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Everything posted by NightLily

  1. I am in no way attracted to him. Nor was I ever. I guess in my thoughts he tries something again except I am not too scared to hold back. And I kind of don't care if I die trying to put him down. I have an appointment on Thursday. I might think about it, but I will not suddenly do it. Secondly, I think he would be too intimidated to actually try to hurt a full grown woman.
  2. I am literally posting here because I don't know where to discuss this. A few years ago before I started posting again, I had an entanglement with a man who was extremely violent to me (not a relationship, we weren't dating.. just an older guy who took advantage of my lack of resources, social support, and depression). Had to go back and forth with the police as a witness for terrible crimes he committed, barely survived the whole thing, and then he told me he wanted to do the same things he did to me to "undeveloped children". He is a middle school teacher. I don't want to go too much into the historical details. I recently found out by checking his photography page (which I occasionally check so I know his location) that he is living 15 minutes away from me and literally right on top of where I work. After talking about these things in therapy and her telling me I am angry, which I hadn't literally felt, I have been angry. Like, I feel my heart beating harder and I am actually angry--a new feeling. Now, I think fairly often about sending him my address and having a final show down. Him vs me. How to stop thinking about this? Should I stop thinking about this? If I discuss this in therapy I imagine it will be a problem. I don't want to be flagged as potentially violent. I also don't want to discuss this with friends because I think the content is too heavy.
  3. Hm, if you are into him, give it a few days and then call or text. You will be putting your ego on the line but it is sometimes better to just adult-up and put yourself out there. Keep it light and then invite him out somewhere. The other option is: say nothing, keep waiting. See if he comes back. After a week, give up. The choice is yours.
  4. Yeah, don't go to therapy with him. Epiphanies like this abound in this situation and YES it will suck you back in. If he is going to stay for the rest of the month find another place to stay for the rest of the month. Make sure you bring a copy of all legal documents like your lease and then send a written notification of the move out date. If he is seriously troubled, I would start looking for a new place to live yourself. Get out of this situation. Eat the financial losses and move forward.
  5. Personally, I think you should talk to him and then follow it up with a separation from each other. Along the lines of: I love you, I would like to spend the rest of my life with you but right now I need to move forward with my life. If you decide you want to move forward with me, reach out to me. Why? Because even if he does decide to get married to you, you will need to know that it was by his own free will and that he was not coerced into it. Why? Because you are slowly starting to resent the whole dating process. I think sometimes you need to take a few steps backwards to move forwards. A decade IS a very long time and I feel like it might be less about the marriage and more about moving forward, starting a family, moving into a new phase. He might not be the person for you to do that with. If it means a lot to you, you might need to seek that out elsewhere. He will know where to reach you and I DO think if you leave it on a good note and make it clear why you are doing what you are doing, if he wants to spend his life with you he will fight for it when he is ready. He will let you know. If he is lukewarm and doesn't you will at least be spending your life how you want to. Consider it and keep us updated on what you decide to do.
  6. Ok, hands down, you need to contact him *today* and tell him you respect his wishes to be with this woman or end your relationship. Follow that up with: I need you to return my car later today or tomorrow. Then, cut him from your cell phone plan immediately. The fact that he is even still driving the car you are paying for says all you need to know about this person. He is most definitely a user and leaning on somebody fresh out of undergrad at 39? Come on... You should probably reiterate the message to him in text after telling him on the phone: I need you to return my car today or tomorrow. It is my property and I am making the payments. If he doesn't return it, you will have the text as proof if you need to get legal involved. Please do not let yourself be taken advantage of by some scummy guy.
  7. Hi cleo, at 5 months if it is still affecting you so badly, I would strongly urge you to consider counseling and possibly medication to treat the depression. I had lingering depression after a bad breakup over a year ago and I finally bit the bullet and got help. I wish I had just done it sooner. I think the medication has helped me more than anything in the short term. Other things I tried, which you are free to also try to see if it helps you: -having a set time to wake up every day and a set time to be in bed, to eat within a specific range of calories so I knew I wasn't under or over eating (at one point I meal prepped so I was also getting meals of a fixed size), and then I coupled all of this with working out 2-3 times a week. I tried that a few times to try to get over the depression but it didn't work for me. You could give it a go. However, I find the longer you let depression drag on, in a sense the worse it gets. The damage to your life grows over time and you eventually become really worn down from it. For that reason, if you can get real help via medication and/or counseling, I would highly suggest it.
  8. You seem genuinely interested in continuing this relationship if you can, so I would suggest maybe: -show her how she can touch you with her hands (don't show it in a "teaching moment" way but make it fun). She may be lacking confidence in this area and could find other things overwhelming. Make sure you are clean. -get slim toys that are smaller than the average male and accompany them with lube. Again, lube. Consider getting a hypoallergenic one online like on amazon just incase and make sure it is condom compatible assuming you use them. You guys should probably spend time just exploring those basics and see how it goes. If it doesn't work though, it doesn't work. Don't set yourself up for failure and pursue a relationship that pushes you towards cheating or an inevitable breakup.
  9. There isn't a quick and easy way. Even a decent amount of people with gunshot wounds to the head survive. Do you think maybe you just feel like you need to option to be "out"? Like, a potential escape plan. There might be options to help your situation. Medication? Moving? Go on a trip to get away? Changing jobs?
  10. Kind of weird for a friend to get snippy and then actively ignore you for a week. Doesn't sound like much of a friend? You messed up a little but it wasn't a huge offense. Maybe remove the drama with her from your life.
  11. Did this woman ask you for advice? Also, as a man in his 30s why are you still referring to full grown women as girls? Maybe.. you came off as condescending.
  12. He sounds very similar to my ex. Found out after he was cheating me. Honestly, please dump him before he dumps you. Then, you will at least feel like you had some control over your life.
  13. early warning signs: -made a joke about if my friends knew where I was so they wouldn't be worried my body was dead in a ditch -played a mind game where he lied to me for a whole night and then smartly said how he lied to me about everything and i fell for all of the lies but then wouldn't tell me which were lies -over confident -said he prefers skinny women for relationships but I was not skinny.. yet he could still be attracted to my "type" -tried to convince my friend to take her top off even after she said over and over she wouldn't -_-' slightly later: -insisted on choking me so I could be open minded and try it out even after I said no -when I said to stop biting me (really hard) insisted I wanted it and wouldn't stop I'll just stop there because I guess the rest just gets disturbing. I feel horrible for allowing everything to happen and that I was so used to lousy treatment I didn't even see it. I don't know if I will ever be able to see when a person is abusive.
  14. The idea is good.. one thing is definitely make sure you spell the artist's name correctly. It is O'Keeffe. One change you can make is to mix up the sentence structure a bit. You start many of them with the subject right off that bat. You can also combine the idea of the 2nd and 3rd sentence so the reading flows together better and is less truncated sounding. Also I would combine the 4th and 5th sentence into one and take out the ambiguity about what "they" in the 5th sentence refers to. Beyond that look at your diction. Circle the words you use repetitively and see if there is a more varied or eloquent way to say those things. Those are some quick fixes. I hope my input can be helpful to you.
  15. It is a very emotional time for her right now. Let her know you are there for her no matter what and if she wants to talk you are all ears.
  16. After about half way through the second page I stopped reading. All of the facebook blocking and scenes just sounds painfully immature and you are coming accross as though you are asking to be kicked in the butt by him again. Why are you still clinging to this guy?
  17. Those are really great pics and I like the story. Where can I get me a man like that? haha
  18. I start to feel like I will also never find the right person. I keep on trying to date the good guys but end up with one who mistreats me or worse. Always left feeling absolutely horrible. Guess there isn't much point.
  19. Thanks Quirky. I haven't really had lessons in singing. I had like.. 4 months? when I was 16 but that really wasn't enough to learn very much. I think because she was more focused on getting me to pronounce italian correctly. So that was about 6 years ago I'd like to do some singing and music on the side and try to make a little money off of it. But mostly, I would like to perform.
  20. Yeah I thought it would be fun to try branching out from the more classical type vocals but I seem to be semi clueless when it comes to singing in other ways! I put a little thing together with short excerpts of "country", classic rock, and R&B/pop.. but now that I listen back it is funny how hard it is for me to sing without a full sound and vibrato...
  21. That looks pretty cool actually.. would make a really good logo.
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