Meow18

I agree with Batya. He didn't think you would have fun because you wouldn't. You obviously don't share an interest in biking and he knows that, so why would he want to drag you along on the back of a bike? That doesn't mean he doesn't love you and love being with you.. it just means he knows you wouldn't have fun, so he doesn't want to put you through that. Even if you went to see everything that goes on, you would probably be insecure then too. Everytime you passed a half naked girl, you would be wondering if your boyfriend was thinking about her. And no guy wants a girl going just to watch his every move, or to watch where he's looking. Hope, your boyfriend is not going to these bike week things to look at naked girls. He might not be the stereotypical biker who has long hair and tattoos, and goes to these things every month. But he still has an interest in biking and this is something that he can do with his friends who are also interested in biking.. It's like comic book conventions. When you are so into them, just talking about them with your buddies just isn't enough. And since you don't approve of this, you should consider yourself lucky that he only likes going to these things once a year. Chances are, there will be girls wherever he decides to go for this biker stuff. Chances are, there are girls everywhere he goes. And your boyfriend is only human, he will probably think a few of the girls he passes are attractive. But does that mean he suddenly falls in love with them, or wants to replace you, or even wants to get to know them? Your boyfriend probably doesn't even think about them 2 seconds after he passes them. Last year, you said that when he got home he was all over you? Obviously he missed you and was happy to come back to you.. afterall, he did come back to you. I think another issue here is that you do not approve of this. And it's ok if you don't think it's a fair thing to do when in a relationship. But the problem is that he obviously doesn't agree. He probably doesn't see anything wrong with going when it's all just an interest he has. And I know that since you are emotionally attached to him, it makes it that much harder, but suppose he goes to these things once a year for the next 30 years.. can you handle that?

The thing too is that she knows your suspicions. I mean, so if she really truly cared about your feelings, she would be trying to make you trust her. She is acting strange, whether or not she is cheating. And even if she isn't cheating, she isn't being honest with you. And if you can't be honest in your marriage, then you might as well not have a marriage. Keep us updated with what you find. And remember we are always here if you need us.

If they tell you "if only you had come sooner", that's kind of a good thing cause it's like if you came along sooner, then they probably would have given you a chance. Don't worry too much over it though.. those girls weren't meant for you. Next time you are interested in a girl, just get to know them and don't waste time in doing so when you think you might like them!

I've never found violence to be the answer.

I agree and I'm glad that you are finding that no contact has really been helping you!

Unfortunately, all you can do is offer your advice. Let your feelings known, but don't push it on her because you don't want to push her away. I think she's going to have to learn this lesson the hard way, and she will need a good friend at the end of it all. If she's still going to choose to go through with marriage with this man, then what can you really do but support her and be there for her when she does get hurt?

I don't there's any advice left to give. You and your girlfriend are on the right track. Just keep this up and don't ever take her for granted again.

I agree with the others. If you have needs that aren't being met, then it's important to talk about them. Of course, it's also important with how you bring it up and how high you are setting your expectations.. If the other person runs, then they just aren't the one for you I guess.

This is normal in a healthy relationship. It's good to make time for your own friends and do your own thing. Of course, it's also normal to want to be with the other person every minute, but it's so important to not get caught up in that. She used to always invite you and include you in her plans because she didn't used to get to see you very often. She wanted to do anything with you and just hoped that you would accept one of her invites. Now it's different because she's getting the attention she wants and needs. And she's just balancing that with other things.

I would do this, but with her. You need to be firm with her and demand the truth. Also, it's making you feel so horrible. Probably almost like you have no marriage anymore. So what could you lose by suggesting a seperation? This way, if she does want to work on the marriage, you are not yet divorced. Maybe once she sees how serious you are, she will change her behavior. If not, then you know she's not willing to do anything to save the marriage.

I couldn't have said it any better than Locke. How's your communication so far? Honestly, I have to say it still needs tons of work. You need to be talking to her about these things instead of assuming the way she is feeling. You know her way better than we ever will. It's ok to ask us for advice, that's why we are here! But it's also important to talk to her about certain things that are bothering you. What we can do for you is come up with ways to bring these issues up, but only you and her can resolve them through talking. So, maybe for this one, let her know that you had a wonderful weekend and that you feel the relationship is really progessing although it still could use some work. Ask her how she feels. Talk to her about what she thinks still needs to be worked on. Of course, don't bring up sex. You already know you will get it when she feels the relationship is in a good place. So, just ask about that good place.

I think it is cheating. If he has a wife, he shouldn't be talking sex (even if they aren't literally having sex) with anyone else. But really, it's all about what you feel is appropiate.

I also would not like #1. It's too much. Honestly though, she will probably be happy with whatever she gets. Unless of course she cares more about the ring than the actual getting engaged, and then that's a whole other issue!

I'm no guy, but I'm sure everyone prefers sex with their significant other over pleasing themself! Unless you are really that bad.. But seriously, it's nothing to feel insecure over.

You really are getting different views here! I like #4 the best.

I REALLY believe that if it's meant to be it will be. Right now it's just not meant to be. And like you said, never say never. You never know who you will meet in a couple of years. Like my signature says: Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another's love. So just be sure the person you’re committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice.

If she loves you again, then she will come back. The only thing is that maybe you won't want her back if she does come back. Maybe you will be scared of getting hurt again. Or maybe you will have moved on by then. But, you can't worry about that part of it. Who knows what could happen in a few years? The point is, you know what you need to do now. You know what you deserve and what you don't deserve. You know what is best for the relationship now. And staying together is only doing more harm than anything.

Take as much time as you need. There is no normal length of time. The only problem is that just through this experience, you have taken a huge step back in your healing process. It's so important that you do not put yourself in positions where you can easily hear stories about your ex or see your ex.

I know. You need to forget for a moment that you love her. What do you need right now? What do you think is fair to you? Do you think you deserve being in a relationship with someone who has doubts about their feelings? I'm not asking if you are willing to deal with it because you love her. I'm asking if you think that this is what you, a human being who has the capability to be loved by another person, deserve? I don't think that she will ever fall completely in love with you again. Not if you stay together. Because obviously there's something that has made her lose her love for you. And by continuing normally with the relationship, there's nothing to change that. The other question I have is that, let's say that since she won't leave you even though she knows she should, in 3 years you are still together and she still doubts her feelings, is this ok for you? Because as much as she is dragging you along, you are dragging her along.

I agree with Dako. You might think you want to hear about your ex and hear if he is seeing someone else, but really, it will hurt you so much to hear little things about him. And really, he NEVER said anything about your ex seeing someone else, but you jumped to this conclusion and are so hurt over what you assume. And honestly, in your situation that's only normal. But do not ask about your ex. Don't let someone tell you anything about your ex. If you want to see his roomate and still talk to him, then you need to tell him that you can't handle hearing anything about your ex right now. If he is a good friend he will understand. Really, it will help you get over him.

Trust me, you do not know this for a fact. There's no way to ever know this. It's hard to understand this now, so I don't blame you for feeling this way, but you do not know this. But still, you should never stay with someone because you don't think you will find someone else. Maybe you never will, but it beats being in a relationship that isn't what you really want. It beats being with someone who you know would rather be somewhere else. You love and care for her, but she is not in love with you. As much as it would hurt to lose her, she is not being fair at all by leading you on when she knows in her heart that she doesn't want to be with you. I really don't get why she just doesn't break things off. Maybe she's also scared of being alone. But I can't see how things will ever get any better here.

If these are normal aches that you usually get soon before your period, then I don't think you need to worry. Everybody's body is different, so what might be normal for one person won't be for another. But if you get this type of ache whenever your period is due, then it's normal for you. I wouldn't worry if your period is a little early.. there are so many reasons for early/late periods, such as being sick recently or slight changes in lifestyle or even stress. But an early period is always better than no period at all.

She's showing that she cares by not liking the fact that you cut yourself and walking out on you because of it. If she were to just stay and pretend like it wasn't happening, then that would be the sign that she doesn't care about you. Do you even want to get help? For yourself? But for real, nobody wants to be with a depressed person. It has nothing to do with maturity. It's just depressing and hard to be with someone who is seriously depressed and cutting themselves.

Some girls go after the "player" types. And those girls are usually only wanting attention, so of course they will enjoy the guys who give them the attention they are seeking. I know what you mean about guys who are players getting loads of girls, and the nice guys hardly ever get girls because they fear rejection. But in my opinion, who's fault is that? If you are interested in a girl, you have to be willing to take a risk if it means being with the girl you like. And it's not just guys.. it's ok for girls to approach guys! If a guy approached me and seemed interested, chances are I would be looking more into what this guy is looking for rather than the guy who is standing by the wall ignoring me. I would do this, just as I would expect that the guy I liked being more interested in girls who are approaching him rather than me if I'm pretending like I don't even notice him.

I agree with the others. It's easy to find more than one person attractive. But if she likes you and you start giving her attention she won't be thinking about these other guys for long! It's worth a try. Try talking to her more. Try hanging out with her. If she doesn't like you, she won't give you much of a chance. What do you have to lose? Of course, if you and her start hanging out and she talks about other guys, or flirts with other guys in front of you then that might be a sign that she's a huge flirt and not ready for one guy.