sandbox2832

He told me this tonight in response to question "can we still be friends? I knew he was T'd off yet didn't rea;lize it was this bad. What does it mean? My biker BF broke up with me permanently this time. It had something to do with the stray dog coming to my house and his promise to help me with the dog and his other girl friend Judy from nebraska who was coming to see him over Turkey weekend. I wasn't pleased with it yet I was willing to put up with him. I posted last year under the no contact site forum. Anyway, patience is not good with me. I called him Tuesday night to remind him about his promise to fix the fence so the dog could not get out as Judy was coming in that night and he had wanted to dothat before she got here. I sent him an email on Wednesday night telling him off I thought in a nice way. Judy left Sunday night for home. I called him tonight and he responded in an irritated voice "what do you need?" I made nice comment about if his holiday had gone good in so many words. Then I asked him "IF WE COULD STILL BE FRIENDS?" TO which he replied "NOT FOR A WHILE". It wasn't just an angry tone--It's hard to describe it. It tells me he will not fulfill his promises to help out with the dog as he had indicated if I took the dog in and his other promises he made on some other things. dOES THIS MEAN A FEW MONTHS, SEVERAL YEARS, OR FOREVER? i KNOW THE bf-gf RELATIONSHIP IS NO LONGER POSSIBLE. wHAT KIND OF FRIENDSHIP COULD BE REBUILT AND HOW MUCH TIME OF NO CONTACT WOULD BE REQUIRED FOR HIM TO BE ACCEPTING OF ANY KIND OF FRIENDSHIP AT ALL? I go on bike rides and I will see him on occasion. Right now its cold and I'm not riding much. In the spring if I work my part time job I won't be riding much and can use that as an excuse. I've dated this guy off and off since October 2000. We have broken up and regot back together several times yet this appears to be permanent. I'm rambling here. I'm still in a little shock though I might appear to have it all together, I don't. NOT FOR A WHILE--from a guy's point of view, what is he really saying to me. Could he be interested in any type of casual/aquaintance type contact given enough NO CONTACT or am I just sunk for ever? I feel like I lost a very good friend because I was stupid and impatient. I had a pity party last night and told my cats all my woes and then felt stronger and got myself together and took the dog out for her daily walk. I probably should give up the dog as it is costing me money yet right now with the dog being abandoned as she was and finding my yard as a refuge, and me being abandoned, if I give up the dog now, I would be giving up on me. He had told me that he wouldl take the dog initially then backed out of it the next day and told me that I would be better with the dog than him yet did not give any explanation for it. I'm mostly a cat person yet i do like dogs. Anyway, I'm rambling again. What does "not for a whlie" mean from a guy's perspective? Any responses would be appreciated.-amy

beec, I'm not back to square one. I'm not sure how I stand at the moment. Sunday afternoon I was procrastinating leaving to do data entry. The phone rings and it was my Ex. The Ex asked if I would be around this weekend as Scary needed a babysitter. I agreed. I went over shortly for the keys, spoke to him for a little while. In general talking I brought up about the broken ceiling fan pull switch and that I had it on a list of repairs for Handman Connection to do for $60-70 at some point. My Ex makes a comment about he could do that also. I brought up a point that i had thought that was one of the reasons why he had broken up due to feeling of being used. My Ex didn't agree with that yet said as much that he had been a bit messed up back then. i believe we kinda made up. i am still going to treat him with NC rule unless he makes the first move to be on the safe side. If there is a slightest possible chance of going back together I want to not make the same mistakes that I did before, at least the ones I kinda guess I messed up on. I told him that I would have the Handyman Connection make the repair not him so that is cleared up. I wanted him to know that I'd rather have him as a friend or a boyfriend and not my repairman. I hope he got the message on this. My cats have benefitted from having me around here more. I neglected them somewhat before and I don't want to do that again. Whatever happens, I plan to be careful with how I feel about my EX and not get too involved. One chance talk/encounter does not a couple make. i believe it could be a new start possibly. I found out that my Ex had been sick for over 2 weeks, and was even off from his regular job for about a week as well. Oh, and my Ex mentioned on his own about Rita kinda messing it up with mentioning that he had gone dancing. I did overreact to that remark when i ultimately called him that day. I probably should DTR (definethe relationship) this yet I don't care too. i would like to think that since time has gone by and NC rule by me despite my not wanting to follow it, that my Ex has had some time to think things over and his request to babysit Scary and visit and talk like old times--that my Ex is maybe a bit regretful about what happened and not real sure how to say he was sorry. I may be very wrong here. Yet by his body language from the time I was at his house, his body language was very positive toward me. So I am hoping that in the future that maybe we can start somewhat anew. Going over for the keys and accepting the babysitting job may be in error but it is already done. To keep me from getting out of control though i will strive to follow the NC rule and seldom call and maybe see him on occasional bike rides and if all i can do is see him once every three months or just once a month if that, I would rather have that than nothing at all. We are not a couple so he is free and one day he find someone else and only by following the NC rule will that let me accept that ultimately. I know that I'm playing with fire here. I just can't not see him right now. My Ex hurt me a bunch yet part of that was due to me letting a case of limerence get me good. Personally i still feel that he is the best and only person for me right now if i have to supposed to have a boyfriend. Yet even if couples are married they can have disputes that seem unresolvable yet over time can be resolved, under right circumstances. I guess that i am searching for my own justification to have tried for successful recontact with my former EX. If I did make a wrong decision here, I will follow the NC rule strictly and have no more contact at all. My Ex, after a few days of thinking about Sunday's meeting at his house, may reconsider stuff also. I did promise the Ex that I wouldnn't watch TV or the VCR and that I would just come in and feed Scary and pet him and then leave. I do hope that you'll wish me luck here. It is something that i have to least try. I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has tried to go back with a former EX or made efforts to rekindle a hurt relationship. I'm rambling. I will leave now. If he had already found another girl, he wouldn't have let me comeover to talk and ultimate cuddle.

beec, I'm not back to square one. I'm not sure how I stand at the moment. Sunday afternoon I was procrastinating leaving to do data entry. The phone rings and it was my Ex. The Ex asked if I would be around this weekend as Scary needed a babysitter. I agreed. I went over shortly for the keys, spoke to him for a little while. In general talking I brought up about the broken ceiling fan pull switch and that I had it on a list of repairs for Handman Connection to do for $60-70 at some point. My Ex makes a comment about he could do that also. I brought up a point that i had thought that was one of the reasons why he had broken up due to feeling of being used. My Ex didn't agree with that yet said as much that he had been a bit messed up back then. i believe we kinda made up. i am still going to treat him with NC rule unless he makes the first move to be on the safe side. If there is a slightest possible chance of going back together I want to not make the same mistakes that I did before, at least the ones I kinda guess I messed up on. I told him that I would have the Handyman Connection make the repair not him so that is cleared up. I wanted him to know that I'd rather have him as a friend or a boyfriend and not my repairman. I hope he got the message on this. My cats have benefitted from having me around here more. I neglected them somewhat before and I don't want to do that again. Whatever happens, I plan to be careful with how I feel about my EX and not get too involved. One chance talk/encounter does not a couple make. i believe it could be a new start possibly. I found out that my Ex had been sick for over 2 weeks, and was even off from his regular job for about a week as well. Oh, and my Ex mentioned on his own about Rita kinda messing it up with mentioning that he had gone dancing. I did overreact to that remark when i ultimately called him that day. I probably should DTR (definethe relationship) this yet I don't care too. i would like to think that since time has gone by and NC rule by me despite my not wanting to follow it, that my Ex has had some time to think things over and his request to babysit Scary and visit and talk like old times--that my Ex is maybe a bit regretful about what happened and not real sure how to say he was sorry. I may be very wrong here. Yet by his body language from the time I was at his house, his body language was very positive toward me. So I am hoping that in the future that maybe we can start somewhat anew. Going over for the keys and accepting the babysitting job may be in error but it is already done. To keep me from getting out of control though i will strive to follow the NC rule and seldom call and maybe see him on occasional bike rides and if all i can do is see him once every three months or just once a month if that, I would rather have that than nothing at all. We are not a couple so he is free and one day he find someone else and only by following the NC rule will that let me accept that ultimately. I know that I'm playing with fire here. I just can't not see him right now. My Ex hurt me a bunch yet part of that was due to me letting a case of limerence get me good. Personally i still feel that he is the best and only person for me right now if i have to supposed to have a boyfriend. Yet even if couples are married they can have disputes that seem unresolvable yet over time can be resolved, under right circumstances. I guess that i am searching for my own justification to have tried for successful recontact with my former EX. If I did make a wrong decision here, I will follow the NC rule strictly and have no more contact at all. My Ex, after a few days of thinking about Sunday's meeting at his house, may reconsider stuff also. I did promise the Ex that I wouldnn't watch TV or the VCR and that I would just come in and feed Scary and pet him and then leave. I do hope that you'll wish me luck here. It is something that i have to least try. I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has tried to go back with a former EX or made efforts to rekindle a hurt relationship. I'm rambling. I will leave now. If he had already found another girl, he wouldn't have let me comeover to talk and ultimate cuddle.

scout, I finally did it--the 830 ride. Yesterday I had gone on an outoftown bike ride and hadn't unloaded the bike yet. All I had to do to get ready was basically put on a shirt and shorts. I made it to the ride, the fast group was almost ready to leave yet there were a few stragglers getting ready which was part of the slow group. I rode with the slow group to the coffee place. Rather than take the slow group back to the parking lot I opted to ride with another girl without realizing that my Ex was going in the slow-fast group. Normally he rides in the fast-fast group. Today my Ex rode in the slow-fast group (15-16 mph). I managed to keep up and on the last rest stop at a gas station I told Sam, the ride leader that I was going to go on and let them catch up with me. Charles, another rider, commented that about my improvement on speed. I told Charles that I had been riding a little. Well, I made it back to the parking lot first and none of them caught with up me even on the little hills that I rode on. I was bit motivated too. Sam and Sandra commented about that I had done good. My Ex never said a word to me. THey all went together and did an extra lap around the lake, to get another 10 miles in. I know that Sam was surprised that I was keeping up. I was partly surprised myself as those riders are strong that I was able to keep up. I still recall the little statement my Ex made about "getting to be quite a little biker". I think the reason I've kept on biking is to reduce stress, it is good exercise and I like it. I've been able to bike and build up my speed without doing the 830 Sunday ride which he normally rides and that is a surprise to me that I've been able to keep on riding and avoid him at the same time mostly. I would like to think that my speed surprised my Ex. My Ex did say that Scary said hi. It was the first unplanned ride I had gone on with my Ex and Sandra, one of his alleged protectors. It worked out well. So far I haven't had any bad reactions from it. It felt good to show my Ex up today. I don't know if I could do this every day but today I felt like riding and just going for it. The Ex should realize that from today that he hasn't beat me down a whole lot. I may do some data entry work for the political campaign and/or drop by to see if Scary is home for a brief visit. Whatever I do I want to spend my time wisely, even if goofing off. I consider the time to send this progress message to the group wise time spent.

Beec, I remembered i could check the email from this site so I just did. I don't think at the moment, from reading your email, that I will see Scary this weekend. I do plan to do the 830 bike ride on Sunday this time and hope my Ex is there so I can see how I ride. With my parttime job this Saturday and the Miss America pageant on where I'm a secret judge, I will probably stay home Sunday afternoon and bake cookies after the bike ride on Sunday morning. This will keep me busy and out of harms' way to give my emotions a chance to get more distance, which by your email would be to my advantage. Less than 40 days of NC is really nothing. At least I feel I have an opening to check on Scary at some point in the future when more NC has passed. I would prefer to see Scary outside when he is not around though yet I didn't tell my Ex that when he invited me to come by in the future to see Scary and him. I initiated the phone call. My Ex responded back nicely. There was no time limit on the invitation like it had to be done this weekend. By not seeing Scary this weekend with my Ex around at the same time it will hopefully tell him that I'm not desperate or needy and have to see Scary right now. I'm busy with stuff and Scary is important yet not that vital to my life. Gosh, I hope some of this stuff makes sense. Got to go.

scout or beec, I haven't checked my email yet on this site or my normal email site. I went straight to this site without checking on an answer from last night. I checked my email last night and there was no response. This mid-morning i phoned my Ex, mentioned about him doing the charity bike ride and him being out of town and about giving me the okay to drop by to pet Scary if he was around his truck in the driveway. I left a message on my Ex's recorder. I went out tonight went a girlfriend to eat. I checked my message before she came by and here was the result: My Ex was not going to do the charity ride and that myself was welcome "to come by and visit Scary and himself". Well, I called him shortly thereafter to confirm that, finding out in a brief phone call that he had been sick the past two weeks somewhat (since the 5th when he last rode the Sunday 830 ride) and he sounded good voicewise without any tone of resentment or whatever toward me. I did tell him that I would be sure to call before hand though and it wouldn't be today or tomorrow. Hopefully he will be better on Sunday and will ride the 830 ride and if I can make that ride, I can find out how well I tolerate being around him briefly and then go from there as far as dropping by his house briefly to pet the cat and then leave quickly to do some errand. After I called this morning, I felt relieved somewhat and satisfied whatever urge was making me want to call my Ex. I was prepared for the rejection when i checked my messages after getting home from work,even knowing I might go back to square one eventually from making this brief NC. You would be proud of me. I didn't say anything about any house repairs, etc. I don't intend to use him or even ask for his advice on house repairs. My ceiling fan little pull cord fell off last night disabling the fan part--it will need a new pull switch cord for about $80 estimate. I have found a Handman connection deal in the phone book that does house repairs and will save my money to get most of them done by them. I don't need to use my Ex for such repairs. I would have been better off by not using my Ex for that stuff anyway in the past yet he offered and I accepted so it was probably both our faults. I'd guess that my call to my Ex today would be risky and needy, yet I did it anyway. I'm still not sure why I felt like I needed to make the call. I know there is no chance in heck of getting back with him the way that my Ex broke it off. It may be that I need to see the cat and pet Scary as much as he will let me as a way of closure rather than sending a goodbye letter to him as some have done on this website. I probably petted Scary a lot more than my Ex yet I love animals as they take a person for who they are, no matter what they wear, are like, etc. I'm sure if Scary had not liked me or if when I do see Scary again and Scary doesn't like me, I will go ahead and leave as the reason to visit won't be there. I'm rambling on a bit here. I'm still planning on keeping up the NC rule despite this brief break in it. Whether it is wise or a bad choice to make, i will ultimately pay the consequence down the road I'm sure of that. Why he openly said that it was okay basically to come by, i don't know. Maybe my Ex would like to see if I'm really okay. Maybe this offer is a way of closure for him also. It could be that he doesn't like this feeling of distance and enough time may have passed for him to see if there is anything left for any type of future relationship nondating wise. I'm probabably being a little too hopeful now. Of course, if he wanted to go back to partial dating again, I would consider it. Dumb as that would be, I would consider it. Yet I know that won't happen. I've got to get off this website and check my main email. I needed to update you first on what I did before whatever happens next.

scout or beec, It's been 37D-NC as of today. Can I do this? My Ex will be gone on a two day bike ride this weekend. I miss him and I miss petting the cat. What would be wrong with calling him and asking if it would be okay to stop by and see Scary this weekend if he was outside in the driveway area around his truck. I really want to see him. I miss talking to him. This way I could see the cat without him around if the cat was around and still keep the NC. I know I can't feed the cat or take care of him while my EX is gone this weekend. It's not good yet I feel like I need to contact him. What harm would it do? The last time I saw him was the HHH ride in Texas at the trade show for less than 1 minute probably, maybe 2 minutes. Then the phone call about the pike pass stuff which went okay. I don't know why I have this urge to call==it's been a long month without him. Do I call and risk going back to Step 1 again? It's not like I'm askinig for a whole lot. Tell me please what you think I need to do.

scout, I finally made an 830 bike ride today. I rode to the start on my bike and got there after the group had already left. They were about 15-20 minutes ahead of me. Before making any decision, I checked the parking lot out. I noticed a red truck yet it wasn't his and on the turn about I noticed a black dakota dodge truck which was my Ex's truck. He was on the ride. I decided to ride on to the coffee shop downtown as I mostly knew the way. On the way there two riders were passing me on and they were going downtown also and were familiar with how the group went. So I rode with them most of the way and then split off at a certain point close to downtown. I couldn't find the coffee shop from memory so I opted to head on to Reno and go home. While heading toward Reno street, I saw a group of bikers go by--which was my group. I put some speed on and caught up with them and rode with them part of the way and then split off to go to my house. My Ex had apparently split off with the fast group planning to go the long route-40-60 miles. I'm glad I went to it, even though I was late. The slow group got to see me, know that I'm alive and well and doing fine, that I'm still riding, and it should get back to my Ex at some point that I am riding. The best part i was able to ride and still keep the No Contact rule in effect. Seeing his truck was not the same as seeing him. Yet I was glad not to see him as I had left my sunglasses in the car. It worked out well today. I got a chance to get in 25 miles and still keep the NC intact with him yet be around the other slower riders. I may see the Ex next Sunday as there is a scheduled ride. If I do, I will handle it as I have been handling it yet I will have my sunglasses next time.

Beec, I was looking over some old posts. I recall the statement about why wouldn't you want to date another biker. I realize that when I met my Ex, I wasn't a biker and he was biking yet he wasn't really into it as he is now right now as he had justs moved here. He was my next door neighbor, not really a biker. So technically I was a nonbiker dating a next door neighbor who happened to be a Biker at that time rather than Biker dating a Biker. So I could date another Biker yet I would need to be careful how I handled it now that I know what I know now I'm still doing NC and haven't gone on a 830 Sunday ride yet. I did break the NC on Monday. I saw an article about 20,000 commercial small business in the state not having updated their pike passes to the newer setup with warning of fines/etc. if not done by Wednesday. I called my Ex to let him know so his company, if it hadn't done this, would be able to avoid any problems. Well, the call went well. His company had updated their stuff. Then my Ex started a small conversaion about the HHH ride in Texas and asked me about my ride. It lasted maybe 2-3 minutes and it was nice short talk. I didn't ask about Scary at all. He was nice and friendly and showed no anger toward me at all. I can see him still at the trade show walking up to my left and talking to me with what he said to me and he still looked danged good to me, even now as I can recall it. I do miss him. Yet I am grateful that he and I are talking nice. I do not desire to do anything to kill this new goodwill between he and I as I plan to continue the NC at all costs. This winter will be hard as cold weather and cuddling go together and i can't do that this year. Plus his birthday is on Xmas day. Then there is Turkey holiday which was when I first started really dating him around that time. I do plan to try to do a 830 Sunday ride in the near future. I have a short-term part time job for the next 3 weekends which will help out tremendously. Back in late April I was forced to leave my part=time job at an amusement park due to indirect age discrimination and actually resigned effective the end of June when I realized that upper management would not change their minds. I still have some resentment from that and generally cheer when their stock goes down and that's been about 4 months ago. This resentment came as a surprise too as I had thought I had gotten over that hurdle. So I'm certain that I will have some resentment pop up over the breakup stuff in the next few months out of the blue also. I have a long way to go before I will be over this breakup with my Ex. I just hope in a way that some girl will do the same thing to him and it will just wipe him out too so he will know what it is like on the other shoe. I still wish there was a divorce pill or breakup pill a person could take to eliminate all the hurt. Part of the reason I'm keeping the NC is from reading the various posts on the website NC does help, even though a person might not think it does work. It motivates me to try to keep up the NC from reading about what others experience. My frame of mind is much healthier than what it was weeks ago. I give credit to the people here at the website for their support in following the NC rule as a way to help heal and distance yourself from the pain. I've got to go and exchange an item at a store.

I agree with ALTOIDS144 that NC is the best way to go until you are healed. I'm currently on I think 19D-NC, counting from the time my Ex came over to fix the spark plugs in the mower. Other than that date, the only times I've have seen him was on two scheduled bike rides--one actually on a rest stop and then this last bike ride at the tradeshow going on inside the building. Today I went on a solo 10 mile bike ride around the farm to think. My Ex looked good. I miss him still. He knew just how to scratch my back when it was needing it. A spoon or a ruler doesn't do that a good job. I still haven't been able to work myself up to do a 8:30 Sunday bike ride or much less any bike ride that I know he normally goes on. Since July 13th to now most people would say there has been enough time gone by that it shouldn't bother you any. I think I may have a clue why i haven't done these rides. While the brief contact on these 2 scheduled rides was short and brief and didn't deeply affect me bad, these small contacts did remind me of what I partly missed. While biking today I realized that he will be in town for a long time since he bought a house and has no plans to sell it and move on. He wanted to buy a house before he was 40 and quit paying rent, and knew what he wanted in a house and the neighborhood. So I doubt very much if he could sell it anyway as it was on the market for a long time before he bought it. He just now has to find the right woman, if any, to share his small place with him. Then I have bought a house and I will be around for some time to come as I have no plans to sell it and move on. Since we are both here in town, and there has been nearly 3 weeks of NC, I am going to try to start riding on the Sunday ride starting September 1st, whether he is there or not. I am tired of hiding. At least I will be able to find out how it does affect me if he is still there and keep that hidden with a poker face/sun glasses and then break down at home later out of sight if I need to. Of course, I said I would try to do this a while back and didn't follow through. If he hadn't looked so good and hadn't been nice to me in his greeting at the trade show, I probably wouldn't have had thought of him today. i wish there was a divorce pill a person could take when a relationship ends that would eliminate all the hurt that goes with it. Part of me would love to talk to my Ex still yet per Scout, if I can keep up the NC eventually my Ex may call me on his own. Maybe later down the road initiate a small conversation with me at a group bike ride. Whatever you wind up and do, try to keep up the NC and talk to the forum groups when you need to vent or just talk.

Beec, The pre-HHH ride stuff was kind of interesting. I delayed packing and finally got off mid-Friday afternoon to pick up my ride packet. Unknowingly at the same time, my Ex with Sandra, Tammy, Angela, Anthony were carpooling in their vehicles to W.Falls. I found later they had passed me and tried to wave yet I was in driving zone and never saw them. I don't look at drivers, just the vehicle. Anyway, we arrived at about the same time in the parking lot. I got my packet and then wandered into the exhibit traderoom show deal and i see Tammy and Angela and Anthony. They are my friends too, not superduper close friends, yet still bike friends. Tammy and Angela were going to shop and Anthony split at that point. I asked Angela if I could hang with them for a bit, as i'd probably go off an look at other stuff too. It was fine with them. (I wasn't dangerous.) Then I left to check out something about the packet which I thought i hadn't gotten. Then I wandered back to the showroom. Tammy and Angela had moved on down the way and were still shopping. I joined up with them again, and asked permission to hang with them. The reason I did this as if Bill had rode with them and they had stuff against me or instructions from my Ex to avoid me, I didn't want to make a pest of myself. At this one stand I'm talking to Angela. She told me they had tried to wave to me no avail. I told her I was in driving zoneout basically. To the left of me behind a back rack my Ex comes walking, says something real nice to me, and I was aloof yet kind. I don't remember what i said, hi or I'm fine, and didn't continue the conversation and turned to look at more stuff to my right side. On one aisle I was preparing to go right and saw my Ex near the end so i changed directions. Other than those 2 brief sightings, they were a total of about 1 minute only together. Angela, in making idle chat, had said that they were going out to eat rather than eat spaghetti at the deal. Sandra shows up a little later at the racks. I barely have time to say hi to Sandra and have started a brief sentence when Sandra gets nasty/rude/jerk? and I don't have time to talk you, catch you later and she wouldn't let me walk with her and Tammy and Angela. My Ex was not even around at that time. I think that Sandra was motherhenning him and trying to keep me out of his sight yet if that was the case she probably didn't know that I had already seen him there. I do know that my Ex would not ask Sandra to do that for him. If he had, he would have made the same to Angela and Tammy and they were nice to me. At no time did I ask if my Ex was with them. I didn't really think about him being with them. If he was a couple with them, I would not have gone up to them. Or if my Ex had been with them I would have probably walked by and say an overall Hi to the group and maybe idle bike chat and kept on looking at exhibits. I had during part of this time, taken my packet stuff to the car and wandered back in. On the way to the car, Charles was walking up--another biker friend I ride with. I told where the registration was and how to get there and who all was there that i had seen. Then when I was in line for the spaghetti Charles was cutting throught the line to go out the side door and asked me if i had seen the bunch (Tammy, Bill, Angela, etc) and told him they had told me they were going out to eat rather than spagehetti. Charles seems puzzled commenting they keep changing their minds. Plus, I overslept today, missing the pre-rain downpour and got there a little after 800, when riders were still starting and rode 40.8 miles in 2 hours 39 minutes at 15.3 aveg and 27.5 max. I did the 50 route yet after waiting 2 hours for the Sag Wagon to finally come, opted to ride to the next reststop and hope to get my flat fixed there--I did luckily. I saw none of the biker friends--Cindy, Charles, etc. I'm sure they were all in by at least 11:30 to my 3pm. I did see the biker Jesse on the last rest stop and that was nice to see someone that i know a bit of. I'm down at the farm tonight and plan to bike on the country roads in the morning here before going back home. My dad's birthday is on 31st, 96 years old, so family is coming in stages throughout the next few days. Was wondering though, was there anything bad about hanging out with 2 women shopping at the tradeshow, just because they run around with my Ex at times=not all the time though? Why was Sandra acting so weird as I had done nothing to her? My Ex spoke to me nicely and I believe I acted well legitimately. If my Ex had any anger I didn't notice it from what he verbally said to me. I forgot to watch the body language bit. I thought of revenge briefly for Sandra being rude to me in front of them inside that crowded showroom. The best way is to improve my riding so that I can blow her away on the bike. Me beating her would be an ultimate down for her, if any.

Scout, let me get this straight. I ramble this along. You are saying that if I can keep up the NC, which is currenlty 14D-NC, that even though my Ex broke up with me saying the relationship wasn't working, he wanted out, to move on, it wasn't going anywhere, and despite how he reacted when I dropped for the cat carrier, an despite my call to him asking for a truce and asking how Scary was doing as for as petting and food, despite seeing my Ex on that scheduled bike ride at the rest stop accidentally where he spoke to me voluntarily and despite him coming over to fix the sparkplug back into the mower when he then walked back and told me he would be a butthead but he would be not a mean butthead to me, and that my Ex, even if he has a girlfriend if not now but later on that my Ex will call me eventually to see how I have been doing if he doesnt' see me on any of the 830 Sunday bike rides or the winter FCR saturday rides or any other rides and call just to see how I'm doing. Are you sure about this? My Ex seemed pretty mad or angry and I haven't quite figured out what yet. i biked tonight about 23 miles in 1.5 hours averaging 16. I even took a 10 minute head start on the ride since it was windy and I knew I would be real slow. I made it to the stopping point to the halfway stop and waited on them to catch me today. I was a bit T'd off today and biked it off. I would have loved to tell him off today. I'd thank him for his friendship and his helping me grow as a person. I can cook some, put up venetian blinds, gave me the motivation to sell my second car, to actually try to buy a house and start the process, etc. I recall when he goes to his relatives in Kansas that they always tell my Ex to bring your tools. My Ex has said before that he loves to fix things. So if his family and myself took up his offers for assistance, who was taking advantage of whom? My Ex could have said, I just want to be with you, in your company and don't want to fix anything, hire a plumber or mechanic, etc. I did err in babysitting that cat that one time--rather than just feed the cat and leave I stayed and watched TV, used the VCR and one of my tapes on one day got stuck in the VCR which required my Ex to take it apart to get my tape out , and petted the cat on the couch and left. Whose fault was it that when I called to come over to see my Ex and Scary and he said yes--sometimes he said no, yet generally he let me come over. Again, who is taking advantage of whom. I probably came over way too much yet he allowed it--why. If I was that irritant a person he wouldnt have let me come over for a while. Basically my Ex loved biking and was and is a good bike mechanic, and he watches TV, rarely reads books, has no computer, let me do a lot of paint chipping off his walls and french door little windows off the ktichen as he had no patience to do it and i did it for the challenge of it and it was kinda fun. I don't regret helping him with his house. I don't regret getting him the housewarming present which was the KS jayhawk foldup camp chair. If my Ex had called me like I did him, I'm not sure what I would have done. Generally I don't turn on the TV just because it's there unless there is something that I really want to watch. I look at the TV guide. I take the daily paper. My Ex rarely read any newspapers, depending on TV news most of the time, watching history channel, answering the phone no matter what he was doing in the house rather than let the recorder catch it like i do, only listens to the radio in the morning to wake up then turns on the TV and sits there and drinks his coffee until he goes to work. He was originally my next door neighbor prior to moving to where I am now. Then he bought his house and moved a half mile away which changed the relationship a bit, and then when i bought my house, the relationship further changed. I really think it had something to do with the pool party on the 4th of July and possibly my call to him about not taking me with him downtown to the free concert where he was dancing, which concert occurred two days before he broke up with me. I was T'd that he hadn't called and invited me with him as we were dating at the time, at least I had thought. Anyway, forget the above a moment, Scout. Are you absolutely positive that my Ex will 99.9% call me eventually within a year's time if I have absolutely no contact with him at all on any rides? yes or no. i know the above is a very large paragraph yet I'm not in the best of mood. I would also want to tell him that his comment about "you're getting to be quite a little biker" is a bit tacky (notquite the word I want) as isn't that partly what he wanted to happen on its own. He was in the navy and after he got out he met this one biker girl and lived with her for 3 years, then broke up and then lived with another biker girl for 4 years who had a younger child, then he left her to go out of state for a 3 month job and then left it for unspecified reason and came back here to ask her to marry him and she had taken up with another guy in the meantime, and his mother had died 2-3months before he moved back here, then he didn't date for almost 8 months until that fall when he asked me out. He may have had the 4 year itch. i would like to know the specifics as to what I did right so i can continue to do those in the future, what I did wrong in my Ex's eyes and what i failed to perceive (i.e. some people notice when a picture is the slightest off center versus some never notice it at all unless it is pointed out) that most people would have already known without being told, why didn't you try to help me see this stuff even if you knew deep down that the relationship was on the decline, why didn't you try to communicate as a friend not just a boyfriend and help me to understand where I was okay/needing work, etc. I'm really worked up at this point. I'm so glad that it is late so I can't bug him. It's better for me to vent here and pretend to partly write what I like to tell him yet can't . Got to go .

Beec, I've made it through 10D-NC. It's seem like a lifetime. I've read over other entries in the forum which have helped me when I've had moments I wanted to call my Ex. It would only cause me additional pain if I tried to contact him. I thought about a letter asking why yet decided no. Chances are he would give me a reason maybe yet not really a reason so I would be put back in the same hurt position I was before. A friend referred me to The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships by Douglas and Naomi Moseley, which is kind of interesting yet it doesn't help me a big lot. Last weekend i went down to the farm and mulched the whole farm yard, 3 hours worth at least, and got to be around my Dad (he turns 96 on Aug 31st). It rained Sunday so I was glad I mowed even though it wasn't high enough if my sister had been doing the mowing--she doesn't mulch. I was tired enough that I didn't think very much of my Ex. I did data entry tonight. So if I can keep busy with biking, data entry and going down to the farm tomorrow I might be able to mulch on Sunday if the grass is mulchable and not wet. I did meet up with another biker about a week ago when I had cut accross the dam walkway and met this biker who had declined to do the Wednesday night ride for some reason. Well, I saw this same biker this past Wed on the ride. I averaged about 16 mph. I had also rode on Tues night at about 16mph also. I don't know where the energy came from as my normal speed is about 14mph. Riding two days in a row at 16mph did feel good. I realized that I can go places with other bikers (other than Ex) and have fun without actually dating, like a group date deal where no one is a couple. I can socialize this way and get to know people slowly. That biker I met on the dam, he was flirting me with me on the way back on Wed night. I passed him and stayed ahead for a while then he would pass me. I'll probably not date for a while and just group socialize for a while. Following the NC rule is getting to be a little easier. I feel better about myself and stronger most of the time. Part of the time I remembered your statement about ride and ride hard and basically show the Ex up. I may have put some of my stress,etc into my riding. Part of the time I slacked off and was dropping way down and then remembered i can keep up so put on some speed. I've done this without eating much before riding either. I know that 10D-NC is not very long. I will need a much longer time than that. Still that is a record for me so far. Technically, I can see him from here. I know his house and truck, driveway, the cat Scary. I can see some things I did wrong and won't do in future relationships; other stuff I can merely guess at what else I might have done. Yet I won't attack myself and try to analyize what went wrong--that would just cause more hurt. I've been spending quality time with my cats lately. Rusty will actually lay next to me on the couch while we watch TV. Before I was hardly ever home or over at the Ex's house and didn't really give much time even when I was home. From reading over the forum, things happen for a reason. I just have to try to figure out what my Ex was trying to teach me if that is possible. I will continue to occasionally read over the forums and see what extra I can get to make me keep up the NC. I have also quit talking to the work lady about biking so I won't be tempted to ask her about my Ex. The work lady asked me today if I had seen my Ex and I told her no. It didn't hurt me for her to ask yet there were a few seconds later when it came back and I put it aside and kept on working. The fact that I didn't ask about him and I didn't feel any anger about him I thought was a good sign. My goal now is go through the 28th with NC. If there are really 5000 plus riders on the HHH ride in Texas, chances are slim if the Ex is there that I would even see him or anyone else that I know there. That would be a new record of 18D-NC if I can manage it through the 28th. I'm not happy yet I'm appear to be doing okay for how things are.

hi sadboy75, The comment about them being so angry that it may have to do with other issues they are dealing with, it made a lot of sense. I'm currently on 2D-NC again. Come the 14th it's been a month since my breakup. The longest I've gone with NC is 7D. The last time I saw my Ex in person he was kinda angry. It never occurred to me that possibly other stuff might be hitting him and his anger is misdirected toward me wrongly. There could have been things in the relationship that he failed to do or let go by and he could be mad at himself partly. I'm back to trying 3D-NC tomorrow. I hope to make it at least 8 days without contact and strive for a new record.

hi americandream, NC is the best way. It's been about a month since my breakup. I've broken the No Contact rule numerous times. I did make it to a 7D-NC once. I contacted my Ex on the 10th, so i started over again. Today I was on 5D-NC then realized I was off. On the 13th I asked a work lady about my Ex and if he was biking and happy, as she bikes frequently on the same rides the Ex goes on. Then I read a response that asking about the Ex was not a great ideal. I realized today that my asking about my Ex is like an indirect phone call to a third party, so in essense, i broke the NC rule again. So i'm starting from the 13th--so today will make it 2D-NC. It's best to not even ask about the Ex--just let them go. It's easy to say yet hard to do. Be strong if you can. The people here do care.