vulnerable

That is sooo right... I am remaining strong with my decision...NC is the best way to gain control of my life. I Thank You for your advice... At times, I get so vulnerable missing him and all but in the end all it comes down to is he is just never going to change, no matter what.. he even said that himself so I know that my decision is for the good of me and my unborn child. God will help me get through this.. I am sure....... thank you for all of your support!!!

Yes, I completely agree with you. I know deep down that I did the right thing. I just hope and pray every day to continue to be strong...He left me more bad memories than good. I have given him so many chances to correct his faults and he continued to take that from granted. There's really nothing else for me to do but to move forward without him in my life. I shouldn't feel guilty of blocking his emails and numbers.. I honestly think it is the best thing to do in order for me to put every thing behind...thank you again.....

Thank you kindly for your response, yes last night I have made it very clear to him, that I have no intentions of keeping the baby from him, but since he no longer wanted to be in this relationship I have decided it is best for me to do NC. Last night he drilled me with "I think it is unfair, I just asked for a week off, some time to re-evaluate our situation"… well, in the past, he would used to say this and I was fine with it and sadly, little did I know, he was cheating on me… and yes I took him back, that is why now, esp. with my pregnancy, he gave me that same speech over and over and over again, the last time I got fed up and decided that it is best to separte for good and when the baby is born, I will get in touch with him to see the baby… I think that's just fair… right???

Hi every one! Here I am again… sorry I just really need to vent right now. Short recap of my story… left him because of his infidelity, abused (verbal and physical) , and recently... the last draw that completely drove me away… the ummm..."I need the time speech knowing that I am pregnant… sigh L …….. Anyway, I am getting stronger every day, doing NC helps a lot, but last night to my surprise, I found him in his car outside my house waiting for me… I said " what??? you're stalking me now??" … Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is true that 95% of the time, the other party will try to break the NC and I must say I am not happy that he did that because I am moving on just fine. But in a way it makes me think Am I being mean to do NC knowing that he is trying to be a part of this pregnancy? But see, the thing is, he didn't want to work things out anymore, so for the best of both esp. the baby, I left without any word but a letter saying that it is best that we have very little contact as possible so that we can both move on with our lives since that's what he wanted in the first place. And then last night, he gave me another speech " no I love you, I want to be a part of this, please stop torturing me…blah blah blah…" oh my goodness!! I am torturing him now??? I don't know… I thought that I am doing the right thing… I blocked his number and emails because really, it hurts that we ended our relationship during this pregnancy, and really… I'd rather not know whether he calls me or not…by being completely apart from him … then he begs me… "Baby this… Baby that…"… Today I shut every thing off again, I cannot do this… do you guys think I am being mean?? He said that it's another way of me trying to manipulate him… IN WHAT WAY??? When I am out of his life!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!! All I know is, I'll continue moving on… As much as I love him I have to let it go or I'll only continue to live miserably and I cannot do that esp. with my current condition… Please somebody say that I am doing the right thing… I know that he has every right to this baby, but I tried soooo damn hard to work things out with him… I even moved in with him knowing that he has all these issues… and he just threw it all away… and now I am mean?? And manipulative?? And torturing him??? How is that possible, I have been nothing but a good woman to him, he wanted time, I am giving it to him and now I am mean??? … Please advice?? Anyone?? Any thing you'd like to say will help a lot… A WHOLE LOT!!!!!!!! Thanks again!!!

Thank you all for your support... I am slowly facing this ever changing life of mine alone, I still think that I did the right thing and although I still ask my self the "what if's" I know in my heart that I did the right thing. Thank you for your comment relationship coach... he was abusive with me and chances are he will be until the end... so it is good that I walked away now. I will be alright in God's hands and support from my family and friends and the folks on this site whose been a great support for me these days... Thank you again and again!!!! Much love to all!

Please post any words of encouragement...I am extremely sad at the moment... I feel like the clouds just fell from the sky... why is this?? I don't know what to do... please advise..............

yes I will be staying at a friends house over the weekend and plan to move in with my other girlfriend in January but throughout Dec...I'll have to just stay at a friends until I am settled again. It just makes me really really sad to think about him turning his back on me after every thing that happened. Thank you for your response...every bit helps me..I sure hope that I did the right thing knowing that he has been so distant these past weeks making both of our lives so miserable and now that I am gone, I still eeel miserable but just stay optimistic and keep my head up..hopefully something good is in store for me and the baby. I hate that I am feeling so down...thoughts running through my head... good and bad...mixed emotions to say...oh how I hate to go through this emotions now... God help me...

Warm greetings to all! here I am again... for those of you who doesn't know my story...bf cheated...lied...verbal and physical abuse...you name it, yes I was stupid enough to put up with all that. But not this time. I am finally all MOVED OUT! Yes I am.. it was very hard but I have decided that it is the best thing to do for my pregnant self... Hopefully you guys can give me advice as to why I am feeling so down this morning I woke ... no tears, thank GOD! but it feels like something inside of me died... I mean I guess this is normal??? I know that deep down inside I did the right thing...he kept on giving me the "I need time"...blah blah speech. After every thing that we went through and now the pregnancy.. he gave me that speech... I thought I'll never be able to move out, but I did and I am glad that I did, but I am sooo super sad, I can't even describe how I feel. Please any words of advice, encouragement will help me get through this rough time. I really appreciate any comments or thoughts you might have. Please? Thanks again for listening.......

You're absoloutely right Thanks for your advice. I have arranged to move out this evening ...Please pm me at anytime... any support is greatly appreciated...

I have been thinking alot about that... the only way this will work if he snaps out of his unacceptable behavior but only him can change him. Not me, every time I am packing to leave for good, he starts begging me and telling me that I WILL BREAK HIS HEART SO MUCH for not letting him be a part of this pregnancy. He says that we will work things out, but you see I am hurting too and for me to have put up with so much in the past, I have no room left to deal with anything else but to try and stay healthy and happy to get through this. I love him too and I swear I don't have the heart to break his heart. Am I being selfish if I walk away now? I demand NO CONTACT FROM HIM UNTIL after the baby is born. I just don't want anymore drama. He doesn't want me anymore then let me go than make us both miserable, right?

Hi to you all. I am in need of help again, yes for those of you who have read my previous posts... I have been with this guy for three long years and things are getting worse and worse again. To sum up a long story, you name it, he has done it – from lying to cheating to violence… and yes I am still living with him. I would have walked away a lot sooner but I am now pregnant with his child and I don't know what to do anymore. He has completely changed and I feel so unwanted around him. Every time we have a talk, I have not failed on telling him that it is best that I just leave because of the stress that I am in putting up with his behavior. Yes, call me stupid, but I love him a lot, I do but I feel that I have lost every bit of patience I have always had. I know that I just need to walk away, but every time that I do, he begs me to stay for the baby. I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried my very best to stay and try to work things out but he is just a difficult person to get along with. Not only that the love is gone on his side, he also does not want to make love to me any more. I asked him why he stopped wanting me, he said that he just has a lot of things on his mind. So I said, we need a break … I mean a loonng break so that I can take care of my self and the baby (I am only 4 weeks). I know this may sound crazy, although I am ready to leave him at anytime, part of me is crying inside that we cannot work things out esp. now that we are going to be parents. I am also having a hard time letting go. But I came to this site, hoping to get more encouragement and advice. Please help me, I am hurting and I shouldn't because of my condition. I love him with all my heart but if he no longer wants me then I must leave, but he continues to tell me that he never said that he doesn't want me, he just needs time to recuperate from every thing that happened in the past and that I should stay so we can work things out but I feel that I am the only one trying. I can't do this anymore… please advise…

Thank you so much for your input... every input helps... I have been so stressed over this relationship and I feel that in the end I am the one who is suffering... I hope you all conitinue to reach for your goals as you have all just made me open my eyes and motivation as well. Thank you again. I don't want to make the same mistake... I will fight this battle in my head...

thank you for your input, every bit of advice helps... I hope to feel better...I feel so weak...

I can completely relate to you, so my only advice is to follow your intuitions and remember that once a cheater always a cheater. Not that I am saying he did, assuming that he did, there's a great chance that he will do it again. I have been there and still going through it and this big part of me wants to stay with him. I just wrote what I have done today, after no contact for just a few days, I gave up and phoned him telling him how much I miss him. NO! Please don't make the same mistake I did. Give it sometime, this is easy for me to say when this is what I should have done from the beginning. I was weak and while you are strong, don't let it get to a point where you will regret staying with him only to find out worst things. If it is meant to be, it will be no matter what happens. Don't let the turmoil ruined you as I did it to my self. I wish I was strong enough to walk away then I wouldn't be where I am at now. I wouldn't be this miserable, so when you know deep down inside there is something wrong,,, be strong to walk away now or it will just get worse… time will heal every thing…

Hi it's me again, I am completely feeling HORRIBLE at the moment… I feel as if it's the end of the world. I have training this afternoon and I cancelled because I feel so lost. Sorry to vent here again, but to recap my story, bf cheated, took him back, did it again, argued A LOT so ended things and tried no contact for a few days and BAM! After 5 days of no contact here I am crying about what I should never have done this morning. …It hit me... he is gone... so STUPID of me – I called and left him a message to get in contact with me that I hope it isn't too late... HOW THE HELL IN THE WORLD DID I SAY ALL THAT WHEN I DIDN'T DO ANY THING WRONG IN THIS RELATIONSHIP... I AM STILL SHOCKED THAT I JUST TURNED OFF MY WORK PHONE AND LEFT MY MOBILE IN THE CAR BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I DID ALL THAT. Would you believe that I even told him that I miss him terribly? And that I wish we can bury the past and pick up from here and give it another chance... OMG!!! I AM THE STUPIDEST WOMAN EVER BORN IN THIS UNIVERSE! MY GOSH!!! I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!... Please help me. I don't know why I did what I did... I cannot understand my self any more.. Am I going crazy?? What is going on with me…Am I this weak??? I thought I was doing great but after crying for two days I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't help it so I phoned him and that should never have happened... I am beginning to hate my self because now I am hoping to get a response from him… he emailed me a couple of days ago telling me he misses me and that he loves me very much after reevaluating for a couple of days, I have decided to call him.. I shouldn't have, huh? OMG... I have just set my self up for yet another crazy days when I should have been just working towards rebuilding my self... what a mess I have made again today... What do I do now?? Please advise… I am losing it.. Please???