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ZoeMatthews

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  1. ZoeMatthews
    Welcome aboard Audrey First let me just say that things are going to get better, I know it doesn't look like it now, but it will. You do have to grieve though. If you feel like crying over the relationship, go ahead and do so. Its okay to feel sad, but remember that there are other things in your life to keep you busy. Start exercising, start a new hobby...reconnect with old friends/make new ones. I know you mentioned that this was an unhealthy abusive relationship...this break up looks like its going to be a good thing for you... Keep the No Contact rule with your ex for now...heal yourself ... (((hugs)))) z.
  2. ZoeMatthews
    You can also kill love in a relationship. My boyfriend broke up with me, then a couple of months later we got back together...we live together now...when he broke up with me, he broke my heart..it hurt soooo badly. I was still hurt when we got back together...but then I found out the reason why he had broken up with me (after being together for 2.5 years). He wanted to date another woman...(they were probably already seeing each other before he broke up with me...so he was actually cheating) I found this out after I had moved in with him. I love the fact that he takes care of me...I think he is trying to make up for a lot of things...but all that love that I felt for him before he broke up with me is totally gone. It died the day I found out that he had cheated on me and now...I am trying to figure out how to break up with him...what a mess... Z.
  3. ZoeMatthews
  4. ZoeMatthews
    What has been your worst mistake so far? Cotacting him -What were the consequences? How did it affect you? What did you lose? We reconciled, I was happy in the beginning, but then I found out that the reason he had broken up with me in the first place was because he wanted to date some other woman he had met at workWhat did I lose? Well, my self respect for going back, knowing full well that he had told me many times that he did not love me anymore (at that time I did not know that he was seeing someone else).... -What did you learn from it? That I was hasty in my decisions and I did not think things through. -If you could go back in time and give yourself advice, what would it be? That I could make it on my own and that things would be okay after I got laid off, how I did not need his help. That he needed me more than I needed him...That he would eventually realize that he was lucky to have had me in his life and that eventually, if I had not contacted him that he would crawl back begging me to go back with him... But I would tell myself to dispose of him and that I would be okay.
  5. ZoeMatthews
    I do recommend that you go ahead and grieve...if you feel like crying, cry...and if you feel like screaming your head off, go ahead...you cannot push these feelings aside because they are going to come back with a vengeance! (((HUGE HUGS))) Give it time and things will get better. Z.
  6. ZoeMatthews
    I was cheated on and what the idiot realized was that the grass was already greener with me...now, he will not admit to cheating...he said he never f**** her...uh-huh...he came back to me, but we have very serious communication issues...we need to work on that.. It just threw a wrench in the relationship and he wants to salvage whats left.. he is being extra nice...ha ha...we'll see if it lasts
  7. ZoeMatthews
    Well, did you break it off with Mr. Mooch? I totally agreed with everyone here... My ex boyfriend used to asked me out and I used to foot the bill... Well, good luck with whatever you did! Z.
  8. ZoeMatthews
    Hey girlie... I wanted to give you some information, but its kind of personal... I went to your profile and you do not accept emails.. email me, I can give you a great place where you can go, Okay? My name is Zoe Matthews My email address is: email removed Contact me asap. (((((((HUGS))))
  9. ZoeMatthews
    that is very sweet...make sure you do your own cooking though...I had an ex boyfriend invite me to his place for dinner and all he did was take out the boxes of chinese food from a bag and re-heat them...haha Good Luck!! Your girl will love it. Z.
  10. ZoeMatthews
    Okay, is your head clear? Since you want her back, make sure that your first conversation is not about the relationship...Keep it light...its going to be difficult, but you can do this. You have to make it seem like you don't need her...I know its going to be hard. Good luck!! Zoe
  11. ZoeMatthews
    Sam, please take it slow..very slow. Keep your conversations sweet and short... (((GOOD LUCK))) Z.
  12. ZoeMatthews
    Dear Confused... Well, I have been there and I can assure you its going to get better. You are doing the right thing by slowly removing him from your life. He is very young (22 you said) and probably wants his freedom and probably feels like he does not want to be tied down. He also probably wants to date some more. This will pass... He just said this to make you feel better. Well, I have told my story many times, but one more time won't hurt. My boyfriend broke up with me Oct/2005 citing the excuse that he wanted some space...I was heartbroken and I made all the stupid mistakes all broken hearted fools make. I called him, I wanted to be with him, etc. Finally, he he told me off and was very cruel to me. I stopped calling him... The last week of Nov./2005 I called him because I needed financial help, I had just been laid off. He helped me out and he started talking to me, we even started a physical relationship again. Jan/2006 he asked me to move in with him, which I did. Sept/2006, I found out that during the time that he had wanted "his space" and had told me off because I wasn't giving him any, he went out with another woman. I think they started this relationship before he broke up with me in Oct/2005. I know they were still together part of Dec/2005 because I found a xmas gift for her from my boyfriend's cousin. So from what I can gather, he cheated on me from Sept./2005 to Dec.2005. I broke into his email and I confirmed my suspicions...I have been heartbroken that he cheated on me. When confronted, he denied everything...I could not bring myself to tell him that he was a cheater and that i had read the emails. Anyway, from the time we got back together to now..(I am still trying to leave him, but at the moment its complicated) I have met some wonderful available guys that I could have dated if I had not gotten back together with him! I kick myself many times a day now for being weak and going back with him... I don't cheat, so I will not even show slightest interest in anybody while I am still with him... I am sooo sorry for going off topic...but my POINT IS THIS: He is not the only man in the world! I can assure you of this;...you had a life before him and you will HAVE a life after him...Give yourself time to heal... Meditate, exercise, go for a walk, etc...keep yourself busy... If I had not been so blinded by my love for my boyfriend, I know for a fact that I would not be so stressed and angry now for what he did to me. Anyway, good luck Love Z.
  13. ZoeMatthews
    I totally agree with this statement. Don't jump from one relatioship to another . GIve yourself time to heal from the break up of your marriage, even if you feel you don't need to, to get with your GF. She is very smart in my opinion. If you are really serious about a relationship with her..you will do what is right. Z.
  14. ZoeMatthews
    It makes no sense! Why break up with someone and cry over it? YOu either love them or you don't...or have you realized that what you did was a truly big mistake? Z.
  15. ZoeMatthews
    YOu did great!! Keep up the good work!! They always think that grass is greener....but sooner or later they find out that they were wrong... Keep up the great work and go on with your life. Z.
  16. ZoeMatthews
    Oh my goodness, this sounds sooo much like my experience! I was in your position...@ 25 she wants to explore her options. There might be someone else involved, but I am sure she won't admit to it. My boyfriend never told me and he hasn't so far....I don't know how to tell him that I know... Anyway, back to your problem. Like it was suggested...please, no more pleading, begging whatever...treat it as the end of the relationship. If she answers your letter...fine, don't contact her at all and keep to your 4 weeks of no contact. You are going to be such a strong person after all this. I know it doesn't feel like it now...but it will... Hugs and good luck Zoe
  17. ZoeMatthews
    A good friend of mine confided to me that she was having marital problems... but before she jumped in the sack with a co-worker she lusted over, she quit her job before she did anything stupid. She put her husband and her child before herself. She could have had this affair and her husband would have never found out, but she would have known and I am sure she would have felt guilty for the rest of her life. How about this? Think about your husband, think about the years you have been together with him...and how it can all go away if you do not stop actions you have already put in motion. Think with your brain not your crotch!! I have been in that situation...I have lusted after guys...but when you start thinking of your husband and your boss' wife and his kids...everything will be put into perspective. I have been cheated on and its not a very nice feeling...but I was not married to this man nor do we have kids...but it still hurts... Think before you ACT!! Zoe
  18. ZoeMatthews

    Tired

    ZoeMatthews replied to lilgizmo's topic in Infidelity

    He doesn't respect you babes, and if you keep taking him back he never will. I had a boyfriend who kept using me as a door mat...and I let him. I stopped it by cutting him out of my life forever. Haven't contacted or seen him in over 3 years. Take the right steps, you will feel better. Z.
  19. ZoeMatthews
    Dilmi, get as far as possible from this situation. I think you know what you need to do. You are going to miss him because you were together for such a long time, but all this pain is sooooo not worth it. You have learned an extremely important life lesson. Never ever ever put your self in a situation where you are the "other woman". Love Z.
  20. ZoeMatthews
    Thank you both for your responses. Ilse- I don’t know if he slept with this woman or not. He probably did though. I read some of the emails they exchanged…and this all started while he and I were still seeing each other. To me cheating is starting a relationship with someone while you are still with your current partner. He broke up with me so that he could continue seeing this woman without feeling guilty. I saw her picture and she looks to be in her late 40’s. My boyfriend was 49 at the time. They never lived together. But I know that she was one of his co-workers. I am sure she knew that he was seeing someone, but he probably lied and said he and I had broken up. Then, all of a sudden, she is gone from the picture (this is late December 2005 when and he I started working things out!). But like I said, I found out about a week ago, that she is no longer working for that company in that particular city, she is currently working for the same com. in another city. Make sense? I don’t know when this transfer happened… But when I confronted him about it, in January 2006 he denied everything. I was gullible enough to believe him and like I mentioned in my previous post, I never mentioned her name again. Seventh, I went through a lot of hurt when he broke up with me. He did not do things right and he kept telling me that he didn’t love me. He just grew very cold towards me, that’s it. He never mentioned anything. I kept noticing something was wrong. I was the one who called and asked him what was wrong…that’s when he broke up with me.
  21. ZoeMatthews
    Well, I posted this problem somewhere else and I didn't get a response so now, I am here. My current boyfriend cheated on me about a year ago. He broke up with me on October 30, 2005. He told that he didn't love me anymore and that his feelings for me had changed….you know the story. When he and I got back together in January 2006, he asked me to move in with him, which I did. I suspected that he had cheated on me. I found another woman's numbers (cell, home, work) and even her name….all over the place. I did not ransack his house or anything. He is not good at hiding things. I asked him about it and he said that this was a co-worker he had done some electrical work for. I was sooo upset. I cried and he said that he had not cheated on me. I apologized to him and I never mentioned this incident again. This is what I found out a week ago, quite by accident by the way. Before he broke up with me, he had started talking/seeing this woman. He and I were not living together at that point. Of course, I acted stupid; we had been together for more than 2 years almost 3. He told me off in early November 2005 because he said I called him too often and that I was not giving him enough space. I stopped contacting him. I guess he wanted more time to date this woman. I now know that he and this woman kept in touch through Oct/Nov and maybe part of December of 2005. January 2006, we reconciled, he asked me to move in with him and I did. I also know that this woman moved out of town. The company that she worked for transferred her I think. Again, this is from what I put together. If she had not moved, would he still be with her? If I had known this, I would have never gotten back with him. I had done NC (no contact) and I was doing better, getting stronger. I know that in the past, I had told him that if he ever cheated on me that I would leave him. No questions asked. Should I confront him with this information? We have a good relationship now, but to have hurt me like that just because he wanted to cheat on me? I just started a new job close to our home and if I moved back to my house, my commute would be very long. I have a lot of things to consider and I am strongly leaning towards leaving him. I don't know how to tell him though. He has been very good to me since January. I don't know if that is his way of apologizing for what he did…but I know for a fact, that if he were to tell me he cheated on me, I would be out the door. THAnks in advance for all the responses.
  22. ZoeMatthews
    Tell your mutual friend that unfortunately, you have other plans for that night. If you are not ready to see your ex, why should you? You don't have to spill your personal life to anyone, unless your mutual friend wants an explanation, but I think you having plans that day will do. When I broke up with my first long term boyfriend, I told him that even if he saw me out and about to not talk to me...that fixed that and we haven't spoken in over 3 years. Good luck. Z.
  23. ZoeMatthews
    PLC, he is just playing with you...I am glad you can move on. But by some cosmic event which destorts reality as we see it, you decide to get back together, tell him you want him tested for STDs. keep up the good work.
  24. ZoeMatthews
    No, don't call him at work....Wait until after hours. Tell him how you feel then. z.
  25. ZoeMatthews
    Since you were not married and you paid all the bills, then you might be able to get the house back in your name...talk to a lawyer asap First off, please please stay away from her. She seems to be on a path of self destruction.... One thing I wanted to suggest to you, since you mentioned that everything in the house reminds you of her (in fact, you said you still have a few of her possessions in your house), well, pack up all of her stuff in garbage bags or boxes, whichever works better for you. Put that stuff in your garage or storage room. You should give yourself little projects like, painting the bedroom...change the furniture around...in other words...do things that make you happy. You are not living to make her happy anymore...make yourself happy. I think that once you change things around, you are going to feel better about your surroundings. Good Luck!! We are here for you. Z.
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