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Race was never a factor for me when finding someone, it was actually the last thing I really cared about. If you narrow down by race, then you limit yourself of meeting someone who could potentially be a great friend, just because of race. For the most part though, people that I know who do care about race, usually only want to date someone in their race, or know that they don't want to date a certain race (I have one friend who is white and doesn't want to date any latin chick, just because of past experiences).

Well does this scratching start as an itch, then just the feeling of "relief" from the itch leads to a permanet scratch? If these people are just scratching themeselves just to make a cut (or too bleed) then yes, you should take it as seriously as cutting. Any type of self injury should be taken seriously if the person is doing it just to injure themselves. But if it's just from them scratching an itch too much, then try to be around them and ask them too stop. Sometimes my g/f would like the feeling of scratching in itch that she will just keep going, then all of a sudden she has a cut on her arm/leg or where ever. Sometimes I will notice and tell her to stop, which she will, plus she will notice that she was scratching herself for pretty much no reason, and will stop. She hasn't done that in a long time (I would say about 9 months to be exact), so it could just be a subconscious thing that those people don't notice yet.

Well let's answer the first set of questions. A relationship can keep going for a long period of time as long as both partners are able to communicate about everything. This includes feelings of boredom, excitment, and so on. As long as each partner can tell the other what it is they do/don't like, then it keeps the relationship on good terms. Long running relationships can have the risk of boredom hitting in if you don't talk about it (my g/f and I took a break after 2 years because we were bored, but we never talked about it either until we broke up). Same thing goes for keeping things exciting. You may think that after 2 years you would have tried/done just about everything possible to excite your partner, and can't think of anything else to do. But in that 2 years you will also learn new things about your partner, which can also give you new ideas (like me going to my g/f house, cleaning her room and leaving some roses on her bed, something I never thought of until a year into our relationship when I realized that she loves her room to be clean, just never has time to do it). For me, I think it's mainly communication that keeps a relationship going on for a long period of time. As for the second question. Well yes. Just becasue your relationship is romantic that doesn't mean that there is no excitment in it either. I think the two could actually go hand in hand if you are with someone you feel a real romantic connection with. If you are, then even the most miniscual task (like sitting down for a cup of tea) can be full of excitment just becasue of the romantic feelings you have for one another. I don't know, that's just my 2 cents.

Well it's hard to say if she's playing games or not. One way to be sure is to discuss the depthness of her not wanting sex before marriage. Just keep communicating the issue, and she if she stumbles over her answers or gives you vague descriptions, then it's just that she doesn't want to get into a intimate relationship with again so soon. She may just want to wait things out with you to see how certain you two are, before committing her body to you again. Then again she could just not want sex at all anymore, until she's with someone who she knows she will marry, or until she is married. The only thing you can really do right now is just keep communicating this topic with her in various ways, just to see how she respondes.

Well I was in a similiar situation before. When my g/f and I hooked up 2 years ago, we talked about waiting until marriage. We both have had sex before we met, and did have sex a few times before we had this discussion, but this was something that meant a great deal to both of us. Fast forward to the present day. We broke up in late Oct for various reasons, and when we got back together she had said the same thing. That she didn't want us to have sex anymore until we were married, since it's something that shouldn't be taken litely. I completely understood, and told her I could wait until marriage since I really loved her that much. We then talked about his subject for a couple days, reading our Bibles and having a really open conversation. We then pulled out a "booklet" that she got at a mission a few years ago that discussed sex. In it we read that when two people who really feel like one ("When two fleshes come together and become one") then sex between them is fine. Sex is a very powerful tool, one that requires both partners to be connected on a very high level, spiritually, mentally, and physically. After having another discussion we said that sex between us before marriage is fine, since we have a connection that we know can't be broken. Anyways I don't know if this helps you or not. It is possible to not have sex with someone after being intimate for a while, but it takes time and effort. If you really care for her and want to be part of her life, then try a relationship without sex, it will show her that you are willing to make things work. You can try both things though if you want. Start off with the friendship (since friends don't usually have sex with each other) and then move into a relationship that doesn't have sex as well. You can also see what limits she has in this "no sex" until marriage. Does this mean all kinds of foreplay, including oral, are out of the question or are these things okay for her, just as long as their is no intercourse? Good luck man, and keep us updated.

What would be better to do is put something there that means something to both of you. If it's a song or quote, then it should be something that reminds her of a time spent with you. You know like maybe one day while hagning out a song came on while you two were joking around and having fun, and everytime either of you hears that song you think of that moment. Put lyrics from the song in your message then. Other than that if you just put some random quote she may not get why, or just pass by it without any notice.

Well Tea what your bf is talking about is actually "hunting" for a one nighter. I'm asking for more of the spontanious one nighters, and what they look for. I've been in those situations where I go to a bar/club not looking for someone, but leaving that night with someone just to have sex. Either I initated the contact, or she did, but either way it was just something that we both wanted from each other and that's it. I do agree with protection. I Never had sex without a condom, even if I was really horny and really wanted to have sex, if I didn't have a condom it wasn't happening. For the most part I've noticed that one nighters are usually how Victor had his, in a drunken, confused (with emotions) state. One nighters usually always happen at bars/clubs, which is why I was wondering what someone looks for at these places for a sex partner. One nighters can happen other places, but they are rare. I actually had a girl in my class trying to get a one nighter out of me (after she found out my g/f broke up with me) and she kept inviting me to go to her place after class and have sex, so I can get my mind off things. Plus she kept saying it would help her relax and focus on studying for our final. Now that I look back at my life, I realize how much I wasted on those one nighters. They were never satisfying in a emotional level. Sure I got to get out some hormones and stuff, but in the end it just felt like I was destroying myself from the inside out. Which is why I stopped, decided to stop looking for love and just live life. I did that for a year, then met my current g/f who I am totally bliss with. But if we break up, and I'm single again, I'm sure I'll probably go through a couple weeks/months of one nighters just to get my mind off things, but who knows.

Whenever I see DBL's post, it always starts with something I totally disagree with, but ends with something that makes absolute sense. As with that post, I do think that it was a bit selfish to say (unless he was just joking with her) but at the end of the post he gave some of the best advice.. Go see a counsler. That would really help both of you to get back on track together and not at the stalemate your at right now.

Okay so I've seen a few post's about what guys look for in a girl they want to date, and what women look for in a guy they want to date, but I wanted to throw this one out there. What do you look for (both men and women) in a one night stand (or fling)? I know this may be a touchy subject for some, and kids don't get any ideas from this, but I always wondered what people look for when they just want to get laid. Of course I will start things since I asked the question. I used to be into one nighters a long time ago before meeting my g/f. When I was out I would defiantly look for certain things from a girl that I just wanted to lay. First off I would look at the body (yes it's immature, but I only wanted her for her body anyways). I would mainly look at the butt and waiste. Next would be eyes, since during sex your going to be looking at each others eyes, and I wanted something nice to look at. Other than that I would just look for some "sultry" features (such as how high her heels were, how short the skirt was, the way the hair was done, and so on). Well I guess that sums up what I looked for in a one nighter, and I'm interested in knowing what other peoples opinions are on this one.

And he shouldn't feel like less of a man or that you don't love him enough for not wanting to do it. My g/f doesn't want to do it either, she mentioned maybe trying it, but that was something she would choose to do. I don't feel any different about her because of her choice, since she still chooses to perform oral sex on me. Your husband should realize that some women don't even like to perform oral sex at all, and that he should be grateful that your wanting to do it with him. Taking it in your mouth has nothing to do with love or anything like that, it's just that male minds have been perverted by porno (and the ability to get it so easy) to the point that every guy thinks that girls love to have cum on them just about anywhere. They always try to say "if you don't like it, then it's because you don't love me that much" but it's just a line. In reality there thinking "al these other girls I see and hear about say how terrific it is, so I'm sure my girl will like it too." It's a very immature and selfish attitude to have, and you just need to be firm about it and tell "hey I tried it once and didn't like it at all, I don't want to do it again." That should be the end of the story, plain and simple.

Well I guess I break your theory, since my g/f was the one who broke up with me, and she was the one to put the effort in take me back and make the relationship work. Also when I broke up with girls in the past, I made sure the break stood broken.

It's seems like it's more of a communication issue that it is a whole sexual issue. He doesn't want to accept your point of view on not wanting to do it, because you don't want to. At the same time he is trying to tell you that he wont forcce you to do something you don't want to, but acts like a baby when you make a choice that doesn't agree with his. As I said you can just tell him that if you were to allow him to "go" in your mouth, then you would want to snowball (snowballing is french kissing with the cum still in your mouth) with him. As I said if he gets disgusted by the idea, ask him why he thinks that it should be fine for you then. If not then you can just tell him that you should no longer perform oral sex for a while since it just seems to cause problems instead of being an act of intimacy. You should never do something that you don't want to do, and if he married you he should know that as well. Both of you need to really communicate this issue further before you attempt to "try it" (you shouldn't feel like you have to if you don't want to) just so you both can get back on the same page.

Well in that situation I know that most of those guys just like getting with younger girls, just becasue they can pretty much get away with anything. As far as for the girl side, most of these girls date older guys because of the maturity they feel these guys come with compared to guys in the same age bracket. Age is just a number if it's really love, but when it's just dating then age is just a way to find maturity/immaturity in a partner.

Well I don't understand by what you mean from the "end result" (well I know what the end result is, but in your context it's weird). If your talking about him "going" in your mouth, well if you don't like it then you don't like it, and shouldn't feel bad that you don't. If your worried about it happening, tell him to warn you before he gets there so you could get a rag or something. He should respect you enough to tell you when he's close, and not just "go" in your mouth. Other than that, it seems like your husband is being a bit selfish and childish with this issue. If you don't like it, the you don't like it and thats the bottom line. If he's still persistent on "ending" in your mouth, tell him that you would want to snowball with him afterwards, and see if how he takes it. If he says thats gross or something like that, then you can tell him that you feel the same way.

Well your ex is actually being very diss-respectful to you after finding out what he did. Yeah I understand that he would be upset that you lied to him in the beginnig, but for him to be pissed at you for not telling him about your rape is very unconsiderate. Yeah lying is never acceptable, but in your situation some things should be permited. You didn't want him to know you were raped, so you said something else, that's understandable. I don't understand why he would tell you that he didn't want to sleep with a virgin, because then I have to wonder what he would have done if you said you were one. Would he have just dumped you, or would he have been more considerate of the fact that you wanted him to have your virginity? Anyways if you write him back I think you need to just lay things out on the line, let him know lying was wrong, but what happened to you in your past wasn't something that you were ready to talk about yet. Also tell him that if he is that mad at you for it, then thats his problem, because most guys would be way more supportive after finding out that a girl was raped in her life.

When you perform oral on him do you just focus on his shaft and only use your mouth? I ask because some guys can get really "excited" when a girl is "multi-functional". Performing oral while performing a hand job is a way to get quicker results, as well as keeping him going when you focus on his balls (sorry if I'm to blunt about this). You can also try bringing in some outside products to help stimulate him. Oils, syrup, whip cream, and all that stuff works to get guys "off" faster than usual. My g/f actually came home last week with some stuff from Fredricks that get's hot when air is blown on it. Well that stuff was pretty intense to say the least. You can also try what the previous poster said and give him a long bj, then follow it up with some quick sex to finish things off.

You could always invite your friends to just come chill with you and watch a movie or something. Even college kids like to just sit back and relax sometimes too. Also if you can't really keep in touch by phone, have you tried e-mails or text messages? Those are just as effective ways of keeping in touch with friends as a phone call.

My g/f got some from Victoria's Secret called SEXY. In each letter of SEXY there's a different flavored gloss, and each one is really nice. Plus she will sometimes mix them together. Also she will use just some regular lip balm, just get some vanilla or cherry flavored ones and it works the same. Other than that I don't really know what she uses, since she buys all that stuff with her friends and rarely with me.

Well a good way to get some "alone" time with him is to invite him out to go get something to drink (cup of coffee, tea, jamba juice, or whatever). After you get the drink, go for a walk and try to head somewhere that will give you two some time to talk alone, without giving him the feeling that he's being forced into a conversation. Or you can start the conversation at the place your at, then ask him if you two could go somewhere more private to finish the conversation (back to your/his house, sit in the car, go to a park or beach, or whatever your imagination can think of). I think that as long as you don't make if forceful, then you shouldn't have to worry about much at all.

1. At least eveyday, more when I'm not with my g/f or know that I won't see her that day 2. Intercourse or Oral? If you combine the two then just about everyday. On average I would say 5 times a week, it just depends on when/where my g/f and I meet up with each other. 3. Sometimes just for fun. Sometimes just to settle the craving one of us was having for the other person that day. Sometimes because we really want to make love with each other. Sometimes to make each other feel better after a bad day or fight (make-up sex). Many reasons to have sex with each other, but we mainly have sex because we love being intimate with each other.

Well as far as your family goes, thats normal. Everyone's family doesn't want to see a sibling/child hurt, and will always want to protect that person from being hurt especially when that hurt is repeted by the same person. When my g/f broke up with me a while ago, my family acted the same way. My sister kept telling me to not talk to her and so on. Even my parents were just saying that I would be better off without her, just because they didn't want me to be hurt. It's not that they don't like her (they really like my g/f) they just don't like seeing their child/sibling hurt. Now that were back together they are fine, but they still say they don't want either of us to get hurt by the other person. I don't know if you should wait until before leaving to let him know, just becaue he may feel that the next few weeks were just a "front" from you. Also you have to consider that he may get upset about this letter, and would you want him to be out on vacation upset at you? It may lead him to go down a path he wouldn't want to be in again (such as getting hammered at a bar, meeting some random chick, and you know what else). If you send it know, it still gives him time to think about things, as well as deal with any emotions he will get from it. You could always end the letter with a "please don't reply to this before you gave it some thought" or something on that note to let him know not to call/e-mail you back really quickley. By sending it sooner than later, your letting him know that you've been thinking about things for the past 2 weeks, and you still want some more time to fully think things through, but your giving him a clue about what it is your thinking. Plus it lets him know what your looking for from him (as in changes and support) so that he can put that effort in to show you how much you really mean to him and how much he wants this relationship to work.

My g/f doesn't like the taste of sperm so she would spit if I didn't warn her in time for her to get a rag or something. The only time she kept in her mouth was while driving, but then she found a water bottle and spit in there. Concerning the puking question, well that's something you won't figure out until you try. I've been with girls who gagged for a while when it was in their mouth, which is why they would just spit instead of swallow. Other girls don't mind it at all, but when it came to swallowing it they would also have trouble with their gag reflex, and they weren't able to do it the first couple times. Anyways, most guys don't care about which one the girl does, the ones who do care too much watch way too much porn and just think that every girl wants to swallow.

I notice that many girls in your age group (13-15) go through this same confusion as well. This is mainly due to making new connections with different people. As you said, this is your first "best friend" which means you have a really close bond with that person. At your age, it's hard for the mind to understand what that bond means. For most girls they can't understand if that bond is due to the possibility of being gay, which you are going through as well. Girls in your age feel like that because they like this "friend" so much that it must mean they may be gay, but having really close feelings for a friend is normal. Some guys go through this as well, and they find themeselves really likeing being around a guy friend, which makes them also think of the possiblity of being gay. Most of these feelings are normal to have, and soon fade away as you mature and understand the difference between close friends and potential lovers. If you really think that you are possibly gay, or even bi, and you want this other girl to know, then you can tell her how you feel about her. Don't know what else to say except your young and confused, like most of us were.

Well you know him better than anyone else here, so you are the only one who will know how he will react to that email/letter. As you said, it could be good for him to know, so this way he understands why you want to wait things out, and work on things before starting a relationship again. It could be bad if he doesn't know, and starts to think that your just dragging him along, which could lead to him moving on to other things. Just be careful with whatever you do decide to do in these next few steps of post breakup and pre getting back together, since one false move could just ruin all the work. Good luck, and good luck on your final too.

Things to help you have a "clear" mind to study: Music - it always helps me focus on just one thing when I have some "mood" music playing (such as study music, driving music, snowboarding musci, etc.) Going somewere else to study - If that spot your at keeps bringing up old memories that interfier, then go somewere else, even somplace public. Sometimes when I'm really fustrated and can't focus, I'll go down to the coffee shop, get a cup of tea and read there. Other places I like are down by the beach to hear the ocean, on the top of a mountain with a good view, or at a nice park. Get a journal out and clear your mind - This really helps in just everyday life. If your head is bombarding you with thoughts, pull out a journal and get it all out. When your done, you mind will be at ease and you can focus on doing something else. Try to study with other people - Sometimes it helps to get a littel "study group" when you can't focus, since you will be around a group of people who just want to study. They don't even have to be in the same class, just get together with some friends who are also trying to study for finals and study together.