laguitarra

hey guys! i have posted part of my story in here before but i really need help right now! i am doing nc w/ my exboyfriend. The problem is I know the code to his cell phone voicemail and his email. I can't stop checking either one of them. I know this is wrong but i can't help it. Can someone please give me some advice. I know this is also making it harder for me to move on. Everyday I say I won't do it anymore and then my curisosity gets to me. Please help! thanks!

to make this more complicated, i know he was cheating b/c i snooped (listened to voicemail), i know it was wrong, but it's done, so how do i go about this, how do i confront him if i should? ok, listened to his voicemail and heard girls leaving voicemails pretty often, i finally confronted him and he said they were just friends (i don't believe him, the voicemails were very incriminating) plus the girls on the voicemails, he had never mentioned them, he always talked about girls that were actually friends, anyway, when i confronted him he broke up with me, we remained friends but acted like we were still together, so he was going home for thanksgiving and i was taking him to the airport, i wanted to sneak some brownies and a magazine as a surprise to him in his carry on bag and when i went to put them in the bag, there were condoms and some cheesy sex coupons right on top of the bag, so i flipped refused to take him to the airport and dropped his bags off at the airport, he claimed that he put the stuff in there as a test to me, i believe he was lying b/c i listened to his voice messages and there was a girl who was very anxious to see him. i have no idea why i am posting this in the getting back together forum b/c after telling all of this story that is the last thing i want, i guess i just need advice on how to handle the gas bill situation cordially . Sorry for the long post! thanks again!

i think what you have said about him being a liar and not changing is probably true, as much as i don't want to believe it. here is my dilemma, not only was he a liar, he is broke. currently his gas bill is in my name. i didn't want to shut it off when we broke up and then i thought we could be friends, or atleast not hate each other, so he told me he would get it switched into his name. he will have to pay a deposit which i know he doesn't have and it is very cold. so should i 1) have it turned off and not notify him 2) let him know it will be shut off at a set date 3) let him keep it until he can afford the deposit at first i was going to just leave it b/c i was pathetic and did not want the loser angry with me, but the more i am away from him things are more clear, he lied and used me and i should not have put up with it as long as i did on the other hand, i remember the good times and for some reason i cant make myself fully see that he is not a good person! and i can not bring myself to be cruel to him. i don't know where to draw the line btw being cruel and standing up for myself. i was thinking of writing an email, it would have to be something short, b/c he can only check e-mail over his cell phone, or i could write a letter or i could call, or try to meet him in person. i want to be matter of fact about the whole situation and i am afraid of becoming emotional with him or in front of him. for some reason i want to write and email and let him know how i feel @ everything but ask him not to call me or respond for awhile? does that make any sense? i am sorry if this is confusing. i cannot write clearly b/c i cannot think clearly. my head is a mess write now. thank you everyone for the advice you have given.

ok so from all the post i have read, i have learned that when you first start hanging out with your ex or having some type of casual contact you are not supposed to bring up the relationship. so here is my question- my ex wants to take me to have a drink, i have been doing no contact, i told him that i would try to be friends but i need time or to take it slow, my problem is that i have a few unanswered questions about our relationship and i feel that before i can know if i want to be his friend i need these questions answered. questions like, was he seeing other people even though he said he was'nt? i know for a fact that he was and he denied the whole time. it's fine now b/c i finally broke it off but if he wants to be friends i feel like he needs to be upfront with me. is this unreasonable? i feel like i should'nt pretend to be his friend when i still secretly resent him. if he wants to be honest with me and tell me what went on (not too many details) and apologize then i could be his friend but if not i dont think i can. what do you guys think? how should i go about this?

it helps tremendously, thank you, you are right about wanting to break it early, even though i know i can't call him, i rack my brain for reasons(excuses) to call. You put things in perspective and black and white which is what i needed b/c my brain is just a jumbled up mess! thank you! i am going to try my best!

hello everyone! i read the post on this forum almost everyday and have found them to be very helpful, so thank you to everyone who takes the time to post and reply! i have recently broken up with a guy that i dated for around a year and a half, we had a fairly rocky relationship due to outside circumstances and mistakes on both of our parts(mostly his). i feel like my only option for making this relationship work is to walk away from him and enforce no contact. my questions are: 1) how long should no contact last? 2) if he calls or text should i respond? 3)if he does not call or text with in a certain amount of time should i contact him? if yes, what should i say? 4) if he contacts me after awhile, i know he will want to start a friendship, but how do i react to this? i want him to know that the option of getting back together is there but that things have to be different? if we end up as only friends i can deal with that also, at this point that might be all i want. sorry i know this may be confusing but i am very confused right now. For a little background info, we broke up once before. I did no contact for about 3 months, we spoke briefly about 4 or 5 times during this period. During the 3 months I did not contact him but I did not take time to heal myself, I obsessed over him and drank constantly to numb myself. So one night we ended up talking on the phone for over an hour, I went to see him that night, we slept together and we immediately jumped back into our relationship, together all the time,etc. We were happy for a short time until all the old problems resurfaced and they had never been addressed. Basically we did no contact straight to the old relationship. He did try to change some things that bothered me. When we got back together, I was just so happy to be with him again, i was afraid to bring up things for fear of rocking the boat. However this back fired b/c when we had small arguments or he did something that slightly upset me I would blow it out of proportion and go crazy on him b/c I had all of this pent up anger and frustration. I just need to know how to do it right this time if it can be done at all. What confuses me is, I read the post about how to get your ex back (wonderful post) and he said that contact with your ex has to be pleasant and enjoyable, i think he is 100% right about that. why would someone want you back when your angry and bitter. He also says not to bring up the relationship or the past. It would seem that you go from pleasant time together to back into a relationship, how do you do this without solving the problems? Sorry for the long post. Any advice is very much appreciated and thank you to everyone who post, just reading all the post has helped me tremendously. on another note, does anyone else going through a break up have a roller coaster of emotions? one minute, i feel like who needs that jerk, an hour later i'm crying thinking i can't live without him? it's enough to make me crazy. I wish there was a way to make the feeling of "who needs the jerk stick"! thanks again!

thanks for your opinions!! you really made me feel better. i worry alot about being high maintenance. my parents spoiled me alot. i don't ask for much b/c of that. But to me respect is a non-negotiable. i really needed some reassurance and you guys gave it to me. so thanks again.

any advice is appreciated!! i just broke up with my boyfriend of a year. if i told the whole story it would go like this.....he was over at my house, we were watching tv, i was talking and he interrupted me to tell me to change the channel so he could watch entertainment tonight, i told him i would not talk to him anymore he couldn watch tv, instead of apologizing, he ignored me and just continued to comment on every woman on tv. it really made me mad b/c we just had a huge fight the night before that was all my fight, so i needed a little attention to me, and i really think it is physically impossible for him. so anyway, i took him home and told him not to call me anymore. i feel like i am crazy and way too high maintenance but the problem to me is not the actual events but the fact that they show a lack of respect. if anyone can offer any insight or just an outside opinion i would love it! thank you !

okay, i think u nailed it when you said indifferent, but the whole problem is that he seems indifferent towards me but not other things going in his life. but how do i say that to him? i don't think he would understand. for an example, if i were to tell him i didnt want to see him anymore he would say "whatever it takes to make you happy" however if his ex girlfriend is upset, he is upset. why does he stay with me if he could'nt care less if we are together or not? i am so upset b/c i care for him but i cant stay w/ someone like this.

okay, i might sound like a crazy person, but i don't know what to do. I keep getting really angry at boyfriend and i can't pinpoint why? He has'nt done anything wrong in particular. I think the problem is that he has not done anything. He acts so non chalant about everything. it makes me mad. am i crazy?

Advice please!! Okay here is my story- I broke up with my ex because he was treating me poorly, he never called when he said he would, he never had time for me, things of that nature, I think he really liked me so I don't know what went wrong. But he started to treat me pretty badly and at times said very hurtful things. There is a lot of background info I could give if anyone needs it in order to give me advice but I will spare you for right now. Anyway, I broke up with him b/c I couldn't take being hurt anymore but the thing is I really just wanted him to say I'm sorry and I will treat you better from now on. Well, he didn't say anything like that. I have been very torn up over the whole situation, it has been about 2 months. My question is this-I have been doing "no contact" even though I am the one who broke up with h.im. About once a week he will text message me and ask how I am doing and I did call him one time and he said to me "it's good to hear your voice" and "we should hang out sometime", I just ignored it b/c I don't know what he wants and I am not at a point where I can be friends. Am I doing the right thing by doing the no contact and how do I find out what he wants from me? The once a week text messages kill me. I would love any advice or feedback. Thank you.