teacup

.......there is no use and no point to analyzing this. you dont know him well enough to know what he's really thinking or feeling. neither do we. you will just drive urself crazy and you will not know for sure. it was a great date. leave it at that. see what happens next time. in the meantime go out and live ur life. pay attention to patterns of behavior. if he consistently never kisses you..that would be a problem. one time, note it. but move on. dont analyze. you dont know him. it could have everything to do with u, something to do with him and u, or everything to do with him. what is the point? i need to take my own advice. i think the best answer to these questions is just a simple "i dont know" and then just wait and see. get to know the person. that is all. i really need to listen to myself.

im not going to explain. u dont get the point.

i meant another guy. -_-;;;;; two different ppl.

he sounds obsessive. that's just not normal no matter how "nice" he is.

omg. i think im the same way too. i got out of something abusive where the guy was playing crazy psychological mindgames and did constant warfare on me. i came out of it a little loopy and afraid of men. i met this guy i really like but i keep behaving a little funny and doing things that i usually dont think i would do. i keep thinking everything he is saying is a lie and that he's just lying about everything. i overanalyze and worry and judge and look for flaws and clues and im paranoid that he's going to mistreat me and start to abuse me soon. im afraid he's going to use me, take advantage of me and dump me and that he's going to hurt me. i cant shut off the voices in my head (not literal voices) that tell me something is wrong and my instincts are out of wack. i cant figure out if it's him that's making me feel this way or if it is something internal. i think it's both. i seem to have a lot of internal triggers from the abuse where i just think every guy in the world is going to hurt me and jerk me around and kick me until im down. im too used to being treated that way. is it him? is it me? but im anxious and stressed and unhappy and not feeling good and worried. i too wonder if he's really busy or if he's just making excuses. and im starting to think i would feel a lot better just being alone and by myself. but at the same time i dont want to let go because i really like him. argh. and i dont want a broken shattered heart. i feel you....i totally feel strange and out of balance and odd. i was taught to trust my instincts but im not sure if the abuse affected my instincts or not. i like to think im right on the money but that would totally suck. i dont think im cut out for dating and the dating game.

part of the reason why i thought it was okay was because i was seeing this guy for awhile. he was completely bald by choice, had a shaved head and everything. he told me that he was balding and that if he grew hair ppl could see he was going bald. so he just decided to shave it all off. since he was so comfortable and accepting of it.......well, he seemed okay with talking about this. i think i just carried the assumption over to this guy that it would be okay to mention balding and baldness.. btw, he told me he has been balding since he was 20 but he is 36 now. hopefully 16 years is enough time to get used to it. i hope this wasnt a huge mistake. urghhhhh.

yes i can be very tactless and rude and just put my foot in my mouth. argh. im stupid.

oh great. i mentioned how skinny he used to be too.

jadtt- for the feelings of intution.....are these feelings you get while you're with him? or afterwards? i feel anxious after i see him and i got home. but not while im with him.

you dont know what im talking about. i can tell. i wasnt talking about seperating men from their money.

i noticed this guy was balding. it's pretty obvious. i asked him....."hey, are you balding?" and then i asked him "are you worried ur hair will fall out?" and he shrugged it off. i was kind of patting his hair..i mean i wasnt bothered by it. now i think about it, was that a sensitive topic? what kind of topics are sensitive to men? and what should i never bring up?

hi ladies, i thought it would be important to have a discussion about this. this is something that we are all faced with as we are dating. guys and men that want sex! it can be unnerving and uncomfortable and confusing to know what to do in the face of pressure, desire, hormones, lust, temptation and hints. what do we do when a guy says "i want to have sex with you?" what do we do when he says "you have a nice body?" what do you do when you're making out and when do you put the breaks on? how do you make sure to take it slow? how do you make sure that you enjoy yourself but dont give it away? and how do you make sure you dont have sex before getting commitment and a relationship? how do you make sure of his intentions? and how do you know whether he is being honest about them? how do we set our sexual boundaries and stick very close to them? what rules should we make and stick to? it gets harder and harder but as females it's especially important! how many females have been hurt, used, abused, and dumped after sex or sexual favors? we must redefine and discuss our standards. let's discuss this.....and guys, if you have some good input plz add!

hey, you can PM me. im in the same situation. there are several things that put me in this situation, none of them good. but im a great person. have a good personality. all that jazz. i find myself with potential bfs..easy for me to get to know guys and make friends with them. they seem to want to sleep with me or want a gf or something. that doesnt really make me happy - only temporarily but the guys usually leave when they know i dont like them that way. it's harder for me to get to know girls and make girl friends. we can cheer each other on to make friends! and encourage each other. that might be cool yeah?

what are you talking about? i ONLY like guys that are nice to me. when a guy starts being mean or a jerk to me, i get so angry and turned off and flat out PISSED. treating me badly is a sure way to get me to be disgusted and to give up on you and dump you. girls like nice guys. but the THING is you cant expect your niceness to make up for everything in the world. if you are ugly or stupid or lame, then just because ur nice, it wont get you girls. girls want NICE and SOMETHING MORE. you must be lacking in some areas if you are counting on just niceness to help you. but genuine niceness is a plus. however i have met some guys that say they are nice but they are just faking it. that wont work either.

as a woman. i say it's better to hold out until he makes a commitment, until you guys are together and have been for awhile. i say it's better to make sure so that you dont have to deal with insecurity, anxiety and the high possiblity of getting screwed over. dont get carried away with the hormones and stuff. i just gave the dude i've seen a few times 5-6 times a handjob and im wondering if i went too far. geezzzzz this sucks. girls we gotta be slower and respect ourselves more and do less than what we want. we gotta watch our boundaries and be careful and more slow, not so fast.

ur friend is totally ridiculous. you cant approach a relationship by offering sex on the table. sure, it may occasionally happen but i highly doubt that in usual cases it leads to anything more. sex is not a bargaining chip for women and it will never be. this is how i see it, if i were a man and you were a pretty young girl offering it to me......and i wanted sex. i would take it, i would enjoy it, i would use you, get great sex, and then because i got what i wanted.....i would walk away. done deal. finished. i got what i wanted. you fulfilled your end of the bargain which was to give me sex. and there is nothing more to do there. the excitement and thrill is gone and i move on. now if you want a relationship, if i were a man, i would want to know who you were as a person, i would want to know what you were like, what are your interests and hobbies, how do you spend your time, what are your values and beliefs and to see if you were worthy of my time and energy to be in a relationship with. i would want to see if i could trust you, respect you or admire you, if i enjoyed your company and if i liked who you were and what you had to offer. i would want to see if you were interesting, fun, admirable and respectful. i would want to see if you were intelligent, nice, kind, sweet, humorous besides just being attractive and pretty. if you came accross as all these things and i started to really enjoy spending the time i spent with you and looking forward to seeing you, then i would want a relationship. but to do this would require spending time together, effort, getting to know one another, patience and honesty. all the components that arent there in a casual sex relationship. in casual sex it's just, hi hello, let's get busy, give each other some affection and go our separate ways. how does this build the bonds and let each other discover the above about each other? in what way does it even say "relationship"? sex is not a bargaining chip. throw that out the window. have sex if you enjoy it, if you respect yourself and if you are willing to go that far and make sure you keep your boundaries. but DO NOT use it to try and get a relationship. that would be stupid. that is why girls should hold out.....dont do too much. make sure he knows you have boundaries. make sure he knows you have moral integirty, make sure he knows you're not easy, make sure he knows u want more than sex, make sure that he's open to considering a relationship as he gets to know you more, make sure he doesnt push and pressure you to have sex, make sure he lets you take the lead, dont give in to his hints and persuasions, make sure u dont get carried away, make sure you respect your body, make sure he respects your body, make sure you respect each other. ur friend is going to screw herself up so bad. ugh. do not be like that.

i will listen to other females opinions but only if i think they are smart, shrewd and in control. here you are advising females to bargain away all their power. i advise any female who read the above to immediately discard that advice. it is important to demand more, men will respect you more than if you're just giving them what they want. if you put ur foot down and say, here is what i want, now what can you offer me, the men may not like it or enjoy it, but they will respect you more. that you know what u want and you dont want to settle for less. if ur just sooooo willing to pay, sure they will take as much as you will give, but i dont believe it gives you an edge what so ever. you've just handed it over lock, stock, and barrel. that is just foolish.

if she broke up with u, u have no responsiblity to her anymore. you dont have to bother with her. forget her and her emotions. focus on yourself. yeah she has ISSUES dude. and you dont need them.

im in the process right now of trying to decide whether i want to drop someone. we had a feel dates where there was great chemistry, attraction, just a great sense of connection......wow. we spent those days in his apartment talking and making out. and then as soon as we go out, i notice he is a cheap bastard and he starts being inconsiderate and i am MAD. angry as hell. that happened last date and the date before that. and now im really turned off. i really liked him but his attitude pisses me off so much. i deserve better, im worth more. so now i am wavering whether to drop him or to see him some more. not sure but i feel really really angry and repressed anger is not good for me. im not sure i should bother explaining this time. im not sure it's worth it to try and work it out. he doesnt seem like he would compromise, though he did mention that word. and frankly, im not sure it's worth it. i've lost some interest, i feel disgusted and im mad. i also picked up a second date with a guy who was nice and gentlemanly to me on the first date. (no chemistry but he was good to me and i noticed that). and yes, it has been about almost a month. much like ur situation. so ask yourself are you a cheap bastard? are you inconsiderate and rude?

hey i have this same problem too. i stay up at night, writing out problems and things that bother me because it keeps running through my head and makes it hard for me to concentrate and think about anything else. if you want to talk about this......pm me. i would like to find a solution to it too.

woohoo! thanks novaseeker. that's what i wanted to hear.

highly doubt it. the way he treats me shows me he has no genuine interest in me. it's totally gross because i offered to pay drinks and to pay some small costs and then BAM he just forces me to pay for movie tickets and then shell out a quarter for his water like he's trying to recooperate the cost. when i was sitting accross from this guy and looking at his eyes, it's like i literally saw a cash register ringing up numbers and totalling them up. i didnt even order dessert or anything, i ordered the cheapest thing on the menu. WHY do i need to put up with this when i go out with other guys who just pull out their wallet? it's so meaningless and pointless to date a skinflint, you end up feeling like they want to bottle oxygen and sell it too. it's a disgusting attitude.

i would save that for when they get into relationship mode. i think the splitting bill in half thing might be acceptable later on in a relationship but when it's just casual dating, it's very early on, and the two are just getting to know each other...the guy runs a huge risk of making himself look really bad and totally loserish if he pulls this kind of stunt. god, i think he's such loser and so rude and inconsiderate.

heh. times change. it means his dating experience is from 30 years ago. and plus it's an experience and advice that he didnt do himself. how credible is that? it doesnt mean he didnt have an experience. but the credibility and believability is certainly shot. and yes.....even by not being out there dating, you forget what it's like. and the advice he is throwing is not practical. it hasnt been tested. 30+ years ago...and married since? give me a break. i rather listen to ppl who are still dating and going through it right now. all the philosophical mumbo jumbo and history of women's equality thing is just lame. how does that compare with practical genuine dating experiences? sure, there's theories about what's right and wrong but what matters is actually being out there doing it. hey, just look at communism. sheesh. just take some pretty selfrespecting woman to dinner, go out and try to stiff her. see if you get a second date or if you can see her interest level dropping like a fly.

what are you doing giving advice in the dating forum if all ur dating was 30+ years ago? that doesnt make sense. and btw, i dont think u would have got ur wife if you hadn't paid. you are giving advice based on something that you didnt do yourself? how does that make sense?