teacup
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Everything posted by teacup
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my advice? ur always going to be ignored, neglected and him being cheap, no matter what reason. whether it's the video game or watever.....there's always going to be an excuse.
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Hm, well, what do you guys think of fake ones? I like the look, and my tummy is flat, and im not a mother and im still in my twenties.......I've always liked it, the glittering kind that are danglier.......but, I can't say that I want to risk infection or scars. So I must not like it that much.
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Why are you friends with your ex?
teacup replied to Aschleigh's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
im female. but i would say they still have feelings for each other. one of those messy relationships that are on-off-on-off-on-off. make a run for it! -
oh my god man! she sounds like a total con artist. i dont know how you can love someone like this but i would bet anything, you never see that ring again. get some balls and throw her out of ur life permanently. this girl is ROTTEN news. you need to get your head straight.
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i have this sense of loss, doom, gloom and......no identity. im starting to realize, i dont know who i am. i really don't. i dont know what i like, who i am, who i want to be, who i want to be friends with, nothing. i am so lost and so tired of being lost. i dont even know where to start or begin to find myself. i know i should stop going on myspace and friendster to browse around. but it seems like everyone knows their interests, who they are, who they want to be, where they want to go, who their friends are, their bfs, like they have so much fun and have their lives together. but i am just one big BLANK. i have no clue. i feel so behind, like im only starting to look for answers now, when other people have already found their answers. i feel like i missed out on so much of life. i am so completely lost and clueless. i have no identity. advice plz.
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Dont want to get back anymore, a good ending...new guy
teacup replied to NubianLove's topic in Getting Back Together
bwahhhhhhh. i miss him. i feel like im backsliding. wahhhhhhhh -
so i should get one before im too old? haha. hmm...but, will the hole heal if i take it out one day? will there be a huge scar? oh dear.
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Really not sure how to handle this guy......
teacup replied to alteer's topic in Career, Money and Education
the guy sounds like such a jerk! -
i thought of something.....mabe being able to open up and even share a feeling like this and to feel an identification with one another is a first step. congrats everyone! i think we're getting somewhere!
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i want to know girls my age too! i am pretty close to my mom and sister, and there is a definate difference between bonding with mom and sister just because of the age alone! the interests, concerns, phases, growing pains, etc....are all different. for example, my mom and her sisters......all share menopause concerns. and my sister and i......we want to paint the town! my sister was in a sorority...so she is comfortable with women. what happened to me?? i would like to take steps gradually in the right direction.....it's good to know that there are other females out there looking for female friends close to their ages... i have taken a dance class before, but because we spent the whole time dancing, i didn't get a chance to speak with anyone. and then some of the other girls rushed off after class to buy leotards or something. i can't imagine doing that with a guy! but knowing that im not the only one, means that there's still hope to make new friends and that other girls have looking for friends their age too! before, i was so dependent on having a bf. even an abusive one. i was so dependent on having one guy that i didn't even think about this kind of stuff. but im getting happier with my own independence so im starting to think of this more.......was anyone like this? thank you everyone for sharing! it's been so nice to talk about it.....im kind of starting to understand how i came to be the way i am...just from thinking of all my experiences with women in the past.... goodnight! i hope to speak with you girls some more later....
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i want to get a belly button ring because out of all the piercings, i find it to be the sexiest! (for me anyways). so i was wondering what everyone thinks? and more so than that, how hard is it to take care of one? i heard it can get infected really easily. so im worried about that, about how long it takes to heal and how often i have to clean it and if it's really hard to maintain.......? any info/experiences appreciated!
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yah, i tell myself that any kind of relationship is about give and take. i have to be willing to be friends with them and seek them out and they have to be willing to be friends with me and seek me out. it has to go back and forth, and that makes me anxious cuz i dont know how they'll respond or if they will reciprocate. there's some pretty, put together and nice girls at my office. and they intimidate me. im afraid they might be mean! so i talk to some of the uglier, not as puttogether, even...meaner girls. o_O;;; very strange. i dont understand myself. i guess.....mabe so possible rejection (even for a friendship) wouldn't hurt so much if i find screwed up girls to be friends with?? oy.....i hope that doesn't sound bad. >.
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my mom who was really pretty growing up, says she never got told she was pretty by anyone! so i think, even if you are, others might not say. i was an ugly duckling too, but i think i kind of grew up to be a swan. and if not a swan, then at least a goose. having troubles made me have more empathy as well. alteer - is your friend's husband abusive too? what other women do you know? it has helped me to get to know some of the older woman at my company (ages 50+), but they are around my mom's age so i can't imagine hanging out with them. bondgirl - thank you! have a wonderful night! i hope we all find good friends too!
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me too! i thought there must be something wrong with me! other girls seem to get along fine with other girls, why am i different? what's wrong with me? why do i kind of set myself apart? even if i kind of start connecting, i might pull away.....just get kind of distant, anxious, not sure what's going to happen next kind of feeling. it's good to get these feelings out though! i feel so much better just to know that we can share. mabe we should start a small email list or like a yahoo group? then mabe we can work on this. i know it's something that's not going to go away overnight..... but i think to myself, one day, i would like to experience being a bridesmaid, or a godmother (way in the future), or throw a baby shower for someone, or have a girls night out, or gossip more about boys or.....something that girls do. i see my sister with her girl friends.....ironically, she only has girl friends and she says she has too much estrogen around her! (but she was never bullied or in an abusive relationship)
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yah.....they do get abusive. i didn't realize that. i made a BIG mistake with the first guy i tried to date after the abusive relationship. and i was honestly trying to pick a good guy and i still couldn't pick right! i don't think it's crazy because believe or not, i have that exact book! the last guy i dated was an alcoholic so i started reading up the effects of alcoholism on ppl and on relationships and i started reading recovery stories. and then i was browsing at the library and found the book and i thought, well mabe i can get something out of this.......because some of it...like the concept of a higher power or making amends for past wrongs....i identified with. and congratulations on winning! i can so see why the girls would have been jealous, because you are very pretty. ironically, i notice that i naturally dont like being around girls prettier or uglier than me and tend to be more okay with girls that i think are on my same level! (i dont mean to be catty but i noticed that within myself. )
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oh yeah. that's another reason why guys are fair weather friends. i've made like 30+ guy friends in the past few years...and all of it's fizzled. and yah, if they get a gf, then u dont really see or hear or talk to them anymore......unless it's about their girl problems.
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yeah, i remember that, waking up and my heart would literally, physically ache. i know what it feels like! i thought i was the only one! it kind of felt like something was squeezing my heart and wouldn't let go. that's how painful it was. *sob*
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yeah, i can relate to what everyone is saying! wow! it's a pretty good feeling, im understood! the thing is, i think mabe a little bit of me kind of wonders what it's like to be connected to girls. to have a girl group to belong to, to do things like have slumber parties, go to tea rooms, go clubbin', shopping, spa, vegas, all the fun silly things that would be weird with a guy, but okay for girls to do together. so.....i kind of wonder about that and i kind of want to experience it.......but i cant really miss what i never had. i feel like for the men....they only really hurt you if you let them in your life.....but if you leave them alone or dont associate with them. they kind of let you be. but that's not how it is for women, if some woman dislikes you, she might turn her whole group on you! and even if you leave her alone or dont associate with her.....and just try to go about your business and even try to be friendly......she'll still gossip, backstab, and try to get you..... so i feel threatened and uncomfortable...... oh! count me in! i do french manicures, curl hair, and eyebrows and i love love fashion/entertainment/celebrity magazines! =P!
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hi alteer! well, i was in a crazy abusive relationship for about 6 years. dated a couple other jerks as well. i think i dont trust men or women that much, but i gravitate towards men a lot more. isn't that weird? and then if someone is nice, friendly and open to me, i get turned off and suspicious and start wondering what their motives are. and then if someone shuts me out, rejects me, pushes me away, then i start pursuing their attention, try to get them to like me. and if i get them back....i stop caring and start withdrawing into myself again. i've only just noticed this within myself. im not sure if being abused has a part with why i have trouble with girls. though, i do remember that if i was friendly to women, HE would accuse me of being a lesbian. and if i talked to men, it was accusations and blame about cheating and sleeping around. u just can't win in an abusive situation! no pleasing them. did you get accusations about being a lesbian or being a * * * * too? mabe that has something to do with it. i've got some destructive patterns, behavior that i need to look out, figure out and try something different. it definitely feels very weird to me though. i guess that's why i like the forums....i can connect to people (men and women) without really connecting. i mean, i say i want deep connections with people (and i have deep meaningful relationships with my mom, sister and brother).....but deep inside, i just want to run away. it feels too...uncomfortable to really connect, something about me is emotionally unavailable and disconnected because it just feels too threatening. but im an open and honest person. catch-22 all around! do you have some thoughts/theories about why you're not able to connect with women? feel free to share. mabe we can figure this out together and help each other. =)!
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yah, it's good to hear that you understand how i feel lady bugg. i think that's one of the things i missed out on growing up was, just sharing things with other girls and feeling like they understood. trying to make the change at this age, it feels pretty weird, i don't know if i can do it. i don't even really want to, except that i think i should, it's probably healthier. even talking to women at work, or talking to other girls in school, class. it's weird. i noticed something about myself....if i go somewhere (bus, school, library, work, watever) and i sit down next to a girl and guy. i will turn to the guy and start talking to him. NOT the girl. if i seek out bonding, i seek out the guys. if i need help, i ask the men. that's why when i was looking for a therapist, i decided to pick a female one. im so not used to girls, don't really like them. and i have this belief they gossip, backstab, are jealous, cliquey, out to get me, unfriendly.....u know? i've relied upon men's attraction to me to get what i want, to get them to help me out, to get them to be friendly. but men are fair weather friends. they come and go often. and men seem to prefer their men friends to hang out with most of the time. and then there's always that wondering if they are trying to sleep with u. what a pickle! and it's probably why i dont have many lasting friendships. i just can't/don't want to/won't connect with women.......even though now i try......i still feel very uncomfortable, awkward, weird. it's weird, i'll even start stuttering or stammering around girls sometimes. but im so smooth with the guys.
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there is a missing link to my friendships. i dont have any friends that i can really call up and ask if they want to hang out. part of it is being in the abusive relationship for 6 yrs where i was isolated and met nobody and was too depressed to care (afterall i was being beaten down everyday). part of it is that growing up i was bullied so i never experienced true bonding or closeness with women. i think i have pretty good social skills. im friendly, i smile, i talk a lot, i think im interesting...i get along with ppl who want to get along with me, im nice to everyone or try to be..... but i just missed out on feeling close to women. for a big part of my life, i gravitated to men.....their attention was just easier to get, they payed more attention to me, were easier to know, more willing to know me. hence.....i got into bad situations cuz it usually turned out that they wanted more than i wanted to give. i was looking for friendship and they were looking for sex or a gf, and that's not what i wanted. so.....now i have older women acquaintances (work), i have some classmates (girls), some of the younger girls i work with, got in contact with some old female friends. but i never really feel the connection..... i feel empty. i went out to lunch with some girls at school.......and it was okay. but im just so unconnected. i stayed away from other females for a long time because they were the ones at school that were backstabbing, jealous, gossiping, isolating me, treating me like crap. i finally, after all these years realized WHY they were so mean. i think they were jealous. i dont know what else can explain it. what was the purpose of all their cruelty and trash talking about me behind my back? i never did anything. i never said nothing about them. i was never mean. i never tried to hurt them. i just went about my business. but they STILL did that anyways. why?? but now....i just cant connect with female friends. i make male friends but i know it's not going to last. even in my office, i know the two guys (my age) that work here better than i know the girls. i just dont trust, bond or connect with women. i get to know them but then i just back off.........i just want to be alone. but yet i want to live my life with ppl.....u know? dont know what to do.
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i don't see why you are telling me things that i already know and have figured out for myself. at some point i realized that i couldn't keep on going on like this, that if someone was going to treat me badly, at the first sign, i would have to walk away. that trying to get them to treat me better when they wont is horrible. it takes time to see someone's true colors but if someone really genuinely cared about me, he would try to make it work. and that there are behaviors where i just have to draw the line and say, no, that's enough, no more. hmmm hmm...yes, i am responsible for who i choose to let in and who i choose to keep around and who i accept. capish right? right. but, that wasn't the purpose of my thread. i already KNOW all those things and i already work on A LOT of different aspects about myself. i want to discuss things that are pertinent to my situation but which i haven't figured out yet. im in therapy for a reason. but i can't go 5 days a week and i cant depend solely on my therapist. 2 days a week is already quite a bit of my money. i WANT to talk about things that i post about. not things that i already do know!!! please stick to the topic, it is very frustrating.
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i get this feeling that.......what im trying to say seems not to be getting through.....and is being misinterpreted. come on ppl.......it's not that hard.... presenting viewpoints and arguments that have nothing to do with the points i made......is strange.
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well, i was using an analogy with the quantity of poison to make my point. but you are using the definition of degree/texture of it. that's different and doesn't correlate with the original. if u want to use the degree of it, then come up with a new analogy. otherwise, that's a logic error ur making.
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no contact already broken - question about actions
teacup replied to opiate92's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
uhh....i think whether u send the letter or not doesnt MATTER. why? because SHE DOES NOT CARE about YOU. who does she care about? herself? and i DONT CARE what she has, what disorder it is. just because someone has a disorder doesn't mean they have a right to treat another person like dirt. and if the disorders cause it then 1. go on meds or 2. dont get into a relationship unless he/she can control their behavior and 3. if they are too sick to do so, they should go get treatment and not do anything with another person. any other reason is just an EXCUSE. i excused my crazy psycho EX's behavior on the grounds of ADD. (adult attention deficiency disorder). what a load of hooey. the bottom line was, he was a horrible messed up person with horrible issues and no matter HOW good i was to him, it never mattered, i was always the BAD one, i was the one that CAUSED him to be that way. i got out and im SOOOOOO much happier today for it. just because you love a person doesnt mean you SHOULD. and i learned this the hard way.