Hello. I just want to explain my problem. I am a 15 year old male. In my old school and outside of my new school, I was attracted to a couple of girls, not mentioning the millions of girls online. I applied to three high schools, leaving a private all male high school as my third choice. Well, I'm not accepted to my first two selections and I end up going to an all male school. In my old school, my friends would make fun of this high school calling it a "gay school." I never actually went out with a girl because I'm sort of the nervous shy type.
My problems began when I entered this school. After thinking of what my old friends said, I just humorously thought to myself "wouldn't it be funny if I'm gay?" Ever since, it became serious because I couldn't get the thought out of my head! I blush at male teachers, hoping that I'm blushing because of the embarrasment of the thought. However, I don't feel sexually aroused when I look at men, I just blush. Girls, however, I do get sexual feelings for and I do find very attractive. This has been going on in my head for a little less than two years now. I've always fantasized about going out with a girl but when I think about that the "devil" in the other side of my head makes me picture myself with a man. I feel like sticking a bullet throught my head, (not literally), because I know I like girls and I'm hoping I'm not gay because I do find thinking of men this way disgusting. Even in the summer before the start of sophmore year at this high school, I was attracted to this girl. I was to shy to go speak to her but I knew I liked her. But still, the opposing thought was still there and when I went back to school, there it was again haunting my mind. I'm hoping, because of the nervous kid that I am, that I'm just nervous of being something I'm not. I'm also concerned about this because its happening during my adolesense. Can someone please help me?