magpie

your answer depends soely on who you ask. but let me just let you know that from the couples that i have known, where pot is a center piece in the lifestyle, they dont end up all that happy in the end. but i think it depends on a few things. 1) why does this person smoke all the time? some smoke bc it helps them to distance themselves from themselves (past problems, current problems, etc). if this is the case, you will prob. not ever get far, and not because of the pot, but because this sort of person had emotional issues. 2) does this person have a care-free and care-less attitude about life in general, or is pot smoking the only way they exhibit this? again, if its that the person is careless and carefree about nearly everything, it probably wont go that far. to these sorts, life is often just a series of distractions and "good times" and they dont put much stock into deeper meanings. relationships need deeper meanings or they fizzle out. anyhow, it depends ENTIRELY on the person, their motives, and their outlook on life. some things to look for: 1) does this person have goals? 2) do they self-motivated enough to accomplish those goals? 3) do they skate through all, or nearly all aspects of life? if those anwers are yes, you probably wont get far. again, its not because of the pot, but because of the type of person. only a certain type can become a true pothead. the "lazy skater (not like skate boarder) i dont give a crap" sort. and those are the types, that regardless of whether or not they are smokers, drinkers, or iv drug users, that are not in the place to MAINTAIN a serious relationship. and most of what keeps people together is the ability to maintain.

get good at oral sex. honestly, if its that short, and if its not all that thick, your partner wont be satisfied from intercourse alone. but here is some good news...approx half of all women, if not a bit more, are unable to achieve orgasm from intercourse alone. so, to really satisfy a woman, one must do more than stick it in and wiggle it around (hehe.) be open for experimentation and adventure in the sex arena. its this openness and some oral skills that will get you the bonus points.

being a woman, i can tell you that after what you have just said, i would not go back to you. and i dont think i know a single woman who would. you asked her best friend for a hand job? my god, man, you are lucky she didnt castrate you when she finally found out! IF it happens, id guess a fair bit of time is going to have to pass. like months or years. its one thing to find your girlfrineds best friend attractive, to masturbate to their image, but to ask for a hand job and grab at her ass and tits! now that takes it to a whole other level.

ive a question... why do people often not listen to their own insights about themselves and human nature? i ask becuase since my boyfriend broke up with me, i have always felt it was becuase he had allowed himself to get freaked out by being in a relationship. anyhow, we were chatting recently and he let me in on a secret: he has a live journal. so i went to the url and read what he had to say. something really struck me. it was written in 2001. he said that people often want relationships, but that when they get them they fail because they allow themselves to become tangled in confusion after the reality of a relationship settles in, and its no longer the fantasy. that a real relationship is not your dream (because in your dream everything is perfect, and the other person is by no means a real person with an identity, likes, wants, etc). he went on to say that this causes people who love one another and who should be together to be pulled apart, as the one experiencing the reality crash allows themselves to lose the spark. anyhow, this is EXACTALLY what happened to us. 2 years ago he predicted what would happen. anyhow, what i want to know is how someone can realize something about their own nature and then ignore it, like it was never realized before. he seems to do this often, but this one really struck me.

thats horrible! if she has a boyfriend, STAY OUT. be her friend, but nothing more. if it will be, it will happen in time. think about it this way. would you want someone following those suggestions to get YOUR girl. absolutely not!

lifestyle sounds good to me! a good friend of mine is a social worker, and the condoms that they provide to their clients are lifestyle. so, if they are saying "hey, use these to prevent STDs and HIV" (they work with a predominantly gay community, so no pregnancy problems!!) id have to say they are a good choice. and, i think they are actually a bit cheaper???

any sort of latex condom should work. its important that you use it properly, so practice on yourself when you are masturbating. make sure you can get it on securely, make sure it fits right (they do make some of different sizes), etc. if you have any doubts, id go to the local planned parenthood and ask for someone to show you the right way to use it, making sure there is enough slack, etc. but, i doubt you will need to do this! and an important thing to remember is to PULL OUT WHEN YOU COME. if you like to remain inside of your partner, or if your partner likes you to remain inside of her, only do so for a moment. when you wait, your penis shrinks back to normal size, making it so the condom can slip off easily and get "lost" inside of your partner. this is not good, as it means your semen will end up roaming free inside of her! also, i would suggest that she also get on the pill. condoms are effective, but not 100% so. if you are in a relationship with steady sex, its just a smart idea to be 100% safe. you are both really young, too young for any mistakes. many people would probably preach abstinance to you, but im a realist and sex is a reality. but, so is teenage pregnancy. anyhow, your girlfriend should be able to get info on the pill at a planned parenthood. im not sure what the state statutes are where you live, but hopefully they will allow someone of her age to get bithcontrol without having to inform her parents. bc, like most teenage girls, im sure her parents have NO CLUE she is sexually active, and probably would flip. good luck!

i disagree. a child is a TON of responsibility. if you want true freedom and are not ready to settle down yet, having a child could be a terrible mistake. being a parent is easy. being a GOOD parent is difficult, and if you are not in the right frame of mind, its easy to screw it up. just look around you and you'll see what i mean. people yelling at their kids, taking out their resentment on their kids, grown kids all messed up because their parents did that to them. not that you would do that. im just saying that unless you are ready, and if you already have reservations, dont go there. not till you are 110% sure its what you want. ive seen great couples break up over this. if one wants children and the other doesnt, it can be a HUGE problem. but, i would let HER make that choice (decide if its such a huge deal that she is willing to move on over it). if you love her, and if she loves you, give it time. marriage should be about expressing your love, and if you can express your love and commitment without all the legal crap, go for it. maybe you could compromise. have a ceremony for your close friends and loved ones where you do just that: express your love for one another. isnt that what the big thing about marriage is supposed to be, anyway? it wasnt until fairly recently that one had to sign legal documents as part of the ceremony. you can be "married" in your hearts and in the eyes of your friends without having to also be married in a court of law.

DONT DO IT! NOT YET!! it takes a while to reduce a love to merely a friend level. sometimes, it cant even be done. when you feel empty and alone in the end, is it worth it? no. whats going to happen when he starts to date someone else if you allow yourself to still hold on? you will be hurt even more. ive been there, and its really hard. your lover becomes your best friend. when you lose the love, the relationship, the commitment, you lose it all. and after time, after healing, THEN you can rebuild things. the way i said it last night to my ex, who wants to be my "special friend, more than just a friend" is this: "you took something valuable away. you cant just take something that means so much and replace it with something less and expect me to be fine about it." and its true. the trust and love that you experienced was friendship times 10,000. you cant just expect to take it all away and have the other be fine. you lost something important. you need time to heal. so get upset. get angry. cry your eyes out. and in the end, when you feel like you are on solid ground again, then be his friend. he has hurt you, the last thing you need to is to depend on him to fix you.

where you are headed depends soely on you-your wife-and communication between the two of you. you feel you lack confidence with women. you married not out of undying love or commitment, but because it was your only option to keep things going. you need to have this talk with her. you need to explain where you are. and she needs to see where she is herself. maybe she will be open to extramarital sex. maybe not. but either way she has the right to know and the right to tell you what her feelings are on the issue. some people function well in open relationships, others dont. but, you must discuss things with her!

i think its LUST at first sight, LOVE later. love is deeper. its not about whether or not someone is attractive physically or if they have cool style, awesome demeanor, etc. its more about whats below the surface, what you dont know right away. the true beauty of people is below the surface...for everyone, not just plain or unattractive persons. but, LUST can lead to LOVE...admittedly, we are more apt to find out whats below the surface on someone whose surface is pretty fine to look at.

hey...hope you are feeling better right now. anyhow, my suggestion is to TALK TO HER. these are very deeply rooted issues, and its HIGHLY IMPORTANT that you communicate with her openly and honestly. its not possible to just overcome issues that are deeply seeded in us. so, talk to her about your feelings and your past. and, although many people find it taboo, though it should not be, you may want to consider councelling. your fears and jealously and insecurities are poision to you and anything you touch. until they are faced and overcome, you will continue to feel the anxiety that you feel now. relationships grow and become stronger, yes, but in order to grow there needs to be proper nourishing. and its hard to provide that whenyou are coming from a place with a lot of baggage.

call a clinic or obgyn IMMEDIATELY. im pretty confident that if you are pregnant, you would not be having symptoms yet. you would not even be 5 days along! lets say that conception did occur on the 9th, implantation wouldnt occur till a few days later. and its the implantaion that causes the hormonal changes that trigger pregnancy symptoms, not the conception itself. either way, there is something wrong with your body right now, and you should get it figured out. and WHY ARE YOU NOT ON BIRTH CONTROL? you are playing with fire to be sexually active without it. even in couples who use condoms EVERY TIME, 30% of the women will become pregnant during the course of one year. I think its something like 70-80%% of all women who have unprotected sex every time will become pregnant. This is compared to 1% of all women who use hormonal birth control, and use it properly. there are other options than the pill. there is the nuva ring, which you insert once for three weeks and remove for one, and insert another at the beginning of the 5th week. there is also the bc patch (name??) that is the same. on for three weeks, off for one, new one for three weeks, etc. and the good thing about the pill, the nuva ring, and the patch is that your hormones are regulated so that you have a regular period. none if this worry, and a body that actually functions as it should.

i can see your frustration. i was in a similar situation recently, except i saw no harm in my boyfriend hanging out with this female friend, i felt our connection was great and that there was no harm. HAHA! now we are no longer together and he is sleeping with her. not to freak you out. but i guess the moral of the story is trust your instincts and be honest with yourself. dont say to yourself "im going to be the better person and give a nod of approval" if you really dont feel like it. tell your girlfriend how you feel. if she still is insistant that she maintain a personal one-on-one friendship with this person, then you need to ask why? i would love to say trust her, but its not that easy. people are attracted to temptation, challenge. and its so easy to cross the line without knowig it was crossed. i mean, if this guy kisses her neck when shes not expecting it, how will she react? what will this bring up in her? its hard to tell. she may not even know at this point. i guess all i can really say is that whatever will be, will be. if she is going to fall into temptation, it will happen eventually, and whether or not you even know of this other person. life is full of temptation, and i guess one of our challenges is to find someone who through thick and thin will resist. and again, the only way to know this is through time. but a good indicator is found in asking yourself this..."if she KNOWS that this person is interested and that you are uncomfortable about the situation, does she respect you and your relationship to just let it be?" she owes her commitment and affections to YOU, not a new friend.

im sorry. the other two posts seem to feed negative self feelings. so, ill propose something else... if alcohol was such a problem that it broke up the 4 yrear relationship that you two had, i SERIOUSLY DOUBT hes going to "just quit" for some other woman. he probably says he will quit. im sure that there were points in your relationship when he said this. but alcohol for those with issues is an evil demon that doesnt just go away. its a serious problem that requires, in most people, various phases and attempts and phases of attempts to finally beat. anyhow, i agree that 2.5 weeks is really fast to move on. i dont have anything i can really tell you about that, other than the fact that if you sit patiently, you are pretty much guaranteed to see his new relationship fail. he obviously has a lot of baggage, and i cant forsee anyone coming straight out of a long term relationship with that sort of baggage just picking up and starting over with out any hitches. recovering from a relationship can be likened to recovering from an addiction. you will also go through many phases before you are finally ready to just move on. the only way i can see this NOT happening is if those phases were already passed through while you were still together. either way, its a tough time to be in your life. just remember to breathe and get a voodoo doll if you must (hehe).

i dont think that i could deal with that. ive found that its easy for people to be pursuaded by temptation. that they may honestly love their partner, but when it comes to the moment, find it difficult or impossible to stay faithful. anyhow, im rather jealous. i would feel horrible the duration of the other persons visit, constatly wondering what my partner were doing. if your girlfriend respects you and loves you, she will respect your wishes and not act in a manner that would be offensive to you if you WERE there, and would not ask for time alone with another so that she may act in a manner contrary to what you would like to see.

hello...i have posted several times in the past. anyhow, this is my latest question. since my ex and i have broken up, i have been having incredible mood swings: from forgiveness to anger that i did not know i was capable of. through a single day, i go from feeling strong and able to move on, to so angry that i fantasize about how i can damage him (not physically!), to near anxiety, where my heart feels heavy and i feel pressure all around me. i am also undergoing quite a lot of other stresses now. more than i want to deal with, but i cant put any of them aside for the time being (losing job, long distance move). its crash down, and im trying to keep my head above water. anyhow, my question is: are mood swings like this normal? ive never experienced them before, not like this. after a break-up, its more common for me to feel sad and try to cling on for dear life, not this wide range of surging emotions. any suggestions for getting things under control? i dont like knowing that im capable of such anger and resentment, and its not something i want to cultivate. help!

im assuming then that you have lied about other things as well. bc if you havent, what you are saying makes no sense. i get the picture that the power balance in this relationship is off. again, taking what you have said as being all there is to this situation, she has too much power over your emotions. you should not have to worry about her "walking out" becuase of a white lie. you should feel like your relationship is stable. you should not have to feel like you are walking on egg shells. you should not be made to feel that you need to hide your actions and who you are. back to the porn. your sexuality and sexual expression are a part of who you are. part of the whole package. we are packages. you cant take only the parts you want and expect the others to vanish. we are who we are, and our lovers cant expect us to CHANGE they can only expect us to develop our beautiful sides. again, if it what you have said is all that there is to this situation, she has control issues and you have "walk all over me" issues. anyhow, you are putting all of the blame on yourself, which is not right. lets say, for instance, that it goes beyone porn. lets say that you lie about lots of things. yes, i could see her anger. this could be "the last straw." anyhow, either way you both do need counceling. you to get over your compulsive lying, if that is what is going on here, and her for getting over her need to control and shame, if that is what is going on here, and the both of you for figuring out if this is a healthy relationship, and if not, what can be done to fix it. anyhow, i doubt you are soely to blame. you are the one writing for advice. so, lets say for the sake of saying that maybe you are to blame for a lot of this, obviously you feel terrible and love your wife, and hopefully that will be enough to get the two of you through this tough time.

im confused. you said that earlier in the relationship she was upset about porn viewing, found it on your computer, and the result was a fight. then you say that her recent anger, according to her, is not about the porn but about the lying. i get the impresison its about both. many women dislike porn, find it to be degrading. but this is stupid in my opinion. its common with a lot of things, though, to develop an opinion, take on the onset of black and white, and point the finger away from oneself. say "you are hurting me, degrading me, because of your viewing of porn." what these women ought to be doing is realizing the fact that men are in many ways slaves to sex. they are allowed to be free about their carnal desires without shame from an early age. more free than women, at least. many women think that porn is dirty. but why? sex is not dirty. desire is not dirty. whats dirty is the twisted view that many people have of sex. and that dirtiness reflects itself in many ways. in peoples abnormal aversion of sexuality and sexual expression as well as in the incorporation of the "perverted" in some of the porn out there. but this is a tangent. the point im trying to make is that THIS IS PROBABLY MORE ABOUT YOUR WIFES SKEWED VIEW OF SEXUALITY RATHER THAN ABOUT YOUR EXPRESSION OF SEXUALITY. there is nothing wrong with finding desire in others. its normal and natural. some women find porn to be a threat. which they shouldnt. your wife is real, your porn is a fantasy. anyhow, i think that she is the one who has the problem, not necessarily you. sure, you should not have lied, but she should not have put you in a position where you had to hide your actions. she may not like you viewing porn, but unless she is willing to act out the fantasies that you have, she has no place to tell you that you are in the wrong. unless she is willing to get to business every time you are "in the mood" she should just accept the fact that porn is a healthy outlet for many men AND women. yes, women can enjoy porn as well. i actually enjoy watching porn with my lover (when in have one) and occasionally alone. unless your porn habit is obsessive and takes control of your life and ruins your ability to have sex with your wife, there is NOTHING WRONG with your viewing habits.

there is a word to describe men like your boyfriend: JERKS. you have been with him HOW LONG? and he hasnt helped you achieve orgasm yet? and youve explained what you want and need, and still nothing? he obviously doesnt care so long as HE gets satisfied. My suggestion is to stop giving till you get something in return. no more giving him head, no more unfulfilling sex. if he cant be bothered to make you enjoy sexual encounters, then you should not do it for him. i would guess that his selfishness goes much deeper than this. does he help you if you need a favor? does he give you a backrub with out having to be asked? does he offer words of affection without being prompted? id guess no. and the reason is that he is taking advantage of you, and it sounds like you have let him. you have assumed your role and have not demanded the attention, affection, and gratification you deserve. start demanding that your needs be met. and until he does, i wouldnt even bother putting in the effort to meet his. if seeing what its like to be on the other side doesnt help him to change, i suggest finding someone who treats you the way you treat them: like the important loved one you ought to be.

hey... lots of things cause missed periods, not just pregnancy. if she has a history of late periods, i would not be *frantic* just yet. according to your statement, i would guess its been several weeks since you had sex. do yourselves both a favor and go to the local supermarket or drug store and get a 2-PACK pregnancy test kit. yes, a TWO pack. have her take the test first thing in the morning. if its POSITIVE, she should go to a planned parenthood for a retest and advice counceling. if its NEGATIVE she should wait another week and use the second test to retest herself. if she still hasnt got her period by then, she should see a doctor anyway. her hormones are obviously screwed up, and she should probably get on the pill (btw, she SHOULD be on the pill already. sex, even protected, can cause pregnancy. birthcontrol is readily available, and it is STUPID to engage in sexual activity without taking the pill regularly. if she is concerned about the pill itself, or forgetting, there other options these days. there is the birth control patch as well as the nuva ring, which is inserted for 3 weeks and removed for one). if you are wondering, the pill will help regulate her periods by regulating the hormones in her body. each type of pill works slightly different. the main thing is, though, that a woman menstruates when her hormones dip below certain levels. this triggers the sheading of the uterus and other biological activity. point being that the pill has 3 ACTIVE weeks and 1 INACTIVE week. during the inactive week, hormone levels will drop and trigger sheading, etc. good luck!

ive posted a few times in the past. things have developed, and ive grown more confused and jaded. my ex broke up with me about a month ago. he "wanted to be single. to be uncommitted. to be able to explore and find himself." blah, blah, blah!! basically, this means he wants the freedom to poke this tart he works with. a tart, who by the way, has a boyfriend, but who apparently doesnt stop her from going at it with anyone and everyone she damn well pleases. anyhow, a little over a week ago, he called me upset. he nearly cried as he told me that he reaized he has been messing up. he still loves me and wants to work through things. he doesnt want to give up before realizing what we could end up being. he even told me he wanted me to move to be near him so that we could spend more time together. hes 25 now (about same age as me) and doesnt want to be 35 and still seeking out the ability to fulfil his addiction to "new desires." as i love him, i agreed on working thorugh things. the other day we were making plans to meet and go backpacking together for a few days. he was telling me how he cant wait to see me, to kiss me to hold me to be with me. and then he tells me he needs to tell me something. he "pecked" that girl on the lips the night before. i was furious! he had led me to believe that we were back together. he even asked me to move to be with him. we went at it, and he said "i thought we were open" and "i cant be committed right now." blah, blah, blah! well, the other night (friday) he called after 1 am and woke me. he was obviously upset. i asked what the matter was, and he gave me details of his night. he and "the girl" had gone out with their coworkers (they work together as, get this, social workers. hehe! some sort of role modles they are to wayward kids!!") they were talking about having a three way with another woman, all "hypothetical" and such. they even shared the bathroom to pee. anyhow, she ended up dancing dirty with another man and he was upset and left. and had the audacity to call me! to tell me this and how he felt emotional pain over this, and how it must be nothing compared to the pain he caused me. he wanted to "apologize." anyhow, i was a bit concerned about his state (he was really distraught) so didnt tell him what a jerk he was to tell me this. ME of all people. the one whose heart he has broken over this piece of trash. anyhow, yesterday morning i called and told him what a jerk he was. that he had no business to call me and parade what feelings i have left for him around as if they were nothing. no business to compare what i have endured to the jealousy and disappointment he felt because he didnt get laid the night before. anyhow, i told him that i cant do this. i cant be in a love web. he says "why does it have to be life and death, black and white?" why cant i love you and still be free. i expalin its not that easy. you dont move backward...from committed and planning to move to be one another to open and uncommitted. it goes the other way around. he says he still is attracted to me emotionally, psychologically, and physically. he says he loves me. but that he cant be committed to me. he says he isnt going to let go of me entirely. which means that i will have to endure him telling me that he cares about me and wants to be with me and wants to kiss me and wants to hold me and wants to give me massages. blah, blah, blah! what in the hell is he thinking? what is going on? im moving soon, will be over 2000 miles away, so yes, i will move on. but what is going on in his head? and why wont he let me go so i can heal? he doesnt see how much he hurts me with every sweet word he says followed by thoughtless actions.

first off...im NOT in highschool. Im a 26 year old professional. nothing in that message gave the impression of high school. maybe bc i said we lived in different towns? anyhow, i dont believe in "the one." some mystical being sent to you from god above. hah!! the point is the fact that my ex is teetering between two realities. the first is the reality where he loves me and is attacted to me both physically and psychologically. the other is the fact that he refuses to commit, and chooses to spend the times when we are not chatting or conversing chasing after some bisexual "ill screw anything and anyone in any combination at anytime" tart. anyhow, my point is "how do you know?" and "why would someone attempt to exchange a wonderful relationship for something so cheap (the tart, by the way, has a "boyfriend"), while at the same time refusing to let go?"

it would be nice if someone else could really get into the mind and heart of another and give you the answers you want and need. yes, maybe its because hes young. but, you have to ask yourself...when you are young and when you do experience the feelings of love, the euphoria, etc. its overwhelming, right? remember the first love, requited or not, that you experienced. i was inspires one to write poems of joy and pick flowers. but, maybe it can go the other way, too. maybe it can be scarry to experience that feeling of losing control of yourself. im not saying that this is where he is coming from. but, if its not, then you need to get out, and if it is, he needs to fix his issues. why do i say this? well, if hes not scared shitless and if thats not why he is distance, it means that you are probably an experiment of sorts to him. lots of people are in relationships with people they dont love or really care about on that level bc its comfortable or bc its an ego boost. imagine someone professing love to you regularly. it feels good. and maybe feeling good can over-ride all good. anyhow, im just offering possiblities. only you can determine whats true. maybe take a break...pull out a bit so you can see things from a new perspective. you may fiind the answers you are looking for from "impartial observation" of your own situation.

hey...i know where you are coming from. i dated a guy like that a few years back. he was there in some ways, but not in others. he was a horrible communicator and even worse when it came to expressing his affections in a non-physical way. i figured bc i was getting physical signs (not sex, but hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc.) that it was his way of expressing what he couldnt verbally. and i went along for quite a while, all the time hurting bc i could never express myself to him and get a response. i guess its all about you...how much it means to you to be able to freely exchange ideas, opinions, thoughts, etc. and it sounds like this is very important to you. if im right, your unhappiness will only grow. tell him your side. tell him how vital it is to you. and if he wont make any attempts to change, either accept it or move on. but, i must say that accepting it is cutting yourself short. i know its hard to see when you are still involved or still holding on, but there really are other men out there. men who will be able to fulfil the needs that you have. so, why waste you time and energy and youth on someone who cant or wont give you what you need?