pregnantkitty_1985

Hmmm- are some of you trying to suggest that being petite means having a tighter/smaller vagina? Not so ! Everyone's different regardless of shape or size. If that's the sort of stereotype you're trying to perpetuate then all the men are gonna go around trying to sleep with the petite girls only! And that's not good for tall ( 5' 8 ) medium framed girls like moi.

It screams problems to me too. In fact, it's a really big red flag to me. And though I've said things about it before, he kind of says what he thinks I want to hear but really doesn't seem to "get it". I do know he really loves his child but is immature and not ready to care for her. Though he says otherwise, the truth of the matter is in the fact that he doesn't spend the time with her that he should! Or buy her a single thing. He seems to think it's his mother's responsibility. The little girl's own mother isn't even allowed to be around her daughter. Wouldn't you think that would give him that much more incentive to spend time with the little girl, who is virtually parentless because they're both irresponsible parents? He's allowed to see her whenever he wants. Yet doesn't take that opportunity. And it pisses me off and also bothers me, 'cause I think what if I accidentally got pregnant by him? . (How would you deal with that situation? As many times as I've brought it up either directly or indirectly/subtly and he still doesn't seem to "get it" or doesn't want to "get it" because in his own deluded head he thinks he's a 'great' father... He cites examples of his daughter running to him joyfully whenever we go to his mom's house as reasons why he's a great daddy... but the truth of the matter is, yes she is indeed running towards him because she loves him, but also because she MISSES him because he doesn't SPEND ANY TIME WITH HER or have her over to his house! She cries when he goes back home! It's very sad to me. It's like he's a big irresponsible child- loves his kid but would rather do other things than spend time with her... like tinkering with his computers, doing things with me, doing stuff for other people... he puts her last and it's a shame. It's a big issue in my eyes. Big, big issue. He always goes on about how I'm gonna be her new 'mommy' and so on ... why, so I can be there to spend time with her and take care of her and do the things he should be doing? Hmm. What would you do??.) Yes I will definitely do you that favor and set a time frame. In fact, it sounds like an excellent idea. What would be your time frame out of curiosity, weeks or months? I'm thinking months but I don't know how many, I'm not sure- I need more guidance please, what would you do? And those are very good guidelines to go by, I just have to add a little more like: -I believe he will not lie about things anymore, and will uphold to my high standards of honesty -I believe his maturity is progressing and he is striving to live and learn as a real adult .........and we'll see what the outcome is, whether he, in the timeframe I come up with, has proved himself capable of doing all of those things. I would tell my friends not to (not marry the individual who cannot be trusted.) I realized I am making excuses for him to, after reading through all my posts. Like "Oh, he's nice though, he's always trying to do stuff with me!" Well that doesn't mean a damn thing if he can't be honest or trustworthy! We'll see if he can, in the end, prove himself. The odds seem stacked against him. I would love to hear some of your dumb ex stories anytime you feel like getting it out. It feels good to just let everything out about past issues sometimes. I think it's part of how we grow as individuals, looking back on past mistakes and how we've progressed/evolved. Maaaan, that would be so cool to travel to all those countries. Yep I'm in the US. Where are you? I'm guessing either in the UK or Australia or New Zealand, judging by the english spellings. I want to see all the other countries in the world, particularly Sweden and Norway and the UK (especially England, republic of Ireland, Scotland..) I have always, always wanted to see the world instead of what I see everyday. My grandfather has went to places like Norway, England, Germany, and etc and loved it. That would be such a great idea. I think I should try that.

Explain! This gives me some hope for my man, heh.

Heh, Massari, you sound like my man. Before I lived with him he'd call me a million times a day, and he wants to spend every moment of his time with me. He also complains because I am not into PDA's. But there's nothing wrong with that, man. Either you will accept her for who she is or you will go on to find someone who will appreciate you how you are. Or, she will learn to accept you how you are. It's really disrespectful how she mocks you in public- are you sure that's the type of girl you need?

Amen to that.

My sister started engaging in sexual intercourse with older guys (in their 20's) at a very young age, when she was around 14. And my father was very absent- but so was my mother. She was there so to speak, but has only cared about one thing, which is herself and whatever man she was currently attached to. And at 16, my sister got pregnant by a 25 year old and miscarried. Last year at 17, had a baby by the same guy, now 26. (I don't condone it.) So I think your theory is correct.

I would love to do such a thing because I feel so strongly about stuff like this. However, the girls don't consider it rape, the guys don't, it's consensual so people just shrug it off and ignore it! How disgusting.

Heh, are you using the choice words "poor and backward" cause I live in the south? I wouldn't exactly say that, here. The guys who are doing these things aren't the hillbillies you would expect. But I agree with the rest of your post.

"Christina Gallagher, 26: Jersey City, N.J., woman ordered to pay more than $1,000 in fines, sentenced to a lifetime registration as a convicted sex offender and ordered to attend therapy for having sex with a 17-year-old student." That is sickening. But you know what? Here, it's perfectly okay for a 26 year old man to have sex with a 17 year old girl! No one says a thing about it!

Definitely. It's sickening! A friend of mine (21) has been having sex with a 16 year old boy (one who turned 16 in June)... and needless to say, we don't hang out anymore. I can't.

OH my god, I just read that one about that woman Carol Flannigan- I am just speechless.

And I really don't understand why these men don't feel that these girls are BABIES, as you said (and yes, yes they most certainly are!) They look at developing bodies and think, "hmmm. Looks goood. Hmmmm, I want some." It sickens me. (Again, I'm talking about the majority of guys in this county that I live in, not all men, so hopefully I'm not offending anyone.)

I think BellaDonna and AntiLoveSuperstar have it right. But, I still can't comprehend... why these men here where I live... can actually be aroused by kids that young... Urgh, DN, I am reading that article right now. You're right of course, double standards. I meant no harm by it though, I was merely sitting around thinking about stuff like that involving men and young girls going on in the county I live, and thus posted. I didn't mean to say women can't do the same thing though, it's true that they can. And it's horrifying and disgusting, and it really, literally makes me sick.

Her parents did, thank god.

The question of the day... ! That's what I would really like to know myself, as stated previously.

!!!!Amen, slightlybent!

Hmm, reading more into it, you asked Doyathink 'what if her 13 year old boy didn't look 13'... that doesn't make it right. I think, like I said earlier, there's an underage girl trying to seduce you that you've either succumbed to or are very tempted by.. and she looks 'older' than her 'age.' So many 14 year old girls for example look 18 nowadays. Still, doesn't make it right. Consider their emotional and mental maturity, not their physical maturity and the fact that they too have vaginas like an older woman. It just seems that some people just don't care... I for the life of me, can't understand this. It's nothing but excuses, excuses to do something not only LEGALLY wrong but MORALLY wrong. Children are still children DESPITE adult like bodies.

Hmm, haven't read eveeeeery single little post, but am I assuming right? Chronicpainandconfusion, do you want to have sex with girls as young as 13 and 14 or are you saying you think it's okay because they're post-pubescent? Or what? I'm rather confused. Something's telling me maybe an underage girl is trying to seduce you, or something, and you're really tempted by it? Go more into detail please, maybe we could offer more realistic advice?

Hopefully you guys won't be angry, I'm not trying to generalize and stereotype and yes, I do realize that not all men want really young girls. But, in the county in the south of the U.S. where I live, it seems so prevalent. 20 year olds are always chasing after 14, 15, and 16 year olds. 18 year olds are sleeping with 13 year olds! Even guys that are like 24/25 are sleeping with 15 year olds, 16 year olds, 17 year olds... It's like they don't care. Why can't they find someone a little more age appropriate? I've just heard so many people I know of dating girls waaaaaaay, way too young, or having done that in the past. Like guys who are already OUT of high school dating girls in the 8th or 9th grade. Why? Why not someone who's at least a senior in high school or is out of school too? Seems nothing's too young for them. I even know a 26 year old man who had sex with a 13 year old girl. She's um, a bit loose, but .... c'mon. That's no excuse for a man to have sex with someone that young! It seems these guys in this county figure, "well, doesn't matter how young the girl is... if she's already sexually active, then she's adult-like and fair game!" Or, "doesn't matter how young she is, she wants me, so it's not like it's against her will or anything.." ....Someone, please explain this.

They will, in the United States. So I guess it depends on where the original poster is from.

Well, you're just going to have to do a domestic standby. Call the police and request a domestic standby. He won't get arrested or anything like that. The police will just inform him that you have the rights to obtain your mother's property and they will escort you in and observe while you get the things you need to get. During this time, he can't say a thing to you about it. It's simple, no one gets hurt, and it's a very legal way to do things. That way, he can't say that you stole things from his house. I had to do this to my mother before. She kicked me out and wouldn't let me retrieve my property, so I called the cops and had them do a domestic standby. Simple as that.

I think you're right about some things always being part of a person's behavior, character, and subconscious.. and I admit, I'm thinking to myself, 'how is someone who's always been the type to hit on girls like that going to change overnight just because he loves someone?' It's not very likely, is it? You're right, I'd probably be free to do so much more with myself if I wasn't tied up in this whole mess of a situation. It's hard to get started and choose a path. I know Caro gave me some great advice, I am definitely thinking about it.

"Hotty" teens or not, people old enough to know better shouldn't even bother looking! At least, this is how I feel. But, you're right. And yes, I do wonder what will happen if a hot girl comes on to him. And probably will always wonder if he's going to cheat. Some days, on my more paranoid and insecure days, it's not "will he cheat?" it's a matter of "When will he cheat, and with who?" Or, "how much time will I waste with him before he starts cheating?" And I am the type of girl who considers even flirting with other girls behind my back to be cheating, and I'm well aware anyone's capable of that. My ex would flirt with his coworkers behind my back and have crushes on them... and try to write them little notes and try to get with them, pretty much. Which is emotional infidelity while not actually physical- it's still cheating in my book. Plus, he later on did physically cheat. I'm well aware of how things start.. it all starts with seeing a pretty girl... then starts with flirting and mutual attraction... and goes on from there. I just can't see anyone resisting that sort of stuff.

Definitely, I agree. I've said that to him. He will have to prove himself. And the rest of your post really has made me think. Honestly, and truly yes, your post has honestly made me start thinking, from another perspective. I can't say I've decided to leave him because as I've said, I'm willing to give anyone a second chance. However, your post has made me see how things could very possibly turn out. Especially because so many of the things you are saying just sound so similar to the guy I'm with, as in shirking responsibility, the rules seeming 'blurry' and outside influences that he caves into and ultimately blames- (when in fact he is the one who made the choice to do what he does!) The things you described occurring just have so many parallels to my situation. And so many similiarities. Like the many excuses and so on. "At least I didn't sleep with her..." your ex said, and mine says, "At least I didn't do anything with her!" which later evolved into "I wasn't going to do anything with her, I swear!" Errr, yeaaaaaah, because she told you no! But what if she HAD been legal and HAD said yes? Or, you were STILL under the false impression that she WAS legal (pfffft)? ...and she said yes? He was trying to look bad in front of his friend supposedly and his friend was pressuring him to say those things, and so he did it. What if she had said yes? And his friend said, "go for it man"... what then? Would he NOT still feel the same pressure to impress his friend by committing those acts? And your ex said, "she made him" and my man says "he made me!" and also "she made me!" and etc. Which also sounds similar to incidents from his past I had asked about. The thing you said also about "couldn't be held responsible" strikes such cords too. I know back in the day my man used to drink a lot and do drugs and stuff like that, but stopped when his daughter was born. And stopped drinking at the beginning of this year, and shortly after we started seeing eachother. And he means well, as you said. He says he means to cut off contact with people like the neighbor who is a bad influence on him. And he pretty much has. In fact, he hates him and wants to get his revenge on him. Which I won't allow because it would probably involve jail time and during his worser days when he was younger, he went to jail a lot. I can say a few things about him, he HAS changed from the person he used to be. I did not know him back in those days but oh, I've heard some stories. He was always goodhearted and meant well, but also drank excessively, did drugs, and went to jail a lot. This makes me think that maybe, if he has changed from that sort of person to the person he is now (who has been staying out of trouble for 5 years) that he could change in the other way as well. But still, he seems to think he can shirk responsibility, not spend the time he should be spending with his daughter, (though when he is with her he treats her wonderfully but I don't think that's enough), and seems to have to ask his mom's opinion on everything he does. And he seems to think other people should do things for him. Like, take care of his own child and buy all the things she needs. God forbid his mother asks him for some money to take care of HIS OWN daughter. Nooo. He b*tches and moans about that, and when I point out well yeah, your mom's taking care of YOUR daughter, damn right she should be asking you for money especially since you don't pay child support! and he makes excuses ... "yeah, but...." and blah blah. Like he just doesn't GET IT. And subsequently shirks his responsibility. And blames people for things. And, and ... .. ... everything. Like your ex, he can't pick up after himself, organize himself, take iniative on things he knows he should be doing, (like using his computer certifications to get an actual career instead of just a job, or starting his own computer shop), he starts things and stops and starts on something else, he can't ever finish anything... (though granted- he has ADHD- I wonder if your ex had that as well?) And the whole mother/counselor position- having to talk him through every decision and so on and so on and him being grateful... and seeming to 'get' things after we talk about it... and not too good applying those learnings ever again... (i.e., not being able to associate very well.....) is all so familiar. Sooooooooo familiar. I've never really asked him for advice though.. it's always about him taking advice (and him agreeing and 'getting' what it is he needs to do and later on doing what he wants anyway, or doing what would take the least amount of effort really)... from me. I should ask him for advice on something and see what happens... but Caro, you have no idea how much I appreciate your post. I am going to give him a second chance. But I will be very careful, and watchful and the next time he makes one of those 'mistakes' that's only a mere 'mistake' in his eyes and can be blamed on 'everyone else' .... then I'm out of here. Because I've read about what happened to you and I see how things could very possibly go. So I will always refer to your post- not as a bible, but as some simple guidelines, being that so many of the things you described I can associate with the guy I'm with. I'm very tempted to print your post, hide it in my underwear drawer, and read it daily just to remind me of what I'm risking here. Thank you very very much for your post. Also- congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and congratulations on finding a wonderful guy who meets all your needs. And thank you also for the wonderful advice- I'm definitely not disregarding it, I hope no one thinks that's what I'm doing by staying. I'm definitely keeping everyone's advice in the back of my mind, always.

Heh, I'd write this girl an anonymous letter. You don't want to get in trouble at work, and even though you've lost respect for your friend, you also have some loyalty towards him. But, your conscience is definitely nagging at you, or you wouldn't be on this site questioning what to do. And you seem like a good man, because you know what he's doing is wrong. So many times I've discovered men cheating (not just on me but others I know) and their best friends are usually egging them on to do so or laughing about it when they're told. So kudos to you! Yes, you found out what you did in a way you were not supposed to find out. But the point is, now you know. I'd probably talk to him about it first, friend to friend. But I'd probably tell him that he needs to tell his wife- or you will. Or, like I said, send an anonymous letter. Either way, how could someone do such a thing? How could someone marry someone and have been cheating on them that whole time and prior to that as well? I will never understand people and their destructive behaviors.