A4B4

You sound similar to me. I am one of the largest geeks on campus (a techie, webmaster, object-oriented programer, etc.) yet I am 6'2", and run Cross Country, Track and lift weights. I don't look exceptionally strong or anything, but I definitely don't look like a geek. The best thing I can think to do, though, if you're worried about what people think of you, is to not care. Honestly. As ang3l2004 said, just do whatever makes you happy. People see that and respect that, especially girls (at least the good ones). When suddenly they see everyone else trying to fit in, and you not caring one bit, they'll respect that, or at least they have in my case. If you do follow my advice, though, just make sure you don't try not to fit in, but just the same, don't try to fit in. Just be yourself. Good luck.

My best advice is to be somewhat confident - not too confident, as it may come off as arrogance, but semi-confident, if anything act timid, but don't feel it. You're parents aren't going to kill you, they will have no choice but to accept it, and you may get grounded or punished or something, but know you've done the best you can. EVERYONE reaches a burnout stage in life; I just got my first B since 6th grade last semester, and everything was fine. Life goes on. Our school's valedictorian even had a B, and he was still valedictorian. I actually felt, at one point, like life wasn't worth living during the first semester of my sophomore year. I lost my composure at school, and basically dropped out for a week. During that time I temporarily lost my ability to concentrate, for the most part, my ability to form new memories, and I also lost my long term memory, which to this day is still not as it was before that. (I know that because I find myself in situations where I instinctively, subconsciously know I've done something before, and my parents/friends tell me I've done it before, yet I have no conscious recollection.) No, I didn't do drugs or anything like that, I just stressed myself to the point I broke. I miraculously received all As that semester, and under the Lord's advice, dropped some of my more challenging classes to pursue my own interests (in my case Drafting, Programming and Robotics). Since then I've relaxed in school, perhaps a little too much, as I just received my first B last semester, but nonetheless, it has been worth it. School has never been easier, and I still managed a 3.9 GPA. My parents, though initially disheartened to see me lose my academic ambition, accepted it, especially after seen what had happened to me. Though your parents may not realize this, hopefully you at least can. Just know that you have done the best you can, and be willing to accept the consequences. Your parents won't kill you, and, like I said, EVERYONE reaches their breaking point. This may be yours, and if so, just try a little harded next year, and you should be doing great. (Just don't pressure yourself too hard. People work better when they're relaxed. You'll get better grades trying 90% than you will trying 110%) I hope this can at least help you in knowing that you're not alone, and hopefully from this you have a better understanding of yourself. Just approach your parents how you feel best. When you're feeling good inside, things nearly always work out for the best. Probably the smartest person I've ever met told me this: "You have a lot of dedication to your studies and your future, and as everyone knows, you're a pretty smart kid, but sometimes my friend, you need more. Learn now to just let loose and enjoy the ride hands up and eyes open." Ironically, just today, he told me how he once got a C. He was averaging an A in the class, but the teacher ultimately gave him a C because "he only worked 75% of his ability." His friend, on the other hand, who actually copied him on many occasions, got an A in the class, with over 100%, for what he did was "oustanding for his ability," though their work was the same. The point is: Life isn't fair; school is anything but. All I'm saying is don't stress out. I've lived through the hellish horror of being truly overstressed, and NOTHING is worth that. Just have fun, and keep up the good work. You're still doing great.

Thank you very much for your response, Mahlina. I'm sorry I didn't thank you earlier, but I've had honestly no free time over the past few days. I've definitely taken your advice to heart, and I realize now, looking at the situation more objectively, that, though there may be a level of intellectual attraction, it has been prodominately misinterpreted niceness. I didn't feel that her eyes dialating worked, for every time I've seen her, her eyes have appeared dialted. (I think they may just be naturally dialted, as I've never seen them otherwise.) But like I said, now that I look at things more objectively, I'm seeing much more clearly now. I've approached her three times, though never at a really opportune moment. Regardless, I think she was just being nice, although we do share a common interest - robotics (which is rare that a girl, especially a really nice girl, would like robotics) Once again, thank you very much! You've really helped me understand not just this situation, but the whole "Attraction" thing in general. A very sincere thank you.

All I can say is talk to professionals. I, for one, really don't want to advise you because I'm afraid whatever I say may have unforeseen consequences, so my only advice is to contact someone who knows how to deal with these circumstances, namely a professional counselor. This is a hard situation, so good luck!

How can you tell if someone is disinterested in you or just shy, based on eye contact? If he/she is just shy, will he/she then make eye contact with you at first, then look away? Here's my current situation, hopefully someone can make some sense of this. There's this shy girl at school who I think(for various reasons) may be interested in me. I've caught her looking at me from the corner of her eyes on several occasions. The thing is, though, when I approach her, we first make eye contact, though during the rest of the conversation, she looks away frequently. I'm likewise too shy to hold eye contact for a while, even if I really, truly like someone, so she may be just like me, but how can I tell? Thank you all in advance!

Wow, that was like reading about myself. I'm in the exact same position, even the same age! Anyways, I approached the girl I'm interested in differently than most others. Instead of telling her how beautiful she looked, like every other guy, I approached her about a mutual interest of ours, robotics, although it was a fluke I found out we shared that interest. I basically said this: "Hi, , hey, I heard you're interested in robotics." Before this I was scared that she'd ask me all sorts of questions like how I knew she liked robots, etc., but everything seemed to go fine as our conversation started seemlessly from that very simple approach. If you have a yearbook, I'd just look her up in there to find her name. Some people may say that's not right, but I've been approached by dozens of people who's name I don't know, so I look them up so that next time I see them, I can respond with their name. Besides, it always feels good when someone you don't know, or hardly recognize, knows your name; she should be flattered if you approach her knowing her name. My only problem now is that the girl I approached is even more shy than me, which is rare considering I'm close to as shy as people get, but consequently I feel that had I sounded less nervous, she wouldn't be as interested in me, so don't worry about being nervous. I hope this helps in some way. I'm new to eNotAlone myself.

I can't exactly say which exercise is best for your chest, but do make sure you exercise all or most of your muscles, not just your chest muscles. If you want to work on your chest muscles, ensure you work on your back muscles as well. Just like the saying about triceps and biceps: "Biceps are for show, triceps are for go," strong biceps, though impressive, will not function properly without strong triceps. It really doesn't look too good to see a person with a strong chest hunched over because their back muscles aren't strong enough to oppose their chest muscles.

I look for these three things in girls: 1. Modesty (i.e. not dressing provocatively) 2. Beautiful eyes 3. Either Posture or Smile

She is one of these truly gorgeous girls who attracts the attention of every guy in a room each time she enters, though she quite perceptibly does not like this attention, dressing very modestly, and showing practically all "10 signs of disinterest" whenever engaged in a conversation with a guy, consequently showing up late to class and leaving early to avoid confrontation with guys, as guys are constantly approaching her whenever she stays late or shows up early. I feel sorry for her, as her looks draw her so much attention – mine included – that she seemingly wants to avoid. She seemed interested, however, when I approached her (twice). My chemistry teacher had told me "out of the blue" that this girl was interested in robotics, and consequently, I did not approach her about how good she looked (like every other guy), but instead approached her about robotics, which started a very small conversation about robotics and some of our other interests. Since then, we conveniently seem to run into one another routinely, yet she never approaches me and I'm always too shy to approach her (we don't even say hi, sadly enough). While she does quite the opposite of avoiding me, she seems not to "notice" me, although I've seen her on several occasions looking at me through the corner of her eye from behind her sunglasses. I'm thinking she doesn't want to say hi because of our second conversation, where once I got her talking, about three other guys seized the opportunity to converse with her, leaving me out and her in the spotlight, embarrassing both of us. I'm thinking she may just not be ready to let people know that she's interested in someone, and if that's the case I don't want to approach her and make her vulnerable (like our second conversation), but then again, what do I know? We've made eye contact before, and one time in particularly I got the butterflies and everything as we both blushed after our eyes caught one another both initially and during the "second glance", yet that happened only once and other than that, when in a crowd, it's as if I don't even exist to her. Ultimately, I would like to know if anyone thinks she likes me or if I even have a chance. The thing is, though, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet, partly because I'm friends with several girls and they all know that I'm not one to be involved in any relationships, so I don't want to hurt them by suddenly getting involved in one, and I don't have much free time (an understatement). I'm looking more for a "friendship plus," where we're basically just friends, though there's something more throughout. She seems to respect me in that I respect her for who she is, not how she looks, but how do I turn respect into a friendship, or should I, even? I'm afraid of asking her out, for I feel I'll be rejected along with all the other guys who try asking her out, despite the fact she might possibly like me. I do see a good opportunity brewing, though, as finals approach and we have the same chemistry teacher, but I wouldn't have any idea how to go about proposing we study together. Any advice there? Thank you all very much in advance! I especially want to thank lil_mamarains13 and curiousgeorge916 for their wonderful responses to my previous post.

Hey Daxman, Well, I'm sorry I won't be offering you the most advice, but perhaps I can help in some ways. I'm very similar to you, in a somewhat similar situation at school, and likewise I've never had a girlfriend, but hopefully us having two different perspectives of nearly the same situation may help. I'm still learning to distinguish what you're asking. Thus far I've really learned the importance of communication. I'm just now talking with a girl who I feel I share a mutual interest with, as, whenever we talk, we'll talk for 1-3 hours, despite the fact it is always long-distance calling (costly, I realize, but worth it). I'm sure there's something there, as opposed to previous times when I've tried talking with girls who hardly respond. Based on the fact you included THE ENTIRE TIME, I imagine this is very similar for you, in which case, at least from my perspective, things are looking good. On the other hand, I once liked this girl who I thought also liked me because the two of us would talk quite a bit and she would always sit real close to me. This girl, as it turns out, though, wasn't at all interested in me, she was just that "close" type of person. But, since you say she's shy, and based on some of your other comments, it sounds as if this is not the case, which is definitely good, but keep an eye out (just don't go out of your way.) All in all, I think things look good, however I wouldn't necessarily make a move, then again, I am a shy person. I just look at the fact that she has a boyfriend very cautiously. I would just play it cool and just always be there for her. Don't flirt if you're not ready to make the move, and just remember that the most important thing is to be there for her. I would recommend being there as her friend and supporting her, though definitely not "sucking up". You should be honest with her, not too honest, but also not deceitful just to appeal to her. Just be a friend, and like I said, support her so that if things ever go sour between her and her boyfriend you can be there for her. That way, you won't be competing with her boyfriend, you'll just be there for her after they've already broken up. I hope this helps, though just remember, I'm human too, and I've never had a girlfriend, though largely due to the fact I haven't wanted one. Good luck!

At first I didn't know how to respond to this, but after viewing rvr's response, I wouldn't recommend going in if you think you might come accross as "aggressive." I am a shy guy myself, and I am more attracted to the shy girls who don't make the first moves. For me, at least, calling someone once a week is good enough, and I wouldn't really want more, at this point in time... but that's just me. I guess it also depends on how long you've known him. But then again, I'm not sure if you should be listening to me... I haven't been the most successful, but largely just because I'm not ready for more. I hope this helps. This is my first time offering any sort of advice here, so...

I apologize for the lengthiness of this post, especially as my first post here at eNotAlone, but I have a logical, over-analytical mind, and brevity is not my forte. I've tried to word it as elegantly as possible to keep your attention. It shouldn't take you even 10 minutes to read this, and your responses will help me unfathomably. There's this girl I like that I think may be interested in me, but we haven't ever really talked or anything. I know about her because she's in my German class and we share several teachers, just in different classes. A vast majority of the school knows who I am, not because I'm popular, but because I'm so dedicated, ambitious and "smart." (And also, allegedly, intimidating to approach, as a result.) I'm in charge of two school clubs that I've started this year, and spend time after school tutoring, drafting, or programming for our school's robotics team. In fact, it was through my Chemistry teacher, regarding robotics, when I first really learned about her. She is one of these truly gorgeous girls around campus that every guy who knows her likes. She is very shy, though, and seems not to like the attention her beauty attracts. In my German class, she always shows up to class right before it begins and leaves the moment it ends, as I've deducted, to avoid confrontation with guys. Earlier in the year she didn't do this, and sure enough, every day a different guy would be talking to her. She had that bored look, and would leave ASAP, though she wouldn't ever come accross as rude. I also know that she wasn't just taking off to be with another guy, since I'm at school working every day until 5:00 and I noticed she would go to either the Library or Drama room, as she has been rehearsing for a performance nearly this whole year. Nowadays, she still leaves early, for sure enough, any time she doesn't, some guy is trying to flirt with her. I, in fact, have approached her twice, though when I approached her, at least from my perspective, the situation appeared different than when others approached her. First off, I didn't tell her how beautiful she was, or that I liked her earrings or sunglasses, like every other guy has done. I, in fact, approached her about robotics, since my Chemistry teacher had told me that she was interested in robotics. (To this day I still don't know why my teacher told me that… it was totally out of the blue, but I'm ever so glad she did.) I'll admit, when I first approached her, she didn't seem too interested until I mentioned that I had heard she was interested in robotics. She almost imperceptibly perked up and began adjusting her hair. We talked a little bit, and she openly volunteered quite a bit about herself, like she was really interested in robotics, but the rehearsals for her performance (every day after school) conflicted. I mentioned that I was the treasurer for the robotics club, and we talked a little regarding how robotics would turn out this year, but then the teacher made us sit back down in our seats. It would be well over a month before I talked to her again, though we seemed to run into each other a lot more after that. Wednesdays and Fridays, she has her math class right after mine, and, after that conversation, she started showing up to class early. I, being quite shy, would glance at her though the corner of my eye, though didn't want to approach her, especially because my math teacher has had a grudge against me the entire year and surely is looking for any chance given to ruin me. (Honestly, you don't want me to get started here… this has been a serious issue that has reached the department heads and counselors.) Somewhat often I would catch her looking at me through the corner of her eyes too. (She constantly wears sunglasses, so it can be hard to tell. I must add, though, that she has the biggest, most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.) That never amounted to much, but on Fridays, I would always be in my Chemistry classroom during lunch hosting one of my club's meetings. One day, out of the blue, she showed up early to ask the teacher some questions, and the two of us met at the door. This was a truly neat experience, as we both opened the door and saw each other… both blushed, both glanced down at the ground, and then both looked up only to catch each other's eyes once more, blush, chuckle, and look back down, before finally proceeding on our way. Since then, she has come into class early more often. Since then, we've also discovered where each other eats lunch, though we haven't done anything with that information. One day she was walking around the campus with her friend, when she came accross where my friends and I eat lunch. I can't blame her for not stopping… some of my friends look pretty rugged, and there's no one else who eats lunch around us. Regardless, she seemed to notice me from afar, and then sort of looped around, changing her trajectory to pass directly in front of me. Right when she walked afore me, she started talking louder and playing with her hair as she was walking, complaining about it, yet flipping it about flirtatiously. She stopped as soon as she was no longer "near" me. Also since then, we have seen each other several times in the Library, as lately I've been tutoring a friend Wednesdays. Since the first day we saw each other there (I'm assuming she saw me too), it's become almost routine to see each other there on Wednesdays, as well as the other times I've previously listed. When I say we see each other, though, I'm meaning we don't actually talk, but just glance at one another, smile when we actually catch the other looking, and leave about the same time. I tried approaching her once since then, and I asked her about her performance and how it was going. Again she seemed more energetic as soon as I approached her, though also quite nervous. Her eyes were, like usual, really big and really beautiful, as she turned around to face me. She talked about how she was staying every day after school until seven for rehearsals, leaving her not much time for homework. But, as usual, I got really nervous and locked up, not thinking of a word to say other than acknowledging that I was listening. Fortunately, though, she seemed just as shy, very empathetic, and quite nervous herself. As soon as I got her talking, though, others immediately jumped into our conversation, seizing the opportunity to talk to her and leaving me out. For the rest of that conversation, her answers seemed to consist of yeses or nos. Regardless, I didn't get another word into that conversation. As all the others intercepting our conversation literally pushed me back, our teacher told us to sit down until the bell rang. I did as instructed, and when I sat down, she was looking over at me with a compassionate, sympathetic look. Like usual, as soon as the bell rang, she departed. Lastly, as we still see each other every day of the week now (Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays during class, and Wednesdays and Fridays as outlined above), though we never actually talk, but just shyly look back and forth at one another, it appears, she seems to have changed her "style" to be more similar to mine. As I said earlier, I'm not the typical high school student; in fact, I'm the only person like me. I have no need to try to fit in because everyone has already accepted me for who I am. I specifically wear jeans, a T-shirt, and have a pretty unique habit of entering a room, taking a last gulp from my water bottle, before uniquely setting it down and standing beside my desk until the bell rings. Well, lately she's been doing the same. She's stopped wearing skirts and dresses to wear jeans, despite the fact its spring now, and most others are no longer wearing jeans now; she's wearing T-shirts now in lieu of the semi-revealing "popular" attire (she has always dressed moderately and conservatively, however, unlike most girls nowadays); and she also now sits down in the same manner as I, carrying a water bottle around with her, and all. Everyone always talks about what to do once you actually know a girl, though I don't really know her, other than her name and that she's smart, shy, and interested in Drama and Robotics (which is rare). Maybe it would be better described as she hardly knows me, or better yet, we hardly know one another. I'm definitely interested in her, and she appears to be interested in me, but to make a first move would be seemingly impossible, especially since she's a junior and I'm only a sophomore. It seems as if she provides plenty of opportunity to at least converse, though I'm at a total loss for words when around her, though fortunately and unfortunately she seems to be as well. I don't want to make a fool of myself, though most importantly, I don't want to scare her away like ever other guy. Furthermore, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet, though surely I'd love to know her better and develop a strong friendship that may or may not in the future evolve into more. I'm afraid, though, if I don't make a move soon, she'll lose interest, if she was ever interested in the first place. Yet behind those dark sunglasses, I inevitably see that sparkle in her eye every time our paths cross. Thank you all in advance, or at least for hearing me through!