Lil Punkin

Splendy, keep your chin up. I think this "editor" sounds like a pompous * * * personally. Pointing out a grammatical error to you, was their way of 'putting you in your place" and letting you know Who's Boss......I agree with the other poster. No WONDER you're beating yourself up!! I consider myself a fairly decent writer, maybe not "journalist" caliber, but I think my writing skills are above average. I don't ALWAYS proof read everything I write, because I am usually pretty confident it will come accross fine to the reader. I am also a pretty good speller, so I don't even bother using spell check..LOL......and usually Lo and Behold AFTER I send it..I will find two or three typos....Oooops. Not sure where I am going with this point...I guess I just want you to know you are HUMAN...first ond foremost. To be honest, if that editor had written that resply to ME, I would have had to get a little dig in there with a sarcastic reply......maybe something like "I appreciate you pointing out that grammatical error to me, I didn't realize I was being graded, but thanks anyway". That's just ME though....LOL.

Dogg, You sound better than you did a few weeks ago. Less defensive...but thats a good sign. It means you are gradually accepting that things may not go back to the way they were...and you know what? That is a GOOD thing sometimes. Right now, you don't see that..but you WILL. Give it time!! You were with this girl for THREE years! That's a LONG time...no one expects you to forget her right away. Don't beat yourself up for not getting over it faster. You NEED to grieve this loss. Your heart is an open wound right now and you need to take that time to heal it. Rest it. Don't jump back the dating "pool" again so fast....to prove you are worthy or you can get over her with someone else. All that does is create a whole other set of issues for you..on top of the ones you have. Just be alone for a while....learn what YOU like again. Forget your ex...for NOW. Focus on you. I think the key to putting someone behind you is to allow them in your mind in increments. Allow yourself say...an hour a day to wonder, think, grieve, cry over this person...then force yourself to do somethig else. This gives you permission to remember them...but not obsess over it. The personI am trying to forget about...is almost a lingering memory now. It has taken a good five months..but truthfully I am just emotionally tired of thinking about him. I'm ready to move on ...and you will be too. Just give it time....

Agreeing with Confused here....... Women usually will not give up the security of a "sure thing" (USUALLY) unless there's "security" waiting in the wings. Your best bet is to trust your instincts.

OCD, From this whoe thread you've posted, it sounds like your ex has you right back where you started with her. Square one. She wanted to make sure you weren't going anywhere BEFORE she did. Yeah, she called you over and over again, but so what? She has not said anything definitive about working things out with you. I understand she has a lot going on in her life right now..and not to sound harsh, but BIG DEAL. Those are HER issues. You're not her b/f or her caretaker. She has told you SHE will call you when SHE'S ready. Do you see where I'm going with this?? This is ALL about HER. On HER terms, HER timetable. What about YOUR life OCD?? Dont YOu have important things going on? Is she calling to see aboutYOU? This is a two way street here, and as long as you try to be the "nice guy" all the time, she is going to walk all over you. I think you sound like an awesome guy..but truthfully...too awesome for her. She is NOT respecting you, regardless of whats going on. A woman who loves you and WANTS to be with you would not see these circumstances as obstacles..they would be grateful to have you there holding their hand. That's what caring about someone means. You do what you want to do..but you need to take a LONG HARD look at things here. How long are you willing to wait? What are yu willing to put up with for someone who is just NOT sure about you?? These are things you should be considering...because they affect YOU in the long run. I wish you the best...

Hmmmmm....how long are we talking? Years? Months? Some men end long term things because they simply grow tired of them. When a man loves a woman...the RIGHT woman. commitment doesn't scare him. However..there ARE men who are terrified of marriage.....just the mere word makes them break out in hives. Men can and WILL date or even live with a woman for years..just don't say the "M" word. It somehow conjures up images of shackles and chains for them. I think it just depends on how you approach the "commitment" issue with them.

Hahaha Keefy....I'm buying myself a new rubber ducky to play with...lol

I've been browsing the forum recently and am simply amazed at what I am seeing.... so many posters falling victim to the holiday trap........ The holidays bring out either the best or the worst in people...depending which side of the fence you're on. Those in happy stable relationships are all smiles...skipping down the aisles in the mall, looking for that PERFECT gift for their PERFECT mate ....ok I am being facetious, but you get the point. The other side of the fence is the hearbroken, the rejected and the lonely...looking toward the holidays with heavy hearts, gloom and despair. So they log onto Enotalone...looking for solace and any kind of positive advice that just may bring their lost loves back. It IS Christmas/New Years after all...we are entitled to have them back...right? So we somehow justify in our minds that it is ok to toss caution to the wind..and give up all that hard work, all those months we have tried SO hard to be strong....to contact those who drove us here to begin with. What I am saying here is that using the holidays as an excuse to contact an ex you are trying to get over...is just that...AN EXCUSE. Ok...so you contact them on Xmas...then New Year. Then whats next? The MOST romantic holiday of the year..Valentines Day!!! Oh my..what to do then?? When do the excuses stop? Moving on is hard enough without having Hallmark moments rubbed in our faces. It is up to US to be strong because our ex'es are not going to do it FOR us.... I am just as suceptible to this as anyone else..but I KNOW a times like this it is easy to fall prey to this "excuse trap'...Don't do it! In fact if anything be EXTRA strong because of it....we all need EXTRA support, and EXTRA caring in these times..but we CAN get through it...and with any luck the next holiday will NOT be spent sitting at a monitor, but with someone you love and cherish. Happy Holidays..be strong everyone !

NO HOPE!!! I'm In Florida....where it's WARM!!! (LOL Sorry couln't resist!) I read that this morning...apparently news travels SLOWLY down here!!lol The story is kinda sad thogh isn't it? The person who left the ring must have been either...totally heartless and vindictive....OR completely devastated, to do what they did with that ring!!

LMAO......good idea.....

I read online this story this morning....talk about getting "even"...lol An anonymous gift-giver, apparently depressed over a lost love, left a $15,000 diamond engagement ring in somebody's else's unlocked car in a commuter parking lot. The ring came in a box topped with a white bow and accompanied by a note, which read: "Merry Christmas. Thank you for leaving your car door unlocked. Instead of stealing your car I gave you a present. Hopefully this will land in the hands of someone you love, for my love is gone now. Merry Christmas to you." A 37-year-old Northborough man found the three-diamond, white gold ring on the seat of his car, which he had parked at the MBTA train station in Westborough on Dec. 7, The MetroWest Daily News of Framingham reported Thursday. He called police to report the find four days later, after he had the ring appraised. "This appears to be random, but we don't really know," said police Lt. Paul Donnelly. Police declined to identify the man. A police report said he had decided to keep the ring. Wow....I guess everyone deals with things differently, huh??? LOL

Keefy... She's trying to throw you a "bone" (not THE bone) and see if you're gonna take the bait. Don't do it!!!! You have come way too far with your NC....sounds like what one of the other posters said...she's just out of her comfort zone with you and she feels out of control by not calling the shots. This does NOT mean she wants to get back together!!! It simply means she's trying to get control of those "puppet strings" again and make sure you're still dancing for her. She sounds very selfish....being with someone else, and yet not allowing you to move forward. She knows EXACTLY what she's doing...especially if you have TOLD her where you stand. DO NOT..I REPEAT...DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER!!!! Stay focused..and stay strong with NC!!! It's time to make HER squirm!!!

Capricorn, I like One Sxxy's advice to you. She is right, you ARE much better than this game your ex is playing with you. I know the day to day NC is SOOO hard, but it really WILL get easier. The longer you hold out. Eventually you will see things objectively, and see how he is trying to pull your strings like a puppet. By then you will be strong enough to laugh and feel indifference for him...which is REALLY where you want to be. Hope things work out for you

Hi Journey... She sounds frustrated. Like you should KNOW what's she's thinking and how she's feeling...without her saying a word. Hence her comment "You know how I get". Is that an excuse for her being irritating? No it's not. My suggestion in this case...would be ..next time she calls asking for "help"..and you agree to help her...if she gets like this, just ask her..."what's the problem? Do you want my help or not"? From what you've described, she sounds annoyed that you aren't doing cartwheels at her constant requests for help etc...and truthfully, you giving into her simply because she asks or insists on something probably does NOT help matters. Was this an issue for you guys when you were together? It sounds like she doesn't know her boundaries with you...perhaps you should start setting some. You are not obligated to jump everytime she says "frog"...(this of course excluding your parental duties) and she needs to respect that you have a life outside HER right now. This sounds like a major issue and unless it's addressed and worked through, you guys could have a lot of obstacles.

This question is for Poco...exactly what IS a "Realtionship Coach" and how are they different from a regular counselor? Where do you find one? lol Just curious?

Sazzle. I agree with Bethany...don't call him. Wait a couple weeks (BELIEVE ME I KNOW IT'S HARD!!!) give him some "breathing room". In the meantime.. you might want to read a book called "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray. It is awesome...he goes through all the necessary stages of dating and how to handle situations. This guy is pulling away..and you need to allow him to do that, because if you don't, he may NOT come back. At least if you keep your distance and respect his space he can make the decision to pursue this or not. If he has NOT called you with a few weeks it doesn't mean it's over...I think you could call (preferably when you know he might be out) and leave a very brief message. Nothing heavy..just that you wanted to say hello and you hope he is doing well...leave a call back number. Be poitive..and happy. A guy is NOT going to call you back if you sound mopey and depressed. I hope this helps....and I hope he comes around. Keep us posted!!!