Kimmikazi

I guess this would be jealousy...or possibly...insecurites-although I won't let myself accept that maybe I have this problem. I've never been cheated on...never even had a guy that's gone out with friends barely...so I have no idea why I have this feeling of no trust? I think maybe it's because in EVERY relationship..I have done the -wrong doings-.... In my head...I have this thought that...someone is bound to hurt someone, so I should be the one to do it, before it happeneds to me, and so far, I've succeeded! Ok..My first long-term relationship...I was so controlling...I mean, sickly controlling..which I think made HIM controlling. I mean, he had no friends whatsoever. Not one..We were eachothers first loves and I guess I just didn't want him near anyone else. He actually listened too. I had my group of friends and never lost them..and never would-yet, I failed to think that maybe it would be good for him to talk to others. He was a great looking guy, and a very good person...but the thought of him knowing anyone else...did something crazy to me inside...I mean, even guys...nothing...his cousins..nothing. He had a rough childhood and I was his "savior" in his mind, and I knew this..and I think I took it for granted and such...This went on for 3 years..until finally he had enough...( i did cheat on him once which he 'suspected' but I never really got to admitting...) The breakup was hard, and I thought I'd never move on because of my mentality..but then over time, I realized I had to grow up and accept the fact that it's not healthy at all. A year later, I met an amazing guy. He was everything and more...he was so smart, independent, and ready for a relationship. So, in my head, I figured "hey, it's close enough..he knows what he wants, so thereforeeee he won't be out much." ...actually I was kind of right...he spent so much time with me, and I loved it. I still did my thing and he semi did his...but I messed it up...which was by me seeing another guy...just like a 'date' and he saw text msgs from this guy that I had been seeing before him..which weren't all too great for a boyfriend to see..and he was gone.. Once again...I had that feeling that I won't find another guy like that...that would invest so much time on me etc...but of course, there's more in the sea.. Another year later..dated another guy for about 7 months...after 2months..I began my controlling...Him talking to his best friends tore me up inside...I didn't show it, but it drove me NUTS. I mean...it drove me CRAZY. After 2 months..he didn't go out with his friends even ONCE til the day he left me and moved away to Arizona...which wasn't because of my ways, but mainly because all we did was fight. nonstop fighting...I would never let his past go, and never stopped accusing him of NOTHING at all. Okay, so now I'm dating this guy Junior...this guy is AMAZING. I mean, I trust him so much. If he's not working, he's with me. He has a roommate, that's been his friend since they were little...and he has a lot of friends...I've been friends with the group for about 3 years now. Before me, his life was partying, living up his 20's, and all that goes along with that...and now, he's really ready to have a relationship and commit..etc. Now, he works crazy hours...20 hour days sometimes. So thereforeeee, I'm able to do my thing ALL THE TIME..and on his time off, we spend it together. He loves it, and of course I do too. Now, our first couple weeks of being -serious-, I was at a club, and it got to the point where my friends had him come there because I was WAY too drunk and so were they, so as soon as he got off work, he came there to help us out...in the middle of him helping me to the car, and holding my hair while I spilled out the night..I showed him my phone...with a picture of me kissing another guy that night. His heart was crushed..and eventually he gave me the 2nd chance... He trusts me now pretty much, and I still go out with my friends etc...Now, we've been in this sort of "break" thing for the past week and tomorrow we're going to go for lunch and I know we'll be back together, he does too...He's out with his friends at a bar right now, and it's driving me NUTS. In all the time we've been dating, he's never done this and he just text me saying "as much as I wish I was with you right now, I think I really need this..." and I just said "I know you do, I agree 100%)... Now, I know he needs it, and everyone needs that space...but what I feel inside is NOT normal.. I see my friends and their boyfriends, and they always do their own thing like it's nothing at all...which is the way it should be. Trust is everything in a relationship, and I KNOW that. I can't seem to get myself to accept it...If I go for someone that's dependant and willing to give up his life for me..it's not a good position, and in all reality, I KNOW I DONT WANT THAT. I know some girls have trust issues with men because of past issues in relationships, but I can't say I have...I've actually had all 4 relationships with men that are ready for a relationship, that know what they want, and sometimes just want to hang out with the guys. That's what makes me wonder SO much...I mean, most girls wouldn't like it to be girls, but I have an issue with even the guys hanging out...I can't even think about them talking to girls...I'll drive myself insane. ](*,) Can someone PLEASE help me figure myself out ;( I am secure with myself from what I know...I'm a nice, friendly, smart, pretty girl with a lot of great friends...I'm independent as well...just I have this problem where I can't seem to control it. I've been dealing with this feeling for about 6 years now, and it's just now that I'm thinking there really is a problem. How can I get myself to see that men need their men time, just as I need my girls time? Could it be that the 'guilty accuses'? I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend again. NEVER. I love him to death...he means so much to me it's crazy...So, since I don't have the mentality of ever hurting him, why do I still have this "jealousy"?? He has NO IDEA that I have this in me....to him, he thinks I'm so cool about it, that I want him to be with his friends, and that I'm just so cool about everything, but that's the vibe I give him, cause I don't want to lose him over this thing I have always had in me. He knows about how I was with my 1st ex, and I think it scared the h*LL out of him, but I told him I've matured and realized it's not the way for a relationship to be...which in all reality, I still think I should have it that way...as if I'm brainwashed from an early on Any advice, thanks so much guys!

Congrats! Sounds like it's been a rough road to get where you are..but it goes to show..that time does heal all wounds.

My ex was uncirc'd...when I first found out...I was SO turned off..Ex's before that were all circ'd..and I literally backed off for weeks...eventually things got more serious, and by that time, it was "normal"...I began to think how weird it'd be to go back with a circ'd guy lol...like wouldn't certain things kinda -hurt- cause the extra skin wouldn't be there for extra feeling? -so i swore by uncirc'd.... I'm back to a circ'd and realized its more my thing. Knowing it's more clean(which IS NOT a myth..) and just the way it looks is much more of a TURN ON ANYWAYS though....duuude, you need to ask a doctor about that...you might have kind of sort of put yourself in a tough spot.... hopefully not forever...good luck!

I figured it out this way for myself...I've done the whole -exlaining it to them, trying to work things out, contacting etc...but then again I've done the no contact, no returning calls, etc....- Now...I realize...What's meant to be, will be. If you have to ignore the person for them to realize what they have...then maybe that should be a hint of what's not truly meant to be...and if you feel like you have to bother the person and keep contacting them...that also should make one see what's not meant to be. I've come to the conclusion, that I'll keep things under control...where ever the break up/split goes..If it's a need to call, I'll call...if it just seems right to let go..I'll let go. So thereforeeee...I don't think you should "warn" them...that's just...ridiculous.."Just so you know, I'm not contacting you.." I don't know...I think things are better off being taken by course(...If that makes sense...) What's meant to be...WILL ALWAYS FIND IT'S WAY...Forceful or not.

Take it as a good thing..being "drunk" isn't all that great...being tipsy on the otherhand .... Zoloft DOES have an effect...any anti-depressants will.. I was on Lexipro for about 3 months, and wow...I got off of it about a month ago, when I went out with the girls...and ended up getting carried out by 4 bouncers because I was way too drunk...and it was definitely the medication. I drank 3 times as much last weekend...and I was cool. I'm on Zoloft now, and I must sacrafice...not too much to drink. You're body just might not be able to tolorate it that much as it is...so when you're on these medications...just remember that you're enhancing your alcohol intake....

I mean, yes, I understand it's not the NICEST thing to say...but I wouldn't quite take it to an extreme and get too into it...an apology is defintely needed, but Come on...it's not that extreme... At least in my eyes...

Yep..10000000%...I think it's that way for men and women...If I were to ever sleep with some guy that I haven't already built a relationship out of....what would be left? That moment is like finalization of something...it's SO meaningful to just give to anyone...wait til you find someone WORTH it.

Hun, if calling him an "idiot" is the worst you've done...you're doing very well! Those words aren't even too harsh, they are more like insightful goofy feelings towards something. I call people idiots everyday...and majority of the time..they aren't...explain to him that it was just spur of the moment...If he has a normal mindset, he'll forgive you!!!

It's all about the thickness to me

I'm guilty \\ ...I hate condoms...ouchies.

I'd have to say...Oral then Intercourse...basically because... organms durning intercourse only seem to happen evvvvery once in a while for me...when it does happen, it's great..but yea... I'd have to say oral goes longer...and does the trick everytime

As immature and simple minded as these words go... I have to say...he nailed it! Lol, I wouldn't advise anyone to ACTUALLY live by these words, or act upon them...BUT sure as hell sounds like a good idea

Hello Everyone.. I've been dating this guy for a few months(known him for years), and we have a very healthy relationship...we care for eachother deeply, and everything is good between us. He's a hard worker, dedicated, and goal oriented...I am as well, but for me, it's not that simple. I was recently diagnosed with acute bipolar, dysthima, and other various mood disorders-nothing too serious, but enough to where it's an obvious problem. I'm on several medications, and going to school and working are becoming less stressful on me...but not all the way. Yesterday, I just got in one of my moods...I'd rather just let my mind race, and think- rather than go to class and then work. He texted me and asked me how work went, and I just told him that I hadn't gone in yet. This is where it went wrong. He simply said, "Kim, I'm starting to really think otherwise of you...I put myself in this relationship because I thought you were responsible and had your priorties straight..." I snapped on him...I told him that he didn't understand what I was going through, that it's not his business. I asked him why he was in a relationship with someone he doesn't even feel the same about... and then...I told him that I'd save him the job, and end things since he obviously doesn't see me the way he "thought" he did...and why should I try and make him see otherwise, I can't change how he feels. He then called twice, and I ignored the call...then he text msg'ed me asking me to please answer so we can talk about it in person...10minutes later I called him back and his phone was off. Finally, at 2am, when he was off of work, I called him...and he answered. He just said "Kim, I really have nothing to say to you, I'll talk to you some other time." -THis killed me...didn't he just say before he shut off his phone, that he wanted to talk? That didn't matter to him...he was tired and needed to go to sleep. I told him bye and just hung up. I left him one more text telling him I didn't deserve to be treated this way, and he just said "Kim, I'm very tired, I'll call you tomorrow morning, I promise..goodnight babe." And I just told him goodnight as well. Now...here's the thing. Tasks like going to college and working part time...aren't exactly easy for me...I get very depressed a lot, and take it out on going out with friends, and just staying away from the depression. While some people sleep their days away, I do anything to keep my mind racing and racing....although, sometimes...I'll sleep my days away(that also makes me look irresponsible and childish to someone who doesn't understand..)These things make everyday things in life difficult for me. It's not that I don't enjoy working and school...I do very much...but, for me...it's not something I can wake up and do everyday...but it IS something I am dealing with...seeing psychiatrists and psychologists-trying to pull through. Now..My boyfriend doesn't know any of this...he's seen medications of mine, and asked what was wrong, and insisted that whatever it was, that he'd support me, but I just told him that it's better that he doesn't know what goes on with me...for the relationship... I've figured that I'd just keep it from him and deal with my issues on the side..but it's becoming clear that it's becoming an issue in our relationship(just as i figured it would)....So my one question is, do you think it'd help to let him know what's going on with my mental health? Or should I just briefly explain it to him? ....I don't want him to think I'm giving an excuse for the things I 'don't' do...it's not an excuse..it's a reason....I also don't want to scare him away...I do realize that these things aren't always sociable accepted.... I care about him so much, and I know he feels the same. I can easily say he'd understand and be there for me...because that's the kind of man he is, but then again....when it comes to a psychological standpoint, I think people have strong views on it...and I'm not quite sure how he feels about it all. He still hasn't called..but then again, he thinks I'm in class...Once again...I didn't make it...my mind's racing..and it wont stop...Like last night, I drove around downtown Chicago for 5 hours, til 3 am...It never ends...I'm bound to hit an all time low if what I'm dealing with already ruins this relationship....He's made everything so perfect for me...when I'm with him...the bad in my life seems to be slightly less 'bad'...and I feel so warm...he just has that effect on me. But...obviously, he has his mindset that I'm not the girl he fell for, and I'm just not quite sure which route to take to tell him that I am...but there are some things that he just doesn't know, which makes me who I am also. Any advice would be great! Thanks everyone.

Wow, very rough and sudden situation at that. It's as if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place...but it will take a lot of thought to get through this. Forced long-distance relationships are beyond difficult. There are so many things involved with a relationship to begin with, but then when the distance is there, it just piles on many more issues. Not to be discouraging AT ALL...but this is sort of the situation I had to put me and my ex in. He knew when he was going to be able to come back and be with me, but I just couldn't wait any longer...and in the end...I'm glad it worked out the way it did..I did end up finding an amazing guy without all the problems distance was causing the other relationship. Now, you love this man, and he obviously loves you...that's very clear to see. I don't see him doing this for any other reason other than his loneliness...which must come from both of you, its inevitable . It's great to hear that you are independent, and plan to stay in school, rather than drop it all for this situation...that really shows your true strength, which is what will get you through this in the end. You can't force him to try and wait the 7 months, but then again you don't have to agree with it. You made a very good point that he was being unrealistic about finding someone in 7months to marry and start a life with. 7 months isn't long enough for all of that, and actually...the 7 months he tries finding something, other than the one he loves....will probably end up negative on his end. My advice would be to let him know that you accept his thoughts, and that if that's what he feels he needs to do, then he should do that. (I know it's MUCH easier said than done...) In the meantime, get through your schooling, concentrate on what's important in YOUR life...but still keep him involoved in your life. I'm sure that by the time you're done...he'll have a better understanding of what he wants....weither it may be the "woman he MIGHT find...very doubtful under the circumstances), or that he realizes that 7months is worth waiting for the woman he truly loves without even having to be forced into it. This might even be what it takes to pull out strength in your relationship...no matter how much it doesn't seem like that right now at all... definitely talk this through with him some more....but try not to put down what he wants to do...but don't just agree with him either..more so-let him know that you understand, but that you have your own feelngs on the situation as well. keep us posted, i hope all goes well... GOOD LUCK!

It's really neat that you're comfortable with wanting to date someone that is bisexual, for the simple fact that he may want to date men once he's out...and that's something you might want to keep in mind. Once he does come out of the closet, that might change things in the relationship you start now. If I was to give any advice..I'd have to say that maybe right now you should stand by him, and be a friend to fall on....he's in a rough position inside himself, I'm sure....then let things take their course....If not, I hope all goes well..and good luck!

Lol....I was just giving my personal insight....to me...if the man can't keep my attention in the beginning...He's not the one for me....not saying that he can't be the one for the next girl To me..I want someone to catch my eye, someone that makes me light up and say to myself "wow..." The shy ones in the beginning just wont be able to give me that reaction....

You sound like you really have a hold on your thoughts....you honestly do. You know where you are standing atleast, which might be able to direct you in another direction, and see some sort of light. Some sort of depression seems to be in your lifestyle....day in and day out. It might even be something medication can help with. I was recently diagnosed with something called Dethymia....and you know what? Just knowing what I have...has really made me see things more clear. I think it's really helpful for this situation that you haven't thought about turning to drugs nor alcohol, which seems to be a natural thing for people to turn to....so you are definitely a strong person in that feild. I would suggest you talk to someone more eduacated in the feild so you can hopefully get some better tips and help....I wouldn't take it lightly, it really seems that there is a problem that should be taken care of....good luck with everything...*Don't lock yourself away and throw away the key...there's a reason you feel this way...be determined to find out why and live the life you're blessed with once you've reached the point where you're able to :scatter:

All natural...seriously...something lame from a website will definitely not get a girl...lol...I would tend to fall for something cute, something random, and something with humor! Shyness is BORING but so is PHONYNESS....stay away from those two, and you're all good.

I wouldn't say I'm mad at them, but if I came accross them, I wouldn't really be too fond of holding a long convo with them...for the simple fact that we had ended for a reason, and I can't say I ever had a really easy break up. Grudges can't stay around forever or else I don't think I'd ever get a grip of myself and be able to move on....but....it's always deep down in your mind I guess....

I can only imagine how something like this might be, because I can't say I've ever been put in your position. You're parents seem to be understanding, because of how they reacted the first time. Although they didn't let it sink in, doesn't mean they didn't "accept" it. They surely didn't reject what you we're saying in a negative way towards you. It's hard for parents I think because of the hopes of you having a -family- one day.... A traditional family that is. I think you should somehow sit them both down and explain to them that what you had told them a year and a half ago, still holds the same in your mind and heart. I wouldn't advise that you go back into it all over again and hint that they weren't listening, but rather just tell them you still feel that way. They'll know what you're talking about...no matter how much it seems like they have "forgotten" out of denial. I have a feeling everything will go over smooth...and for a little support, you have your brother, since he already knows! So that's a plus! Good luck hun!