pregnantkitty_1985

Also, it's kind of evident that some part of you knows this isn't right, because if it was, you wouldn't be questioning it. You wouldn't be asking if it was okay on an advice forum. I'd wait till she was legal, if you must *really have her*. Until then, why not look for girls in their 20's ... you know, closer to your age.

Uh yeah. Stop trying to pick up on teens and find someone your own age. Remember- you're an adult. She's still a teenager. You're at different phases in your life. Remember basic everyday moral guidelines.

Oh yes, it is very clear that your heart is in the right place (and I commend you for it) and I definitely agree with every aspect of your post. And you're completely right, he cannot depend on his mommy to find him a job! He is 30 years old for christ's sake. Believe me, I've seen this sort of thing before. My aunt had a boyfriend just like the man you're describing above. So yes, he's definitely in the wrong. The only reason why I suggest to not say anything or get involved in their business is because she likely wouldn't listen anyway, and may become angry. We learned after awhile to not say anything to my aunt because she would become defensive of her man, and it would alienate her from us. It's her husband and she's clearly letting him sit at home while she works. Or, she may have even said something to him herself. Then again, it may be that she doesn't mind this at all because she feels she's making enough to support them both. So, I didn't mean to come off as if I disagreed with your position on this. I don't. I completely agree with how you and your family feel. And judging by what you posted above, this man is merely making excuses. He is laaaazy. No ifs ands buts about it. Does he contribute in any way, does he pull his weight? Does he cook and clean? Just wondering.

So I guess my major point is: It's their business. Meddling in-laws will only make it worse. However, your concern for your cousin is sweet. But, like I said... ^ |

I understand why you feel as you do, but - 1- It's your cousin's marriage, and what goes on between them is their business. If she wants to support this man, then that's her business. 2- Saying something about this would likely only alienate you from your cousin and her husband. Don't make her choose. 3- You *could*, if you wanted, 'innocently' suggest some job openings to her husband, or 'innocently' bring him some applications, telling him that you thought he might be interested in it. He'd probably get the point. It's probably not the best idea though; as I said in point number 1, it's their business, no one elses. 4- The money he received from the lawsuit might be his form of 'income' at this time. If he wishes to live off of the money he received, well, that's their business. 5- I agree he needs to man up and work, but again, it's their business. Saying something will only create problems and tension.

Hmm, I do appreciate the tip and would like to try it, but I'm confused. I'm trying to figure out how that works, exactly. What sort of games? Divulge, give us tips. It could come in handy when things get a bit boring.

Some men love "all those juices" though, TiredMan! My man doesn't stop until his face is soaked in fluids. hehehe.

She's covering for him because she wants him, and she knows that by covering for him rather than telling you the truth, will make her look even more favorable in his eyes by showing him that she's got his back no matter what. It's not a quality one should look for in a person, but being that he's already being quite the shady character, well, you must consider the fact that he'd look for someone equally as shady. There's a reason why he's sneaking behind your back just to talk to this woman, and it's not that they're "only friends." If that was the case, he'd have no problem being forthright and honest about it. He wouldn't go to the trouble of covering it up. Plus, she shouldn't be more important than his wife and child, and he's making it seem as if this is so. You and the child deserve to be number one, not her. I'm sorry to say this but this doesn't look good at all.

I appreciate your comment and I'm sorry you had to be with someone who was so abusive and damaging to you. No one deserves that. However, yes I did say he has anger problems, but I don't believe he would start hitting me. He is the type of person who would feel badly about hurting someone. Plus, a lot of people are quick to jump to the conclusion that, because a man has anger problems, he must also be abusive and will sooner or later raise a hand to you. I don't believe this is so. Many people have anger problems that don't develop into abuse. I must clarify; he takes his anger out on objects, not people, nor does he verbally abuse me in anyway. Honestly, I'm much more concerned with him cheating, attempting to cheat, and the fact that he's done shady things concerning minors, than with him ever laying a hand on me.

By the way, she doesn't have to visit a single porn site ever in her life for this sort of stuff to pop up. Some websites have hidden codes in their source files that tell itself to autoexecute as a background service, and if you don't have something to protect against it, it runs rampant.

Hey, here's something for you, Shocktech, something which may alleviate your concerns. After posting all of the above, I just found this out. It is likely Adware has infected her system and it could be an autoexec file that has installed itself while she was online, during popups. Let me guess, she's running Internet Explorer 5 or 6? If you go to link removed, you can download Ad-aware-SE, which would solve the problem (that is, if it's adware that has infected her computer and not her actual porn files.) Make sure you do an update after you download it, if of course, she allows you to download it. If, when you talk to her about this and you discover it's not her porn and it's adware, then you're advised to ditch Internet Explorer and get Mozilla Firefox, which does not support adware. You can download Mozilla from link removed as well. That would solve the problem (again, if she's not actually downloading porn.) 80% of computer users are not aware they they have adware infections in their computers until they do a search, as you did. I was telling my man about your problem (as he was being nosy and wanted to know what I was reading on the computer) and he said all of the above. He is a certified computer tech so I guess you could assume he knows what he's talking about. So, it's probably nothing to worry about (especially if she has a high speed internet connection, this sort of stuff will pop up in there like crazy.) Hope that helps.

I really don't think you can compare BDSM to incest and beastiality, to the poster who said that. Beastiality and incest, in my eyes, would be defined a sick fantasy. BDSM between two consenting adults of a legal age is one thing; consent between an animal and a human? Not likely. Not to mention incest is illegal in most places, as is beastiality. I don't care if I sound judgmental, for those two things are sick. Sick I saaaaay. The original poster has the right to be upset/shocked over finding this porn in his girlfriend's computer. I would be as well. I don't mind porn, I've even watched porn a time or two and didn't mind it, but not in relationships. I think he's shocked more because the content is even worse than we're all assuming. He didn't completely elaborate, and in fact stopped himself from doing so. Perhaps he's also a bit hurt that there's a secret side to his girlfriend that he knew nothing about, something she didn't feel she could share with him, and he feels like perhaps he doesn't really know her at all. It's okay and understandable to feel like that. I'd say that she either was just curious and downloaded such things for the shock value, or she does have some sort of fantasy about that. Like others have said though, it doesn't necessarily mean she would want to do anything like that. I think a lot of people have deep dark fantasies that they'd never actually want to do.. I think you should approach this situation gently when you confront her, if you decide to do so. Don't sound angry or confrontational and things will go more smoothly. Explain to her it's the content that's bothering you, not the actual porn. (It's not just porn in general that has upset you, is it? I assumed you were upset by the violent content, because you seemed amused over the lesbian porn.) Be open and honest.

Heh, this is completely random and irrelevant to the thread, but ... is your Username and Signature connected in some way? Hehehehe. If so, it's amusing and original, and I like it.

If I stayed but... refused to marry him and refuse to start a family and etc at the present time, but also gave him the chance to see if he will change and meet my values, then could it possibly work? The Texas thing is a good idea but, now my friend is staying at home so it doesn't seem likely this will come to pass. As it is I couldn't just pick up and leave at this present time. I am trying to get a steady job though, so I will have a backup plan in case he doesn't ever meet my values (or, he's not making any effort to and weeks and months start to go by, I won't stand for it because he's lied enough!) Since I've last posted, we've had about two different arguments/discussions, about the same issues that have been plaguing me for months (evidential by all the threads I make about it, hehe.) He has swore to his commitment and swore to how he knows what he did was wrong, and weak, and how he knows he made a massive mistake and wouldn't mess everything up all over again. He said he's trying to make this work and trying to better himself, granted, from all I've heard he's done a lot of changing since his daughter was born and if he could change that much from the guy he used to be, I believe there might possibly be some fight in him yet, some motivation to change. Though right now I'm using the word 'change' lightly because I'm hesitant to believe if that guy who did what he did is really him... being that the friend factor was into play. I think he is a good guy essentially and has shown himself to be such (apart from that horrible incident) on many different occasions. I also however think he's easily misled and has been since a kid, trying to "fit in" like a lot of people do. But has matured and since the incident, has learned a lot about what it means to be your own individual person, not what everyone else wants you to be. I think my influence has had a lot to do with that because I'm very much an individual, and am not easily swayed by others, like sheep in a flock. I also make a point to NOT hang around shady characters and bad influences, and I think he's learned this as well. I must say he has moved beyond peerpressure since the incident and hasn't been swayed by anyone since. Except me, and I'm a good influence (his mother even said that I keep him straight, or something like that.) But of course, I'll never forget what happened and it's hard to forgive, resentment is always on the back of my mind. I still can't believe the person he is and the person with the values he says he has did such a thing. So I do know, I have to be very careful and always watch my back, always keep one eye open on him, until he can prove himself. If he doesn't prove himself, or doesn't work on making changes, then I promise you I will not stay with him. You have my word. And I won't sit around waiting for years or even many months for him to change, either. I'm going to set a time limit and see if he's truthful in his intent or he's just lying to me to keep me around. For now when issues start plaguing me too much and starts giving me headaches, I've started writing a journal on Enotalone. It helps some. It doesn't solve my issues and it doesn't accomplish much, but it does help to clear my head, get out anger/frustration/resentment/worry/anxiety, and also helps me with my writing. I had a teacher who said writing a journal is a wonderful writing exercise. It's nothing major, nothing that could be published but I think will help me with my writing. I have always written since I was a child, fictional stuff and non fictional stuff. It's a way to vent, as well. I also promise that I will have the trip away from home or something similar to gain more life perspective, to see what's out there. At this moment in time it's not possible, but soon enough should be. Plus by doing so, I would see whether he's really serious or is just keeping me around because he doesn't want to be alone. If I left somewhere and he decided to break it off or see others, or I came back and discovered that's what he was doing, well, I guess I'd know for sure his true intentions. You're not being toxic and there's nothing to apologize for, you have been so far the most helpful and insightful advisor thus far, in fact, ever.

Hmm, I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. Did your mother believe his story? When I read your post, I didn't believe his story at all. Then after you elaborated further and said his answers were simplistic when you confronted him, then became more and more detailed as he went along, tells me that he was pretty much making it up as he went along. That would be a sign of someone who was caught doing something wrong, in my opinion, because his initial answers were buying him time. Time enough to come up with a more detailed story, (which sorry, sounds ridiculous! His story, that is.)

That was beautiful, ColdWinterForest. Apart from my comment, I can offer no advice. My own relationship is too turbulent itself for me to offer any quality advice about what you should do. For what it's worth, Byates5637 has made some very good observations.

I'm already a member of that site and it's a great one, so thank you for the link. I knew that everyone's cycle was different and stuff, and that some people have cycles longer than 28 days or shorter, but since I discovered mine was 28, I was just wondering if my ovulation would go by the standard day or something. Just wondering.

......time conform with the day 14 the textbooks say (because they're going by the 28 day cycle)?

How old is he?

1- Realize that you cheated. 2- Realize you're coming off as if you're in an abusive relationship. 3- Realize nothing good comes out of either. 4- It'd be better to break it off with the girl you're with than to get something started with her friend. You already drunkenly cheated once. You're likely to do it again. You seem to have nothing good to say about your girlfriend, so it doesn't make sense to stay with her and cheat on her. 5- All of these are obvious. All you have to do is put it together yourself.

........................................................... I don't even have to type a word.

My man doesn't mind having sex on my period, he's a disgusting beast, he'll pull out his penis afterward and practically gloat at the blood on it. Maybe not 'gloat', but he smiles like he's done something cute. He has at times mentioned doing oral during these times. Whether he's joking or not, I don't care. That's a little *too* nasty for me. I don't mind having sex on my period as a long as a man doesn't care, but not that... ewww. I don't want to feel like I'm dating a 'gina vampire.

I hate when dudes make exaggerated feminine-esque "mmm" sounds. It's creepy and skeevy for one, and plus it sounds fake, so I get slightly insecure and think they're faking it just so I don't get angry.