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Msnak

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Everything posted by Msnak

  1. Msnak
    Shy--Hey there! Very, very good poem to be just 12 when you wrote it! You have a gift of expressing feelings and being compassionate. Seems you've been in touch with the world around you for YEARS! Proves how intelligent and how much insight you have into human experiences.
  2. Msnak
    Welcome! Yes, asking the big questions saves questions, headaches, worry and stress. If he doesn't have an answer, recognize that he might be confused about how he feels for you. Give it time, if you want to try it again. When times passes, things can change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Don't expect anything, but do be open.
  3. Msnak
    BillyJ- I applaud you and I agree! There's no excuses for a lot of things--we're human beings, not animals. We have self control and a brain to use to consider the consequences of things we do and say.
  4. Msnak
    Charlie gave the most "to the point" advice I've ever heard on this. Good job. I would say, recognize that people are imperfect. Our judgment, behavior and instincts can fail us sometimes. So it is based on each situation and on what potential there might be. Did this person burn their bridges with you? Are there past pains you can overcome? Do they seem sincere about wanting a second chance?
  5. Msnak
    Sure, there's a possibility he's interested. as for question #1-- ---absolutely true, I've had guys of all ages admit that to me and question #2-- ---but if he's looking for something casual, he already knows thta you want more, and maybe he's letting go to avoid hurting you can you do a list for your eyes only, if needed, of the signs why he might and might not be interested? Take a day or two, compare the results, see if there's more leaning in one direction or another. Then...if you feel you need an absolute firm answer, call him if it will help you decide to move on or to give him another try.
  6. Msnak
    I absolutely adore you for asking about my situation. And I could sit here and type a book. But I've sort of done that. LOL! I'll send you more in a PM, so I don't rehash or bore anyone. --Absolute genius! I will have to use that one!
  7. Msnak
    Annie, great question. Second chances are not for everyone. So, you'd have to determine if this guy was worth your time, energy and most important, your trust. And to be turned down after a guy expressed interest, hurts like hades! But it happens more than we'd all like. Girls do it, too. Maybe in a nicer way? LOL! (Not that there really is a nice or harmless way to kick someone out of your life!)
  8. Msnak
    --This makes complete sense. You can move on if he will DESTROY the relationship once and for all by saying "it's not gonna happen." Hmm... If you want it as badly as it seems, it's like a drug, I guess, where you're hooked on it. Maybe even the confusion of this relationship. You will be feeling what you're feeling until the feelings go away. It will take time. But like a druggie, don't become an addict. Don't do anything desperate, because in the withdrawal period, you'll regret it. I am one of those people that overanalyzes and looks for possible misinterpretations and always gives people the benefit of the doubt. I've been called naive for that. But I can honestly say, I've never felt taken advantage of, and I live my life to avoid chances at regrets. I was about to walk away from my similar situation when I decided I had to try once more. I did. He responded great, and we were starting again when he had to head out of town. Something happened then that ended us...not sure what, as it was on his part. He went AWOL! (Absent w/o leave.)
  9. Msnak
    Ok, my take, if you can't get her out of your head, give her another try. If you think you can live without her and just need time to get over her, then you're already moving on. About the "pursue" role--it's still typically the guy's job. Sounds so sexist, I know, but 80% of the women I know, ages 19 to 43, let and want the guy to make the moves. So, maybe she does need time. Don't give her too much time if you really want her. Just tell her you want to go slow since you both have demands on your time (school and child-rearing, respectively). She sounds like she has some self-esteem and body issues. You can help, but it's not really your place. It's all with her. If you think she's beautiful, great, funny, classy, a good mom--tell her. Some people just need validation in a relationship. Call her. Leave a message or send a quick, "thinking of you, hoping you're OK" email. Something is better than nothing--if you truly care.
  10. Msnak
    Luz--Well said. Can you explain more of what you mean by "psychologically deconstruct"? I'm intrigued.
  11. Msnak
    Sure, not all relationships move too fast. But each person's definition is different, of course. One of my female friend's moves pretty fast, makes things too easy, too accessible for guys she dates; oddly, she's not been single in years. (Serial dater) Anyway, there's no "speed limit" or recipe for a relationship. (If there was, some of us would be speeders, slow-pokes and back-seat drivers. Others of us would just burn things.) Wait for him, if you like. But know that with each passing day, his lack of communication is building an invisible wall around you that he's going to destroy. The wall is disappointment and declining trust. I agree! And if you're a nice, patient and otherwise decent person, no some-what good guy really wants to risk hurting a woman by saying, "I don't want to be with you." It's possibly easier not to say it, or behave like jerk.
  12. Msnak
    --A new trend, no. It's been happening bit by bit in America, at least, since the 1960s. --Career options have expanded and educational standards have increased. --Men and women alike are still getting married, but perhaps too soon, to the wrong person and for the wrong reasons. That's why it was cool to see reasons why people's marriage's don't last. The disposable idea is one I think I see more and more. --Could there be a trend from the children of Baby Boomers to NOT get married and break up? Time will tell. But most children of Boomers, myself included, insist we want marriage to be "for life." Again, time will tell if we've learned lessons from our parents and neighbors. --I think most women, especially ones that might have a high level of education or a professional job, simply take longer to find 'the one' or lose faith in finding him. The reasons are vast. --Enjoying the single life, I think, is part of the problem we can't keep marriage together. Too much of what was once reserved for marriage, is now freely available. So, some people are not motivated to get married at all or right away.
  13. Msnak
    Ugh, smitten & nikk--reading this post has made me laugh, think and grind my teeth! I just hate it when a guy or girl thinks it's OK to "leave the door open" at the expense of the other party. Especially when they really like the person but are too shy, blind or unprepared to deal with the potentiality of a relationship. I had a long lunch with my friend during work today, about that same issue. She's decided she will do the following: tell the guy it's his last chance, tell him what changes he would have to make for their relationship to work, and she told him what she's willing to do, in order for them to try again. But this is the last time. My best female friend has done this to guys. I told her it was cruel. Then it was done to her and she felt the pain. But she's back to doing it again.... Maybe, some people WANT a relationship but can't HANDLE one? The on-again, off-again or "I might want you in a month" is a carousel ride that no one deserves, though.
  14. Msnak
    This is a weirder-by-the-minute case that will go one of two ways--he atones for his sins of "playing around" with you or he tries to disappear again. Hate to think he'd disappear, but that's what I would expect right now. Try to move on, since his history is shaky. But keep a "window" open. He might clean up his act, but don't count on it. Hopefully you won't get hurt.
  15. Msnak
    Nik-- I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying! Unbreakable! Seriously, if you can build a musical empire on hating the mother of your child, and then get back with her? Anything's possible. Guess that's the cool thing about life--it can't be predicted.
  16. Msnak
    I did link removed, and a few other sites. Online dating is a way to get more exposure, I would say. But other places to meet women--depending on your age/interest: 1. dance classes (mostly women go) 2. book stores 3. the gym 4. the mall 5. church 6. comedy clubs, lounges 7. ice skating rinks
  17. Msnak
    Annie's asking great questions. Until we get more info, it would be my scientific guess that yes, he is pulling away. A habit of many men, and in the first few months of the relationship, a guy or a gal could be guilty of it. Definitely tell him that you want to spend more time with him, and that the "not calling thing" does bother you. If you're gutsy, just ask him if he's still interested. His reaction, or lack of one, should match his verbal answer.
  18. Msnak
    Here's the deal...it seems too many marriages fall apart that are based on two people "being in love." Agree? Time passes, people change, rose-colored goggles fall off and you see clearly. But, if you notice that the people you love--say your best friend of the opposite sex, your fave co-worker--these people seem to hold a rather steady regard in your life. You trust, respect, like and want to be around them. Perhaps that's the type of "love" we should be seeking. But then, nature and the God-given right to reproduce get in the way. Why? Because you don't want to get "passionate" or "intimate" with everyone you love. So, you end up in a marriage relationship with someone you really like, love and adore, but you have no desire to "be with them" intimately. And that breaks up marriages, too. Love is trouble. Grand experience, but trouble. And don't go see "Tristan & Isolde" unless you want to be reminded of that.
  19. Msnak
    Well, if you take an acting class, would it really be you that comes out of this? Being yourself is numero uno, and it will ultimately be easier for you and more truthful to the person you're seeing. If you do have a few things you can change, say, smiling more, that's a very positive thing. Go for that. Nothing that's an extreme overhaul. For example, if you had two teeth, maybe you could get dentures. But if you're a guy who likes alternative women, don't suddenly go for a type of woman you know you would never really like. That's why the list of traits in a woman will help you identify the worthwhile ones. Basically, each time you see someone, you're starting fresh, starting over and getting a new chance. Yeah, dating is practice. But then, you never want to get to the point that you date anything with legs and hair, because that's a waste of your time and hers. Not to mention potential for hurt. You'll be fine, recognize your good qualities, as well!
  20. Msnak
    Being completely honest, being flexible, understanding, and having a willingness to work on a relationship will help regain the spark. I've seen it happen, but it seems to have to start with the guy. You know, sparks are something you feel in the moment, around someone, and it is originated visually, I would say. (Agree? Disagree?) And guys are visually stimulated, research proves. Case At work I stood next to a guy who really likes me, wearing a nice dress, and he would make vague movements to stand closer, brush his hand against mine, or lean close to my face. It was like he was trying to strike a match and see if I would feel something towards him other than indifference and growing contempt. It didn't work. A few months passed and we were civil. Then, he saw me goofing off on my day off from work, wearing summer-y clothes, and he was "reignited." I would love to hear if women have had a spark come and go. Once, on a blind date, a guy kissed me when I wasn't ready and had just TOLD him I wasn't ready and my spark for him went out that quick. After that, the thought of him gave me heartburn.
  21. Msnak
    You've made a good point about wondering if he truly didn't get the email. For example, my email address looks like spam, so unless you're paying real close attention, you might delete it. Try calling him, see how he "behaves" and if he doesn't answer, leave a message, but mostly just say hi. Some men are really not mature, so that's my new name for certain guys, "infants!"
  22. Msnak
    Huh? Serious question? Or sarcastic remark? Because I don't think the sparks return. It has to be something more, something else. But then, you hear about high school sweethearts who go for 20 years and not see each other. They get older, possibly wider, but still feel a connection. Who knows! In high school, I didn't see a gorgeous troublemaker named James for two years, but ran into him in the mall and had heart palpitations all over again. Different for everyone, I conclude.
  23. Msnak
    Consider yourself lucky that she said honestly that she wasn't being fair to you and that she needed time and space. Consider yourself challenged that you now have to be patient, be slow-moving and be there for her, to see if her feelings for you develop to the level that you feel for her. You sound as if you're a thoughtful person, and you really seem to care for her, so don't worry too much. You'll both come out of this with lessons learned, no matter how it goes. Do stay in touch with her, and yes, surprise her with small trinkets and do stuff together. It doesn't have to feel like a date, but make her feel special. You're on a rocky path, since you dated for just a short time. But time will reveal what it will.
  24. Msnak
    It's gotta be more than taking you back. Start at square one--why did each of you start fighting recently? Is is an issue that broke you up after the first two years? Do you have unresolved issues? Is she willing to change or work on these issues? Are you? As for getting all these questions answered, you have to get into her good graces and get her to talk to you. Can you email, text message, visit or call her? Start off gentle, apologize, keep it short and say you two need to talk face-to-face. Don't let too much time pass, but don't force anything either. Hope this helps!
  25. Msnak
    Age isn't always the issue. It's life stages...you know: college, marriage, child rearing, retirement, etc... If you're in the same life stage, you can possibly be just fine.
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