crymeariver

angelee... You have to stop hurting yourself that way. don't let people lead your life. let him make up his own mind without you tampering in it. So what if it ends in a fight? Why are you the only one who wants to fix up the situation? If he has any balls and if he cares, he will fix it himself. As for the confidence...you can't show him you're confident. He has to just see it. And it sounds to me like you're very insecure and lack confidence. Because if you were secure, you wouldn't be worrying so much about what he thinks. you just KNOW how amazing you are by yourself. I know things are hard...keep it up. And for once, let him do some work.

healing, you're right. There's no point wasting my time! Life goes on. No one ever dies of a heartbreak. NO ONE. We only have one life to live. I will not look back on this and feel bad. Take each experience as a learning one. You need your share of bad experiences and people to appreciate the good ones. Guys,...3 yrs from now, you'll all be laughing about it at your bachelor party!

Hoping&Praying, You're absolutely right. You do not want to harm your ex wife. You just want to spend time apart for YOURSELF. But you must also remember that she is being inconsiderate of you and your daughter in this whole business. I'm not saying that you need to harm her. Just work on yourself. And there really is nothing you can do by trying to work things out. You do more harm by trying to work things out. Let her sort her ideas. And meanwhile, work on yourself. Imagine what she'll feel when she sees you again after a while and you look totally different.

Hoping& Praying, You're absolutely right. Each and every situation is different. And the fact that you have a daughter does change a lot. Be there for your daughter. It's for yourself...it's your responsibility. My point in all of this is that you should look out for yourself before you look out for your ex-wife. It must be hard to switch mentalities...you're so used to looking out for your little family first. Now, you must learn to switch that mentality and look out for yourself first. That's what your ex did. It wouldn't be fair.

Hey guys, So many of you are in the same situation on this message board. For once, I would like to offer some very helpful advice. If someone has broken up with you, you need to apply the NC rule from DAY 1. Now I know that this is probably the HARDEST thing you will ever have to do. Thoughts of your ex will constantly haunt you. You will be asking yourself the following questions: 1) When will he/she be back? 2) What is he/she doing right now? 3) Is he/she thinking of me right now? Do yourself a favor. Stop those thoughts RIGHT NOW. If your ex has thrown you out the door, or broken up with you, why would you raise him/her up on a pedestal by thinking of him/her. That person does not deserve to be thought of. Now I know this seems harsh. But you have to LOVE YOURSELF before anyone else. Ask yourself this: would you want anyone to treat one of your loved ones (family) the way your ex did? No. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. And stop making excuses for the exes. The reality of it is that they don't see you for who you are. And you want someone to accept you for who you are. You've done everything you can to make this relationship work. Your ex has spent a while with you before the breakup. He/she knows what you're all about. And unfortunately, he/she can't accept you for who you are. So stop wasting your time on people who do not deserve you. We're all wonderful people...and I admire all of you because you all have a great heart for wanting to work things out. Look at all these wonderful people in the world who want to work things out. Your ex doesn't want to make things work. So leave your ex high and dry and focus on yourself. Now is YOUR time. What is the best revenge? Well, what would you hate seeing the most? My advice is to better yourself in every way. How much would you regret breaking up with an ex if you saw him/her looking so GREAT a couple months down the road? Go to the gym and channel that anger into lifting 10 lbs more. Look good. Change your style. Get a new hairdo. Laugh more. Everything will suddenly fall into place. Believe me. I've seen so many of my friends become AMAZING after a break up and have their exes come crawling back. But by then, you're WAY above their level and can kindly say "No thank you." I know how hard it is. My ex-gf dropped me. I was confused for about 1.5 months. In my head, I was perfect...I'm a goodlooking 22 year old male. I'm already a professional engineer and have a very good job. I'm confident, and treated her like a queen. And she did this? There's a moment where you just have to stand up for yourself and have some balls. My parents didn't put me into this world to be a pushover. Life goes on.

Hey guys... It's now day 9 of no contact. This is the most frustrating...hardest thing to do EVER. I don't know what to do. I just want to give in and just SEE her. Just see her...talk to her...the breakup is still fresh...I can still get her back! What do you guys think? She initiated the breakup...wasn't sure we were compatible. And I've cut the contact. I think she's been mad at me for not responding to her things. And it's SCARING me that she's not initiating contact. Will she eventually call?

Thanks for the response. But I had text messaged her "Are you ok? You know how to reach me." Apparently, she never got it. But the next day, I had told her that I did text message her. And she basically brushed it off saying "It doesn't matter anymore. I know I can't count on you" I'm so confused guys. I don't know what's happening anymore. I think she may be really pissed at me. But for what? I haven't really done anything wrong. All I've done is basically NOTHING. Why is she so angry? Will she cool down? Will she come to me?

Hi guys, This message board has served as an inspiration to me. The advice here is wonderful...and I would like to thank you all for being so supportive and honest. I'm a 22 y/o McGill graduate. And my exgirlfriend is 18 years old. I know the age difference is noticeable...but for a year, we've been the most perfect couple. There were no problems. At all. We were happy and actually saw ourselves together in the future. I love her and I know she loves me. She was head over heals for me for a year. She had become almost dependent of me (unhealthy as it is). I've been offered a very nice job which involves a lot of travelling. And the ex got scare she was going to lose me. After being together for 1 yr, we went on a trip to her homeland. However, I had felt that she was being alot more distant. I am usually a very independent person. And the fact that I didnt know anyone in her homeland made me unconsciously become independent and insecure. I was clingy and very paranoid. Why was she so distant? It had come to a point where I made big deals out of everything. And one night, a friend of hers tried to kiss her. She pushed him off. She never told me of the incident when I had asked her if something was wrong (remember, i was paranoid). That night, she wrote him a letter out of panick...how she wanted to be with him. Two days later, she wrote him another telling him that she was biased and annoyed at me and had written him that letter and meant nothing of it. All this while, I was oblivious to it. I never knew. Until the last day of our 1 month trip. I found out and made a big deal. She was scared and wanted to come clean but told me she wasnt honest because she was scared of hurting me. Upon coming back home, she wrote me an email coming clean...telling me every single detail of the kiss she pushed off to the letter. And her feelings. How she was scared and needed to find a reason not to need me anymore. She promised me she wouldn't be scared anymore...loved me...was meant for me and would do anything to start over again and make this work. I forgave her too fast (everyone makes mistakes) and was bitter at her for about 2 weeks. I would make her feel guilty and bring it up over and over. And I think it brought "us" down. It reached a point where she told me I was being too paranoid and she wanted to be herself before being a gf. She was losing herself in this. I was mad at that because at the time, i wanted her to make it up to me...for what had happened. Not want space! But I ended up folding again and came crying back to her. We were fine until two days later, she told me she was having second thoughts and there was no point to the relationship. I took it and walked. She has given me the tennis ball a million times since. She was mugged last week and text message me to tell me. I didn't respond. She knew how to reach me. And she MSNed me telling me how hard it was for her not to call me. I told her it was over and she had to understand I couldnt be there like I used to. She's been writing on her online journal (she knows i read) about how ggreat life is...how many great things she's looking forward to. How she went to a club and a guy kissed her hand and she found him cute. Her dad called me 2 days ago looking for her...and i told him we weren't together anymore. She has emailed me telling me off...about why i told her dad...it was her business. She emailed me telling asking why i had been rude to her dad (i wasn't) and why i had told him it wasnt my job anymore to care for her (i never said that)...she said it shouldnt be a job to care for me, etc. I had never said that to her dad. And I haven't responded. Silence. She has MSN nicknames (I blocked her btw) like "Losing respect for you now that I know your true side". Why is she doing this? What do I do? Can this relationship work out? Will she come to me? Why is she making me feel like I'm the bad guy, here? Is she really mad? About what? This is pure hell. She wanted her space...I gave it...and now she's mad...is the silence killing her? She wanted to be friends. Should I give in?