ZoeMatthews

I still find it amazingly cowardly on his part...to tell me that he didn't love me so that he could go and be with someone else. He told me that he just needed some space to think. Think about what? screwing another woman? I still love him, he knew that if he had told me about this relationship, I would have dumped him right there and then, no questions asked. He knows it now. Thats the reason he told me that she just wanted him to do some electrical work in her house...He never ever said that they were friends. and what really pisses me off, is that everyone knew about it on his side of the family!! It totally makes me look like a big fat fool. I still do. Sorry for venting here, but I can't comfront him with this information now. I have noone else to talk to.

Wow, isn't that the truth? Do you think he might be seeing someone else? With my ex (we are back together now and I am dealing with other issues), I found out that he broke up with me because he wanted to date someone else. He started out by being really cold towards me, he would not call me, etc. Finally, when I confronted him, he said he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted some space....it hurt like hell... Take care of yourself...go out with friends for now. Try not to think about this and move on with your life Love Zoe

I posted back in Oct/2005 that my boyfriend of 3 years had broken up with me because he said he needed his space and that he did not love me anymore.... I was totally crushed and of course...I did all the wrong things, until he told me off and I stopped contacting him.... At the end of December of 2005...we were back together. In fact, he even asked me to move in with him. I did. He was being very nice to me and of course I was very suspicious. I was never ever the type of girlfriend who would go through her boyfriend's things...and I never did, but I found things out by accident. I was using his notepad to write some stuff down and I saw a woman's name...he had her cell phone, work phone, and home phone listed. I did not say anything, because I have never wanted to act like the jealous girlfriend nor did it cross my head that he had cheated on me (yes, I am that naive!). Okay....He let me borrow his phone one time because mine had lost its charge. Okay...then I see this woman's name...over and over in his phone.. Fine...I comfronted him about it...He said that she was just a co-worker who asked him to do some electrical work at her house...Mind you, at this point, I was crying because I should have known better than to re-start this relationship. I wanted to literally kick myself. He kept telling me that I was being silly, that she was just a co-worker...blah blah. I believed him, wiped my tears and actually apologized to him!! I also told him that I would never ever bring this up again....and I haven't. Today...almost a year since that incident...I found out again, by accident that he and this woman went out together...right after he broke up with me. I even saw a picture of them together. He and I are still together. When we got back together, he said that he wanted us to get married...like i said, that was almost a year ago...when I asked he said he wasn't ready. He is a nice guyand he treats me well. Its past 3:00 am and I cannot sleep at all thinking about this. He is sleeping like a baby right now....and all want to do is suffocate him with a huge pillow. ](*,) I don't know what to do now with this new information that I found. Should I comfront him? His cousin knew about this...I cannot believe it. I saw his cousin in July and she didn't even remember me? I was shocked. He really did lie to me. He wanted to break up with me because he wanted to date this woman or maybe there were already dating? CRAP!!....but...I guess things did not work out...so he then wants me back in his life and makes promises that he cannot keep. He is a middle aged man, so its not like we are talking about a kid here. I am literally ](*,) my head against the wall and I don't really know what to do. I don't know if they are still in touch...he keeps his user settings on his computer password protected. Thanks for the ear. Z.

I will only tell you this (from experience)...Do what is best for you. Don't do ANYTHING that you think is going to please anybody else...if you, you will never be happy. Good luck.

Success story...My story is kind of a success story... My boyfriend broke up with me on October 31, 2005. Almost a year ago. I was devastated because I thought that he and I would be together forever. I put up with the crazy ex plus a whole bunch of his other issues. Eventually, he decided that he needed his space...of course, I acted stupid and asked the usual questions, is it me? was it because I have gained weight?.. blah blah I tried to keep in contact, but he finally put me in my place by telling me that I was not giving him the space he needed...that hurt, but it finally sunk in. He even said that he did not love me anymore... Fine, I moved on with my life... The Day after Thanksgiving of that same year, I was let go from my job. I was devastated...I was expecting the lay offs because of company downsizing, but it caught me by surprise because the lay off was much too early...financially, I was strapped.... I called him that same day (we had not spoken for 2 weeks)...we had been broken up for almost a month. I explained the situation, asked him if he could help me until I got back on my feet and he said yes. 3 days later...I was over at his house ....when I saw him, I realized then, he had needed me more than I had needed him... One thing led to another and by January we were living together...we have been together ever since. The crazy ex is still in his life via the step child (he has no kids with her but she is raising her daughter's son...and my ex loves the child). He and I still have a lot of issues...and sometimes I wish I had never called him to ask him for help.... Z.

Anna-Marie Please give your boyfriend some space. If he has a heavy work load, then you are just stressing him and I am sure that if he had to choose between spending his time working or being with you, due to the situation, you and I know exactly what he would rather be doing, YES, I mean working! My guy broke up with me because he said he wanted some space. This was back in October of 2005. We did get back together in January of this year. He did say that he needed that time for himself. Just back off, stop interrogating him about his issues. (((HUGS)))) Zoe

Well, in the beginning mine said that he wanted to remain friends but then he got mad at me for calling him and not giving him his "space". So it could be that he needs a break from the relationship, but you should do NC for now....even if he started first...you continue with it ZM

Well, the 2nd week after my ex broke up with me, I started calling him practically every night...I could tell he was annoyed...finally he told me that I was not giving him the space/break that he had asked for...I stopped contact for exactly 10 days.. I ended up calling him because I needed some paperwork...I had just gotten laid off...so I guess it was a good excuse to break NC, I actually had to do it. It was nice to see him and for some reason we ended up having sex...he was lonely and I was lonely according to my notes (yes, I do keep a journal!)...I called him back the next day (Tuesday) to ask him if I could use him as a personal reference...he said okay. I kept the converstation very short.. He called me on Thursday to tell me someone had called him to verify the reference...I said okay...again, the conversation was very short... He has been calling me on and off for the past few days and I don't know if I should tell him to stop calling me or not. He called me yesterday and today... So, I am not hurting as much...and I do miss him, but I don't miss his phone calls... Does NC work..yes...but you have to be strict about it... am I going to tell my ex to stop calling me? I don't know...I am playing it by ear...its nice to hear his voice...but I want to move on... Once I start my new job tomorrow, I guess I will have enough to stress over and I won't think about him as much...lol ZM

(((HUGS))) After a while you are going to realize that you don't miss him as much anymore.. keep doing NC...I used to freak out if my ex and I did not talk on a daily basis. I would check all my emails to see if he had contacted me... Its gets better and better, I can assure you of that...and you are right, you are not doing NC to get him back but to heal... Start doing the things that you put off because you were in a relationship. Go out with friends..go to a book signing...go dancing... It really helps...my ex broke up with me Oct 30th of this year...its been over a month...I still miss being with him, but he was the one who made the choice to break up with me...if he is lonely now (which he admitted to), its on him. I have re-acquainted myself with old friends and I have made new ones! Good luck...him not contacting you is a good thing, its giving you time to take a break from him and to grow stronger emotionally. (((hugs))) ZM

Keefy, she did say that she had not given him any hope re: the relationship. Whatever he is doing, he is doing it to himself...he went to a job interview there without telling her! So its all on him...she has moved on... Maggy, just tell your ex that you have moved on and do not want to start a relationship with anybody at this point in your life...It took you 5 months to heal...now what? you want to go back in time and go through it again? I know that ultimately, its your decision as to what you want to do, but do not seek an apology from him...If he didn't give you one then, he won't give you one now... (((hugs))) ZM

Miracles do happen, but do not count on them! No Contact really works...I broke NC after 10 days with my ex (he dumped me) because I needed his help with some personal issues... He was more than willing to help me after not contacting him...After I talked to him I went back to NC and guess who is calling whom now? He called me yesterday to tell me that his truck was not working, blah blah then he called me this morning to ask me if I was awake..lol... Be ready for the little games he is going play if he contacts you again.. When my ex called me about his truck...he said to me, "oh if you call me later on, leave a message at home, I am on my way out to see a friend". I said okay and did not call him back. I had absolutely nothing to call him back about... NC works...Just try it...its going to hurt like hell for the first 2 weeks, but give yourself time to get adjusted to your new circumstances. ZM

After a break up (doesn't matter if you are the dumper of dumpee) you should be able to take a break from everything and just heal emotionally... Dating is not something that should be done right away... take time for yourself. Go out with your friends...volunteer at the local animal pound..adopt a pet...etc.. go out and take care of YOU. ZM

This is soo not nice. You are basically calling this girl promiscuous...but from what FIsch said, she is not.. She was in a bad place and its not always about sex when it comes to women. She probably did it because she was lonely and wanted companionship... I agree with everyone here who said that whatever she did when they were not together is none of Fisch business...Fine, she lied about being with someone else. Fisch if it bothers you so much, tell her so and go on with your life. the more you dwell on it, the more its going to hurt..Let her go or continue with her, but never bring this issue up again if you decide to stick together (((hugs and good luck)))) ZM

You know Hannibal, your experience for some reason reminds me of my and ex boyfriend of mine...not the current one though This guy had a bestfriend who happened to be a girl...I was never jealous..I was better looking then her even if she was younger...I didn't care and I always felt confident... Then the ex started telling me about how "A" looks better because she lost xx amount of pounds, etc... She was not a very nice person and when she saw that my ex and I were getting serious she decided that she wanted God in her life and started attending church with us...lol...Eventhough my ex had been inviting her for years... We did eventually break up because this girl accused me of not liking her etc. My ex and I parted ways...I could not deal with that "high school" mentality, from him or her... Forward to two years later and I was dating again...my current ex...hmmm... and I saw them in a restaurant eating together...I did not see them actually, they saw me... They came over to say hi and at first I did not recognize them...He was huge and she looked pregnant...I laughed sooo hard that night... My point is that as you get older, you are going to laugh at your life experiences...wait and see What is my point? Things my not work out for you now...I was also looking at your age...do you really want to get serious with someone so young... go out with your friends...Grow as an individual..see what you want from life.. then you will be ready for a nice steady relationship and then when you start dating again...take your time...learn to trust again... Teenage girls don't want to settle, they want to "expand" their experiences, make new friends..to them dating is just a recreational activity... take care of yourself ZM

Start NC ASAP... "not for a while" means what it means, NOT FOR A WHILE! he seems to want sort things out and he needs time... I think I posted kind of like the same question not too long ago..but instead of asking what "not for a while" meant...I posted about the dreaded "I need a break" phrase... Just give him time...I cannot give you a time frame...he might contact you, he might not... Just go on with your life..and enjoy your new pooch!! Go for walks and clear your head...I have started doing that and it has really helped me... Love ZM

Well, don't do it... I have a very strict policy of not dating co-workers...and I have been in the work force since I was 18... She is your immediately supervisor and it could get complicated, eventhough you mentioned that its a pretty relaxed admosphere... Its tempting I know..but not worth it. ZM

Well, if you are pregnant and sad, it could be hormones... but I am glad you moved out. You cannot stay in scuh a bad situation. Not good for you or the baby. Do you have emotional support? Friends? Parents? realize you have done the right thing!! (((hugs)) ZM

Winschica, you are soo right! Your man just wants to show you that he can take care of you. men don't feel like they are truly men if they cannot provide financially for their family. Its typical male behaviour... give him a chance to get his crap together...and don't get angry..this might be the break that you both needed to cement the relationship. ZM

well, my brother is 35 and his hair is sooo black..no gray hair yet ...I am 33 about to be 34 and I don't have any yet...my mother went gray in her mid 20's. I don't know when its going to happen to me, but I am soooo not looking forward to it.. ZM

You guys are soooo right...for now, I will take what I have and keep it... I know he doesn't care about me anymore...he doesn't care emotionally about me anymore.. When we talked, I knew that he still felt the same...before either of us initiated anything... I will probably suffer later like you guys mentioned, but at least I will know for sure that there is no chance in hell that we are going back together. ZM

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Well, congratulations, you have been deflowered!! I was a very late bloomer and what really helped me with my first experience was the fact that I was with an older guy and he really knew what he was doing.... The first time, it hurt like hell and I did not like the experience..but after the 2nd time...I enjoyed it more and I wanted to do it everyday! So it happens, you do want it afterwards... ZM

Shadows--- I didn't like my ex performing oral on me! In the beginning he wanted to...and I let him...He really pleased me and left me panting and just exhausted!! But for some reason..after while, I did not enjoy it anymore...it was freaky... I had to tell him...But I made it up to him by sucking his *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*!! ZM

charlotte, please don't take any comments the wrong way...you never mentioned that in your original post...you just mentioned that you and him had broken up... If you are happy with the person you are with right now...there is no need for your ex to be involved in your life....Just send him a very nice message like it was mentioned...tell him that you do not feel like being friends is a good idea and that you have moved on and to PLEASE not to contact you anymore. (((hugs))) Z.

Oh my goodness, this is soooo wrong! Okay, from personal experience, I feel that this guy still has feelings for his ex. My ex got mad at me once because I was on the phone with my best friend who happened to be a guy..He was mad because I wanted to have a private converstation him.... But then, when HIS ex called, asking him for money and some other sh**, he would never talk infront of me!! What's my point...okay fine, he might be a nice guy, but its suspicious... why is he jumping everytime his ex needs something... Be careful..I was the re-bound girlfriend in my last relationship...and after 2.5 years he realized that he wanted to take a break...if he had only listened to me!! LOL