agualibre777

soak your feet in warm water with epsom salts

Hi, Last night I was with my sexual partner and when I was giving him a handjob, I asked him how did he like it? And he said, however I wanted, and I said, no there's got to be some way in particular you like it, and he said that if you like the person it doesn't matter how you touch it, and I said that I thought it was both. Anyways, he isn't a youngster or anything, but says he's never talked about sex in that way, what pleases or doesn't or so on... Do people on here talk about that in detail or not?

Also, do realize your feelings are completely NORMAL HEALTHY RESPONSES to a lifestyle of IMBALANCE!!! Your life is absolutely crazy right now. And you have to stick it out to finish. but realize there is NOT anything WRONG with you!!! Yes, you need to find a way to deal with STRESS, your anxiety is what is a result of the stress.

well, i dunno how you feel exactly, but my friend who lost her father found herself clinging to her boyfriend extra hard, and even when things weren't working out she says that she always wanted to recreate what was before her father died. that he was a symbol of when things were normal and so she always found herself trying to make it work with him.

well, i made a compromise. i sent an email saying it's pretty rude not to even respond to an invite, but i do think he is probably busy getting ready for school to start on monday, may have to visit his family and so on, that's why i didn't take it personally he wasn't sure. it's not like he said no right off either, he could have said he was gonna be busy.

It's always best to ignore the friends and trust in your relationship with her. After all? Who do you know better?

It could. I am a community health worker and that isn't however one of the things that come up in our discussion about birth control. But she should know her own body. If she suspects that then you might want to suggest the vaginal ring as a birth control method. She puts it in her vagina for three weeks and takes out for one. They say about 97% of women who try it are happy with it.

I wasn't sure whether to put this in the dating sxn or friends sxn. This guy I've known for about a month or so and I decided to be friends. But not to be "just" friends but to be GOOD friends. As we are both feeling the connection just want different things. We had a bit of drama already where I got clingy and then when he got immature. And we talked about this a few nights ago and then did yoga together two nights ago (that's where we met), afterwards joking around outside in the rain for a half hour. Then I sent him an email the next morning/yesterday morning asking him if he wanted to go Saturday to an art show in my neighborhood, he could have a late breakfast at my house. He wrote back in the evening if it was o.k. if he let me know by tomorrow/today. I said sure of course. Well, now it is Friday at 6:30 and he hasn't called or email. It's still pretty early but with any of my normal friends I would just call and say "hey, whats up? are you coming?" but due to the fact we just recently stopped dating and there is still sexual tension between us, I'm not sure if I should just let it go if he doesn't call me. But obviously, I want to know because I'm looking forward to seeing him and hanging out...

Hey, I understand you in a way. I come from the opposite way, white woman. I've dated a few black men, and one of them, we are friends now with heavy flirtation, I've become really close to. Luckily I'm not close to my parents, but I'm sure they'de have something to say, but I'm sure as in your case it would be indirect. Even my brother was like "you've been into black men". No, I date *anyone* I told him. As long as they are hot. As you know, it's really a beautiful thing to be in a relationship like that, because it is an opportunity to bring about healing. Whatever people say, ethnicity and skin color does matter. And a white woman dating a black man, and most especially an educated successful black man, is HIGHLY looked down by the community, especially by some women, they feel like it isn't right, and I understand that. But one can't consider these IDEAS of why you might be dating someone. You just have to be true to yourself. Do you respect and love this person for who they are? Without objectifying them? Can you speak about ethical issues openly together in a non-defensive and non-aggressive way? It can be an opportunity to really heal wounds that are caused by racism and discrimination. Your parents probably have a lot of wounds from what they've been through, seeing lynchings. God. I can't imagine what they feel. So I think that it takes some understanding of their perspective to understand and to really get to the root of the matter. Starting the conversation about their hurts and being empathetic to their concerns, being open might help them feel less threatened. I don't know. It could take a while. Do you have other black friends that you can talk to that have dealt with this issue with their parents?

yes, it's really hard to believe it. it really is. wow. he was a really, really smart player. the ****er.

yeah. i called him out on it and he hasn't contacted me back. it really hurts because that was the first and only sign i've had of being a jerk. i'm hoping he was just embarrassed i got off of him during sex and was trying to save face, while not really meaning it that way. but yeah, i dunno. i don't want to think of him as a jerk, i really don't. but maybe he is.

In particular I would like advice from men on this!! So... I posted some threads about this guy I'm dating... it was super cool, and then I got anxious one night about why he didn't call me back and worried about his safety and then contacted him too much about it and he didn't talk to me for five days. He called me when he got back, we talked for two hours, joked about what happened. Agreed not to see each other cause the sexual tension was too high and we wanted different things. But I wanted to give him this picture I had drew that he really liked, so I came over to give it to him. And within minutes he was touching me and flirting with me and I kept telling him to stop. And he said. can you explain this connection we have? Its so different than any connection I've had with anyone else.. And he wanted me to explain it and I told him he should try to explain it and then he kissed me and we didn't stop... Sigh. The thing is we ended up having sex again. But it was soooo strange. Usually he is a really good lover, this time I felt like he was using me for personal masturbation. He didn't really try to pleasure ME at all and afterwards I was left feeling odd. And we talked afterwards for a long, him encouraging me to go to med school, while but he didn't cuddle with me like he normally does and had the blanket on him forgetting I was without it. I had to tug it from him. And during sex, he kept getting near me without a condom, but I wouldn't let him, I kept pulling away. I don't want him to even RUB on me without a condom. But he kept doing it. So I got off of him and moved away from him and he asked what was wrong, after a moment of silence I told him it made me nauseous that he did that, that I needed him to be on the same page with me about condoms, that it stressed me out. In response he said "believe me, if i wanted to have unprotected sex with you, i would...... the reason we are using condoms is because i want to too" it felt really weird he said that to me but I didn't address it. We kept talking but everything seemed so off. So I said to him "are you really introspective today" and he said he was, he was every new years. and would be the following day too. i said oh. and kept laying there, feeling empty about the whole thing. and i said... "something is wrong. something is off" and he said "what?" i said (sadly) "everything, everything about you tonight is off. i think i make you uncomfortable". and he said "is your feeling radar always really high?" and i said "i have a really good sense of intuition. whenever i don't follow it i get in trouble" and he started talking about the avoiding trouble thing, which to me was avoiding the topic. i quickly put the rest of my clothes and boots on while we were talking and announced i was leaving to go to a ny party (he knew i was planning on doing so already). i said did he want me to lock the door before i left? he said, no that would be weird, he'd walk me out and he followed me. he had a strange look on his face, sort of goofy, gave me a hug. and i left. so i sent him a text as i was leaving "sometimes words aren't needed" and went out. it was new years. started getting upset about what he said about condoms and called him left a message on his voicemail that it upset me he said that to me. i sent him an email the following day/yesterday morning expressing my feelings about how maybe i talked too much and had revealed too much about myself, maybe it made him uncomfortable and i was sorry about that. that he was really an amazing powerful intelligent person and i wanted him to be one of my best friends over the long term. maybe for that end we shouldn't be sexual anymore so we can perserve something that was more important. that his energy was off the night before and i wanted us to get together and reach an understanding about what had happened. i've left my phone off. cause i don't want to think about if he calls me or not. i don't want to feel bad when he doesn't. so i just leave it off. he never leaves me voice messages. he hasn't emailed me back. i don't know what to think. i mean, i know what i have to do. not contact him. something was wrong. and he is really bad at communicating these sorts of things. it was sooooo strange. it really was... did i embarrass him by calling him out?? is he just not contacting me because friendship isn't really important to him? i know he avoids things, that's obvious... but maybe i contacted him too much afterwards, but i had a lot to say about it... and still do...

1) Eat better, healthier and more frequently (I haven't been hardly eating at all) 2) Exercise regularly (in addition to yoga, go running) 3) Apply to medical school

no, he went to san diego. and he told me he was going. it was understandable for him not to talk to me, he probably felt smothered by my innundation of calls, messages and emails. it was ridiculous. i hung out with him tonight. his energy was off. i might have done irreprable harm to the friendship. i don't know. or it could be something else was bothering him.

Hey DN, thanks for the advice. I called him. We talked for two hours. Awesome conversation. And then he wanted to hang out tonight. And I told him only if we don't have sex. And then we had to agree we can't hang out because we probably would if we hung out. He apologized for not being the relationship type. We had a moment of silence. And hung up. I'm sad. I really, really, really like him. But I did the right thing for me.

but don't you think since i looked so foolish that i shouldn't call him back right away. doesn't it look needy to call him right back? of course i want to call him back, but doesn't the timing matter?

i think you should break up with him. even though it's hard. he is being emotional with some other woman, and this girl sent you her phone number??? that's just wrong, what the heck is she doing?? he obviously has her phone number memorized if he recognized it that quickly. i know you love him, but you shouldn't take this.

Well thats a really intense story. No doubt if you are the first one he had sex with he is likely going to be curious about other women. But at the same time if he really valued you, he should see that you are more valuable than some other trists. I really think you should go no-contact. You obviously really care for him and he is non-committal and interested in seeing others. Of course he loves you, but if you let him hurt you this way he is going to take it for granted. I think he should feel what it is like to not have you in his life and maybe he will come around...

this whole situation is really confusing. why was she passing by your house? did you sleep with her after 3 weeks of no contact and then she didn't write you back? it really sounds like you have to suck it up and not contact her anymore. do some meditation or breathing exercises. this doesn't sound healthy at all that you smashed your walls over her. all the no contact should have reduced your feelings and brought you some calls. it sounds like she is messing with you and you want her too much.

So my ridiculous situation was in my last post. When I went with my anxiety and called this guy too much and he freaked out. It was really stupid of me. He left south on the 26th. He was supposed to be there for a week and a half. Something must've gone different than expected cause he called me from his house number today about 1pm. I didn't answer the phone cause I was real surprised. I didn't think he'd call me for a long time. He didn't leave me a message... but whenever he calls he never does, I just see the missed call and call him back. Now, I honestly don't know what I want. We were too sexual too quickly. But the connection was really strong. Before I freaked him out he was saying to me he thought I was the most alive person he knew, that I was like ten people in one, and that even if I told him to scat the next day that I changed a part of him and so on. I know he is dating other people, but he was coming on real strong, calling all the time. But after I flipped I was sure I messed up and there was no possibility. I'm really surprised he called me, especially this quickly. After only five days. My most important priority is preserving our friendship because I think he is cool. But honestly, the sexual tension is really high, so I know just being friends isn't possible, and that if we were just friends it might be hard for me to deal with knowing I messed it all up. I'd feel stupid. I know he is friends with almost all his exes, so I think I could just be this friend he is afraid to date now. What should I do? When should I call him back? Should I wait a couple of days to show I don't *need* him?

no i disagree. it IS a turn off if you call right away. especially if you were kinda heavy when you met. went out thursday with my friend and this guy was laying it real think on her. she gave him her number and he called her the next day and we laughed at how ridiculous he was.

honestly, i'm really really really terrified of relationships and that i'll do something wrong. i don't know, i need, need, need stability. to know that someone is there for me no matter what.

on top of all of this, i got a call that my aunt died three months ago and my parents didn't tell me and that my mother almost died but my father didn't tell me and my aunt is dying. i don't know. dating makes me really anxious because i have no family support and it's been a long time since i've felt loved.

yeah, me too. i know. i see why he feels that way. i said not to contact me because i was hurt by his response. just this whole "i'm o.k. gotta go" thing after i was worried about him. i guess i just didn't understand why he was like that. now i can see what he was feeling. but i was worried with the bad weather about the drive. until yesterday he was so consistent, the moment i started to worry he would call or text, so... i don't know, yeah, i guess i got needy. it makes me sad.

that night we had plans to hang out and didn't call me. he called me the next morning at 7:30 am and we hung out all day at his house chatting and watching movies til 1 am the next day. it didn't freak him out then. he said that he and his brother had got into a fight. but probably it's true, i came on too strong. i liked him a lot.... oh well.