I searched through the forums for a similar post and I didn’t find one, so I apologize if something like this has already been posted. Anyway, I’m a young man in my early twenties, and I have only had one serious relationship in my life (lasted for about 4 years). Since getting out of that relationship over a year and a half ago, I haven’t dated anyone, and I have concentrated on being happy as a single individual. I have, however, developed a few crushes on girls that I have been friends with, but obviously the crushes have amounted to little.
As I said, I’ve been happy being single and concentrating on time with my friends, but I happened to meet a young woman a few months ago, and I instantly became interested. We met through mutual friends, and over the past months or so, we’ve hung out on several occasions, spoken online and on the phone, and just developed a friendship. She is someone who can be intimidating because of her personality, she acts very distant around strangers and has trouble opening up to people, but we get along great because we have a similar sense-of-humor, and we are able to talk without any hint of awkwardness. Most of our conversations haven’t been very deep, but we do have a lot of fun together, whether it’s just talking or hanging out, etc. And even though we don’t know each other too well, she has come to me with several of her problems, and I have done my best to help her out. Basically, I felt a connection with her since the day we met, which is something I haven't felt in a long time.
Recently, I felt my attraction for her growing, and I decided that I couldn’t continue to see her without letting her know how I felt. So I mustered up the courage to tell her that I was really attracted to her, and I wanted to know the possibility of us dating. Needless to say, I was disappointed. She told me that she thinks I am a really sweet guy and she loves spending time with me, and it’s not that she doesn’t want to like me, but she is too afraid to open herself up to me or anyone else for that matter. She appreciates my honesty, and she really respects me as a person because I am a genuine guy, but her past experiences with other guys, she called them “issues,” have left her hesitant to fully trust anyone. She claims to be attracted to guys who treat her terribly and who see her as nothing more than a good-looking girl. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite of this kind of guy. Every girl friend that I have tells me that I am a genuine and great guy, and any girl would be so lucky to date me (and she said something very similar). Also complicating matters is the fact that we go to school in different states, so a committed relationship would be difficult.
Anyway, I am disappointed in her decision, but I have no choice to accept it and just work on maintaining a friendship. Of course she wants us to remain friends, and I told her that I will put my feelings aside to be there for her if she needs anything. I have talked to one of our mutual friends about what happened, and this mutual friend, who had spent some time talking to my interest about me, said that she got the feeling that my interest thought I was a great guy and perhaps liked me, but the timing wasn't right at all.
With all of that being said, and I know this sounds very selfish of me, do you think it’s possible that with the trust I gain from being her friend (hopefully) that the opportunity for us to date will ever arise? I don't want to maintain the mindset that my friendship with her will lead to something more because that's definitely not fair to her, but is there a chance for a good guy like me to be with her, even though she falls for the (wrong) guys who treat her so badly?
Thank you very much for your time and help
