macdomat

Stop me if you've heard this one... See, In trying to go down the "comfortable, non invasive, non intimidating" route, you'll soon find yourself with a brand new friend. Not girlfriend, just a friend. Do I sound bitter? It's cause I've been there more than once. If you try to make things friendly, you'll find yourself a friend. But that's it. Once you're a friend... it's hard for them to see you as anything else. Not impossible, I suppose, but hard. But... If you wanted to try this route... I guess you need to have something in common. Anything at all: Music, movies, pets, video games (hey, it happens), politics, hobbies, etc. As for excuses for why you wanna hang out with her... just say somethin' like: "Hey, I was thinking about what you said the other day...." and argue some point she brought up. Be confident, that's the best advice I can give you, dude. And hey, if you figure it out, lemme know. I... uh... have a friend who'd like to know as well.

Amen, friend. Everyone should be totally themselves... 100% sincere and honest about who they are. It makes things so much easier in the long-run. (Less Stress). I wasn't around for your original post, but I'll give ya my three cents worth anyway. Good luck.

I don't think you'll like what I have to say any more than what your friends had to say... You friendship is doomed to crumble. Especially if you can't get that jealousy under control (yeah, heh, I'm one to talk... my jealousy is always at the boiling over point. But that just makes me more qualified to answer this question). Chances are, she really DOES like you, but only in a friendly way. You say you know how she really feels about you? Do you really? Because I'm seeing a totally different side to the story, here. First, her original confession fell under the influence of alcohol. (And may I just say here, that it was VERY ungentlemanly conduct to do ANYTHING to this girl while she was drunk - or even a little tispy.) And as for her attitude and behavior towards you (and her talking about you to her friends) this is nothing that wouldn't fall outside the realm of a good friend. A good friend. I just wanna emphasize that point a little more. A good friend. Keep in mind, also, that if she was as interested in you as you believe her to be, she wouldn't be going out with that other guy. I know what you're thinking, you believe that she's just confused about what she wants and that she'll realise her mistake and come running back to you. One more time, for extra emphasis, A good friend. And a good friend would be there to support her decisions, not criticise her for what you think to be the wrong decision (ie the other guy). And if you can't be that for her, you're not being a good friend in return. You're being selfish. SO - my advice to you is this. I think she's made it perfectly clear that she's not interested in you in that capacity. If you can respect that and be her friend, and only her friend, with no false hopes or pretences, then be her friend. If not, break away from her now. Tell her, flat out, that you like her so much that you can't be with her and not be ~with~ her, and that you can't ever see her anymore. And then never see her anymore. After either choice, find a nice new girl that you are attracted to, and make your intentions perfectly clear from the beginning. She knows that you're jealous. SHE KNOWS. She also is probably starting to feel VERY uncomfortable being around you, knowing that you like her alot more than she likes you. This is yet another reason for you to have a sit-down with her (if you can be only her friend, tell her so, so that she isn't uncomfortable around you; if not... well, see above). Sorry to be so brutal, dude, but a slap in the face now could save you a knife in the heart later on.

Ok, let's see... top idea that pops into my head: Does she have a dog? Do you have a dog? Maybe if you both happen to be outside, walking your dogs at the same time...? Ok, maybe you don't have a dog. There's always the classic, walking up to her door, ringing the bell and asking... "Hey... can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Ummmm... No. This is a tricky situation. You can't exactly walk up to her door and say, "Hey, I saw you around the neighbourhood a few times, and I thought you were cute. Wanna go out?" If you do, it'll seem very weird.... Plus, there's a good chance her husband, or father, or whatever is gonna walk up and say, "Who's this guy, honey?" What you need... is an opportunity. Notice things she does around the neighbourhood, and take an active interest. (Without being too stalkerish, of course.) Maybe start a conversation if you both happen to be out at the mailbox at the same time. You need more info before moving ahead, chief.

All right, why not... 1. I'm proud of my ability to cheer people up and make 'em laugh, even when they're completely miserable. 2. I'm proud of my educational achievements - very soon to be two college diplomas (that almost sounds like bragging) 3. I'm proud to be a Leo - brave, powerful, enthusiastic, generous to a fault - and fiercely loyal to my friends.

I have to agree with kellbell on this one. Guys (typically) suck at subtlety. If he was really interested, you'd KNOW it. We're pretty blatant about stuff like that (unlike some women I know). Forget him and move on. ALSO, another note, I have to advise against relationships with co-workers. I don't mean friendships, that's great, and it's nice to have a buddy around the office to chit-chat with. But romance at work is trouble, take my word on it. If you were a guy, I'd use the old cliche, "Don't dip your pen in company ink." But you're not, so...

Ok, everyone is kinda dancing around the average of 5". But is that 5" hard or soft? Also: Shy guy, if your tongue is really that long, I don't think you'll ever get any complaints.

Nobody IS gonna help you, chief. Sorry. You're gonna have to help yourself. All right, look. I'm very sorry about your dad. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to get through. But I need you to stop and look at the recurring themes here: You say your friends don't want to help you, and you say no one is willing to help you. Well... are YOU willing to help you? I'm not saying you can't rely on people sometimes. At times, you need people to just be there, to be a shoulder to cry on, or at the very least, a sounding board from which you can hear all your thoughts aloud. But, this problem that you're having is YOUR problem, not theirs. Sounds harsh, I know. And I'm certainly not telling you to shut it all up inside, cause that'll just lead somewhere bad. But you can't expect other people to solve your problems for you. Your mom: clearly, you can't just "get better," like you can turn depression on and off as easily as one would flick a lightswitch. And, "cant you see the stress im going through because of you!" makes me think that this woman might be what we'd call a "toxic influence." If she's truly "all you got left," then maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you should try and get out on your own? You wanna get angry, drunk and violent? Fine. Is it making you feel any better in the long-run? No, I didn't think so. So stop it. All I can really recommend is that you try not to dwell on the bad things in your life, focus on the good, and change your life so that you can try and be happy again. And the next time you feel like getting in a fight, try directing that energy into a fight to LIVE.

No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! (Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia...) I am shocked, SHOCKED at the responses I am seeing here. The word is NO, amigo, back away now. Red Alert, Full Stop, Back it up, Beep, beep, beep. If I understand you right.... you're on the verge of hitting on one of your friends. She's your ~friend~. And maybe I'm NOT getting the full story here, but unless she's given you a ~definite~ (and I can't stress that word enough) clue one way or the other, I would not proceed here. 'Cause chances are VERY good that she doesn't see you in a romantic light, and all you're gonna do is turn a friend into "one of those people you used to hang out with." Those days she's ignoring you are the days she probably is AVOIDING you because she know how you feel already ('cause trust me, SHE KNOWS.... we guys suck and keeping stuff like that hidden... SHE KNOWS) and she doesn't feel the same way. If you have to ask if she's interested or not, there's like a 99.99999999% chance she isn't. I'm sorry if this sounds rough. You probably don't wanna hear this. But believe me, a kick in the butt now is gonna be better than a hole in the chest later on. It's a shame. It seems like such a good idea too... the idea that a friend can someday become something more... it's like, building the foundation of a great relationship. But it doesn't work in practice. It's a flawed plan, because women don't usually see their male friends like that, and get REALLY REALLY REALLY offended when their so-called friends try and make a move on them. To them, it's like their brother walking in and saying, "hey, y'know, why don't we give it a shot???" I could drone on about this for hours. But my advice is, be her friend, and that's it. If you can't be just her friend and nothing else, then get used to the idea of her not being your friend EVER AGAIN. Sorry kid, 'dems da breaks.

I'm sorry, but I can't help posting a response... You know, that's only 4 women... not 5.... Hey, can I have Sam the Hippie's phone #, if you're not interested any more? LOL... Just kidding.

Did she flirt at all? Did she, I dunno, make any kind of physical contact, like playfully hit your arm, or...? Was she acting interested, or was she just looking for a (as you put it) "cycling buddy?" (LOL... you know, she followed you all the way home. You shoulda invited her in for coffee. Or, maybe some "coffee.") Even if she wasn't "interested", though, you still got a shot. Kinda lead the conversation that way a little bit. Flirt with her. Compliment her. See how she responds. If she does respond, ask her out. If not, back down, and be prepared to remain "cycling buddies" for a very long time. You're gonna have to face the possibility that if she isn't interested, yeah, you're probably gonna push her away. It's a risk... but it could pay out?

I TOTALLY USED TO DO THAT!!! Absolutely! I totally used to plan out my phone conversations with women beforehand. Half need to impress with conversational skills, half desire not to totally go off on a tangent and say something stupid... But I'll tell ya now, it's gonna deviate from your script ('cause that's what it is, a script). And you gotta let it! Don't sit down and write out everything you wanna say. The first major phone conversation I had on the phone with a chick (ahem.... woman) went on a total tangent, and it went better than I could ever had planned. "It is the unexpected that happens." My advice? Don't overthink this. And DO NOT time yourself. If you're staring at the clock, the conversation is gonna feel rushed, and it's gonna be over in all of like, 30 seconds. Don't let there be a lull in the conversation, either, though. Know when to end it. The BEST advice I can give is to ask a lot of questions. You wanna know everything about this chick (woman... whatever), and you want her to know that (without looking like a total creepy stalker). And... uh... save the hair thing. If the conversation goes that way, fine. I understand and appreciate the need for small talk before you delve into the serious stuff, but... this is asking for a date, not a car loan. Don't overthink. Take 3 deep breaths... and pick up the phone, NOW!

Everybody can be happy. That's our goal in life. To be happy. But will the answers to all this really make you happy? God, I mean, does any of this stuff matter? Or is it all just noise? I mean, swearing? It's just words. Hit someone with an f-word, and it'll roll off of them. Hit someone with a brick... then we'll talk. Confidence comes from standing up for yourself. Doing what's right, even when everyone else says it's wrong. It's about facing your fear and beating it into submission. The "having to explain yourself" and "people treating you better" things tie in here, somehow. Too nice or not at all?????? I'll take door #3 please. You make it sound so black and white. Be Just Nice Enough. (Note the Capitals) Heh, heh, heh... I swear a blue streak, and that's never gonna make me any less of a lady. Of course, I'm a dude, so.... You don't need that many friends. 2-3 GOOD ONES will do fine. Choose quality over quantity. I don't know anything about outsourcing. BUT! The reason we all go to school is to gain knowledge... improve ourselves, and feel better about ourselves. As for the "stupid" thing... Well.... Here's a good question.... is a person in the middle of a "Major Depressive Episode" the right person to be dispensing advice? LOL.

Ummmm... That seems a little devious. I can't really tell if you're being sarcastic here or not,, JJ?

It DOES seem kind of convenient, doesn't it??? That the person that we all fall in love with so conveniently happens to be our soulmate? LOL. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH JJ!!!!!!!!!! There should be like, a class in school or something. Not sex-ed, but like, "love lessons." To teach guys and girls how to treat each other right and develop a happy, healthy relationship. But who would be qualified to teach that kinda class? Dr. Phil?

I LOVE questions like this. I read this post, and I was like, SWEET, I gotta answer this one. Here it is... The answer to life, the universe, everything is.... 42. NO, no, no, just kidding. But kidding is good. Kidding is fun. Laughing is good. Fun is good. Being Happy. That's my answer. THAT is our purpose. To live happy, fulfilling lives. To BE HAPPY. Wow, it's so SIMPLE! But truly, it is what everyone deserves. To BE HAPPY. Forget evolution, that says our whole meaning of existence here was just some huge cosmic accident, and our sole purpose is procreation. Forget religion, that says we're all here to worship and serve some all-powerful-yet-insecure mighty being. I think people dwell too much on the why and the how we're here rather than actually enjoy their lives. I agree with patch. Don't let whatever pain you might be going through consume you, and run your life. Cause that sucks. And it gets you absolutely nowhere. If you've been through rough stuff, you talk to your friends about it, and try and make life better for yourself. So, you have to be happy. And if you can't be happy, you have to try and be happy. And, if you absolutely cannot possibly ever in your whole life ever, ever, ever, BE happy, then make other people happy. 'Cuz, that'll make you happy too! Here's a joke: How do we live our life despite all the crappy things that may have happened to us in the course of our lives? Pfffft... The same way everyone else does. Oh, my god, I was totally just reminded of that suck-a** joke that Halle Berry told in X-men as Storm... ick.

Conflict sucks, first of all. But regrettably, humanity seems to thrive on it. It's a necessary evil. If "Joe" did go behind your back and told "Fred" not to follow your suggestion, then he's holding back the project, and THAT is unacceptable. You're gonna suffer in the long run for this, even if the project is a success despite "Joe's" hinderances. You have to step up and do/say something, or you're gonna be stepped on. I remember being bullied in elementary school. Believe me, you'll regret it if you don't step up. (Boy, do I ever regret not popping that guy right in the shnoz. Huh? Sorry, got sidetracked there). What you wrote sounds fine. I'd probably be a little more angry about it myself, but that's just me. Yeah. But hey, whatever works for you. But remember, this whole thing is hanging on that "if". IF this is just a misunderstanding, then... Uh... Just keep doing what you're doing.... I guess.... I can't help but feel there might be some existing underlying friction between you and "Joe?"

Well... That's just depressing, isn't it? Sigh... Well, I'm not gonna get started on the whole religion thing, first off, cause you'll never stop me once I really get going. But I'll say this... If there WAS a god, I wouldn't necessarily believe that he'd be the best person/deity/whatever to set me up... It's like, "Yeah, I'm going out on this blind date... I dunno who she is, just some chick the Lord said I should be with." It should be, as everything else, our own responsibility to track our perfect mate down, and not expect the big guy to do all the work for us. (PS - I'm not actually admitting the big guy is up there/down there/etc... I'm more agnostic than anything) AND! There is no one perfect love out there. I believe in the idea of soul mates (PLURAL). I've been in love and been convinced I've found my better half like, 3 or 4 times already. My heart goes out to all those people who have been crushed by who/whom they believe was their "true love." We've ALL been there and we know how much it sucks and how much it hurts. But it will get better. It can ONLY get better. There are other people out there.

If she's your best friend, what you REALLY want is for her to be happy. Even if that means not being with you. I kinda agree with Saw here, I think you need to determine exactly how she sees you, and thus, a talk is in order. If she sees you as nothing more than a friend, you're gonna have to move on. If she does see you as a potential bf, then... meh... see what happens. But mark my words- if she sees you as just a friend, she's probably not gonna change her mind about that - and then nothing is gonna happen, EVER. Back off and find someone else. Curse hollywood for giving us nice guys hope!!!!

I ~want~ to believe that it's possible for men and women to be friends. But the closeness and vast majority of time spent together often makes this pairing very unlikely, as one person invariably becomes attracted to the other (usually the male, but not always). But this isn't really a question that can be answered fully. It's like asking "What is the sound of one hand clapping?", but with the complexities of the bigger question, "What is the meaning of life?" I used to believe that the best romantic relationships came from a strong friendship, but I've found from experience that hitting on your exisiting friends just doesn't work, as (and take notes here, my fellow gentlemen) if the woman sees you as a friend, it's unlikely she's gonna see you as anything else. It's a puzzler, this question.

I feel so damned helpless today. My best friend in the whole world...for privacy's sake, let's call her 'Elizabeth'... is unhappy, and I can't do anything about it. I want to help. In the past, I've always been there for her. If ever she needed a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear, a sounding board or just an honest opinion, I was there. No matter what the problem, no matter how HUGE, I could have her laughing by the end of the day. I LOVED that. Made me feel.... I dunno... needed. Useful. And she loved me for it... she ~used~ to rave about what a nice guy I was, and how we were gonna be best friends forever... But she's been so grumpy lately. I dunno why. Maybe she's having problems at home, problems with her family, with her fiancee (whom she's living with), or maybe the stress from school is getting to her. Maybe it's just that time of the month, I dunno. But she won't open up to me anymore. Yes, I realise the apparent inappropriateness of the situation... Why would she open up to me? She has a fiancee to do that with... But I NEVER tried to put myself in a position of power over her, I was only there to HELP... I think part of the problem is, I've been overly stressed lately, and I've been grumpier than usual as a result, so maybe she feels she can't approach me? I think that's part of it, maybe. I haven't been happy lately. (I dunno why, that's something else I gotta figure out for myself.) I TOLD her that I'm there for her... anytime.... day or night, all she's gotta do is pick up the phone, and I come running. Maybe she's mad at me. Maybe she just needs to get something off her chest. Maybe she's still sick. Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe a million things. But where I used to excel at getting her to open up, she shut me down every time. She's closed herself to me (and often it seems she's closed herself to me and me ALONE, which hurts like hell), and I don't feel I can approach her anymore. I can't help her. I can't even help myself. I can't do... anything.

First off: Nice Avatar. Ok, I'm gonna answer your question with another question: If you see this thing coming, like a train in a long tunnel, and you've been in in this situation before, shouldn't you have learned to avoid it? Can't you see the mistakes coming and try to stop them? I always come off sounding harsh in these responses... Finally... You don't wanna desensitize yourself to rejection... to deaden your emotions would make life EASIER but not BETTER. If you just woke up one morning and just didn't care anymore... you could honestly say that it WOULDN'T be the happiest day of your life (cause you can't be happy, either, eh?) Rejection sucks, but we can learn from it. Go read "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby. The movie with John Cusack is good too, but you miss something in there. (That's my solution for everybody... ha ha ha).

I really get what you're saying here. I find myself in a very similar situation, as a matter of fact. BUT I don't entirely agree.... Being single DOES suck. I've found that I'm at my happiest when I'm in a relationship. I see it like, I can invest all my time now in OTHER projects, because I don't have to worry all the time about getting a girlfriend! It's kind of the same type of satisfaction you get when you accomplish a goal, or complete a difficult project. You can step back, say, "I'm done," and start something else. (Of course, working at the relationship and keeping it going is a full-time neverending project on it's own.) BUT my BIGGEST concern here is that, yes, we all want to be happily married and have kids, and it's fine if it's a future foal in your life, but it ~SHOULDN'T~ (I cannot emphasize that word enough) be your PRIMARY goal. Hang on, lemme emphasize that word again.... !! ~~SHOULDN'T~~ !! It's nice to have, and I'm the last person in the world who'd say that your career should be your number 1 goal, but if you dwell on this stuff too much, it can become unhealthy. A satisfying relationship should be like the meatballs in spaghetti. It isn't REALLY necessary, but it definitely adds to the meal in a positive way. (I'm one to talk... I still think that way sometimes... )

I don't think there'd be a problem with it, not at all! The student-teacher relationship has since ceased, since the student is no longer taking classes. You're just two regular people. Suppose I wasn't going to college right now... If I hit on some woman who "happened" to be a college prof, I wouldn't feel bad about it, cause I maybe went to college sometime in my past. Now, if the student and the prof had a thing going ~WHILE~ the student was still in school, it could be seen as a conflict of interest, I think. Tsk, it's a shame, too. There's one teacher at MY college, and she's a real hottie. Ummmm... The only concern here would be with a possible age gap?

First off, I pronounce you guilty of the very thing that you're condmemning the rest of the world for. You say "It seems like everyone is always trying to raise their self-esteem either by cheating their way to the top of something or putting down others to feel superior." And then you launch into a rant saying how ~You~ are so sick of people, ~you~ think people are "egotistic, pretentious, [&] self-centered" and how ~you~ think supposedly "selfless" people are full of B.S. Step back for a moment and look at that. We want to help you here. Don't start off by telling us all that we're selfish and we suck. (Sigh) too early for this. Okay, but I ain't gonna hold it against ya. See, you're having a bad day, cause you haven't gotten any in a while (or ever... join the club). But this stuff about the meaning of life? You're not gonna find easy answers here, bucko. Here's what I can tell you. This is my own little piece of the puzzle in the great game of life (hmmm... is that a mixed metaphor?) Life sucks sometimes. Sure. There are gonna be bad days, and there are gonna be good days. The point of life is to have more good days than bad days. And you can do it, you have it within yourself! Everyone does! People gripe all the time about how their life is so miserable. But who has actually bothered to do something about it? People are content living in their little corner of the universe, isolated from everyone, because it's safe, and comforatable. People have to stop being afraid all the time. People need to take risks, stand up and say something once in a while, to shake things up. We all need to realise that whatever we do to our lives can be fixed. It's like a computer... Many computer problems out there are a result of "human error." (You fellow tech guys out there know what I'm talking about.) There's so many things a person can do to a computer, and the computer can STILL be fixed! It might not be ~exactly~ the way it was before,but it'll still run. But if you wanna fix the computer, you can't be afraid of pushing a few buttons. Whew... is this officially a rant yet? Yes, people die. That's the unavoidable truth about life. I still scare myself stupid on a semi-daily basis that one day, I, yes - I, will one day cease to exist. No souls, no heaven, no hell (Before the Christians flame me, this is just my opinion, and yes, I have a right to express it freely) - just one day, *pfft* and we're gone. Nothing left to remember us by. Which is why it is SOOOO important to enjoy your life while you can. Get out there, do something! Go to a bar with your friends and hit on women! They might shoot ya down, so what? It's not gonna leave a lasting scar! In ten minutes, she'll forget all about you. Go chat up some OTHER chick... hey, she might be responsive. Someone's ticking you off? Meh, go beat 'im up (or tell him off, if you're the non-violent type). What's the worst that can happen? A bloody nose? Aw, that'll heal. And it'll be a good story to tell your girlfriend some day.