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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    Thank You! This is what I was trying to say the LAST time Blehhh posted this same scenario. Stop torturing yourself thinking about it and get out of the house, away from the computer, and with friends/family. At this stage, you need to distract yourself with pleasant things until the super-intense feelings pass. Then you can attempt to analyze things.
  2. itsallgrand
    Personally, I wouldn't. I have rules when I am exclusive with someone, that go both ways. Everybody has boundaries. How old are you and the bf? It could simply be an immaturity/age thing. Boys are different then men. Which is he? As always, I say go with your gut.... If you can accept him for what he is and be happy, stay. If not, leave. There is this saying "When a man shows you what he is, believe him" It's a good one.
  3. itsallgrand
    I dunno Dako. I have cynical times too, but one look into that puppy face on your avatar and I believe in soft stuff again.
  4. itsallgrand
    Well, there are lots of possible reasons.... Is there any medical reason you think it may be a hormonal/phernome thing? You're a cute guy. I'm sorry you're feeling like no one is showing interest in you, because I don't really see why they wouldn't! This is just my personal observation, but I have noticed that many shy guys simply miss/dismiss advances or signs of interest by women. I know I have shamelessly flirted with shy guys - and sometimes they still do not see that I like them! It requires that super-direct "I like you and want to go out with you" approach, but that sometimes makes them awkward or embarrassed. Whoops...sorry to go on like that....
  5. itsallgrand
    I will reply more thoroughly to your question after I have mulled for a bit. For now, I want to say: I truly believe that human beings are born to have a passionate loving connection to all varieties of life. I do not expect one person to be (what i consider) god/nature/spiritual source. "Approach the world like a lover " I have experienced beautiful moments as you have spoke of. For me, the important thing to remember is that these experiences are fleeting and inconstant. As wonderful as they are, they can not be predicted or counted on. There are no specific sources - anyone or anything can draw it out, mix just right, explode or burn. It is an individual choice to live in such a way. I believe in these things, they are a part life, but there is more yet. There is loyalty, devotion, sacrfice, honour, honesty, respect, day by day practicalities. Mix passion with the other: that is what I seek at this point.
  6. itsallgrand
    Yeah, but I don't want to be a hockey bunny! lol ewww. Ditto for being the chick who is dating a serious basketball player. Not my kind of life, tyvm.
  7. itsallgrand
    I'm sorry. Your pain is still so raw. The others said a lot. I can only add: perhaps you may need some re-closure? Maybe, writing an email to him you won't necessarily send. Or perhaps having to face him. I don't know what is right for you. I do know that sometimes people need to do these things. As wonderful as it would be, we don't always get clean breaks. And that's okay. Sometimes there is leftover business that needs attending. You do need time apart no matter what, but you already know that. Good luck and remember it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel right now. This is the rocky part, it does ease, I promise.
  8. itsallgrand
    monsier, The bottom line is: You need to work out your self confidence and other issues first. It must be done, and it is important if you ever want to be happy. You can do it. You must consciously choose to do everything you possibly can to make it better, and work work work until it is done. The relationship stuff will come much more easily after that. You will not gravitate or attract people that will use you. You will have a clear head to see who is and who is not manipulating; and you won't manipulate nearly as much yourself. You can start fresh. If you want to. Good luck.
  9. itsallgrand
    monsier, Ahem! lol. No, a woman friend who YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH, INTERESTED IN, FRIENDZONED, ANYTHING LIKE THAT. Okay all done. Just wanted to be sure I was clear. Simply a suggestion.
  10. itsallgrand
    You have to go with your gut. Yeah, some women say all kinds of things that they don't mean or mean in a not so kind way. But it could be genuine, or just something to say. I know for myself, I like to talk a lot. A man may do something very sweet, and I'll want to say something...anything...to acknowledge it. Sometimes it comes out wrong, sometimes I should just shut up. You really do have to go with your gut and the person addressing you.
  11. itsallgrand
    monsier, do you have any female friends? And by friends I mean truly only friends - no interest or hope of anything else. A friend like anyone else. They can be truly great for pointing the way. I know my male friends help me a lot to get the 'male perspective'. cheers
  12. itsallgrand
    Hmm. I like all kinds, but I guess I prefer a somewhat grubby type of man. Natural. I'm a low-maintenace gal and like low-maintenace men. Something about a little bit of stubble and all that manly stuff I like very much. Hair is not a problem. It's actually a little odd when a man is body bald. Not a big deal, but I say let the hair do its thing.
  13. itsallgrand
    The 'nice guy' routine is not an actually nice guy. He is a manipulator. The 'James Dean' aloof guy is not actually a confident guy. He is an insecure guy with a social personae. This is so frustrating. The worse thing is: a lot of these 'nice guys' and 'james dean' guys are actually decent people,all in all. I've liked some.....but the manipulation is a problem. It is not becoming in a partner. That is what sucks. You can like someone only to stop because of a behavior they have that is not healthy. And it is frustrating to meet, get to know, like, a person who does not meet your needs. But such is life. Women and men all trying to figure out what the hell is going on!!
  14. itsallgrand
    Just to 'balance' things up: 'Nice girls' exist too. It's not different. All things go both ways.
  15. itsallgrand
    Tyler, would you explain your post for me please? I get the feeling I am receiving emotion that is not really for me. Because you don't know how I as a person deal with things.
  16. itsallgrand
    The bf was clear: he doesn't want any part of it. A question: are you questioning your sexuality, or is this a curiosity for you? It can remain fantasy, or you can leave your bf. Which is more important to you right now in your heart. Follow that.
  17. itsallgrand
    You need to find another job, get relocated, or something. How can you heal and be NC if you have to work with this person? You can't. It would be a big step. I disagree with pouring your energy into your hubby and your marriage. Yeah, I have never been married - but I've been in relationships that were deep and bonding. Take yourself away from the situation and work on yourself. Pour your energy in yourself. Because to me, that is the real problem! Best wishes.
  18. itsallgrand
    When a guy starts on the "I guess nice guys (like me) always finish last..." routine, I immedietly think "Here is a mark if I ever saw one". I don't really see it as disrespectful so much as self indulgent. Someone didn't like them for some reason, and instead of facing it, they create a justification to not change. Anyone stuck in such a rut is destined to get used or hurt. It's sometimes sad, sometimes frustrating. By the way, your mom and yours theory gave me a good smile. Thanks
  19. itsallgrand
    Nope. I like bodybuilder types. Cause I admire the devotion and work that goes into that. It's an art - and his body is a masterpiece. As to the original question - Who cares?! I suspect you reach a certain age and these things become almost unimportant. Any man that is willing to hold my head while I'm puking in the hospital has the perfect body type. lol.
  20. itsallgrand
    Tell them the truth. lol. It's not hard. I swears. Watch: You are worried about being a 'mean person'? That's funny. Did you read what you wrote? You wrote: He is weak and you were not interested in him bc of his character (dealing with his ex). So you help arrange for this 'girl with low self confidence' who showed interest to meet him. You really must not like her! That's okay. Except why let them believe you want to be their friends and then speak about them this way? Be upfront. If you don't care for someone's company, politely refuse offers to spend time together. Do not respond to continual calls and sit there listening when you don't want to. If someone shows up somewhere they were not invited to see you, politely tell them you are busy and do not appreciate it. And it really isn't your call to 'make' this guy stop dating. You shouldn't even be thinking about that. It's none of your business. Take care.
  21. itsallgrand
    haha. Don't know about him - you'd have to ask. Preferably when neither of you is drunk. I know I talk jibberish when I'm drunk. My theory is: don't pay much mind to a drunk person. They are drunk! haha
  22. itsallgrand
    Normal. You have a relationship - a friendship! Sounds great. He knows you well, you know him well, and you both have agreed upon it. I say...Enjoy!
  23. itsallgrand
    Ohh...pssstt!! Like I said. Healthy arguing=good. Conflict between two separate people in a relationship is unavoidable and needs to be dealt with. Seems you two may have 'avoided' that up until now. There's still hope, of course! But he called a 'break off' and he needs to give you some time to digest that hurt. It is immature to avoid conflict because 'you don't want to hurt the persons feelings'. Feelings get hurt. It's part of life and relationships. It's how you approach it and resolve things that matter. And you guys are having a communication breakdown. Reflect. This could be a great chance for the two of you to work through this and carry on stronger than ever. Or it could be an ending. It is still unknown. I know I'm a bit blunt: please do not take it personally. It doesn't hurt to hear an outside perspective you may not be used to. Take care.
  24. itsallgrand
    It is tough looking for a job. Looking for a job is a job! A rough one. Perhaps its time to re-evaluate your approach. You know what? 200 applications in a year and a half really isn't very much. Many, many people are in your position. You will get through with persistence and some creativity. There is a book called "What colour is your parachute?". I highly recommend reading it and working it. It saved me a tonne of exasperation. I know what it is like to be in your position. You should be able to find it at a library if you can't afford to buy it, but it's worth buying IMO. There are so many approaches and tips to finding a job. The biggest thing is to stay positive and persistent, persistent, persistent. Good luck. Hope everything works out.
  25. itsallgrand
    I like a little bit of arrogance and directness. Not conceited and self-centered. Secure is the word I would use. Desperation or wanting me too bad is a sure-fire way for me to walk away - because though I want to feel wanted/needed, I do not want to be with someone who needs me to 'complete' him. That said: the man has to be kind, nice, considerate, and all those things as well. Shy guys can be cute and secure, without being brazen, and that is lovely too. So I like both approaches. If I like the guy, I like him and that is it. The rest is second in importance.
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