agualibre777

Cheerfully say hi, but don't engage in conversation. Sounds like she did the breaking up. You have to let her come to you at this point and engaging in conversation is going to keep allowing yourself to wonder "what does this mean?" "what does that mean"? It's hard, but be a bit mysterious about what YOU are up to.

I think I just needed to post that to keep myself from doing something stupid. I needed to see what I was thinking more clearly so I could understand it. True my motivation was to get a response, and I knew if he responded the way I was asking him too it would have hurt more. I wouldn't have wanted the picture had he given it back as it would have represented our separation.... Ended up getting his email, ran into him yesterday, wound up talking for 45 minutes on the street in the cold, felt like I can't stay mad or hurt once I talk to him. I can see it's completely inevitable that if I keep being friends with him I'm going to love him. He's an amazing person. He told me cared about me, that he believed in me, that he wanted us to be friends. And honestly, I know that he does.

You all aren't understanding. I broke it off because he wasn't that into me. That's why. It was for my own heart, because I liked him more and instead of letting myself be more hurt in the long run, I ended it early. He was non-committal. That's why. I know I shouldn't have broke it off by email, but I did. Cause I'm impulsive. I'm not gonna ask him for the picture. He did send me an email apparently just before I posted here, which I'm currently contemplating.

Yeah, I guess it really hurts me more if I ask him for it back. Cause then I don't think I'd really want the picture anymore. Sigh. I guess it just hurts so much the whole thing and I honestly just want to get some sort of reaction out of him....

I broke up with him because he didn't seem to care about me. The way I see it, he really broke up with me...

Well, so I broke things off with my guy last Friday by email. We weren't exclusive per say but had what I thought was a solid friendship. Anyways, he didn't respond at all. And when I ran into him on the street we had a strange interaction that was difficult for me to interpret. I did send him a couple of emails afterwards, and he hasn't responded. Last night I sent him one just saying that I felt sad he hadn't replied at all, that it would have been nice for him to say something to help with closure. Just something. And that I felt conflicted, I wasn't sure if our friendship had meant anything to him, that the sex at the end was really cold and it had really hurt me even though I hadn't told him at the time. He hasn't replied or called or anything. I know I'll get through this, but it's painful that he couldn't say even a word, like yeah, eventually we'll be friends... SOMETHING. But instead it's absolutely NOTHING. I don't know what to think about it, one can view it as he cares and that's why, the other view could be that he doesn't care at all, and then it's possible to see it somewhere in the middle that he kind of cared but it didn't mean enough for him to respond, thinks it'll be a good way to get rid of me to ignore me. Or something. So... I had given him this special picture I drew that he liked, and it was framed. And it's real nice. But I can't help but want to email him and ask him for it back. After all, if he doesn't care for me that much, he probably will just throw it away or in a closet or something and I rather give it to a friend that will actually like it or put it on my own wall. Is it wrong to ask for it back????

I don't think you should follow any tables about how to be to manipulate other peoples feelings. I think you should continue to be who you are. And the woman that loves and respects you for who you are is the right one. Maybe I'm naive. But it sounds to me like you have a friendship, though it can be hard to maintain one when you desire more. It may be necessary to distance yourself so as not to hurt yourself.

he goes to yoga at my place, my question for you annie, knowing how hung up i've acted, do i switch yoga places for a month til i get myself straight? or do i just try my hardest to put a face on? smile, say hi, go to a corner and just try not to let him talk to me.

yeah, well... i never do what is right... i don't know if you'll see this, but i saw him yesterday at yoga. i said hi and passed by but he stopped me to ask what was wrong. why did i look so angry, that he could see my energy from the doorway. that i shouldn't be walking around like that. and i pointed at my face and said "i'm hurt. this is what hurt looks like". and he had this smile on his face. he said "what, you're hurt cause we can't be friends?" i said "yeah" he said "you're hurt because we can't be the kind of friends you want us to be? that's selfish". and i said "you don't even care do you?" and he got all serious and said "i care. i do care. if i didn't care i wouldn't have stopped. you can't walk around with that kind of energy." and i looked him straight in the eye and said in an even voice "you can't help me 'jon', you are the last person who can help me." and we stared solidly into each others eyes for half a minute. and i said "you understand?" and he said "yes". and i turned and walked away. stupid me, i sent him an email when i got home saying that even though he was insensitive on the street i knew it was because he didn't know what to say. that i was hurt because i knew he didn't think i was a good enough woman to love, that i felt objectified. and that he'd have to look for a long time to find another woman that loves as honestly. as a successful man, he is going to have woman throwing themselves at his feet. but is it for who he is? i dont' think so. honestly, i know he passed up on a good opportunity with me. i'm still struggling though to maintain no contact. i can't call him, but part of me wants to email and apologize for saying he was objectifying me... sigh. i never meet men. i mean, i'm not like a normal girl. i really am not. i am too much for most men.

I hate it when guys sleep with women and lose respect for the women even though they did the same thing themselves. It's sooooooo irritating. If YOU slept with 26, you shouldn't lose respect for HER, you should lose respect for YOURSELF if ANYONE. Men need to start holding themselves up to the same standards they hold women up to.

I honestly wouldn't think it very appealing to go on a date with a guy that rants to me he's never gonna meet anyone. And if I were interested in him and he said that, I'd be thinking: "well, who am I then???" And maybe afterwards think about the whole interaction and change my mind.... She definitely changed her mind, that's what happened. No emergency. She didn't want to go out with you. Next time, try not to look desperate.

I think you should just keep acting like she's in a relationship. I mean, do you want to be the leftovers? No point in pursuing her or trying to make it work out with her when it's clear this other guy has her heart, broken up or not.

That's super painful. I have to be honest. Knowing me, I'd call him up and talk to him just so I can tell him off about how wrong he was to do what he did. That it was really selfish and just plain wrong. And I'd probably add in the word loser. And hang up the phone. Would it make me feel better? Probably not. Probably the best thing for me to do is to move through the pain of knowing I've been played, let my ego heal, go take a vacation myself. And save his phone number as "never answer" cause eventually this loser type WILL call to beg me back whenever things don't pan out with whoever it is he went on this trip with. and never call him, never answer his phone call and move on. But would I do the best thing I should do? I don't know. I honestly don't know.

I sent him an email yesterday saying I wanted to be close to him but he made it clear he didn't want a relationship, that I appreciated all of our time together and the laughs we had, but that in order to keep myself from being hurt in the long run, we should cool it. That maybe in a couple of months we can be friends. And not to call me to keep the same thing going on, cause I can't do it that way. He hasn't called or emailed me back. And he won't. He told me that where he is from (Uganda) a man can't beg for a woman back, even if she is the best thing that ever happened to him. So, he won't call. And he won't email. I deleted his phone number from my cell phone. If he wants me, he needs to step it up. Or it's over, which it seems like it is. I emailed him the song "Shadowboxer" by Fiona Apple. I might see him in yoga class and the thought of that makes me nervous. I do really care for him, but if he doesn't care for me in the same way, if he doesn't value me... then I don't want him. I know he realizes he is losing something special, and with time it will sink in more and more. Because our friendship was something real special. This is probably one of the hardest things I've done...

maybe you're right.

well, the thing is he puts just as much energy into it as though it's a relationship... we talk for hours and spend entire days with each other when we hang out. the energy is good. i feel like it is a relationship in every other aspect than a label. and he speaks very highly of me. he doesn't say he loves me or likes me, but he treats me like he does. he tells me that he spoke with his friend for years and hasn't ever told her he loves her but she just knows that he does and that the people he is close to understand him. he knows he has to work on it, that his friends deserve more from him... I actually feel like deep down he really cares for me. I don't know what that really means though... I honestly don't know what to do, because one can see things in both ways, on one side, be patient and enjoy it for what it is. on the other side, don't wait around cause i might be wasting my time. i remember speaking to him about what we wanted. he said i was lucky because i knew that i wanted a relationship. i was lucky cause i knew what i wanted. so i think that means he doesn't know what he wants. maybe it is true that he isn't that into me. but i honestly don't feel that deep down.

You know what works "valerian root". You just take one or two pills (don't get the extract cause it tastes terrible". Don't take it every night! Just once in a while when you have insomnia and nothing else works. You won't develop dependency but with regular use you can get depression. I used to use it about once a week but haven't had a sleep problem in a really long, long time!

How did you find out? I also would like to know what he says? I know sometimes people can feel overwhelmed when one person is depressed. It's not to blame you but it can be really hard to handle. Whatever you do... DON'T tell him you feel like killing yourself over this, that will REALLY freak him out. I tell you, cause about three years ago I went through pretty severe depression, was going to a therapist, was hurting myself, and when he wanted to break up with me I was absolutely devastated. I blamed myself and I was afraid of losing his friendship. I wanted to kill myself. I was taking sleeping pills and pushing the number of them to get closer to killing myself.... He freaked out and said he wanted to be back with me and support me but I didn't want that either. God, whenever I think about that whole experience I'm soooo ashamed....

So.... this guy and I have been seeing each other for a little bit over a month. Had a bit of drama at the beginning, that was due to me getting some anxiety and stuff. Then some drama about a sexual encounter we had in which I felt he was cold and he made a statement I didn't like. The drama basically occurred because of our differences. I always get anxiety during dating because of the fears I have about getting attached and being a fool and because of my bad experiences in the past. He, on the other hand, is different in the sense he played in the NFL for five years and was shuffled from city to city without being able to maintain a long relationship. He is unable to say things like "i like you" or "i love you" to anyone, not even his mother. He has difficulty opening up. And he is stubborn, he is unable to apologize when he is wrong for the most part. He is a very kind and generous person, and is always very encouraging and supportive. He had a recent relationship with a woman that was 8 months long and she moved into his house during that time. That ended in August when she yelled at him and he broke up with her cause he was raised by an abusive father and didn't want a relationship with someone who'd get angry like that. He said when we started dating that he is giving the relationship a mourning period. That he didn't want a relationship til he got his things in order. He is in process of finishing school and getting into grad school. And a relationship to him is a really big deal. We had agreed to not date and be friends, good friends, because I knew I wanted a relationship, and then that didn't work out and we slipped back into being sexual with each other. Whenever we speak to each other our energy levels increase by ten times. We are laughing and have a million things to talk about. He said the last time we spoke we are more alike than different, which I agree with. Whenever I need something he is there for me. He knows me and all my neuroses and we laugh at them. I know his too and I tease him about it. We are very lighthearted about things that annoy most people. I swear, we know each other as though we've been dating for three months, not one. But honestly, I'm wondering... do I wait around for him to come around and want a relationship? Cause honestly, aside from a label, I feel like it is one. We talk practically every day or every other day and the vibe is the best I've felt with anyone for the last few years. I mean, I still look out for someone else to date, but no one I meet even compares to him in the slightest. And when I talk to other people I get bored!!! If that's what I want, what is the best way to go about it?

It's o.k. It's normal to be sad and depressed afterwards. And it's normal for your partner to be confused because he can't possibly feel it the way that you do. It's also a physical response to what happened. And it's so common to miscarry in the first trimester, that give it some time and try again. There isn't anything wrong with you, that particular pregnancy was not meant to be... Mourn, cry, express yourself, give yourself time to heal.

Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal. How far along were you? I work with pregnant women, it's very common for women to lose their babies in the first trimester and women are still absolutely heartbroken even when the baby is just 8 weeks. It's still their baby!!

From my experience and talking to others... they *always* reappear. It's just a matter of time. My abusive ex sent me lots of emails about how he loved me. He would resurface every now and then. It wasn't until I said "If you really love me, then you'll leave me alone" that he finally stopped. That the last time he contacted me and was in September. We broke up in July of 2005.

um, are you a man or a woman? kegels are for WOMEN to do. not men. i'm confused.

Wow you are really beautiful!! Is that really your picture? No WONDER he is being such a fool. But you deserve more. It seems like this whole marriage thing is to hurt you. How can he get married after cheating on you with her and only being broke up with you for 7 months?? That's ridiculous. This whole thing seems incredibly bizarre. Let him go, let him go. It's hard, so hard, makes the heart sore. But go out with friends, get some exercise, write, read express yourself, do something for yourself... And don't ever talk to him again!!!!!

He says that never in any of his relationships has he talked about sex! I emailed him that song by Salt n' Peppa "let's talk about sex"