teacup

god, what a friggin' loser. i really resent him and i do not respect him. our family is financially struggling right now. we have no income coming in, and we barely get by. for years, my dad is supposed to be the one out there working, with a job to support the family. and my mom stays home to take care of us. this was their agreement. he was always in and out of jobs, always getting laid off, losing his job etc. the last time he lost his job, a few years ago (actually it might be 4-5 years already), he just quit. he quit looking, he didnt even bother. he just stopped working altogether. me and my brother still need to finish school. but we have no money. "dad" seems to be healthy in mind and body, yet all he does is stay home in front of the computer all day, not doing anything. he doesnt have any friends, doesnt try to have a life, isnt fun or interesting. actually, i dislike his personality and find him to be a jerk most of the time though he has his nice moments. im so mad and pissed off. we only have one car in the whole household and this makes it very inconvenient. sometimes, one of us has to go somewhere the whole day, and the rest of us are stranded. it makes it hard to have a social life. seems like no one in this house tries to have a social life anyways. whatever, he is pathetic and i hate him. my poor mom, i dont think she knew what a pathetic loser she married. he wasnt like this when she married him. he had a job and was doing okay. his excuse for not getting a job is that i've caused him too much stress and pain, that he is an immigrant and his english isnt good enough, and that the job market is going down right now. he says it's his business whether he finds a job or not and no one else's business. but he doesnt even try, he didnt even try to look. he didnt send out a single resume. just up and quit. that is why i hate him so much. i dont respect him, find him pathetic, find him lazy and stupid and mean and ugly and i hate his family, has a bad attitude, pokes his head into everyone's business, worries his head off about political news that has nothing to do with him, has no friends and does not even try to socialize, does not go out, and does nothing. basically i think he just surfs the internet, sleeps, eats and stays home. pathetic. loser. hate him for putting the family in this situation. all our lives would be better with even a little bit of income but no, he's incompetent and a loser. it's okay if i choose to have no relationship with him right? i cant stand him right now and i dont think i'll ever completely forget.

there is some advice in this thread that is simply wrong. to tell someone that they will thank their parents in the future for completely smothering them is wrong!! it is asking them to deny their own personal feelings, thoughts and beliefs. you have my sympathies, you are in a tough situation and it's horrible to have your parents treat you like that. they do not have a right because you are also an individual and a person. what they are doing is wrong in not allowing you self-determination.

yeah. why am i hung up on this skanky jerk? i dont even like who he is as a person (he's lame), i dont respect him (he's promiscuous), and i hate the way he treats me (like crap, and dishonest). any more advice for me?

im feeling really low right now. a few weeks ago i met a guy at work. it all started out with him asking if i wanted to go to 7-11, and then to a parking lot to talk. we ended up making out in his car and almost going all the way, except i said no. then, for a week or two we pretended not to know each other. then it started again, on weekends during work, he would find me and we would go make out or we would just go get food (no make out). this only happened once or twice. i started to think that mabe he liked me a little better. then i got layed off from my job. he drove me home that day and i wanted to make out in his car (my choice), and then we got something to eat. i asked him if i would ever see him again, and he said "we'll still see each other and see where it goes from there." i gave him my phone number but it has been 7 days and he hasnt called. he hasnt even called to ask how im doing. in fact, in the car, he made me write down his number (his hands were greasy from the fries), and said that i should call him. i kind of feel at this point that he's not ever going to call, that if i want to see him, i have to call him. and he will decide whether to see me or not. i keep thinking about him. i think he is immature (hasn't grown up yet despite being 28), noncommital, and one of those guys that are really uncaring or act that way. he's had 7 flings and only 3 relationships, so he's used to this messing around thing, but im not. i checked up his my space and he lied about his age and has these young girls on his site. it made me lose respect for him. my sister calls him a "frat fag". one of those guys who work, sleep, work sleep, goes out drinking with his frat brothers, meets young girls, come back home and passes out. he seems not to have grown out of the fraternity state of mind. despite all this....i dont think he's a bad guy. he's had those moments where he's been disrespectful, and withholding, doesnt want to be seen with me because ppl will talk. i think he is okay, that mabe he could grow into a good guy if he gets all this out of his system and grows up a little. he always says he's a "good boy". well, i still really like him. what should my next move be? should i call? should i mess around with him? (it's kind of fun and we're both in our late twenties). what should my expectations be? mabe it could just be a fling? or mabe it can be something more? or mabe it's already over? what should i do? mabe we can casually date? i do like him and care about him....and do want to see him. i dont know him that well yet, so i dont know his true character yet. will he call?.....seems like i have to do the calling. argh. what does this tell me?

when he says something like that, it is an excuse. it is an excuse not to be with you. you are giving him everything he wants, sex, companionship, gifts without him having to give any commitment. why would he commit when he can have his cake and eat it too? you see? i say move on because at this rate......he wont make you his gf.

wow...that is a good point. how sad, this is as good as he gets. UGH. do you suppose it's my fault in anyway that he would treat me like this?

either in what they say, or through their actions? what can i as a person do about this? is it something about me that makes them disrespect me? or is it something about them that makes them disrespectful for no reason? what i can do? i hate disrespect. i dont want to take it.

i would think you were a real jerk who was playing around.

what if he calls? can i tell him to cut the crap if i happen to get the phone? god, this is so lame and immature. ugh, im pissed off and it is so digusting.

yeah, i did say it in those words. i thought he was a cool guy, until he started doing this. what could be the purpose of his game? why would he want to do this to a girl he barely knows? why flatter me with the "you're sexy", "you dress cute"? why would he jerk me around when i barely know him? should i call him and confront him? i am so upset.

control issues? can you explain?

this guy calls me up on the phone and we talk. he tells me he wants to take me out on a date, he wants to take me this place or that place, but he doesnt follow through. he doesnt set a place or a time. (i suppose he could be busy working, i used to work at the same company and i used to put in 70+ hours a week and had the cycle of work, sleep, work, sleep everyday) today, we were supposed to go out to lunch, i was supposed to drive to the parking lot to meet him. he said he would call me in the morning. i said, "if you don't call, i dont have to go right?" and he said yeah. and i said alright. and he didnt call this morning. he's called me before and let the phone hang up after 1-2 rings. then i hit the redial button to call him back. but he says it's because I dont pick up. he hints at all these things but there's no action to back it up. i am 1. pissed off 2. feel like im being jerked around 3. wonder if there is some game being played 4. he leaves me hanging 5. wonder if it's just sex he's after and that's why he makes it appear after if he's contacting me but then doesnt follow through. 6. find all of this disrespectful 7. dont know what it is he's pulling or playing or if he's just wishy washy what do you guys think? am i being harsh or paranoid? is something really going on here or am i just imagining it? next time the only thing i want to say is "no." i dont want to give an explanation or an accounting or anything. i simply want to say "no", put my foot down and stand up for myself. i dont want to play this game or to be treated in this manner. i dont care what the excuse is. i dont even know him that well and im already suspicious. is there a game here and what is it?

the reason good men dont want you is because you dont have any respect for yourself. this older man you are describing is disgusting, he is disrespectful and using you and you are justifying it and waving it away. men will push to get away with as much as they can from a beautiful woman. if they can push you into a one-night stand they will. dont let them. just say no. the kind of experience you will have with this man is cheap and worth nothing. it will only bring you pain and sorrow in the end.

i barely know him. i thought he was a cool person that i might want to get to know better. UNTIL i realized that he was disrespecting me on purpose. now i really dont care one way or the other. it might be nice to get to know him if he cuts out the disrespect but if he doesnt, i would rather feel respect for myself and have nothing to do with him. i am lonely and want good friends, at heart im a very social person who likes socializing and having fun....but not like this ....this isn't the way to go...i dont want to be treated this way by others!!!!!!!!

well, would it be too late to call him on it at this point? if he ever called me again or if i ever saw him again, could i mention it right then and there? also...he does not make plans with me ahead of time. he calls just at the time when he wants to do something. sure, he said during the week, "let's do something on the weekend" but since i dont know him very well, it seems rude that he calls just at the moment and not earlier in the day. it makes me angry and upset. i feel like im taking so much disrespect. ugh.

dark-blue, i wasnt talking about shouting at them. but i believe i have a right to be angry and to tell them to straight up how i see it and to let them know it's not okay.

1) How do i do this? All my life I've been passive aggressive. The type of person to make peace when someone else disrespected me. But I woke up today and realized I dont want to say "it's okay, that's alright" anymore. I dont want to pretend that nothing's wrong and that nothing happened and that it's okay to step on me, kick me around and disrespect me. It's not okay with me. It hurts. It bites and I don't want to put up with it anymore. 2) How do I stand up for myself? Do I just tell the person straight out? Can I say "what you did wasn't cool and i won't put up with it" Example: Recently, a guy asked me to go to sushi on dinner break with him and his friend. Then during dinner break him and his friend just took off without me. I was kind of waiting for them so I felt really bad. (I ended up going out to dinner with someone else so it turned out okay) BUT the point is it wasnt cool. He came up to me later and said "sorry about dinner, you just looked so tired i didnt want to ask you to come" and i said "it's okay". But I'm thinking that if he calls me again and I get the phone, I'm going to call him out on it. I want to say "hey, remember that time about sushi? that wasn't cool and i wont put up with that kind of disrespect from you." Standing up for myself.....3) will it make people dislike me? will it make disrespectful people respect me more? well, at least i will respect myself more right? I just dont want to take it lying down anymore. I dont want to get kicked around. I want to stand up for myself even though I am not completely sure how. 4) also, how do i tell if someone respects me or disrespect me? how do i know for sure? how do i fight for my selfrespect?

something really embarrassing happened to me. this guy mentioned a movie that already came out about a year ago, and i wanted to ask him about it. but i totally made it seem like i was hitting on him or something....and thinking back on it makes me really embarrassed because when i think back.....that's how i did make it seem. but the truth is, that wasnt my intention at all!!!!!!! i dont even know him very well and wouldn't have the guts to do something like that. i am so embarrassed about my flubber because everytime he seems me he probably feels very uncomfortable and awkward. and well i just feel embarrassed and stupid! what do i do? he happens to be the friend of a guy who i think is interested in me. another reason why i wouldnt do that!! (okay now both of them might think im a weirdo or immoral.....but i didnt mean to!!) im just so dumb. why do i always do stuff like this? the last time something like this happened was in 6th grade, i had a great best friend who came to visit me (i moved) and i told her that i had a best friend here...in this new place i moved to. it wasnt true, but it slipped out of my mouth.....and i always wanted to tell her that it accidentally slipped out and i didnt mean it and it wasnt my intention. but i lost a great friend because of it. all over something i didnt mean. i am so embarrassed and flustered right now and dont know how to act around the guy or his friend. i have to see them at work everyday. the worst thing is i didnt mean to!!! i dont want him to think i like him when i dont!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH! im so stupid. so ridiculously stupid. sometimes i cant believe myself.

well, what is the best way for me to let him know, this isnt what i want?? can i say "im sorry ur cute, but this isnt my style" it might be fun to go out on a date with him...he is cute. i only talk to him in groups of ppl but not alone right? he was more respectful the second time than the first time. isn't that strange? but i flat out told him before that i like respectful guys....so it might just be an act.

I messed around with a guy from work twice. Once we were working at night and ran off to get some food, and we ended up parking in some parking lot and making out for 2 hours. This was the first time I really noticed him/met him too. I guess he kind of knew who i was before. The second time was a week later, during dinner break, I snuck out and we messed around again for about an hour. But now I don't want to do this anymore. This isn't my style, I'm not that kind of cheap, trashy girl that messes around with random guys. I respect myself, I deserve respect and I want to be respected. I would like his respect too. I think of him as a shady guy, he's street smart....the first time we messed around he was kind of disrespectful, but the second time he was a little more respectful. But I don't think he wants to date me or take me out and I don't want to be treated like a cheap thrill. I don't like having to sneak out, and making sure coworkers don't see me with him, I feel lowclass. 1. What do I do to get myself out of this and to be tactful? (I think he now has the expectation that it will happen again even though I told him the first time it would be a onetime thing only). 2. What do I do if i want to date him or at least go out on dates? (if this is at all possible) 3. How do i get his respect? How do i get my own selfrespect back? 4. How do i behave around him at work? (I'm usually aloof to him but social to everyone else) 5. He says a lot of guys at the company like me...Does this help me in anyway? 6. I would like to appear more untouchable....How do i do that? I feel I have been playing my cards all wrong, and I would like to play them right for once!! (we are both in our mid-twenties. )

let's see you put this in action. talk is cheap. let's see if you can DO what you say you believe in. i am sick of euphemisms which sound good in theory but arent put to practice.

i have to agree with skyfire. if you cut away the denial, the helplessness, what are you left with? change. change yourself. my only question is, what about girls??!! what do we do?? the situation can be reversed for females and we need good suggestions/ideas/attitude changes as well.