick/gloss that much (as I said guys still like it, but some don't like it all the time). 3. Your hands will go wherever they want, and to be a bit frank most guys don't think about where your hands are during a kiss. It always feels nice to have my g/f put her arms around me then give me a kiss. Or when I'm kissing her she will put a hand on the side of my face and just hold it there (it just feels really nice). It also feels nice when she holds my hand during a kiss, or when she rubs her hands through my hair. As you can see it really doesn't matter where her hands are, since it will always feel good at the moment since the kiss is what's more important. Her hands could be by her side (it's happened) and it doesn't take away from the kiss at all. So just let your hands do whatever feels good, it wont make a difference to the guy. Since your new to kissing then I would just say that you need to relax. Don't bother yourself with so many questions about kissing, since it's actually a really natural thing. If you have all these worries and questions before a kiss, then you wont be able to just enjoy the kiss since your mind is in so many other places. Just keep a clear head and you'll be fine.

Well from what I understand, most guys like girls that are a bit short since they can wear nice long heels and still not be taller then them. I don't know if that's how you feel, but all my friends who pretty much always seem to have a short girlfriend, always say they like it since she can dress up and were heels, without being taller then them.

I had that same problem a few years ago too. I grew up a Christian, and I started to loose my way when I was in my Junior year of HS. I kept backsliding so much and got into some really bad things (heavy drugs, drinking everynight, sex with random girls, fighting, and all sorts of other things). This went on for a couple years, until I was just turning 21. During that time I had just started to date my current g/f, and she was also a Christian. She had also gone through some of the same things (sex and alcohol) but had broken that cycle a year before we met. She said the best things she did for herself was to just keep going to church, admitting to God the sins that she made, and made a conscious decision to put her effort into not making those same mistakes. So needless to say I started to go back to Church as well, and have also admitted to my sins and have done my best to stay away from those situations (I don't do drugs, drink on occasion but not to get wasted, only have sex with my g/f, and appreciate all that I have). I know how you feel about wanting to let other Christians to just back off, especially since many Christians have a different view on what a "good relationship with God is." What should be really important to you is how you feel your relationship with God is, and not try to live to other peoples standards. Some people think that you have to go to Church everyday to get a good connection, while others believe that as long as God is in your heart you can worship anywhere, not just in Church. In my view neither one of those people is wrong, but they will fight with each other on who is right. A great relationship with God starts in your heart. Only you can tell yourself how good your relationship with Him is, no one else.

Well for me that chances were just as equal. I do understand the theory though, since if your playing a sport with a girl it gives you a chance to be "physical" without being physical, and usual the best chance at "getting some" with that girl would be after you finish playing and go "chill" together to unwind. But it's just as easy to get a girl in a regular class if you know what to say/do, and how to portray yourself to her. It never made a difference to me, and the chances to get with one your choices were about the same, just took a different approach and amount of work to get there.

Well it would be better for you to try and narrow down what type of field/environment that you would like to work in. It's also better to find a place that will help "train" you for a future job in the career your studying for at school/college. Also that's another place to look for a good temp job. Most college's offer "intern" style jobs for students to help them advance in their ouwn field. I'm actually going to try and get a IT job at SFSU next semester, just to get an idea of what it would be like to have a career in that field. As for your question, well the best temp job I had was working shipping/recieving for a industrial supply store. I only say it was good because it turned into a 5 year part time job with very good pay. Other than that I all learned was some very good customer service skills, and how to manage a warehouse and it's empoyees ( I was promoted to manager within a year).

Hey PA, the stuff is called "Kiss of Fire" and it's cherry flavored massage oil. I had a chance to use it back on her tonight, and she had as much "fun" with it as I did when she used it on me. She said that she also heard of a few different kinds, and we may end up going back to get some other kinds.

Well are you getting sore due to "dryness" from too much sex or are you getting sore from the width of your partner? If it's due to you starting to get dry after too much sex, then just get some lube to cancle it out. If it's from your partners size, well then it's just going to take time to get used to it. I don't know, since when I get sore from sex it's usually due to not enough "wetness", but with my current g/f that's not a problem at all.

Well you can "never say never" and if she said that, it's just how she feels at the moment. She mainly wants some time, and "breathing" room to speak, so by saying "never" she enforces the time and space she needs. Sooner or later she may come back, maybe just to be friends, and when she does she will also know to "never say never". Go ahead, ask some of the girls who have said "never" to a guy they broke up with, just to come back here a month later asking "how do I contach him after so long".

Well yeah they do, but guys do as well. I know I will never want to get back with one of my ex's either, even if my current relationship fails. That type of decision is usually made when the break up ends on bad terms (such as cheating, abuse, and other things like that). When breaks are on "good" terms, then most of the breakee's are the ones who want to get back together, while the other person might be a bit confused for a while.