agualibre777

this isn't straightforward at all. if you tell her mom, you will lose her friendship. if you don't tell her mom and something bad happens to her (even if he doesn't kill her, he gives her an std or hiv or just rapes her) then you may lose her. if you tell her that she should see him in a public place she may stop confiding in you completely. you have to see her in person. tell her that you are concerned for her safety first and foremost. this can not be a judgment on her person, bad or good or giving up her dreams. you are right about what you are saying, but you can't help her with her life. but this *is* a very dangerous situation she could be heading to. tell her that you don't want to betray her trust but that if she doesn't meet him in public and let someone else know about it, when and where, maybe even invite some friends along, which is normal and healthy, that you may have to warn her mother for her personal safety. this is better than just going straight to her mom, which may get her in big trouble, shows you care but aren't betraying her. it is potentially a threat so you have to be careful about how you present it so that she doesn't start to distrust you and stop sharing with you... i think this is a good compromise. but whatever you do, absolutely don't let her do what she is planning on doing...

hmmm... it's also possible something happened to your sister too... these things are often cyclical that way...

WOAH!!! Hold up here!!! I think you should first see if she meant that she had an abnormal pap smear and that's how she found out she had HPV. You know what??? HPV is SOOO common that they don't even routinely check it. If you are in your twenties they just **assume** you have it! And people can have it, test negative, but they still have it, it's just that there isn't enough virus for them to test for. Basically, you can assume that if you've had five partners you have various different strains of the virus. This is not something to be stressing about. THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES ABNORMAL PAP SMEARS DOES NOT CAUSE GENITAL WARTS. AND, yes, she could have got the HPV from you 7 years ago even. Believe me, I know A LOT about HPV, because that is my specialty at the clinic. I educate the patients at our clinic about HPV. Some doctors even tell their patients that they don't need to tell their partner that they have HPV. And most women that have an abnormal pap with HPV clear it in a year without a problem. And actually, the standard is to have a pap ever 6 months for 1.5 years after the abnormal pap to make sure it's cool. Sometimes it's just for a year as long as the second pap is negative for HPV. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO GO BACK EVERY THREE MONTHS FOR A PAP. That actually is completely wrong to do and not standard procedure because HPV takes time to clear just like it takes time to show up. Actually, I'm more concerned about your girlfriend than I am about you... Because you can give HER more strains....

well, you can have the last word then.

Hope, you are truly off the hook. On the real. I am actually not angry at him at all. I understand that what he did is all he knows. I know I don't want to get involved with him. I know I was angry at him last week, but I'm not angry at him now. I called him a name when I was mad. Am I the first one to call someone a name when they're mad???? Am I following him around town calling him a name??? NO. Did I say it was the best thing to do? No. But did it make me feel better afterwards? Yes. Am I going every day to his house and plastering condoms on his doors, windows, front porch, car, underwear? No. I'm not. I did it once. It was funny. Haha. Just relax and stop taking it so personally and comparing me to a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with me.

I think that's a misinterpretation. Lash out?? Lashing out is keying a car. Condoming a car is FUNNY.

Hahaha, that's cute!! I might start using that expression! ;P

Hahahaha I know it's funny. It's not vandalism anymore than someone putting pieces of paper advertising events on your car is vandalism.

Yes, Blender, it's true. I didn't want to have sex with him initially. Initially I wouldn't even let him kiss me!! But he kept trying to seduce me, I kept saying no, but by saying no I was practically encouraging his pursuit of me. Like oh, no, please don't! It just made him try harder. Until I actually had sex with him and then he was like... been there, done that! What a jerk. So yes, he didn't say he'd manipulate me until new years eve, that's when he said that, and he somehow still didn't see it was wrong even when i talked to him about it! He said he was just showing he had confidence in himself! HAH! Honestly, prior to that, I thought he was like the most amazing guy I'd met, smart, sexy, actually able to understand me and communicate with me on the same level. Educated. I thought with all the connection and energy in our conversations he was interested in more than sex, because in experience, most men that just want sex don't conversate so much. Our telephone conversations were HOURS long, sometime til 2 or 3 in the morning. No, the real deceiving thing about all of this is that when I said we shouldn't have sex anymore, I also said I highly valued our friendship. We tried to be friends (or at least I did) but the sexual attraction was still there. I don't know how I could have oversaw the whole comment about manipulation but somehow I just let it go, despite how much it bothered me. I told him I wanted him to be on MY side, on OUR side, that to be friends we couldn't be having sex. But my saying no once again encouraged him to try and seduce me. But the thing is when I finally made it clear that we were to have no more sex, he said to me he cared about me, wanted to be friends and that we were connected and so on. But just one week later lied to me about coming over and was playing games and then flirted with a girl knowing it would hurt me. He was lying about being friends and valuing me. In retrospect, it ALL was a lie. Now he's embarrassed, keeps coming to the yoga class even though the girl ignores him too. But he is coming because I don't want him to come and asked him not too. Just like he wanted to have sex with me when I didn't want to. It's his personality type. He is continuing to come just to bother me. I have a very tight strict schedule with work and volunteering and school and these are the only classes that fit in my schedule with yoga studios that are affordable to me!!! HE should change. I am not changing because I can't. I'm just going to try and get there earlier, put my yoga mat in a corner next to my friends, not look at him the entire time, get out of there fast without having to run into him. Believe me I'm totally 100% OVER him, when I look at him he isn't even sexy to me anymore. How CAN he be??? He still has my picture and should give it back, but I'm not going to bother asking him for it because that would mean I'd have to contact him. Guess it's just a lost piece of art...

I'm not worried about what he thinks about me OR what he says about me!! I honestly couldn't care less. I don't care if he thinks I'm not over him because I put condoms on his car, the message to me is clear. He needs to start having a supply of condoms at his house if he is going to be sexual with multiple people outside of a relationship!! It's hilarious to me that people are comparing vandalism to a harmless prank. Sense of humor people!

I don't know what state you are in, but I know that it's possible in California to get an abortion up to 23 and a half weeks. That's an option. Also adoption. If you aren't ready for a child, especially when your relationship with the father is bad, you may want to consider other options.

Ys, it would have been AWESOME! The whole sad thing about it is not getting to see the look on his face...

That's funny. But I wouldn't do that, maybe instead just have condoms fall out of his yoga mat when he opens it.... Hahahaha.

Oh, also, something to think about is that negative emotions are never ever eliminated through meditation and yoga. And that isn't the point AT ALL. That's running from your nature!! Yoga and meditation is about being AWARE of them and letting them go, not letting yourself get so wrapped up in them that they become all you see. I didn't do it out of anger. I did it because I thought it was funny and it made me laugh. It would have been even funnier if he brought a girl to his car and there were condoms pasted on the windshield. Hahahaha. O.k. so maybe there is some negativity there, but it isn't like a strong hateful anger, it's more like seeing how he is a jerk and I had a good idea. To me it's good, to him it's not. No one can say that's vandalism cause it did not damage his car one tiny bit!! Also, by the way, my roomate is a somatic psychotherapist and she thought it was funny. In fact, I told her my idea before I did it and she thought it was a great idea, in fact she wanted to partake by hiding in the bush to videotape his reaction.... hahahaha. Gosh, stop taking things so seriously. Not everything is serious. Some things are just plain funny.

yeah, i knew it was going to be contentious. it's not stalking. he is going to my yoga class. he wasn't going hardly at all before we started hanging out, so the way i see it, i was there first!! HE should change yoga classes. He is 20 minutes away from the studio, I'm 2 minutes away. He DID treat me bad. He was NOT originally honest about not wanting a relationship. He didn't tell me that until AFTER we started having sex. And even though I was very clear about wanting to use condoms, he kept trying to have sex with me without a condom and never had condoms at his house. He straight up told me that if he wanted to he would manipulate me to have sex with him without a condom. He is a creep. He also had told me Wed night when he quite rudely flaked on me that he would NOT flirt with girls in yoga class cause he didn't want to have that kind of energy in class and he knew it would "hurt my feelings", yet he did so immediately on saturday because I told him on Thurs I didn't want to have sex with him and that the magic was gone. So, yeah, he is a creep. I agree that I should have seen he was a creep right away, but I didn't. That is a separate issue and one that I'm working on. I didn't SCREAM at him by the way. I called him a name, but I didn't scream at him. I said it in a normal voice, albeit angrily, but not screaming. I called him a name, rolled up my window and drove away. And he IS one, and I'm actually quite glad I called him that. It was like popping a pimple. Annie, I honestly don't understand why you are getting so upset about it. I didn't vandalize his car. I put scotch tape on condoms on his windshield. He was parked in the shade so there is no way it would damage his car. It was a harmless prank. Hopefully HE will change yoga classes. Because I personally will not, and have explained many times why I won't. I understand what you are saying about what the point of yoga is. But also I believe you can have that, but there is also the reality that people have feelings and experiences despite everything you may achieve in yoga. I don't know I kind of think I should have opted for putting a bunch of loose condoms in his stuff so when he picked it up it all fell on the floor. Hahahaha. Now THAT would be funny. I think of it as funny. FUNNY!!

Yeah, so I've posted about the guy I was dating that told me he could have sex with me without a condom "if he wanted to" and when I asked him about it later said that he was just expressing confidence in himself that if he wanted something he'd get it, he'd just tell me whatever to convince me to have sex with him without a condom. It wasn't like he'd rape me or anything. Hah. We are still going to the same yoga class. I refuse to change yoga studios, it's close to my house, my friends go there, I love the teacher, it's fits in with my insane schedule. And it really sucks that he's there, especially when he was hitting on this girl last week knowing fully well I would see it, and looking at me to see if I noticed. So this week, he was there. She was there too, but apparently not talking to him. I think she figured out he is a dog. I'm glad for her, I think eventually she and I will become friends. Just give it some time. So after class, I went to his car and put about 14 condoms on his windshield with tape and then took off without sticking around to see. Hahaha. I really hope it is kind of humilliating peeling them off in front of other people. Hahaha, I know people on here will criticize me for this but I think it's hilarious!!!

The time will come when you think of him and all you feel is nausea and you don't even WANT to contact him. I had a boyfriend like yours for 7 months, he said things like idiot to me, criticized the food i cooked, criticized my personality, said i was too nervous (which i'm not), criticized my friends, said i talked slow like i was retarded, said i was disrespectful and only thought about myself, that the sex wasn't good, that he was just with me for the sex from behind, that .... god, it went on and on and on. thank GOD i can't remember everything he said to me and all the times he yelled at me. when i disagreed with him he threatened to break up with me, when he stood me up he'd blame me for having problems.... threatened to knock all my teeth out. blahblahblah. And when I broke up with him finally, he pounded on my door for an hour and scared me, i almost called the police. i tried to be friends with him, and then he made me get out of the car and left me. another time, he wouldn't let me get out of the car while he yelled at me that he didn't even want to be friends with me. Every couple of months he'd contact me and tell me he loved me and wanted to be friends. I think the last time was sometime in September, I told him that if he called that love I'd rather die and that if he loves me to leave me alone. It took a few of my mean emails for him to drop off and leave me in PEACE. With time, you will realize the same. The abuser needs you much, much more than you need him!!!!

Point 1) This is the man that when he originally "seduced" me and "pursued" me, did NOT say he didn't want a relationship. Not once. He also told me I'd changed him forever, etc., etc, called me daily and talked to me for hours. You are making it seem as though it was obvious to me he was a player. I've dated players and I know what they smell like and honestly I didn't get it right away. When he made comments about how he could have sex with me without a condom, I was shocked and didn't believe what I was hearing. THAT was why I tried again, cause I figured it was some sort of miscommunication... Now I know otherwise. When he told me *after* having sex he didn't want a relationship, he said it via email in a strange way and I didn't actually understand it til I reflected on it a couple of days later and realized what it meant. By then, I'd already developed feelings for him and already had sex with him, plus he was calling so much and connecting in a way most players DON'T. I don't think I did anything wrong. I was angry and now I feel sooooooooo much better. It was like popping a pimple think about it that way, now I just feel relief and absolutely no inclination to write or call him. Point 2) I am going to go to my yoga class because it is only 1 mile from my house. Every other place is a 20 minute drive, plus I'd have to go in the morning but the schedule doesn't give me time to shower. The place is the most affordable studio in the area, it's close, I have three of my closest girlfriends going there with me!! So really, I'm rather hoping he doesn't come. I DON'T want to see his slimy butt. Anyhow, I agree I shouldn't have got angry. I don't disagree with that. I also completely see your point Hope, I didn't play everything very consistently and with a whole lot of foresight, I thought he was the most amazing man I'd met in years when I met him, but I was wrong.... Apparently. Point 3) I absolutely will absolutely live well without him. And take some of the lessons I learned from him with me too!!

thank you for supporting me. i was actually surprised when my roommate who is a therapist in training (and buddhist) said AWESOME when i told her about what i'd said. yes, i don't necessarily think it was the best thing to do nor that all of my actions were consistent or correct. i, however, did NOT see he was such a player at first, he said *amazing* things to me about how he'd grown with me and blah blah.. he said he needed time, and also implied he wasn't sure about a relationship, but also called me so frequently and paid so many compliments that it FELT like a relationship in a way. but i knew at the same time we weren't commited so that's when i said no more sex, because i felt like i was falling in love with him. of course, now that i see his true colors, i feel none of that!!! regardless of right or wrong, i don't regret what i did. i don't care what he thinks about me. he didn't care about me, never did, even though he said he did. when that girl was flirting with him on Wed and i interrupted it, later he said how what a great guy he was cause he didn't pursue her right in front of me... i mean, he couldn't, we had dinner plans!! if he did that he would have been a world class jerk, but he acted like he was doing me a favor!! honestly, he had done things that made me think he was a jerk but i was able to make excuses for him and this time i couldn't. the irony of it all is that the night before when he said he'd make lots of friends, i asked him "what? you'd flirt with them right in front of me?" and he said no. but that was only if we were having sex without commitment, when i emailed him the next day saying i wouldn't do that, because of the way he'd treated me, he reacted that way, knowing fully well it would hurt me. what? would he really start something with this other girl, so i'd have to see it after every class??? i don't think you understand, he is a PLAYER. he can get a girl wherever, he can make a choice about whether he makes yoga a living hell for me or not and he obviously chose to make it difficult for me. so i made it difficult for him. at the very least, she will be a bit wary of him. she may still date him, but she may realize that something is wrong... and yeah, he's angry with me and we won't be friends, but i don't need a friend like him! i don't care. he had it coming to him. he is playing with fire, trying to hook up with multiple women in the same yoga class. yoga is supposed to be meditative not a meat market.

I **absolutely** agree that this makes him a free agent. He already WAS. But the thing is, he KNEW how strongly I had felt about him and he did this in my yoga class, knowing I see it, right in front of my face. It WAS crass. On top of that on Wednesday, when I invited him for dinner he blew me off in a very rude way, pretending he was coming over and then calling me a half hour later to say he had a headache. I gave him an opportunity to back out with an email saying... "hey, if you don't want to come let me know" Keep in mind, this man is also the man that said to me he could have sex with me with out a condom if he wanted. He also said to me on Wednesday that the "more clothes I take off in yoga class, the more friends I'm gonna make". The man can get women anywhere pretty much, so does he really **have** to do it in yoga? On top of which, I can just see him engaging with this girl and repeating the same thing, meet girl, flirt with girl, make her feel special, tell her nice things, have sex with her and THEN tell her you don't want a relationship. AFTER you've already been having sex. He's a jerk and I'm not going to apologize to him. I have several friends in my yoga class that I've invited to join, it's literally five minutes from my house and the hours are perfect with my schedule. I am going to keep going to this studio and just hope he changes studios.

So I broke things off like two weeks ago with this guy cause he wasn't wanting to commit to a relationship, but I really liked him, I made that clear. We have yoga together and I see him. He's done some things that make me think he is selfish and doesn't care about me, but I listened to his words instead of his actions, that he cared, was my friend and so on. We were being friendly and on Wed I invited him for food after yoga and he had acted all weird about it and rudely flaked on me, quite suspiciously, after this girl was hitting on him in class. Anyways, at yoga today, he was partners with her even though he is three times his size and never even wanted to be partners with me even though I'm the same size as him. He was all flirting with her. Agh!! Then she waited for him outside of class and I saw them get some food together at a bakery nearby. I was in my car and turned around and passed him and asked him if he was sending me my picture in the mail? and he said yes, he looked kind of surprised, and I said or you can bring it to class. he had this big smirk on his face. and i said , rolled up the window and drove off. I was sooooo pissed off at him and wanted to make a point to her that **yes** we were involved together, and **yes** he is flirting with you right in yoga class with me.... Agh, I KNOW I shouldn't have done that!!! But I was sooooooooooooo pissed. He really did play me and break my heart. Now he is calling me. Funny that now he makes a point to call me when he didn't call me before. Hah. I am sure I ruined that opportunity with the girl. GOOD. I know, I'm from the ghetto, not in the ghetto anymore, but it's still inside of me!

yes, don't blame her, you were obsessing tooooooooo much!!!!

It just really hurts, because my former roommate was a friend of 2 years. And albeit not one of my best ones, I never would have expected this. And the way she said that "many people told me I should stay away from you" was so cruel and hurtful. And I can't help but hurt because I opened myself up to this guy so much emotionally, and even when he shut me down I kept believing he was a good person it's just I was too intense for him. I agree, what is important is that people are good. He is rich but doesn't even give a dime to those in need and makes fun of me for protesting the war. He has disrespected me so many times... But now I have to switch yoga studios at least for a time, until when I see him it doesn't hurt. There will most definitely be a point, probably not long from now when I see him and he isn't even attractive to me because I can't be attracted to someone who is so careless with my feelings. i don't know, i really believed he was this amazing person, he was so kind, so sweet, but it didn't last that long i guess, i know i should trust less, it hurts that i open myself up so much to be burned!!!!!!!!!!!! what bothers me the most is just that this takes over my mind so that i can't focus at work and can't do things, i get so sad about it, i can't focus. irony is that i'm often counseling other women... sigh....

Two things happened separately but in the same time frame and I'm at work and can't focus because I'm so depressed and sad. One thing was that my old roommate and friend of two years exploded cause I asked her to pay for half of an expensive part she broke on my car when I got a flat tire and she was showing me how to change it. She jumped on the crowbar til the nub broke off and it cost me more than $90 to fix it. When I sent her an email asking her to pay for it, it ended in a whole bunch of emails attacking my person and who I am and how people "warned her about me" And then this guy I was dating (not in a relationship) still goes to my yoga studio. And we were friendly afterwards, I asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner after yoga and he said yeah (by email) but then this girl was flirting with him at the exit, saying hi or something and the look on her face... beaming at him like he was a gift sent from the heavens. When I exited he saw me and started talking to me, the girl went down the stairs but kept looking at him. Then when we got down the stairs he said, I'll call you in 5/10 minutes and ask for your address. I said, why 5/10 minutes? He said "you're gonna cook right" and I just gave him a weird look. I said, where are you going? and he wouldn't tell me. and I was like o.k. whatever. And then he called me five minutes later and was asking me where was i, and i was telling him how to get there, supposedly he was on the way, had a headache, probably needed to drink water, and someone clicked in on the line, and he said, he'd call me back. and he called me back 15 minutes later and said he had a headache and wasn't going to come over. i was like "whatever, i don't believe you". we ended up talking for a long while, 45 minutes, he was at his house cause his cell phone dropped the call and he called me from his house number. but it was weird. he wouldn't explain anything about his strangeness and said that he had missed out on an opportunity with a girl cause he was protecting my feelings etc, etc. he just said that i'm so "difficult" I told him, look, I am not into you anymore, I'm attracted to you sexually, that is all. And we discussed the possibility of becoming just sex buddies, but he wasn't happy with it cause I was proposing it and it "gives you control". He didn't like "to be told what to do". So I thought about the whole thing and sent him an email this morning saying forget it, the magic from our friendship was gone, he refused to acknowledge my feelings about his strangeness, our communication was bad, we should just write it off. that i valued what we had, but it was gone now, probably my fault. no response. I feel like crap. Now I have to leave the yoga studio cause I don't want to see him and the girls that will flirt with him. There are mostly women and he is ripped physically and very handsome and so they will. And there aren't any men for ME to flirt with!! Sigh. I feel bad, I got an email from my old roommates boyfriend saying he went into my room and ripped up the check she'd written me, that I was trying to "trample" on her... I feel sooooo darn saaaad. I was soooo happy and confident yesterday, so that was why I invited him for dinner and he totally blew me off in this really rude way. So why do I care??? Why do I care about someone who soooooo **obviously** is just really good with words and is conceited and arrogant, and doesn't care about me at all??? Why? I can't even focus without feeling like crying...

I had the strangest experience last night while sleeping and I can't even be sure it was real. I had this dream that I was in a meditation class and I did something wrong, not sure what, got into an argument with other meditators and got kicked out of the meditation class!!! I was so sad, that I woke up from my dream crying! I'm not even sure that I did or if that was also a dream. But it bothers me to think that something inside of me is that disturbed and unbalanced that I woke up from a dream crying... What is wrong with me?? Anyone else have this experience before? I guess, I'm just wondering if I'm depressed and I don't know it. I've had that guy I broke things off with on my mind a lot, semi-constantly. Though I haven't initiated contact with him since last wed after yoga class, we had a good chat, then saturday in yoga class he put his mat down right next to mine and then had scones with me and my friend after class... I really like him but haven't emailed him or called him.