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healing

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Everything posted by healing

  1. healing
    Chip, There is no way to know what her intentions are (in terms of why she contacted you) unless you ask her directly...even then, she may not know herself why she reached out. If you think you are ready to talk with her, I would suggest a face to face meeting. I would not advise email, because you will not be able to make eye contact, see her body language, hear the tone in her voice, etc.
  2. healing
    If you are interested in getting to know her, get to know her. Eye contact can be incredibly unreliable. She could be extremely shy, and thereforeeee her eye contact will not reflect her true feelings of attraction at all. You have a common interest, so go from there. She might want a new friend, or maybe more...time will tell! If you are attracted to her, let it show!
  3. healing
    Ask her out! Don't do the push/pull thing...that's a game. If you don't want her to play games with you, DON'T play games with her.
  4. healing
    Hey Lisa, I think that it was a healthy decision to not contact him. Don't forget, he is spreading lies. I think that book (Women Who Love Too Much) will give you plently to think about. I don't think love is enough. There has to be respect, trust, compatibility, similar value and beliefs, and so on. You want a healthy relationship, right? The fact that you are posting here, thinking about all of this, reading, etc...shows that you are willing to do the work that it takes...and what is he doing? He is going around spreading rumours and gossip! Actions speak louder than words. Keep strong and good luck! Journalling helps a lot too!
  5. healing
    Is it possible that you had feelings for him that were more than friendship? I'm just wondering.
  6. healing
    I think he is trying to save face. He doesn't want people to think he is the 'bad guy', so he is going around spreading his version of the story first. I don't think he is giving any consideration to your feelings or your reputation whatsoever! I think that you are better off without him. How could you ever trust him again? He is telling lies to people to make himself look good! You know, they say that you really find out who someone is after you break up with her/him. I suggest total 'no contact'. No matter what you say, this guy will twist it around and spread it around. I don't think giving him something in writing is a good idea, unless you want that passed around too!
  7. healing
    The first month is very hard. Actually, I think the first 60 days were teh worst for me - and then things really started to get better. I think that 'no contact' is a great way to get clarity and to see the relationship more objectively.
  8. healing
    ...wow, I think I've heard it all now! Hey, whatever works for you! If it's over, it's over though. You will have to find a way to move on. I suggest 'no contact' if you are serious about letting go and healing from this loss. Good luck to you!
  9. healing
    If you were told not to call or contact her, I think that you have to respect that. Write the letter. Read it over several times. Put it aside for a few days, then read it again to see if you need to add anything. If it feels 100% right in your heart to send it, then send it. Keep in mind, she might show this letter to people, so be very sure that this is what you want to do. Also, it is not enough to just say 'sorry', you have to show it with your actions as well. Good luck to you!
  10. healing
    crymeariver, I agree with what you are saying. If someone doesn't want you, it's her loss. Why waste any more time and energy on the 'wrong' woman? You have a life to live! I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person ever again!!! Good luck to you!
  11. healing
    I did 'no contact' to heal when a relationship ended. I am still doing 'no contact' because I think that it is what is best for me. The relationship wasn't healthy, the friendship wasn't healthy, we just are not compatible, even as friends. I think that doing 'no contact' in hopes someone will call is game playing and not honest at all. I think that if someone has thought about it, and truly wants to get back with his ex, he should contact the person and say so. If she says 'no', then it is time to move on. This is when 'no contact' should be used, in order to heal and get over it. Brandell, from what you describe, I think that 'no contact' will help you to let go and heal. The emotional rollercoaster is damaging, and it is perhaps time to get off the ride all together. She sounds messed up, she doesn't seem to know what she wants. You are better off without these mixed messages! I agree that if a relationship is meant to be, and the two people are compatible, it will happen at the right time. Timing is really important! Good luck!
  12. healing
    I suggest you have a talk with her and tell her how you are really feeling...who knows...she may be feeling the same way. You will never know if you just walk away... If she doesn't feel the way you do, then I would suggest you do 'no contact' or very little contact, until you have gotten over your romantic attachment to her.
  13. healing
    Ask her out to lunch, and go to a place that's near the school. Get to know her before asking her out on a more romantic date.
  14. healing
    If she meets with you behind her bf's back, guaranteed she will do the same to you one day. Is that the kind of gf you want? She might have an open relationship with her bf...they may date other people. Ask her about this, so that you know where you stand.
  15. healing
    I think you should call on Tuesday...if you wait too long, you will come accross as not very interested. I would wait 2 to 3 days max. It really depends on her though, and she doesn't seem like the 'go slow' type so far, considering the kissing etc. You probably could have called her the next day! Asking in advance is very respectful, and she'll appreciate that.
  16. healing
    Wow...what a great thread! I believe I was meant to find and read this thread this morning! Thank you to all of you for openly and honestly sharing your process!
  17. healing
    I think you made a healthy decision. If he contacts you, report him right away.
  18. healing
    Wow, I really feel for you. She is using you, and she is not taking any responsibility whatsoever for her actions. You said it yourself, it is not wise for you to keep calling/texting/IMing her. It is also not healthy for you to keep chasing her like this. If she wanted you, she would be with you. Clearly, she actually wants this other guy...for whatever reason. She sounds really confused...but the fact is, she used you. In school, just be yourself. I think you should focus on other young women who are available and who treat you with respect. As much as it hurts now, it will get better in time. Let go of this game player. There might be other young women who are attracted to you, but they probably aren't showing it because they see how wrapped up you are in this girl. You are single and available, act like it, and the right one for you will notice! I think that we have all been through this...we've all been led on at one time or another. It hurts, it sucks, and it takes time to heal. No contact is the best way to heal. Don't approach her, don't initiate contact, just let go. A simple 'hi' is enough. You might need some space for awhile, so that you feel strong around her. You don't owe her anything. You don't have to keep being nice to someone who is a game player. I don't agree that you should play any sort of games. You were yourself with this young women, and she didn't want you...she chose someone else. The right one for you will be attracted to you for who you really are. You seem to be a very patient and loyal young man, and this will work in your favour when you are in a real relationship. Sorry you got used. Hopefully you will remember how it feels to be led on, and you will never lead anyone on yourself.
  19. healing
    ...it means the person loves you in a non-sexual, non-romantic way. Hey, at least the person loves you though! Love is a rare gift...take it for what it is!
  20. healing
    I've been doing 'no contact' to heal after a relationship ended. At first, it was absolute hell...and every day was really hard. Sometimes every hour was horrid! The first few weeks were the worst. As times goes on, it gets easier and easier...and I'm getting stronger and healthier. I haven't heard a word from her...not an email, not a phone call, nothing! I know now that it really is over. When I get tempted to contact her, I journal, call a friend, go for a walk, do just about anything except contact her. Sometimes I still have moments when I really miss her, and I feel sad, but these moments pass. I've learned to resist the urge to reach out to the person who hurt me so much! It really does get better people! Do 'no contact' if you really want to let go! I think it speeds up the healing process quite a bit actually! And when you do 'no contact' you'll find out soon enough if your ex really cares or not!
  21. healing
    I think that you should do what feels right for you. IMO he would have called by now if he cared about your feelings. I think you need more time, more 'no contact' so that you heal more, and are stronger. The right guy is out there...and he will NOT cheat on you!
  22. healing
    spatz... It sounds like you were more invested in this relationship that she was, and that's why you are hurting so much. You chose to focus on an 'us', and the risk is, if it doesn't work out, it does hurt a whole lot more. It is very painful. No contact is usually the best thing after a break-up. Telling her all the reasons why you are hurting is not going to change anything for the better, and you may end up feeling even worse! Try writing a letter, say everything you want/need to say, then don't send the letter. This way, you still get it all out. This works, it really does! You need to let go of the pain in a way that is healthy and positive for you. Write as much as you need to, but never send it. Keeping a journal might also help. Talking to people who truly care for you is helpful. Posting helps too.
  23. healing
    This sounds really messy. I wouldn't do it. For now, stick to your own friends. Who knows what her motives are???
  24. healing
    Wow...this woman has quite the pattern. This isn't healthy behavior. Have you told her how you feel about her inconsistency? She could be more troubled than you realize.
  25. healing
    No contact is really hard, and it takes a lot of self-control. I think we all go through the process of checking our emails, checking our phone messages...eventually, this compulsiveness goes away. What really helps me is to journal, talk with friends, go for a walk, post online, read...basically, do anything but contact my ex! Exercising helps a lot, and I really recommend it. It helps to get your mind off of them, and your body will look great!
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