theHeat

Sorry, I made a misttake. moderators please remove this thread.

Who knows. The important thing is you're going out. make it a point to do so until you start feeling better. Time alone turns into wasted time when you are in this situation.

I don't think people do this stuff, "to find themselves," per se. They do it to cope with problems they have no solution for. This goes for guys especially. I can't tell you how many times I've sat around, while someone abused, telling his life story. I think, a lot of times, guys don't have this outlet without the assistance of a drug. As for, "finding themselves," I think it's just someway to justify what they've learned from their particular situation. My opinion.

I think i's hard to look atthings objectively when feelings are involved, they just add so many more variables to a problem, it's almost impossible to figure out. But one month into a relationship with someone is no where near the time it takes to figure someone, and all their complexities, out. If you think about it, one month isn't really time to even call it a relationship 'cause you're still feeling each other out. You'll probably be more cautious in the future. As a girl, you can take that use that very effectively. Speaking as a guy who'se had to wait; if a guy really likes you, he'll wait. If he's interested in one thing, he'll move on. It's unfortunate things worked out the way they did, but look at it objectively: It could've lasted at lot longer and hurt even more in the long run. It's a good thing you found out what he was all about a month after you met than a year after you met. Seriously, don't think any less of yourself because of this situation. It happens to the best of us. Going to a party where he may be at? I'm trying myself to figure this one out. But in the very early stages, I made sure I was never put in a situation where she/me could be put into a one on one. For me, the big thing was: don't let them know how you feel. Albeit hard, try your best to act "normal." If you must talk to them, keep the conversation short and sweet; no emotions or silly talk. Don't drink as much alcohol as you normally would. These are just my suggestions that helped me, maybe someone else can offer someting better. Best of luck.

Dude, you're really playing this one out with your A-game so far. Good job. It's hard to come up with a good strategy for talking to an ex you want back. But, "I just found your old CD's," screams she's thinking about you. I mean, c'mon CD's? She's using it as an excuse to get in contact with you, for some reason. More likely than not, she's wondering how you are. I mean, you can't turn off two years committed (or not so much in your case) to person like a lightswitch. It, in all honesty, very well could be residual feelings. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Do you really want to try again with this girl? Is she worth it? You've answered these questions already. if you don't act on what you feel, you'll have regrets in the form of always asking yourself, "what if...." questions. But, prepare for the worst. She wil have something else to say, besides your CD's, I gaurantee it like a used car dealer. Now, remember. You hold all the cards. You didn't cheat on her. You didn't call her when you said you wouldn't. You are in control of this situation. Capitalize on this.

This is the way I look at it: For whatever reason, a relationship ends on less than perfect terms. Person A treats person B like yesterday's garbage. Person B is very hurt and has serious issues with dealing with this loss. I think most of us, on this board, are (or were) Person B. At some point, you bury the feelings of hatred, move on, and whatever. Now this is the point where people completely lose me. They form a friendship with someone who they once trusted, whom betrayed that trust, and probably put you through a living hell in the process. They did things to you that you will never forget. Are these qualities that you want in a friend? Now, I know a lot of it depends on the situation of the breakup. But I know people that've been cheated on (which is the worst, in my opinion), and have been friends with their ex's. This completely confuses me to the point of fustration. Maybe people that feel a relationship ended with no sense of closure feel hurt the most, and that is what motivates the need for a friendship? Is it the fact that you trusted them before, and think you can trust them again? I don't know, and this is what I'm trying to understand.

It's not doing me any good by not letting it go, but it's not really hurting me, either. i've been doing some reading on this board, and it seems like, at some point in time, people start talking to their ex's again for whatever reason. I have friends that still don't talk to their ex's and was curious as to why I never read anything like THAT on here. Are me and my friends some kind of special species? Or are there other mutants like us out there? Why can't I let it go? I'm not sure. I don't think anyone ever forgets when someone does something bad to you. You get over it, eventually. But you never forget that they did that. Not just with relationships, but with anything. If someone kicks you in the crotch for no apparant reason, you're gonna remember that, and probably not stand in front of that person again. Same thing here.

From her actions, it really seems like she doesn't know what she wants. I wouldn't look too deep into whatever reasoning she gives you. As someone else said, she probably doesn't even know why herself. I hope you figured it out, suk. Remember this reasoning next time you start thinking about her again.

Mad was the wrong adjective. Kimmi nailed what I was really trying to ask. It's more about grudges, or the fact that someone else wronged you immensely and you can't just let that go. I'm in this situation two years after this ex. I'm not mad, per say, but can't seem to let go of it. Anyone else in the same boat?

How many of you are still mad at your ex, years after your breakup? Like, if you passed them at the mall or something, would you just walk right past them? Or, if you saw them at a party, and they tried talknig to you, how many of you would just try and keep the conversation short? I'm saying be mean or anything, but just be real short with them?

Sounds like you got her good as she was pouting at the end of the day, rock on! When do you start looking at her as just another person? Is that possible? I'm having the problem with my ex, but it's been going on for a lot longer. I mean, how much time passes before you even start PRETENDING not to care? Sorry, don't mean to hijack the thread

Dude, that is probably the most jacked bunch of people I've ever heard of. You still call these guys your friends? I would get as far away from them as possible. Friends are supposed to be there for you, not kick you when your down. And what's the deal with them just taking her on as a friend??! And they weren't friends before? That's FUBAR. Don't they know what she did to you, or how she made you feel? From where I'm sitting, these guys aren't friends. My ex also started hanging out with my friends once we split. She also didn't want to have very much to do with them while we were dating, kinda like your situation. Some of these "friends" took her in, and started hanging out. What a leech. Needless to say, I don't hang out with those fools anymore. Some of my other FRIENDS, whom I still talk to, blow her off when she tries to get all friendly with them. Friends share your pain, bud. They don't play pranks on stuff like this. I'm not say be cruel to them or her, just be cordial, polite, and extremely short. "Hi, how are you? Good? Me too. Later." I don't know what bothered me more, me missing her, or how my "friends" betrayed me. I'm sure you feel the same way. Getting to this girl: If she told your friend that she doesn't want to get back together with you, then she probably doesn't. I'm not sure what kind of games she's playing, but she's wasting your time. You may think she's playing hard to get, but rational people don't solve problems by breaking up with you and playing games. If she wanted to work thigs out, she would've wanted to sit and talk. Right now, she's just wasting your time. Another thing, don't try to be someone to please her. You said in one of your posts that she wanted someone excited and adventurous? Dude, YOU GO DIVING! How friggin' sweet is that? You don't get much more audacious! Anyway, you said you can get dates, so keep going on them. You'll find someone you like in that mess. Don't answer her calls, you seem pretty tore up about her, so I'd give it some time. The whole No Contact thing. Good luck

suk, The first thing you need to understand is that this healing process is not linear. You may take 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back, but the important thing is to maintain forward progress. It's hard, bro, your situation sounds a lot like mine did. I can tell you this from experience, everytime you see the ex out, pass by the old favorite spots, hear the old song on the radio, whatever...it's like a test. It's friggin hard to deal with, and everytime (especially the first few) it'll seem like you fail it. The good news is, it's the same test everytime. Everytime you take it you get a little better at it. Every additional time you see her, or are in any way reminded of her, it doesn't damage you as much. You're getting stronger with time. It's pretty much, "time heals all wounds" addage. It probably doesn't help much 'cause you feel like crap now, but it is true. You seem to be doing mostly the right things: training, talking to people, going out on dates, ect. Don't stop this. Force yourself to go. I'm not sure what happened btw. you two....Did you guys break up before and then get back together? It seems it's a recurring problem. I'd erase her number, or better yet, change yours. It seems that when she calls, you can't help but to pick up. But if she doesn't have your number, at least the temptation of picknig up the phone will be gone. That's half the battle right there. Then all you have to do is be strong and not call her! Cut her off, bro. You can't convince someone to love you, I don't care what's in those books. The holidays are going to be rough, bud. Being alone for the first time in 3 years is a real shock to the system. Keep up your good habits, drop your bad ones. Don't drink. Drinking + f'ed up emotions = Bad Decisions. I've been there, too. Being a drunken mess in front of her only cements the reasons she doesn't want to be with you, and shows everyone how you deal with your problems. Don't be that guy. I don't know what else to say, man. I'll PM you AIM if you feel like talking. Best of luck

balls out music: Good 'ol Zep, Rage, Rob Zombie, Audioslave, some Hendrix, Manson, Megadeath, Metallica, Hatebreed, Chimara, ect. ect.

Sukerbut, I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I made the mistake of talking to my ex again, i also felt really good immediately afterwards. I would over analyze things and think, "Maybe she does want to get back together." It's simply delusional. A few days later, I would feel like crap, maybe even worse than before. After a few times of this happening, you'll eventually just call it quits yourself, because you realize it really brings you nothing but more problems. I realized that when she called, especially during the holidays 1) She's lonely and needs someone convenient to talk to (this is especially true when she calls, you talk, then you don't get another call for a week or two). 2) She wants to make herself feel better by making sure you guys are "friends" so she won't have to deal with the guilt of how bad she wronged you. 3) She is probably thinking of the holidays she spent with you, meaning she is probably miserable herself. Good. F her misery. Don't give her the satisfaction of talking to her. Especially if you think she's using you as a convenience. The holidays are real bad, bro. Especailly the first one after the breakup. You can get through it. Keep up the work at the gym, and take that hottie out and show her good time!