musicchicus

Be sure that you are making the RIGHT decision before you make it...

I'm sorry to hear that you have made this decision. I truly am. I don't think I ever got to speak with you before...and if I did, I truly am sorry that my advice did not help. I am but a human being. I am not a therapist or a psychologist and certainly am not trained to solve others problems. I am only capable of giving advice based on my experience and hoping the best for you. While I am not going to try to talk you out of your decision (I couldn't even if I tried, right?). I will ask that you reconsider and attempt to speak with someone who truly IS trained to help you solve your problems before completing your mission...realistically, what does it matter if you do it tonight or tomorrow, right? At least if you wait until tomorrow you will have the opportunity to speak with someone who might actually be able to listen better than others have in the past...this is what you ask for in your post. And, truthfully, I think you want someone to listen. If not, you would have done it already, rather than taking the time it took to write this message to us all. Please dial your local suicide prevention center, wherever you are located. The number is located in the front of your phone book. While I am more than willing to listen to your problems...I am, as I said, not trained to help. If just talking will help however, go for it. I AM HERE!

Let her know you feel...what? You just met her. You can't possibly feel much...now don't get me wrong. I am sure you are attracted to her and like you said, want to get to know more. And, as long as she is showing similar interest in you, there's no reason not to say so... But don't lay on the "Oh my god I'm so in love with you..." crap. You can't possibly be, for one. Don't mess with her feelings that way. And secondly, it will just scare her away - too much too soon. Just make an effort to, like you said, get to know her better. If in a month or two, you still feel strongly about her, then you can move onto more meaningful shows of affection, "I really care for you" etc. Wait for her to break out the "I love you's" though.

I agree with Turboz...play it cool, standoffish. Move on with your life (at least in front of him). You MUST appear to him apathetic...if he comes back fine, if not no biggie. This will make him miss you...especially if he sees other men talking with you and being intersted. I know its hard, but give it a shot! And STOP worrying about being single - YOU WILL SURVIVE! But you HAVE to believe that in order to convince him that you are apathetic! Trust me!

Hey Adam, First of all, don't worry about your first post being for help. That's generally why people come here, for help. And then they find so much help and others points of view and grow from their experiences...that they stay to help others. So, don't worry about it. Seondly, I'm guessing from your post that you are relatively young...unfortunate, because you seem like a caring, sweet, wonderful person. The kind of person I, and most of us women, want to be with! Thirdly, in regard to the girl, again I am assuming she is around your age. Could be she is just beginning to learn about this dating/realtionship thing and doesn't really know what she wants right now. Perhaps she is just dealing with too many other things in her life right now and just can't focus on the easiest, more comfortable, stable thing in her life...you. There are lots of reasons she could have for being standoffish like she is...and I'm sorry to say that you can not change that, regardless of what it is. My suggestion to you is to stay in contact with her and continue to give her your support and love and all that...but also, and I REALLY understand how hard this is...move on, too. (Don't give her up, but don't pressure or beg her or anything). What I mean is this...if she sees you being the happy, sweet, wonderful person she first fell for...she will begin to miss you. Especially if you take your kindness and such and share it with another girl...jealousy is powerful. Now, don't get me wrong...don't flaunt it or push it in her face. But just conveniently show her that as much as you love her...your life will go on...and if she doesn't take advantage of you soon...you may find someone else who is willing too!! Most of all, just keep being the sweet guy you seem to be and even if this relationship doesn't work (which I truly hope it does)...there are billions of girls out there WAITING and BEGGING for their opportunity to be cared for by you! Best of luck!

So, he broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I didn't call or contact him. Then this past week, he got in touch again. We talked and he first said we were not compatible and that we shouldn't be together. Then, he said that during our relationship, I was too in love with him and pressured him too much. I agreed and said, sure if you want me to go away forever, fine I'll do that...and he responded with, "well I'm here, aren't I?" So, I took that as a good sign and suggested that we try to be friends. He resisted this as he believes it is impossible for us to be as I love him. I did not deny my feelings, but told him that I had been hurt enough that we could try starting over. If we build a friendship, then great, if not at least we tried. And, if we ended up being friends and something more came out of it, great. But if not, that was OK too. He agreed by saying that we would see each other every week at our regular hang-out. I responsed by saying that he would never really get a chance to get to know me as a friend that way, he needed to see me outside of the club too. He said - I don't want to be so serious, I can't be right now. I agreed. So...we chatted a while more and then...he gives me a big hug and says, "I love you mor than you'll ever know".. OK - what the hell is going on? Does he really love me, or just as a friend? Does he really want to be with me and is just afraid/unwilling to be serious? Or does he really just want to be acquaintances? He has yet to call...is there any hope? Should I pull out all the stops, dressing in skirts and such, will this help to remind him why he wanted me in the first place? What about talking with other guys to make him jealous, good or bad idea? Any help...

I admit this is a bit weird, but hey too each his own. However, that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he is so uncaring and not understanding of your discomfort with it. I mean, who does this guy think he is? And to offer to do yours too? What are they some sort of collection or something? Dump him!

Hey, thanks a lot! Thats what I like to think too. If he truly did not have feelings for me, he would have been gone long ago...and though he might fool around or have sex with me, he wouldn't share cuddling moments too. But Sharkgirl, you have some good points! While he is out looking for Ms. Right, he does have me to entertain him...But isn't that what dating is all about anyway...dating someone entertaining until you find Mr/Ms Right? But no, I don't want to be second best...any suggestions on how to change my rank?

I agree, tell your teachers. They will understand and will probably make arrangements for you. In terms of you, know that she loved you and that you were an important part of her life. Keep her in your memories and heart, but let yourself live your life fully...she would want that! Peace to you!

Ooh, this is a hard one... How to tell this man you might be interested in more, without jeapordizing the friendship if he is truly not interested. Normally, I would say this is impossible. But it sounds to me like this man may actually be interested... I guess you could throw the concept into discussion sometime...I don't suggest saying, "So, hey, guess what? I'm bi..." but sometime when your chatting bring the discussion around to being lesbians, gay, etc. Ask what he thinks about that lifestyle? Remember, he is a guy, so he may act all macho...take it with a grain of salt. Then, suggest the whole bi-sexual thing. Maybe say, "Well, I like women and all, but...I don't know...it would be interesting. Don't you think? To try something new?" Something like that... Just sort of feel him out. If he responds negatively or doesn't want to discuss it, you'll know and stop. But who knows, he might just be wondering what you think and just doesn't want to open up and lose you. Good luck!

Ok, so I've been dating this guy, on and off, for 9 months (we are both in our 30's). Everytime we break up, he tells me that he feels guilty because he knows how much I love him, but he just doesn't feel like I'm the one. He loves me, but isn't in love me (god I hate that saying, anyway...) So, our latest breakup was about two weeks ago. We hadn't talked since then, as I refused to call him back as I figured it was best to give him his space (he agreed with this). So, Wednesday night, he came to my weekly hang out, knowing I was there, and asked to talk. Essentially, he said the same thing...that he doesn't see me see us as compatible, but he loves me a lot (I'm sure he means as a friend). So, we talked for quite a while and I asked if he didn't love me because of me or because of him (he has some past baggage to deal with). He said he was not sure, he just didn't know, but truly thought that if he found "the right" person he would be going out of his way to be with her...that means I'm just not her. So, I suggested that we sort of start over and try to build a friendship and then see what happens. He said that he didn't want to be serious, that he needs to meet others, etc...and I understood this and said fine. So, the night progressed and although it was clear he wasn't getting any nookie, we ended up fooling around a bit...but ended the night essentially cuddling and being close. Now, some of my friends say he is a pig and is just looking to get lucky. Others say he really cares for me and is just too pressured by how serious we were...he needs to feel less pressured, but he really does care for me and wants to be part of my life. What do you think? I mean, if he really didn't care, why would he have come to see me? He had the perfect out...he could have been free forever! Why would he have gotten intimate with me like that if he really didn't want to try to see what could happen...why bother, he wasn't going to get lucky and he knew it!? Any suggestions what I might do to catch his interest again and rekindle what we once had. Any clues as to figure out what the guy is looking for in terms of "his right person"?...without pressuring too much or changing myself, of course!

Uh, try picking up the phone, dialing...it works wonders! Are you waiting to invite her to the baby shower to tell her? You were man enough to to knock your girl up, be man enough to face the consequences.

Hey, been there done that! I was chunky my whole life, but it got worse as I got older. When I finally weighed in at about 215, I decided that it was time to change. I went on a diet study with a hospital close to work. Eat only what they give you, all the no-cal liquid you want. Two hospital stays (beginning and end) where they took TONS of blood (it was a study around your hormones). The reward was losing 10% of my body weight (about 20 lbs at that time) and $1500.00!!! It was easier to stay true to it because a) I wanted the $$$, b) there were others doing it along with me and c) there were moderators (authority) who you had to answer to every day. While on the diet, I learned A LOT about portion control (what a real portion looks like) and my body got used to NOT having sweets (my downfall still). I managed to lose not 20, but 30lbs while on the diet and then another 10 after that - just by being careful. I have since gained (yes, this is typical - but you've got to expect it and FORGIVE yourself) only about 5lbs back. Some days its a struggle, but I am so happy with my new 165-170lb body (and the looks I get from men!) that it makes it a lot easier to maintain! Course shopping for a new wardrobe with my $1500 was great! While this may not work, or be feasible, for you. There are lots of other options out there - just think in terms of doing it WITH OTHERS and think about it as a LIFE decision to change, not a "diet"! Good luck!!

Sorry, but I disagree. I think that you can be truly in love with someone...and have that love change and fade over time. Love is not some gift that you are given; lust, infatuation, maybe. But not love. Love is something that builds and grows out of those other things. Just the same love can fade...if you let it. But if you keep working at it, keeping it interesting and keep trying - it can NOT FADE. That is the struggle of relationships and marriages. Love is something you do, not something that happens to you.

I don't think loves a gamble at all. Yeh, you win some you lose some - and it always sucks... But even when you lose, you've gained lots of wonderful memories, knowledge, experience, etc., etc. Always worth it in my book!

Ah, didn't even note that. Sorry! Can't help you there. What about REM everybody hurts, thats always a good stand by.

I took my step towards the new and better non-boyfriend-having me the other day...my first Pilates class. And now my lower abs are KILLING ME!!!! Any suggestions?

Oh, my God! My subject! I don't know what kind of music you like...I tend to like lots of stuff. But you want broken heart songs...try Country (not cheesy twangy country, newer pop country). How about Jo Dee Messina's "I Wish": It's not easy saying this to you It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do But boy before you go I want you to know I wish you strength when times are hard Oh I wish with all my heart you find what you're looking for I wish you joy, I wish you peace And that every star you see's within your reach And I wish you still loved me I wish that things were different you know that But still I'm happy for the time we had You mean the world to me Baby please believe I wish you strength when times are hard... Or Lonestar's "Smile": I still remember the night we met You said you loved my smile But your love for me was like a summer breeze Oh, it lasted for a while I could hold on a little tighter I know But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go, so... I'm gonna smile 'Cause I want to make you happy Laugh, so you can't see me cry I'm gonna let you go in style And even if it kills me I'm gonna smile.... I could go on forever!!!!!!!

Hmmm...no one else is taking a shot on this one, so I will. Lets see...a vaginal orgasm is deeper. You will feel it deeper inside your body (it actually involves your uterus too). A clitoral orgasm is more spot specific. You feel it more on the outside, at the clitoris (obviously) and in the first inch or so of your vagina. Either is perfectly fine in my book! : )

One of my favorite quotes... A smart man once said, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Some day I would like to find that man...and kick him in the head! : ) Honestly, I think Nicholas Cage says it best (for me) in City of Angels. I believe its something like... "I would rather have had one breathe of her hair, one touch of her hand...than a whole eternity of nothing"...something like that. Desspite my current break-up situation and sorrow, I am indescribably thankful for the time I was given and, knowing the outcome, would do it all again. Love and you gain. Love and lose...you may be losing something, but you stilled gained something too, didn't you?

Ever considered...hello? How about...how was your day? Or you could try...gee, thats a really cool CD, what kind of music do you like? Conversation is not brain-surgery. Its just chatting! Doesn't matter what you talk about.

Just be yourself, sounds like its already working! Congrats!

From someone with no real experience...try some sort of counseling before you give up - or live 20 years unhappily. There are ways to build trust and honesty and passion and goodness back into your marriage. You just have to work on it. Men, generally, cheat for a reason - perhaps the two of you can figure out why and fix it (don't take me wrong, you ARE NOT AT FAULT, regardless of his reasons!). Of course, you do need to keep an open mind. Perhaps he will never be faithful, perhaps he is just one of those people (note I say people, not men). Give it an honest shot, for you, him and the baby. But be ready to leave if it doesn't work. Best of luck!

What are your other choices? Never meet him? The wedding would quite strange, don't you think? I would suggest just telling him the truth...that you have done something stupid and that you would NEVER, EVER lie like this...but you are SO ATTRACTED to him and were worried. Don't linger too much on how plain you are, you don't want him to think you awful looking or an ogre or anything...Just say it quick and to the point and then send him a real picture. I might suggest going on a girl's day out first though...get your hair and makeup done, find a nice outfit and then go to a Sears or something and have a professional picture done. Put your best foot forward...no point sending him the picture Aunt Louis took of you as you pulled your soaking wet body out of the pool after a long night of drinking (if you know what I mean). : ) Then, if he is able to deal with the lack of honesty...NEVER, EVER, EVER make that mistake again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well fenstrt, I believe that you will only have one "First Love"...you know, that give all, never question, open all the way love. But I don't believe that means that you will love completely again... I just think it means that as you experience and get hurt and all that, your "complete" changes (not less, just different). I also believe that there is no certain one... You just gotta keep shooting to find that one that wants to put as much effort and love into it as you. And then, you make a life out of trying to make the relationship work and last and remain worth the effort... May we all have Fate's graces that it will happen soon!