pregnantkitty_1985

Hmmm, but anyway, back to the original poster's conflict: I at times have felt like you do, Jersey Shortie, and I'm telling you that you're not alone. I too don't feel the need to go to clubs and talk to lots of men and go online and look at pictures of many different men, nor do I feel any desire whatsoever to have sex with lots of different men. One will do for me! I'm the commitment type girl indeed. And I've been in situations where I've been involved with the very sorts of men you describe. This has led me to believe that modern society is doing a number on its people, as men from older generations (my grandfather being an excellent example) seem (or appear to be, lest I invoke anyone's rage) to be less likely to do all of the aforementioned things. I must make a disclaimer here and say no, I can't state this as fact, I state this as opinion. Again, this is to ward off any possible attacks. So many times I've wanted to throw in the towel, Jersey Shortie, and say, "All men are the same!" But no, I definitely can't say that all men are the same, by any means. There seems to be some with their heads on straight on this site, so maybe there's hope afterall for you. Like someone else on this thread said, men have emotional needs and the desire to be loved and cared for too. Then, of course, there's many who don't. Perhaps it's because they're scared to. Same with women actually, I've known a few trifling scandalous creatures in my life. Been friends with some of them, sadly. I don't know what advice to offer to solve the problem, I'm afraid it's not an easy one to solve. Don't give up though, hang in there, keep trying.

I'm interested to see if Soren is going to post an update for us.

Yes, I would really like to know this as well. I can't help but think that if a straight man is checking out an attractive woman, he MUST be thinking about seeing her naked, touching her, kissing her, or having sex with her. What else?

AMEN. Also, good to see that he's your ex. It was disturbing to hear that he'd be drawn to the teengirls at social gatherings like nails to a magnet. Even more disturbing that he'd actually gawk at your teenaged daughter and flirt with her. What is wrong with some of these men? What is with them and their fascination with teenaged girls?? Jeeeeesus.

I'd like to say thank you to whoever gave me a good rating and complimented me on some of my posts, by the way. It's anonymous so couldn't tell who it was. I appreciate it, at least I know I'm not alone in my opinions.

Hmm, he was being a jerk, he was in the wrong. He should have kept his opinions to himself. Maybe he's of the opinion that a man isn't only going to find you attractive but others as well, but if he knows that such a thing would hurt you, he's better off not telling you that. He was being disrespectful and insensitive. I wouldn't worry too much about the other types of girls he's had sex with though, that doesn't always mean anything. Dudes can be attracted to many different types, and sometimes can have sex with girls who they don't particularly find attractive, but hey, they've got a vagina. Heh, for example, I consider myself different from some of those other girls my man dated. Heeeeh. It kinda makes you think, 'what the hell man... how in the world did they find THAT attractive?' so I know what you mean. But clearly he does find you attractive too even though he finds a different type of girl attractive too. Though in my opinion, he shouldn't of been checking her out so hard, and shouldn't have even told you what he did. It's like he was trying to make you feel bad about yourself & insecure. I wonder why he chose to do that? I'd be careful and watch him if I were you. I mean, he doesn't even give you compliments about your looks but does about another girl? Hmmm.

I went to a strip club with two female friends once last year, it was incredibly uncomfortable and this one stripper came over and started hitting on me when she was off for the night! Wanted me to come back to her apartment! It's flattering because she was attractive but I'm not into women, at all. So I didn't really find it thrilling. And if a man wants to see that so bad, why don't they ask their woman to strip and dance for them? I can definitely understand single men going though, no biggie. So it really doesn't bother you that your man is ogling other naked women, fantasizing about them and getting turned on by them and stuff? Really???? It's a concept that's beyond me, honestly. I mean, it's okay for him to get turned on by another woman, and then later have sex with you.. because he's horny over another woman, and is imagining having sex with her?? It doesn't make you feel bad??? Yep maybe many committed men will get a boner over looking at other women but I'll be damned if mine will. I will try my hardest to not let that happen, anyway. He gets sex frequently and is definitely not deprived, as far as I look at it. I feel he doesn't need porn and all that crap. He says he doesn't want porn, he's got me. Before you scoff, it's true, he gave away the meagre collection of porn he had (3 tapes or DVds or whatever) when he wanted to date me and knew I had prerequisites for being with me and doesn't even look at stuff on the net. ....as far as I know. He's never on it anyway. Only occasionally when I'm in the shower and he's bored and looking up new computer technology and stuff. You don't think... ? As for people loving to go to strippers, straight girls anyway, I think I would have had more fun if I could have drank that night. I was too young at the time, if I had drank I'd of had a good ol time. Nothing against the clubs, I just don't want my man going, and he doesn't want to go anyway.

Okay chick, if that's what works for you and your man, then more power to ya. That's cool, if he's not offended and you aren't either. Sorry but I just couldn't be like that. You say you were like me when you were in your early 20's and I'm in my early 20's now, so maybe I'll change when I get a little older. *shrug* Maybe I won't be so bothered and realize it doesn't mean anything, but I'm so opinionated about things and stubborn I doubt I could change. Just as long as you find it acceptable and are happy in your relationship then I guess it's just different strokes, for different folks, or whatever it was someone had said.

Everytime my man thinks I'm looking at a guy, he starts getting all down and depressed or angry. The other day we were in biglots and some attractive hispanic guy walked by with his equally attractive girlfriend or wife. I turned around and was looking at the woman, her face was beautiful and her makeup was immaculate! Then I turned away and then had to turn back because somebody had got in my way and I was trying to get out of theirs. Well apparently my man saw me do this and assumed I was checking the guy out! heeeh! And kept saying "I know that you did it, just admit to it, that's all." Then tried to claim he wasn't angry at me or hurt but clearly was. heeeeh! It was quite amusing. I wasn't checking the guy out by the way, I was more checking out the woman, not in a sexual sense but in a "look at her MAKEUP, how does she DO it?" sort of way. Of course he did not believe me, but whatever. I mean chances are he was checking out that beautiful girl. Good thing I didn't see it. See, that's my point though, they get just as bothered if we look at other men or if they think we do, so why do some men think it's okay for them? But yes I guess it is subjective, whatever works for each couple, whatever standards they have and rules and so on. I just know that I personally, do not like and do not tolerate my man looking at porn, magazines with halfnaked women and naked women, and so on, and checking out women in front of me. And if they know what's best for them, they won't do it behind my back either. I relent and say, well behind my back a quick glance isn't SO bad, if I don't know about it, as long as they're not fantasizing about having sex with the chick or being with them, and they're not staring and ogling and drooling and so on. Quick glance, in appreciation of aesthetics, is all. I mean according to most people here anyway there's nothing I can do about it, apparently it's 'inevitable.' I look at pretty women too! Out of appreciation for beauty. Not sexually. So if he's with me then he shouldn't be looking sexually either. And yes, again I will state, I do think it's possible for a man not to check out another hot girl if he's with the girl he wants to be with, who he's attracted to and loves. I don't agree with the biology argument, that it's instinctual and so on. We are intelligent beings and have evolved past that; we can CONTROL what we look at. No matter what. If he wants to do such a thing and feels it's really against his 'innate nature', then it's as simple as finding another chick who tolerates that sort of behavior.

I think men are different from women in some ways, sadly. Men on this site are going to shoot me for this, but.. that's what I think. Hmm, just picturing the "flaming" or whatever they call it, so I'll amend it somewhat; I'll try not to generalize. Okay, so perhaps not EVERY man is like that, but I'll say that every man in MY lifetime that I've ever come into contact with would DEFINITELY be attracted to a girl so young; how do I know? Because I've been that young, and I'm still young (21), and have been hit on married men old enough to be my dads or grandfathers! And I was young but not stupid, they were dead serious! There was this one handsome, charming older gentleman in his 40's, perhaps 50's but not sure, I'm thinking mid 40's though. I admit I had a slight crush on him but I would have been creeped out to actually DATE him. Anyhow he also had a crush on me, and would flirt with me at the grocery store I worked at and also the deli. He first discovered me at the deli and when he found out I worked at the grocery store he started frequenting there as well. I'm normally not into men that old but I really liked him; he was obviously intelligent, very handsome, respectful, and charming and we had many conversations. He asked me out on a date one day, and I was a bit creeped out in a way. I told him I'd have to think about it. Well, guess what happened? Fate stepped in. I was at Walmart one day (I had the afternoon off) and saw him.... ...and his lovely, also-in-her-40's wife. I was disgusted, not because he led me on but because he dared to do that to his wife! What a jerk. He had a perfectly lovely and nice wife and he was going around trying to hook up with an 18 year old girl! Girl, I say, not woman. I was a teenaged girl, I was not the woman with life experience and intelligence and character and mental maturity that I'm sure his wife was. So maybe some men are not like that, but I've come into contact with enough to realize that when I'm in my 40's, I better resign myself to the fact that any man I'm with will definitely check out girls that young and probably fantasize about being younger and being with younger women. I don't understand why this is but it's depressing! Even my own 50 year old father was trying to date an 18 year old girl when I was 15. Sickening. He was in his 40's at the time! Not to mention, I've seen him checking out and commenting on teen girls as young as 13/14 before. I'm not sure if he'd leave his girlfriend (she is in her 50's) for one though, but only because society would look down on him. Otherwise... hmm.... ,. I agree with you about looking at younger men differently than men look at younger women. I'm 21 so I can't say I look at guys 19 and think of them as son types, but I find them to be too young for my tastes. Boys 16 and 17 and such are like little brothers to me, I'd never look at anyone younger in such a way, and when I get even older, I wouldn't even look at guys the age I am now and be attracted, they'd be little more than kids! I don't know why so many men think differently. (And I'm so tired of hearing that biological excuse some people on this website try to use, because we've evolved past being mere simple animals! We have the intelligence and means of choice to know better.) But I must say, there's many a beautiful woman in their 40's and why a man would leave their wife for a teenager is beyond me. Maybe the men can explain it? Have a good time on your trip, sounds like just what you need. You deserve it. It's just shocking to me how suddenly your ex has a 'fiancee', how quickly those two became an official 'couple'. It wasn't that long ago that you posted your original thread! Really makes me think there was more than just "feelings" being had for eachother. Urrrrrgh, they're despicable.

Heh, fetish yes. Just said the same thing before I read that post.

Yes, yes! You should be angry! And you are being very nice about this. They don't deserve nice; they've done something horribly wrong, and they deserve whatever they get. You deserve the best Worried, and that's not it.

Why thank you. You're right, of course. And I do know what it's like to be on the recieving end of being spyed on! My fiance spies on me all the time. He's quite paranoid, I've done nothing wrong. I am normally against spying and getting into someone's personal space and privacy when seemingly nothing is going on (such as the case with me and my fiance.) He has read all of my enotalone posts despite my efforts to hide them, and it's really annoying (also, as you mentioned, some posts contained sensitive subjects that I did not want him to see because he'd only become more paranoid and also perhaps his feelings would be hurt.) I only suggested for her to spy because it seemed the situation warranted it; as it just seemed very clear to me that her husband and this girl were having some sort of affair. Sadly the conviction I had (and I was about 99% certain) turned out to be right. Spying on her husband gave her the information she needed to confront him with the truth, and find out the truth that she needed to know. I feel so bad for the original poster, if I was her I'd take him to the cleaners like Rabican said.

I could cry, reading your posts. I could cry. I can envision my own future playing out like that, and it makes me sad. It makes me sad for anyone. I feel so bad for you I don't even know what to say. You didn't deserve that! You didn't deserve that at all! It also makes me so furious; I'd love nothing more than to beat the crap out of that girl and your husband.

I would find it very upsetting, in fact I'd slap the * * * * out of him and call it a day. Well, after breaking every single thing he owned and burning his house down and screaming in a Carrie-like rage.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, ewwwwwwwwww! ahahahahhahahahah, sorry, but that's hilarious (yet so disgusting!) Urgh, I know what you mean though. I haven't seen anything quite like THAT but I've had a dude show me something HORRIBLE in a pair of boxers before, something I never, ever, wanted to see. My advice is to be straight up, like I do. I'm like, "you stink, shower for once in your life." It doesn't really have much effect, but occasionally he'll listen. I know one incentive, or motivation, I REFUSE to give oral sex unless a man is clean. Seems to work occasionally. Plus, he is also disgustingly DIRTY and I am messy. There is a difference there, yes. Agreed. I'm messy but he's filthy. I don't know how to train someone so I'm interested in seeing what advice the other posters give.

Once a liar, always a liar. There is very little you can do to break a habitual/compulsive liar of their habit. Unless something drastic happens, where you leave and let them know you mean business. Otherwise they'll just keep on lying, because they don't anticipate any punishment for doing so. They know they'll just keep getting away with it. I myself am involved with a compulsive/habitual liar. Even though we've had many talks about him coming clean, starting fresh, and being an honest person, he still continues to lie. In fact, we had a talk just the other week and he claimed to have an epiphany in which he swore he would never lie again. Heh, a lie. He still lies and continues to lie and gets caught in old and new lies. So, in summarisation, once a liar always a liar. They don't change.

Just like there's many MEN who are like that, and IT'S a travesty.

The reason why I say that I'd be worried is because it kinda says a lot about someone's character when they're an adult and sleep with a minor. It's just something I personally would be very anxious about.

I'd be worried that he had slept with a "really young" girl. Sounds like a minor to me.

You need to talk to another investigator. It cannot get thrown out in court just because you dated, simply because it was ILLEGAL for him to 'date' you at that age. So, the investigator is you. And the guy you dated is a sick freak by the way. It's illegal, again. I'd report the investigation for obstruction of justice.

How disrespectful! And he clearly doesn't even try to hide this from you! Girl, he's got no respect for you at all, and clearly is intrigued by this young girl. He's playing with fire. How old is he and how old is this girl? What are your reasons for tolerating him looking at pictures of other girls and talking to them inappropriately? Out of curiosity. I wouldn't trust him, sounds like he's already cheating, even if he's not committed it phsyically.

Oh okay, I see what you meant. I don't know really, sometimes I couldn't tell ya why. But I know we laugh together, have fun together.. we care about eachother.. um, I can't really see why else. So many things he's done conflicts with my internal morals and values.

Oh, I reread what I wrote and realized how it sounded when I said he doesn't want to take me to cheap and crappy places. I meant that's how HE sees it. I wouldn't complain about going to say, burger king, hey a girl needs to throw down on burgers and fries every once in a while. I wouldn't complain at all. It's how he views things though, he doesn't want to take me to such places and brings it up constantly.

Why do you say that? By that, I merely meant that by doing such things, he feels he's doing something good for me. And he's tried to buy me a LOT of things I would consider too expensive, and wouldn't allow it. But the occasional "surprise her with a flower!" is sweet. I mention this because everytime we fight, he tends to not focus on things he's done wrong, but things he feels he's done right.. he always says, "haven't I done a lot for you? Don't I try to do all I can for you?" and etc etc. I'm merely acknowledging that he does, I'm not trying to come off materialistic. I don't WANT anything, except for stability, honesty, and no more psychotic fighting.