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Msnak

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Everything posted by Msnak

  1. Msnak
    Do you know if he certainly "hated" you? That's probably unlikely. So start fresh, be who you are and be brave enough to tell him you'd like a second chance. Compliment him. Sometimes men don't get compliments, and they so often get beat over the head for not offering enough compliments to women. They like positive feedback, too! Also, approach things in a no-pressure way, just ask what he's doing one night and see if he's free to hangout with you. Be specific, select a date/time/place. Then, if he says no, reschedule or ask him if he is interested. It's best to just say it, even if you feel you'll faint from the nerves!
  2. Msnak
    Goodness, I'm a woman, and I'm mad at this chick! She should've been more upfront. She did lead you on. There are so many people who do that, sometimes unwittingly. Sometimes they don't know what or how they feel, but it takes them a bit to figure it out. But why can't they just say so?
  3. Msnak
    Do you know how amazing you sound when you say this? Jennifer doesn't know what a rare man can say such things. This proves you're entering this relationship, or whatever it is, with both eyes open. As well as your heart. I hope this works out for you. You have to keep us posted!!
  4. Msnak
    Rescue: I completely understand what you were saying when you said finding chemistry and giving it a try is something you have to do. I agree. I say, try it until you just can't anymore! But that's just based on the near-misses I've seen in my experiences and with friends & family. I have an aunt dating a man she's known since high school, and she's 60. They were brought back together because of the undying connection between them. It gives me hope, and at the same time, scares me because look at the lost years! So, do what you must, just try not to get hurt, jaded or too attached, in case she proves her history and returns to any one but the nice guy. I really want you to win on this, though! She would win a great guy and you would receive your heart's desire. I had a similar situation, but it didn't work out. It's very wise of you to recognize that being on a dating website would be a bad idea for you right now. Wish more guys would realize that! Oh, and yeah, guys and gals alike--we all have our issues to deal with. I have friends who can't be single, and thus, never get to deal with their issues because they're always in a relationship before they have time to figure out what their issues are! And why these issues grow and continue to sabotage relationships. Loved your comments on speed dating. Thanks for the summary, I have a friend 12 years older than me that wants to try it and I don't want to! (Because I always dislike every worthwhile guy at first!) Best of luck to you.
  5. Msnak
    Rescue-- You sound like a classy guy, she obviously isn't ready for you, hate to say it. Sometimes people don't realize when they have gold in their reach. Perhaps you can maintain a place in her life by just being there as a friend. I hope she doesn't hurt you or herself. But going back to deadbeat Brad is a bad move on her part. She might be scared off by your good behavior and kind treatment. Pity. In the meantime, maybe return to link removed and try, try again? But only when you're emotionally ready. I dated online and rebounded with two different guys where I had given them the idea that I was over my ex, (I was in denial) and later had to end things with two nice guys (who weren't right for me) because I don't believe in misleading men. So, try and distract yourself a bit, learn a new hobby, language, sport, etc. As for being a firefighter, I have a friend who works at a station and she says many guys are single or get "so close" to a relationship and the woman fears she'll somehow have to always worry about the fireman's safety. Sure, that's feasible, but I'll bet if you looked at statistics to see how many people actually get hurt or how often, it's mentally blown out of proportion. Sure, you have a dangerous job, but you're also a hero!
  6. Msnak
    Jaela-- I have a Bachelor's degree that is in communications and I am currently working on a Master's in business. My advice? Don't dream about a job. Do it. Get an internship. That's how this girl who dreamed of being a news anchor, switched to public relations. Internships can be short (for me 5 days) or longer (for me, later, 7 months), but they'll give you the hands-on experience & info you need. Both were unpaid, both landed me a great paying career and got me the credibility that a mere degree wouldn't provide. When looking for internships, don't bypass nonprofits, they'll let you "get your feet wet" and some. Good luck!
  7. Msnak
    While you admit you haven't been in a serious relationship, you certainly give someone a lot to think about when considering a second chance with someone. The issue of whether someone can change is absolutely the key to if a second try can work. Great analogy about putting one's cards on the table. You're wise beyond your years!
  8. Msnak
    An email is fine, but phrase it more positively...say: "If you'd like to join me, I would like to go to a (play, museum, ???) after the holidays when things slow down, perhaps (specific date & time)?"
  9. Msnak
    Diggity--what if Shy means that a person is being told to move on by people OUTSIDE of the relationship and not the object of their affection? I think that might be what Shy means. In that case, there no concern for stalking!! But certainly friends and family can tell someone to "move on" when that person just isn't ready. Being alone so as not to hurt someone else, is a smart thing to do. I've had to start taking that advice myself lately.
  10. Msnak
    About the "no chemistry" thing--I have NEVER felt instant attraction or chemistry to the three guys I liked the most. Two were completely off my radar for over 8 months to a year. So don't ddrop someone based on that. Now, oddly, I've had chemistry over the phone. My college roommate had a guy who would call to talk to her until I started answering her phone. Then Mitch would call and talk to me and we'd have the most amazing conversations and flirt. We never met, interestingly but years later, he still asks about me.
  11. Msnak
    I don't think we should stereotype people--in this case, him being an entertainer doesn't mean he's an awful person when he's not in "please the crowd" mode. Insecurities can arise from previous relationships or even our childhood experiences. Sure, you should listen to your instincts, but don't let them RULE you because they might get in the way. Take it day by day and enjoy. See what happens, try to keep no expectations. If you feel his behavior grows inconsistent, that should signal something. In the meantime, enjoy.
  12. Msnak
    I noticed a post on page 1 that made me think of something. Here's something for a laugh, someone in the U.S. has created the "rejection hotline." There's a whole webpage on it! Visit:
  13. Msnak
    Here's some quote (unsure of source), that really stays in my head. "Coincedence is simply God's way of remaining anonymous." I've applied this to my life a zillion times and it seems to fit for me. Some are good coincedences--meeting people. Some are bad--finding something out about someone purely by happenstance.
  14. Msnak
    Who knows what possessed him to call you after all this time. But you're not alone, from what I read on this board, most people who are contacted after so long are shaken, even if they're over the person. It's like picking on a wound makes it bleed and never heal. When he said what he did in the second call, that was just plain STRANGE!! I don't get that. But maybe he realizes he left behind a great person. It's all about your tolerance level, can you tolerate him in your life again? As friends? Acquaintances? More? Don't overthink it, but certainly consider what he might try to say or do. Ask him, even.
  15. Msnak
    Wow, I just got some info about someone that is making me get over them in MINUTES when three months have passed and I still want him. My ex, has female friends; I know some of them. They're all harmless. But on his webpage I found a recent & provocative photo of him with two random (but attractive) women. His female friends and me, are all shocked. One called him a "sl*t" because they disapprove of him being in the photo with these women. He looks like a pervert! My opinion of my ex just went down dramatically. I'll be over him in no time. This must be the sign I prayed to God for!!
  16. Msnak
    I sure hope guys can still "be guys" and go after what they want! (Women too.)
  17. Msnak
    Hoppy, I think it's part of getting older, where our interests, maturity level, careers, and overall "busyness" get in the way of our relationships. It could be with friends we once were inseparable with, family or even within yourself, disconnecting from your hobbies or whatnot. I think Ocean is right about the online thing...definitely give that a try. List the qualities you want in a mate, post those online. Don't get desperate, set your eyes on the prize. Gosh, that sounds cliche, but it works! You'll find the one you long for. If you feel emotional issues could be weighing you down, definitely talk to someone about that and it's bound to make things better. In the mean time, "fish on!"
  18. Msnak
    Disciple-Interesting thing about the tactic of not asking someone out just after meeting them. I keep hearing the opposite, that opportunities don't present themselves too often and to strike while the iron is hot. But I agree that letting someone see your "real self" is certainly the way to go. Look at it from another view--what if someone was one way, and you grew to like/love them. Then you find out that's not who they really are. It's wasted, time, effort and emotions, and likely that one or both parties got hurt. Anyway, men certainly have a lot to think about when it comes to seeing someone they like or want to know better. You know how most times it's men that do the approaching, and how women--over the course of their life--will be approached infinitely more times than they approached someone. Shy--Well, if someone wrote about it, no. But earlier this year I saw a Washington Post article about parties where strangers meet up and sit on the floor and just touch one another, hugging, massaging, etc.
  19. Msnak
    So, are you saying that being passive instead of active is working better to get you the female interaction you're after? Just letting the woman come to you or initiate things? There's also a message that you lead into that reveals that maybe you're seeking ways to be close to someone without having to do much, and without going too far. With tihs particular girl, is she a friend? Do you think she wants a dating relationship? Is that what you're really after, or are you just needing physical contact? There have been studies done to show the benefits of non-sexual touching, with premature infants who grow stronger and healthier with touch, with elderly, who live longer just by petting an animal. These are more extreme cases, but I would easily say that some people are touch-starved in America. We have our personal space that we must adhere to when getting to know people. And then we sometimes worry what people think if we hug someone, or hold their hand. Not everything has romantic implications. Sometimes you just want to show someone you care!
  20. Msnak
    Sure, we should always strive to be better versions of ourselves. If we stop and get complacent, it means we are not growing and learning. Life is meant to be embraced not oogled. And about the comment regarding men being "men" and initiating, speaking up and taking chances....it has pretty much been tradition for men to be the ones making the first move, leading the relationship, etc. But women can do it also. I just don't think the leader should be one person all the time. Plus, in many people's views, a man is still the person who should "lead" the relationship, but how can that be done if men are shy, confused, not really interested, inexperienced, scared, etc....I could go on. Sometimes relationships will never get started unless someone bites the bullet, so to speak, and takes a risk to say or do something. It seems more and more men are less willing to do so, which means women who might feel a mutual connection with someone might miss out unless they speak up.
  21. Msnak
    I have friends who are single parents and they say the following: 1. don't tell your younger kids that you're dating anyone right away 2. don't let a new date meet the kids or stay overnight for a long time 3. be honest with your date about your connection to your kids and their ages and that you HAVE them 4. recognize that not all dates are respectful of a parent's schedule and that you cannot always be spontaneous By the way...for the first time ever, I dated a single father. Freaked me out for just 1 reason--the ages of his FOUR kids! I am closer in age to them than to their father! It was like dating my uncle and I think his kids would have more in common with me than I do with their father.
  22. Msnak
    If you're in school it's tougher because people you might not want to see are right in your face everyday. Too bad there's no pill to take to not feel pain! But you will get over it, it will also take some time and effort. You may feel strong one moment and weak and mad the next. Sometimes it helps to write that person a letter you never send. Or be creative. Go to your hobby, or learn something new. Immerse yourself and you'll be so busy you won't realize time passing and your wounds healing. You're young and your emotions will go on many rollercoaster rides as you get older, but you will survive, you will get off the ride a little wobbly, but you'll still be walking!
  23. Msnak
    You obviously have strong feelings for him, mixed in with the loneliness, that can be a powerful effect he has over you. Can you go cold turkey and take some time off from him? Don't contact him, even if he contacts you? Allow both of you to see if "absense makes the heart grow fonder" and let your confusion dissipate (hopefully!). And ask yourself this--do you see him in your life? If so, how? As a friend? More? What are your favorite things about him? What are the things you need in a relationship to feel loved and secure? Does he provide those now? Can he in the future? I'm no expert, but this is what I thought of. Best of luck.
  24. Msnak
    Getting too "serious" scares many guys--not all, of course. I've never made overtures to any man to insist we're a couple. One day you just laugh together and realize: "How'd we get this far without stumbling?" There's no timeframe, no magic # of dates. Just a feeling, I guess. I've been scared by men who've said that they are so sure we're a match they're picking out concerts, restaurants and vacations even before date #3. I would stick around long enough to see we weren't a match, always forgiving their confession. (Though these confessions may be a sign of something strange to come! LOL.) Jadtt wrote about a guy not being ready for a relationship and yes, that's the case for some, and maybe a leading cause for breakups and disappearing acts. Who knows!
  25. Msnak
    Here's a perspective I was introduced to by a friend. What about the notion that men would be best to do the asking because it's easier for a man to be turned down than to turn a woman down? It's easier for a guy to handle the pain than to have to inflict it on a woman. Sometimes honesty is harsh, so rejecting a woman's advances might mean a man would feel bad, guilty or worse, feel compelled to go along just because he was asked and he doesn't know how to get out of it for fear of "hurting" a woman (her feelings). (Keep in mind, I still think anyone can do the asking!! It's better than wondering, regretting or missing an opportunity.)
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