NightLily

Well, I can't tell you if that is normal for that age.. because I am not that old yet.. but I can offer you my tidbit of advice. For one.. the newness of the relationship could be dying off and with that some of her "passion." Have you tried really spicing things up? You could try going on a trip together--a relaxing trip. One that won't tire her. You could also try to do something to appeal to her fantasies. All women must have at LEAST one that they keep to themselves (or don't follow through with). Also, make sure you have told her exactly how you feel. If this isn't the way you want your sex life to be for the rest of your time on this planet, make it clear. Maybe after knowing just how this is affecting you she will put in more of an effort to try to keep things going. I guess eventually, because of your age difference, it is quite possible her sex drive will weaken far before your's does (although, you do still hear about those women in nursing homes every now and then Take care, SuzyQ

Yeah Stranger .. I would say he IS having a good time with out me. Basically, he left me for another and lied to me about why he was dumping me in the first place. He told me all along (and still does) that I was a wonderful girlfriend, but he decided to be a self indulgent liar (and QUITE possibly a cheater--he has yet to admit to it, but does he ever?) and cause me to lose all respect for him/never trust him again. I would give him a second chance, but I already have. For this reason, I am over him but I am left with this bitterness. Heh. I'm sure you can tell. It is sad that he has degraded himself to this level (he did far worse then just cheat on me ..twice). ... Anyways.. It was stupid of me to ever trust him or give him a second chance. Some people just have no remorse. Look at some murderers. They don't even care about what they did.. Other then the fact that they didn't get away with it. hehe.. That is enough bitter ranting for one day. -SuzyQ

I definitely don't think you should get a "rebound" girl. That is called using somebody and it can be very hurtful to be on the other side of that game. Why spread your pain to others just to relieve your own pain temporarily, leave you with guilt, and MORE relationship baggage? And also, coming out of a 6 year relationship.. 4 months really isn't all that long. It has been a while since I broke up with my ex (I don't count--that hurts) and it still hurts sometimes. I am not wreck but.. I think it has been a few months as well. It could take you a year to heal over this, and if that is what it takes.. that is what it takes. You can't really press a magical button and somehow speed through the hard times in your life. Although, I bet we all wish we could. There are some things you can do to make this time go by smoother and quicker though. For one, you could get a counselor. Some people are afraid to go to them because they believe their problems aren't "that bad," but it would help you. You can also take up some hobby or set goals for yourself. Another thing you can do is put yourself in the right time and place to meet and be around many lovely women. Just seeing that there are others out there coudl cheer you up. And last, but not least, talk. Talk to your friends, talk here, talk to yourself if you have to! Take care kind Stranger heh, SuzyQ (how corny..)

Thanks for your replies you guys.. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply to this. .. it just sort of.. hurts to remind myself about. I think that may be partly true.. but also I have this horrible distaste for him. I see him as this untrustworthy.. well.. to put it bluntly, in my eyes, he definitely isn't what I would consider a quality man. I have lost interest in prospects of ever being with him again because I guess he doesn't really fit my standards at all. But, even though I realize this now.. the pain of being lied to, cheated on, left for other women, backstabbed, emotionally abused.. the list goes on.. it still does hurt. Is that normal? Maybe I'm just sort of.. mad at him. Well not that.. more.. I dislike him. And .. Luv_4_Life.. I am confident that one day I will. I think I deserve to be with a good man like that.. But, it is still hard to go through the lonely times knowing that most likley my ex is living it up while he leaves me in shambles. I guess in ways I'm glad he is out of my life. My emotions seem to be getting steadier and I don't have to deal with all of his drama. He really wasn't a good boyfriend at all and I feel so .. stupid for being blind enough to ever think he was. I mean, honestly, what was I thinking?? -_- And also Luv_4_Life, has something come of your situation with your love interest? If so, fill me in! -SuzyQ

Again, and as always, extremely well said mahlina To add to what malina said though, it sounds to me like you are also making some mistakes in this relationship that in the end, will only hurt yourself. As I see it, you are trying TOO hard to make the relationship work and you have been enabling his lying. When he lies to you, there don't seem to be any real consequenses for his behavior. He is left happy and reassured that he "got away with it" while you are left aggrivated, upset, and hurt. What's worse is that he has put you in the position where you feel as though if you do snoop you are being the over protective 'nightmare' girlfriend. In this case you really should be looking out for yourself. He obviously isn't, so if you don't.. who will? Take good care of yourself sera, SuzyQ

I know that I don't know this girl, Rachel, but.. it sounds to me like if she gave you a second chance.. you COULDN'T make it work. She seems to have some trust issues with you--rightfully. If she were to get back together with you right now I would say she was being foolish. After a guy does something like that to you, often, after time, they will come running back. And when they do, they will usually clean up their act and beg. The women that cave in are often (nearly always) hurt again. She knows this, and she has desided to protect her heart. She has no idea if you are that "type" of guy that does that stuff or if you just slipped up. She most likely never will and if you got back together she wouldn't be able to trully trust you. You would most likely always have small to .. huge.. trust issues. That would put a SERIOUS strain on your relationship and almost make it not worth even having a relationship in the first place. The sad truth is, if she can't trust you.. she would never be happy in a relationship with you. -SuzyQ

Also.. to add to what avman quite rightfully said.. If you are trully 15, that means that while you were 15 you dated a 7 year old. I'm sorry, but age would be quite an issue there. You would be dating somebody that is potentially still into Barney or whatever show is popular with kids today. Let's see.. a.. 10th grader and a 2nd grader? ....... *thinks about this silently* -SuzyQ

I don't think many parents would really appreciate or under stand the "wittyness" of #2. I am pretty sure most would be mad... -SuzyQ

Well said A4B4! You do sound intelligent and wise--no wonder your grades are so high. Sometimes.. when we go through hard times our grades do drop and it is something that we nearly can not control. Personally, I believe you mental health is more important then your grades in the long run.. and so if you have to take a step back from homework and blow things off for a week because you have broken down and can't get up.. do so. A while back.. in I believe it was.. 7th grade? For a quarter I got a 2.0. Before that I nearly always had a 4.0 or close to it and after 7th grade my grades rose back up to the 3.5-3.8 area. The reasons my grades dropped SO low was because of a whole lot of turmoil. Even though I have been through other extrememly hard tims in my life.. I would say that was the wrost. Not necesarilly because of the events (they were bad.. ) But more so because I was too young an inexperienced to know how to handle them. I think I was about 13. Yes.. I was 13 .. You too may be going through a time in your life where things are especially hard for you. Maybe not as extreme as my case was (it was awfully extreme) but it is hard I'm sure none the less. If you couldn't get better grades then you just couldn't.. all lthere is to it. Also, I'm guessing you.. are a freshman in high school..?? The adjusting to a new place can mess with your grades as well. Just give your mom the true reason as to why your grades dropped (if they did) and work on bringing them back up.. and remember.. summer is coming soon! (I .. think. heh) Take care, SuzyQ

I agree with Tiger lilies. But also, if your gut is telling that something is fishy here and you don't have a past of being overly protective, controlling, and posessive, then you should listen to it! Most woman have a very good intuition when it comes to these things and sometimes they ignore their gut because it is what they want to believe. I know... I've been there. If I were you I would talk to him about your doubts and tell him what is at stake if your feelings of suspision continue--your marriage, your trust and faith in him, your love for him. Esentially, everything. If you really do think he is cheating on you.. make sure he knows what the result of such a thing could be. And if you really have to.. try talking to this girl. But for now.. I would say try to protect your heart and keep closer watch on him. Deny him benifits if you have to lol. (joking of course) We'll be here to help if you need, SuzyQ

Well first off just incase you didn't know.. all of those things you said that you did for her don't make you a good boyfriend. They make you an awfully sweet one, but money isn't everything. Your ex sounds like a "material girl." She may just be interested in using men to get what she wants.. As for her sudden mood swings and stuff.. she is probably very confused. She probably doesn't really know how she feels and one day is coping well and the other not so well. I would say that is perfectly normal for somebody getting over a break up. Also, she may have blocked everybody just to keep herself from thinking about everything that is going on because it is too upsetting. Or.. she could just not care.. but I doubt that. She probably does care and just doesn't know how to show it.. She wouldn't be flaunting things in front of you if she didn't, now would she? I would say it is best for you to try to get over this girl. She sounds like she has some serious growing up to do before she can be in a healthy relationship again. Good luck! SuzyQ

Well I would say it sort of depends on just how bad your pimples are. .. I have always had nearly perfectly clear skin, but I have younger siblings that have some problems with acne (I also keep my skin in good conditon by having a skin *routine* everyday). Some products I would recomend that work wonders to give my skin a healthy glow and to eliminate my younger siblings acne.. would be ... -Clinique comforting cream cleanser: If your skin feels very oily and greasy this may not be the one for you. It could potentially be TOO gentle -pHisoderm facial wash- This is better for oily skin type but if you leave it on your skin for too long or you skin tends to get dry, it coudl be too strong -Clinique mild claryfying lotion (with exfoliant)-this will help with "glow" -I have tried a product called Velocity once and it wasn't as mild as Clinique products or as strong as pHisoderm. It also exfoliates. (I would buy it is I could find it in stores in this state). Also, basically any products from the clinique line have worked well for me. Their products tend to work well for delicate skin that is easily "disturbed" or aggrivated. On days where my littlest sister wants to look her best I try to get rid of her acne by doing the following (it actually works): 1-I have her go into a steamy shower and while in there use Clinique comforing cream cleanser and have a warm washcloth to lay on her face for about 10 mintues. 2-use pHisoderm on her trouble spots. Leave on for about 1-2 minutes. 3-use Clinque mild clarifying lotion to make skin ready to absorb lotion 4-use a mild lotion for her face that isn't oily and will not clog up pores. (Sorry if this is a load of information) Also, if your acne is to the point where .. well, your face looks as though it is "boiling" and is red.. and.. You could consider going to a doctor that specializes in skin care. They can usually give you some sort of lotion or medication that should help the acne go away (I have also seen it cause a rash and peeling for a few days on some people). Anyways, there are many methods to trying to get rid of acne. As for prevention.. you should probably only wash your face once a day unless you wear makeup regularly. Washing your face too much can actually cause your skin to produce more oil. Try to avoid touching your face a lot and don't pop a zit unless you have to. Both will spread oil and actually make the problem worse I have even heard that if you take off the thin membrane or skin surrounding the white of a hard boiled egg and place it on a zit or pimple over night, when you wake up, it will dry up the spot and absorb some of the oil. Weather that is true or not..I have no idea. Hun, the rumor about chocolate.. Of course that is false! I eat chocolate all the time and I have never had a break out (eat as much of it as you like--it makes the world go round) -SuzyQ

Actually.. I can tell you from experience.. age DOES mean something. For example: He will always "look down on you" and he could even.. get father like on you on occasion. He may not see you as a "woman" or appreaciate you nearly as much as a guy a bit closer to your age. After time, this can get very aggrivating. Also, you may be growing and maturing at a much faster rate then he is. A year from now you could be totally different and that could put a strain on the relationship, make you out grow him, OR he will always see you as the 17 year old little girl. Not the woman you have blossomed into. Another thing to remember.. your tastes in men could change considerably. I know it doesn't feel like it (trust me, I know), but it DOES happen. After a year's time things like morals, trust, and even appearance have become much more important to me then they used to be. (appearance meaning friendly, smiles, fairly attractive) You don't want to get tied down to a guy that may not even meet your standard a year from now. Standards are a funny thing--you feel rude having them, but after time, you realize you must. But also, it is very possible you could have an extrememly loving relationship with this man. Although I warn you, there could be many hardships and it could lead to a horrible, nasty end. You could be used and become overly attatched to somebody that doesn't feel quite the same way.. OR he could be ready to settle down and you could be pressured to make up your mind prematurely. Like others said, I would enjoy your time with him but be careful. If your gut ever tells you that something is wrong, listen to it and pull out. Also, don't try too hard to save the relationship if it goes through rough times (that will lead to a nastier ending). Heh. Sorry for the somewhat negative post, but there are many risk factors in dating somebody that much older.. and it is best to be aware of them! -SuzyQ

I decided to spend my 100th post on this forum on a very important, life changing subject--hair. (heh Personally, I tend to prefer darker colors of hair in men (mysterious.. oo), and I would say my ideal cut for a guy.. (this is going to be hard to describe) But.. it is a medium long cut. the back goes maybe an inch down the neck and it is loose and a little shaggy but.. very laid back.. I believe at one time Tom Cruise had a similar cut. Very handsome. Not long and scraggly, but just enough to run your fingers through it. *sigh* -SuzyQ 100th post! yay!

Wow.. I have to admire people that actually go through with telling somebody about their true feelings. That is a problem I personally have sometimes, and I really wish I could get over it. *hopes she returns your feelings* SuzyQ

I just have to say what Eh? I'm a Canadian said, nearly made me fall out of my chair. heh. I haven't heard of any negative side affects other then that.. if you masturbate a whole lot when you start actually having sex your body may enjoy masturbating more and not respond to sex as well. Weather on that is true, I have no idea.. but .. I wouldn't worry about that too much. -SuzyQ

Well I guess the answer to your question should be based on how it makes you feel. I don't think anybody can tell you what to do about this other then yourself (because we cannot get inside your head and see how all of this affects you). If the turmoil of waiting for him.. is really eating you up and just unbearable then yes, for now move on. If he doesn't call you for an extended period of time and you do move on, that is sort of his loss.. and he sort of asked for it. The only way for you to get him to call you would be for you to resort to your old controlling behavior--something you don't like about yourself. So if that is what it would take to make him call, let him not call. Also, as for if you should assume the worse. .. I would say to be careful that you are not overreacting. Just take things easy and don't force things one way or the other. Let your feelings direct you to where you would be happiest. If things get really bad.. you could just call him and ask what is going on. If he told you he would call you and yet never does, you do at least deserve to know that I believe. Anywho, take care and good luck! SuzyQ

Well.. it could be various things I'm sure. Was the pain like a cramping pain? Did it hurt when you stood up straighter? When you pressed on it? Also, is it possible you aren't drinking enough water? Back when I was a serious swimming, if I drank under 8 glasses of water a day I would sometimes get extrememly bad cramps. Once to the point where I had to be pulled out of the pool! It could also be that somehow the first time it started hurting, you hurt your muscles (cramping injuries can take a while to heal sometimes). Could you possibly just be feeling the affects from the first time? Another thing that I think it could possibly be is from the heat. Last year while running when it got hotter I would get more pain associated with breathing. I would say some things you could do to prevent it are to: -try drinking more water -if you have been getting these pains only very recently possibly try taking a few days off -make sure you stretch really well before and after running Other then that I don't knwo what else to say. Possibly some proffesional runners could give you better advise? (I only ran about a mile-2 everyday for a year) -SuzyQ

Hmm.. that is a tough situation to be in I am afraid. .. When she said she loved you, did she mean that in a romantic way or did she mean it as a friendly "I care for you" way? If I were you, I would tel her exactly how you feel about everything. If she is trully your friend, she will at least try to protect your feelings if not return them. That is all I can really see as an opition .. I hope it all works out well for you .. but remember, if it doesn't, there are plenty of wonderful women out there! -SuzyQ

Well I am not gay or lesbian, but I can ASSURE you there are some GREAT gay guys. I personally know three gay guys that I would put on the top of my list of the best guys I have ever known. One of them makes everybody feel beautiful and he is the nicest, cuddliest person you will ever meet. Another is increadibly artistic and always has the latest scoop on fashion for me The last I know personally, Is a very attractive man. .. when I mean very, I mean VERY. They all have great personalities, and it almost makes me sad not to be male! I met all of them through being in a production of The Music Man. I really don't think there is any specific place you have to go to meet a great guy, they seem to be everywhere to me. Take care and good luck, SuzyQ

Shinobie, do you have a picture or something that you could show us or me? I somehow doubt that you can really be as bad looking as you say. From the sounds of it.. you must be 5'4", 250 pounds, missing nearly all of your teeth, and have zits ontop of zits. Heh. Why do I doubt that.. The fact of the matter is, if you have one of any of those traits, women can still find you attractive. Some believe that being over weight totally ends your chances of getting a girl. In fact, being over weight can make it easier for women to trust you! I have no idea how you justify your belief that you look so horrible.. but whatever it is, I'm sure it can be conqured. Also, can you think of any article of clothing or something like that.. that makes you feel extra confident? For instance, I have black leather boots that nearly go up to my knees and have stilletto heels. I LOVE them. Beyond that, I payed way to much for them ^_^' (Nordstroms). But, when I go out in those, NOBODY can stop me. Do you have anything like that by chance? Note: If you believe you look good, you usually do. -SuzyQ (I love these threads. hehe)

No.. he made me feel like crap and again didn't give me a chance to say good bye. .. Do you guys think I should try talking to him again and saying like .. "here are the rules for us to talk, we either follow them or we don't talk." And seeing if he can? I am starting to not care for him nearly as much.. *sneeze* I am getting sick. I just, it is so hard.. gosh.. -SuzyQ

Okay.. today I caved in you guys. I talked to him. .. Well he more contacted me and I responded and I.. what do I do...???? gosh.. Itold myself I wouldn't and now I feel so... stupid..

Well first of all, how old are you two? Secondly, how far away are you guys rom each other? I would say that.. if you know that you will not see him with in the next month or that it will be impossible for you to see each other at least.. once a month then you should stop the relationship right now. Trust me, the deeper you get into this thing the harder it will be for the both of you to pull out. You will spend your days wanting to be with him and you will never be happy where you are. One day, one of you will either have to move to be together or there will be a very sad break up. Sorry if that is a bit brutal.. I just.. don't want to see you get yourself into something really hard to manage. Take care, SuzyQ

It sounds to me like deep down she knows she is weak and she knows she could cave in to your pleading. She may have a bit of an attraction towards you but most likley everything in her being is screaming at her to stay away. She may have not wanted to kiss you to help her resist that urge. Most likley, if she feels this strongly about not wanting to be with you, it is what is best for her. And if you trully love her, you should probably respect that and give her some space. Peace, SuzyQ