JulieGoody

But wouldn't contacting him in any way right now just put more pressure on him? I already let him know in no uncertain terms I was ready to end the break. I don't want to push anymore. Don't you think if he loves me he will eventually come around and I will have a chance to show him I have changed?

That is not good. She is a child and he is a mature middle-aged man. If she says they are "just friends" I would be extremely wary of that. My question is what could they possibly have in common to be friends!? Please tell her parents if they are not aware. I am not getting on my soapbox here for nothing. I have been in this situation. I am much older now, but when I was 14, I dated guys that were 21 and 22. I lied about my age and told them I was 18. I also told my friends and parents that we were "just friends". Any grown man who is aware of her true age and continues this relationship is a pedophile. That is why there are laws in all fifty states against this type of behavior.

I have a problem and need to know if anyone out there can give me some insight. I have been in a serious relationship for over one year. My boyfriend and I made plans last December to become engaged in May of this year. When May came this year he told me he was not ready for this step due to his financial issues. He said he has to see "a light at the end of the tunnel" to his financial woes before he starts a lifelong commitment with me but that he still thinks I am "the one". Also, just last year he finally formally ended a very ugly six-year marriage. I became unemployed for a short time and in spite of saying I would never live together without an engagement, I stayed with him for that time. (I still had my own place and paid all my own bills) I explained that I could not make it through this without his help and support emotionally and some financially. In turn, I gave him the help and support he needed with the cooking, cleaning, and caring for his son. (He's a full time single dad) I had done literally everything for him and his son while I was at his place. I am surprised he even knew how to tie his own shoes by the time I left there! This caused me to become resentful and very, very controlling. One week after returning to work, I moved back to my apartment. He still refers to this as me "leaving him". He believes I moved out because we didn't get engaged which is not entirely true. I moved back home because it is more convenient for my work commute and because I felt the strain on our relationship due to all of the resentment I felt towards him. Two days after I moved back to my house I told him I needed one month's break from the relationship to get my life together; that I had become someone I didn't even like. My self-esteem was completely shot from losing my job and the disappointment I felt from us not getting engaged. We agreed not to date other people. During this time I have read some self-help books and one of them is "Surrendered Single" by Laura Doyle. Being "surrendered" as Mrs. Doyle calls is it feels like a real good way for me to be less controlling in our relationship. It has been exactly thirty days today since I told him I wanted this time alone. I emailed him last week and told him I was ready to "reconnect" last weekend. I felt like since I called for the time, I should be the one to end it, but I decided to let him be the man and work out all the details. He said he was busy all weekend but would try to arrange something. The "old" me would have said, "You need to MAKE TIME for me." Instead, attempting to practice being "surrendered", when he asked me what I thought if we just "played it by ear", I simply responded to the email by saying, "I think that sounds great." The problem is he did not call last weekend and has not called this week either. I feel like he doesn't know what to do when I didn't provide some sort of suggestion for him. I just won't do that anymore, for me to be "surrendered" he must be the one to figure out all the details. I wonder if he is so happy to be free of my controlling behavior that he has decided he wants to be free of me for good and is scared to tell me. However, he is a good man and I know he would not lead me astray. If he felt it was over, he would let me know in no uncertain terms. I have a really strong feeling he is waiting this out so he can figure out his financial problems and come back to me "fixed" as he calls it. He thinks I will be happy with nothing less that "two months salary" wrapped around my finger. I feel sure he will stay away until he feels like he is closer to providing that. Another problem is this: I don't think the engagement is a big deal anymore but he has no idea I feel that way. I know it will happen if it was meant to happen and that it will happen naturally. I am embarrassed to say it has taken me many failed relationships to learn this difficult lesson. I have learned I don't want a proposal that is in any way forced. I want and deserve the real thing. I need him to know this, but I have to see him to do this! What a catch 22 this whole situation is. We did talk real briefly a couple of times this month and he told me he loved me and missed me. I still have the key to his house! Should I be patient here and wait this out? Call him? Assume the worst and move on? HELP!!!!