Borashi

I was wondering about the possiblity of one person staying committed to another. Is it just me or does it seem like once you are dating someone you all of a sudden have more options on who you want to date? I've been seeing this girl on and off for over a year now, just recently though we mutually agreed to be friends because of our own hetic schedules, etc. But we both admitted we still love each other and would always be there for one another. Lately I've met 3 girls who've all showed signs of interests, have gave me their #'s, but as humble as I am, I can't decide if seeing any of them is worth it nor do I even want to deal with the hassle of dating a bunch of girls at once. Even if they could just be friends, do you ever feel like just blowing someone off cause of all the other things you have to do in a day. I know this sounds really selfish, but I couldn't even make time for a girl that I truly love, how will I make time for girls that want to date me? Then again I think about networking in terms of new careers or business opportunities and a little voice in my head says pursue them just because the more people you know, the more opportunities could come your way for better or worse. Conflicted, Theo

Do you ever feel like your perception of reality differs greatly from what is real? At times I feel quite distant from everyone and everything. Socially I have a very hard time without being self conscious of myself. I'm always aiming to please everyone and when I can't (get there respect) in my mind, I fail and it just lowers my self esteem to an unhealthy level. At times I tell myself to relax, be calm, but it seems so hard to stay focused in this very moment in the present without my thoughts wandering on the past or future. I definitely feel like I need help, but I really don't know where to turn to. I also can't seem to stay consistent with any new hobby I undertake, for example last week I decided to join a gym to fight depression, anxiety, and cope with all the healthy benefits I'd get from it, but I only went twice last week. I seem to be holding myself back to a point where I fear if I keep up at the pace I'm going, I'll have so many regrets when I'm older I'll never be able to reverse the effects it'll have on my life and self esteem.

Look I just broke up with my g/f of one year, because we just weren't there for each other anymore and we really didn't communicate all that much anymore. But whenever we were together it always felt so special, but my point is that after a while you have to move on. Don't let it destroy your confidence in yourself. There will always be more girls/guys out there for you. Maybe not exactly like the one you were attached to but there always is. The funny story behind my breakup is that I just started to work out again for summer, well I strolled into a local health food store, and made a really good friend, possible dating material and it all happened just by chance. So remember it can happen anytime, anywhere. Breaking up really really sucks, but you have to fight through the emotions to reach a positive mental state. I always look at breakups as opportunities to improve myself. It's also a great time to reunite with old friends if you haven't hung out with your buddies in a while. Just remember in the end, the only person you can depend on is yourself. Even if someone says you can depend on them, in the end it all comes down to you.

Okay here's my situation, whenever we see each other our chemistry is explosive and we're totally into each other, but we tend to drift apart every few weeks only to come back together again, in which our feelings are once again reinforced towards one another. My biggest issue is when we don't see each other, we're both so busy, she only tends to call when she's upset or has a problem, this makes me think she's categorizing me into her "always" accessible nice guy friend. This is definitely what I don't want to be and I almost wonder if I remain unavaliable by phone or email, if she'll be even drawn closer to wanting to see me again. It's so confusing, we had a huge talk last month we're we just poured each others feelings out for each other yet we both don't seem to take the time to make room for each other besides an occasional weekly phone call. Part of me says move on I could do so much better if I just let go, yet part of me struggles to define what we mean to each other as it seems to vary so much from week to week.

I feel like I was born for a reason, but trying to figure out why that is just causes deeper confusion and sorrow. At times I want to be one thing or go to college to pursue another but other times I'm more focused on what I need to do to keep my g/f happy rather than focusing on following my own path. I've had just as crazy as a life as anyone else, When I was born I was on a respirator for 6 weeks cause I wasn't strong enough to breathe on my own. I've fought through health issues throughout the years, I've finally eating a balanced diet and can say physically I'm fine but mentally I have a lot of garbage stored within my brain. I'm met a lot of girls who have been sexually abused in one way or another, and part of me feels there has to be a reason why I heard their experiences and the pain they went through. Sometimes I feel life moves so fast, I barely have time to blink. I guess I'm just the type of person that has a really difficult time staying focused in the moment and taking it day by day. I'm 24 years old and wish I could find my purpose in life. So I could apply myself in a positive matter.

The reason why you might notice more girls hitting on you when your dating is because your more focused on being "faithful" While you might have beliefs and values, it's definitely tough to stay committed to one person when most people have so many different options to choose from. Consider this: Do you ever notice when you buy a new car, lets say a mazda 6 and then after the first week or so you start noticing how many of those cars are on the road? It's because you've focused in on those other cars because you own one with the same interests. Apply the same concept to when your dating or have a g/f.

A lot of your points are very well taken and I agree with almost everything you've said but consider this about shyness. Most people who are shy, are that way because they are uncomfortable with themselves, really it's all about just accepting yourself for who you are, accepting your strengths and weaknesses, and just being comfortable in your own skin. I don't think you can merely shrug shyness off as complete fear though. Behaviors are genetically inherited and can be passed down from generation to generation. For example I'm naturally "shy" or "timid". My dad happens to be the same way. I travel around to businesses all over the metro area, I'm around people all the time, but I'm still shy. This isn't because I'm afraid, I won't label it as another disorder and sell out to pharmaceutical supplements either, its just what it is. I'm introverted and very introspective, its a part of my personality that I accept.

I've seen the commercials on TV about Paxil and the chemical imbalance someone can have in there brain that causes social anxiety but couldn't shyness also be a part of your personality? I can be so shy at times in public, but when I'm around "comfortable" places or people I know or if I'm in a positive mood I tend to be more outgoing. Plus when I'm on the phone talking to friends or people I've just met, I can be really open and not be shy at all, so I really wonder at times if shyness or being timid is just a part of my personality or if its really a psychological problem.

I haven't finished with the book yet, but its very good: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness by DANIEL G. MD AMEN I'm currently reading this book: I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT: OVERCOMING THE SECRET LEGACY OF MALE DEPRESSION by Terrence Real This book has made me believe I suffer from covert depression and that I often seek out ways to satisify my depression through addiction. So far its explained some very interesting case studies and for the first time in my life, I'm considering seeing a psychologist to deal with my own family issues from the past. I agree that sex can be a good compulsion as long as it isn't depended upon! Let me give you an example: In my last relationship that lasted 2 years, it all came down to sex. (yeah... every guys fantasy right?) Well I realized I wasn't happy and ended the relationship because I had originally thought that was the cause but now I realize it all ties back to my past. I went out with her cause she was nuturing and giving me the attention my mom never did when I was a child. I was also very family orientated in that relationship, I had dinner with her family all the time, I slept over at her house all the time, and we got along great. But what I was doing was I was disguising and manipulating the family for my own self satisifacation and sense of security. When I broke up with her, I no longer had the sex to depend on and so my self worth was back to an unhealthy level, for a long time I've hid from my problems through drinking, drugs, gambling, sex, etc. I'm finally crossing a path in which I've chosen to find the truth at the crossroads, where its going to lead me, only god knows.

I feel so overwhelmed at times by everything around me. Lately I've been trying to live for the "moment" rather than live in the "past" or "future" I tend to get caught up in my own thoughts at times, rather than just being happy with what I have and who I'm with and all I've been blessed with. At times when I'm alone I can be so negative about things that really shouldn't matter, I've been reading a lot of psychology books lately that have helped me gain perspective into myself and why I think the way I do. I think the most interesting aspect I've learned so far in change your brain, change your life is that you can inherit genetic behaviors. You ever wonder why you act so much like your parents? Ramble, Ramble, Ramble on...

When I open my eyes, the darkness arrives Not a chance to defend, it penetrates my mind Like a black dog alone in the forest, it attacks my thoughts I try to justify the voices, I'd do anything to please Just leave me alone, I won't tell no more lies But it's all a disguise, hidden amongst the pain A voice calls out "I'll never be the same!"

This is kind of like Deja Vu, I actually was thinking of this concept earlier this afternoon. I was in a hardware store that I've been to many times before and this really hot girl is a cashier there, well everytime I go in she says hi to me and gives me the biggest smile, so I figure what the hell, instead of always being so "serious" around her, I'll just mess with her so I started out with "Why aren't you wearing your cmas outfit?" I know that sounds kind of retarded but its all I could think of at the time and then she kind of gives me this look and then she starts laughing. After that I cut off the fun, looked her directly in the eyes, gave her a big smile, and told her to have a nice christmas. See the key is to not act desperate and ask for her # right away, get into her head by using a little psychology. I planted a seed with the joke I made today. Now when she looks back on her day she'll think about me (as I was different, I used humor to stand out) from all the other clowns that she dealt with today. Now I'll see her again after New Year's and I'll mess with her again, its like a game of cat and mouse, you have to play when she wants to play, and you have to pull back to show your confident. A lot of what your doing is acting, playing to someones needs, yes it might be manipulative but how else are you supposed to meet women? or interest the attractive ones? I've noticed its easier to play with the shy ones a lot of the time, because they'll laugh at just about anything you say if they are attracted to you from the very beginning.

There are a lot of great replies and I'd like to add my own thoughts into the mix. A great person once said the only constant in life should be "change". Only if it was so easy at times. I've been trying to change a lot about myself but I like many others want instant gratification and so when I don't see results IE almost instantly, I'll grow impatient and usually quit what I was trying to change. It seems somedays I'm more motivated than others to change aspects about my life. I think everyone can change if they are motivated by __________________. Think about this for a second, one of the greatest motivating factors for change is having a kid. Once you have a kid, a burning desire is created in you to change for the better. You all of a sudden want the best for your child. You want to create the life that you never got to have when you were younger. Back to the topic, I recently have been trying to change a lot of my thought patterns, see I come from a long line of "worryers" but what I've figured out is that if I feed into that cycle of being worried about every little thing all the time, then I won't be able to take action. Also I'm trying to not let everything and everyone influence me. The perfect example of this is the recent Wisconsin Hunting Accident that happened. I'm sure everyone has heard about this as its been on the news all last week. After hearing about this being talked about on radio shows and tv, I couldn't help but notice how my mind through the power of auto suggestion almost suddenly started to focus negatively on Asians. 2 days after that hunting incident happened, I must have noticed 50 Asians within a 48 hour period. Automatically I started to judge the Asians I saw just based upon what I heard through the morning radio show I listen to and television. Its crazy how it can have such a powerful effect on you without even noticing it happening. So I'm trying to be more "conscious" of my surroundings and I'm trying to surround myself only with positive people. This way I'll remain open minded about change. Still searching for my soul... Theo

Love is so powerful, it can barely be explained. Love gets confused a lot with lust. True Love is very rare and when its found, I don't say cling on, I say both live in the moment, be independent, and do your very best. Love is unconditional and unforgiving, its like the yin and yang symbol. Love is when you know your willing to sacrifice everything without hesitation. Love is like a fine wine, one sip and you are always thirsty for more.

My main point is to tell all you guys out there is that if your looking for your dream girl or your going after the girl of your dreams you need to create attraction. How might you do this? Its quite simple just be in your element and make her laugh, all girls are attracted to humor in one way or another. What girls dont like are clingy desperate guys and if they do happen to like you for being clingy and desperate then they are probably in the relationship for their own selfish needs. For example lets say you meet this really hot girl in the club, you instantly feel attracted to her, but suddenly on the next date you spring your feelings on her, this is a big no no. What most girls are looking for especially the hot ones are a challenge. They don't want someone who is willing to settle for the first piece of hot azz. They want someone who is unpredictable and fun, if your around your girl all the time then you will fall into a routine and a pattern and your chemistry will be lost because you will have became predictable. The key in scoring with hot girls is all about being different. Remember they have guys all around them 24/7 wanting their ph#, telling them hot gorgeous they are, you need to come up with a unique approach to the situation. It works best to be funny and self confident. Never reveal your true feelings on the first date, Always be bold, don't be afraid to maintain eye contact with a girl whos really hot. Last but not least once a girl gives you the "friends" talk her stance will never change.

First of all very recently my ex g/f emailed me who I haven't spoken to in 2 years, we've been an on again off again couple before, but since then I've really moved on. I've felt that I need to explore other options and I told her I'm not willing to get into a serious relationship with her at this point in time, last night she emailed me back saying friends is cool, although we've always been more than "friends" when we were together and she also said she still has a lot of feelings for me. Now either she hasn't moved on or she won't move on and I'm afraid being friends with her would turn into more as it always seems to do, thats why I haven't seen her for over 2 years. Second I have this other girl who I just recently met while traveling to various businesses while working, shes nice, and my gut instinct is to trust her and if I'm assertive enough to get her # as she's shown interest in me for the last 2 weeks and I'm excited just to meet someone new like her. Yet I'm torn on who to date, I really feel like it hasn't worked in the past with my ex so theres no reason to say it will work a 3rd time, I'd rather meet someone new and just move past my ex to a new beginning as I felt I was never truly happy in my last relationship with her. I was very content at times cause it was really comfortable and convient as I got along really well with her family, but I've always felt that I never gave myself enough credit. I still feel only being 23 years old that its to early for me to settle into a serious relationship once again, I need to go out have fun and date more so I can form an opinion of what I want out of a woman that'll form a serious relationship...

In my business, I travel around to various businesses throughout the city, so I'm constantly interacting with different people at different businesses. Well today I ran into a girl that I really like, she has a great body and a beautiful smile, my first impression is that she has a really good head on her shoulders and is responsible, which is what I'm looking for. Now my question is how would I go about asking her out? Any ways to hint at that she has a b/f or should I just be assertive and ask her if she has one? She definitely showed interest, I'm just not sure at what level she'd want to take it to. Besides that this is only the 2nd time we've had a conversation, last week she tried to talk to me but I kind of brushed her off without realizing that she was interested. I'll most likely see her again next week so if that happens, whats your best advice, I figure I have nothing to lose, and really if nothing works out, at least a friend to gain. I need your best advice, I haven't met a girl, where I've felt an instant connection like this in a long time...

I remember 2 years ago I was dating a girl who didn't get her period for 8 weeks, those sure were the longest weeks of my life. I remember thinking about how I wasn't ready to be a dad, and how I didn't really want to have a kid with a girl who I cared about, but knew I wasn't going to marry. This taught me an important lesson which is to always use protection, throughout that relationship protection wasn't used, and I guess I'm kind of lucky I escaped out of that relationship without the obligation of having a child for my stupidity of not using protection. In the heat of the moment it might feel "good" but you don't want to be caught in a mistake that your not ready for. Protection its cheap and it works...

This is also known as the Adonis Complex. If your looking for a great read about one mans bodybuilding adventures you should check out: Muscle : Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder It's one of the most hilarious yet compelling stories about a man who became a professional bodybuilder, only to realize that he wasn't happy with what he'd become.

My cousin died in a car accident on 9/3/04, she swerved to miss a deer and rolled her car, she broke her neck and jaw, and died almost instantly. It was a tragic wake up call, that really made me realize how important life is. But why is it that death a lot of the times, makes us question our own ways of living? Also why in a period of death is everyone always so sad? At least when you die, at worst its total silence complete stillness, at best your an angel. My point is at least your away from all the pressures of life. Death always seem to motivate me to do something with my life. For example when my grandma passed 3 years ago, I went back to school and got my diploma. Now I'm looking towards putting my energy into running my own company. At the funeral I think I was angry for a few hours, but I really didn't question god's intentions? Maybe for a few minutes, I thought to myself I wished it was me instead of her, but I wasn't balling my eyes out like most everyone else at the funeral. I don't know if people looked at me more coldy because of that, but I tend to take things in stride. I see why cops use humor a lot in situations of death, and I tend to do the same towards everything in life. I've realized its not worth being angry about literally every single thing that goes wrong in life, its more about what you take and do with that negative energy.

I'm in a situation right now where I could settle with a girl I'm comfortable with like I've done in the past, or I could really go after this other girl whos special to my heart and who likes me a lot. Have you ever settled in a relationship strictly for comfort or convience? Rather than being with the person because you truly care about them? Be honest, I want to hear your story. Thanks Theo

While you may not realize it, I sure didn't realize it until I turned 23 years old. It doesn't matter how much you want to make your family proud or your g/f or whomever it maybe, if your not happy with yourself in all aspects then you will never have a 100% happy life where you are content with just being yourself. For a while I wouldn't accept myself for who I was, I looked at my faults, my downfalls, I looked a lot into my past mistakes: the drinking, the drugs, my gambling addict, all the negative things that stopped me from becoming what I am today. Now at times I feel like I'm playing catch up within myself just to grow to where I want to be in all aspects of life. If there is only one piece of advice that I can give you it is this "We all only have one shot in life and we need to make the best of it, so we should always be about changing 24/7" I mention this as if you are constantly changing in positive ways, you'll never be unhappy, you'll realize your potential and you won't sell yourself short. No self help book is going to cure your blues, the only person that can cure your happiness is you. We've all heard I'm my own worst enemy well for many years I've been the most negative person in my life and now I can finally say I'm dropping all the negative aspects out of my life, so I will be happy with myself.

I definitely have the same problem as you. At times I'm very happy with myself, other times I'm questioning why I haven't improved this aspect of my life or another whether it be a personal or career aspect. The best advice I can give is to keep your head up and just do what you have to do to make yourself happy. One lesson I've learned this year is if you have a chance to make things right whether it be with yourself or others, you make it right. It doesn't matter if your not happy with yourself in certain aspects whether it be your physical appearance, not having enough friends or a g/f, or whatever, just stop focusing on the negative or what you don't have and start focusing on what you can do right now in this very moment to improve your self confidence. I'm not 100% happy with myself either and maybe I never will be, but I'm trying, I'm going for it, and I'm not letting anyone else's opinons reflect upon me in a negative way anymore.

Why all the deception, your feelings are hidden beneath your soul Begging to be released, yet your fear has overcome It's consumed your heart, turning you away from love You think its all a game, that I'll always wait for you Now I have to move on cause I'm strong, time marches on Don't ever come back, I'm forever gone If you decide to call, I won't answer You've shattered my world into pieces When I was real, you were fake It was such a mistake, doomed from the start You should've never played with my heart Why all the sadness and despair? You took our love for granted You thought I was a dog that could be played with Don't disrespect me like that, as I'll never look back The realization has sunk in, now your all alone Don't come knocking on my door, begging for more It was great while it lasted, now its burned to ashes Get out of my face, your such a disgrace Now I'm gone, while your left singing a sad song

Here's a poem I wrote today...I like to keep it simple! Blossom A precious heart so pure I'd wipe away all your tears I'd calm all your fears I wish it'd last forever When I look into your eyes I know you'll be true Why do you have to leave me so soon? As I reach out for your hand You suddenly turn away Give me a chance I'll show you that I care I'll always be there We can grow together I'm willing to do whatever Let's be forever No second thoughts Take your time Make up your mind Just give me a sign I'll be right by your side As time passes You begin to realize The love that we share Can't be compared