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Msnak

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Everything posted by Msnak

  1. Msnak
    Electronic friendship....that's a curious phrase. Let's explore that. It's safe. It's easy. You can reveal your innards if you like, without doing it face-to-face. What's the point, really?
  2. Msnak
    Wow, thanks for the ideas. My heart's desire is to know that he's happy and to have him in my life, even if just as a friend. So I have that chance again. I do use boundaries in everything--work (to keep from telling off my boss) -- school (to keep from telling off my teachers) -- and relationships (to keep from losing myself!). I don't feel stupid becoming friends with my ex. I feel stupid hearing my friends' opinion of things. They don't like anyone ever, so I cannot let them poison me. They're pretty negative. So, I've taken time to think this over. I will not have expectations, but I will be friendly. I am seeing other guys, so it's not like I have no options. He just seems to have this coincidental way of being in my life and I feel like it's so big, I'm not meant to understand it. Tonight, I get a call from my best male friend, who REALLY likes me and cannot stand my ex. This is nuts.
  3. Msnak
    I'm in the same irritating cycle now. I just met a few nice guys (but not matches for me) and I even have been reacquainted with the guy I think I could marry---but my best male friend stays in the back of my head. He admitted he loves me...then he tried to take it back. I don't know what game it is, but it confused me, made me mad, and then, made me want to be with him. The thought of not having him in my life scared me. He got scared, disappeared and I started chasing. It continued on that way--stop & go. He just called me an hour ago, ready to spend a holiday with me. I couldn't talk freely, I called him back, and now he won't return my call. HE ASKED ME TO CALL! I quit. He's nuts. He's about to lose me forever. No one deserves this! Moral of this reply -- be patient, maintain the friendship, be careful, move slow and recognize that not everything is meant to be.
  4. Msnak
    Ok, so it's been 9 months since I last dated my ex. We just fell apart, I guess. Didn't end on bad terms, just faded out. I wanted him back, but did no contact. Well, while running an errand for my sick mom, I have since run into my ex. This is the guy I've been secretly pining for (my friends have no clue). I've learned a lot of stuff about him since we broke up that changed the positive feelings my friends had about him. But I persist to realize we're all human and make mistakes. He was wearing shades, he'd gained weight and shaved. So, I didn't recognize him at first. It was my thumping heart that seemed to sense it was him. So, to confirm and not go home wondering, I went up to him and said his name, questioningly. Yup. It was him. We talked. He said he works well over 50 hours a week and is often out of town. And then his friend stood up and started chatting with me. I didn't even really notice him (though he is cute!). Oddly, this happened not one hour after I left church and the sermon ended with the following Bible verse: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Well, I was about to leave it at a surprise meeting, and I was turning to leave. I was walking away from the one person I wanted to spend time with the most. This is the person I think of even while I've been casually dating others since we broke up. But he said to stay in touch. So I agreed. WHAT THE HAIL IS WRONG WITH ME??? Any thoughts would be appreciated. I know, I'm an idiot. I don't expect anything of this, though seeing him is an answer to my prayers. We don't have the same social circles anymore. He might have been polite, for all I know. I admit, I have a weakness but I also have an uncanny ability to know when I'm being an idiot much of the time. My theme song for the moment is: Sarah McLachlan "Stupid." Though "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow fits, too. Anyway, below is pretty much my story if you care.
  5. Msnak
    LOL! I knew someone would update this post! Didn't expect it'd be THIS soon!
  6. Msnak
    Motoboy, you can write all my emails and craft all my precarious business and personal voice messages from now on!
  7. Msnak
    Build up to it, make sure you can confirm that either is truly single. Go into work early or stay late if you know you can catch one of them. Ask one of them about their lunch plans. After a bit, pick one woman to start. Say nice things, compliment her, and then go up and ask questions. Let her talk about herself. Pay attention. Give it a day or two, then ask her out. IMHO!
  8. Msnak
    The intensity of the feelings will go away. Trust me. I thought I would never get over an ex when I was 19. It took more than a year, because I literally didn't know how to cope, he was all I could dwell on. Can you take a mini-vacation? Even for a weekend? To clear your head. Try and avoid him. He'll be your "drug" of choice, but you'll have to be stronger. What helped me was staying really busy, trying to get to know other guys, venting (poems, sports, exercise, talking to friends) and realizing that there's a great big wourld out there with so many other possibilities. You're very young and I promise you'll eventually see others besides the losers of the world. (Though I have a loser magnet, too!) The magnet eventually dulls and you'll be just fine. I promise.
  9. Msnak
    Andy--the above points are, unfortunately, the honest truth. You've done all you can. Sometimes I think our feelings are too powerful. So forceful we follow them, ignore them, get swept over by them, or worse, give in to them. Giving in without getting anything seems to be the common thing, as there are so many people around who want to "get" from multiple sources. (I don't know if this even makes sense! Sorry!)
  10. Msnak
    Seriously people! Writing a poem is art, it's expression, it's not worth getting beat up for! Some people have written songs about exes and made money off of them! Some of the hit sogs we love the most started off as poems... "All I Wanna Do" -- Sheryl Crow "Under the Bridge" -- Red Hot Chili Peppers There's more, but just because someone writes a poem, is it any different from someone going off to exercise to forget about someone? Different from painting or otherwise exerting yourself and being creative and expressive?
  11. Msnak
    I'm reading this and I'm wondering...why do we get these weak moments? I swear, there needs to be a scientific study on why we can leave someone behind and then, boom--something triggers some desire within us to go back to someone. Is it familiarity? A love of pain? The possibility of a second chance? I mean, I keep feeling like so many people give up on relationships too easily, and I know they're hard, but gee...why do our emotions have such power? If you follow this thread, you'll see Andy's growth from the uncertainty expressed in the opening post. Someone should study these emotions...and hopefully win a Nobel Prize for their conclusion about why we feel what we feel.
  12. Msnak
    Teacup: So this side of him, does he reveal it to you often? Was it right away? Is it when he's mad, stressed, sad, frustrated, etc? Is he super private and won't let others see what he's really about? Is he overly concerned with what others think of him? Does he make you feel like you can't do anything right or good? Is it expressed verbally, physically, etc? Do you feel in danger? These are questions to ask yourself to see if maybe this is a relationship you might need to walk away from. Sorry you had to find out he was a phony.
  13. Msnak
    So what if you try studying two or three girls. Seeing what their interests are, learning more about them, on a friendly level. Try to ask them out and spend a little time with them. Then, choose one and ask if she has intentions on going to the prom and if she'd go with you. You can take a few weeks to do this, you still have time. Don't pressure your self too much. I'd say try to relax and just start things as friends. Moving into a romantic relationship from minute one, is very hard most times.
  14. Msnak
    ehm_doubleyou: You asked if it's a good thing that you can talk about stuff and make it easier to meet someone in person... My humble opinion 1. Open communication is great, saves time, spares heartache in some cases, should be the basis of a good relationship. 2. Consider how big a part that sex is in the long-term relationship. How do you spend the bulk of your time with someone? Talking, going places, doing errands, chores, dealing with life, showing affection, sleeping, hobbies, etc. There's so much to explore in a relationship, that you almost fear a relationship focussing on solely one thing...because it means you're missing out somewhere. So, as long as you can talk--about everything under the sun--and realize that it takes SO much to build a strong and lasting relationship. 3. Also, the sparks and chemistry you feel that might be physical don't always last and sustain a relationship. So ensure that you build something that has many bonds.
  15. Msnak
    Update: My friend says she "cares" for this guy but that she isn't in love with him. And the kicker--she needs health insurance; marrying him will provide it at a time when she's having scary health issues. Her other friends said: "It's going to be another divorce for you. Just wait." She vented a lot; I just listened. My heart bleeds for her, though.
  16. Msnak
    Pretty--Sorry to hear your friend wasn't kind enough to remain friends after marriage. That isn't the case for everyone, though. Sure, I agree that you should be best friends with your spouse. Also, you can have more than one best friend (and of different genders). I have five best friends, one male the rest female. Of the women, three are married. So it's not been a problem maintaining our relationship. I disappeared for a while on my best friend in this case, and she came after me. My grandpa had died and I was grieving by withdrawing but she was there for me--really for seven years now. If we can weather death, we can weather marriage. Thanks everyone for your input! If anything interesting happens, I'll update you....
  17. Msnak
    Thanks everyone for all the suggestions, I've really taken them into consideration. Maggie--you summed it up well in your last two sentences. Aside from praying that she doesn't get hurt, all I can do is be there for her. She left me two voice messages today (we keep playing phone tag) and she sounds like she's conducting a business deal. It's all very weird, but again, it's her life. On a brighter note--Shy---I think of myself as "Spider Woman" because I'm tall and have long arms and people are always asking me to reach for things. I will continue to smile....
  18. Msnak
    I try never to say anything mean or negative about people, there's enough of that in this world. But this guy, as nice as he is to me, as nice as he seems to be to her (mostly)--I don't like him! (Besides, Shy's spider sense is darn accurate.) I can't trust him and my friend has trouble trusting him, too! So, how is love for a lifetime able to cope without trust?
  19. Msnak
    I believe in second chances, forgiving and forgetting. I also believe in evidence. (Thanks C.S.I.!) The evidence shows that he's still immature and possibly dangerous. She's been in threatening relationships before and stayed because of financial ties. I guess my advice to anyone, don't ever stay in a relationship simply because of money, in the end, it's not worth it. Life can be wasted infinitely faster than money. I just called her but she didn't answer her phone, so I left a message to say I hope things are going well. I cannot say "congrats" but I can say "I want you to be happy and that she deserves the best." The last time I saw her hubby-to-be was in a sports lounge. I had to physically hold down his friend and him--both drunk--from saying really mean things to a passerby who happened to be an overweight woman. Later, he drove drunk about 70 in an 45 MPH area with my friend in the car, and I felt disgusted. He wouldn't let anyone else drive. (I had my own car.)
  20. Msnak
    Sorry for my absense! I was ill. Better now. Anyway, what don't I like about him? 1. When they first started dating a picture of him was found with another woman in his bedroom. He claimed he didn't know how the picture was taken and that he was drunk. 2. He has friends who he hangs around that drink excessively and not just beer, other "stuff." And he and his pals have been thrown out of places for bad behavior. She hardly ever drinks at all. 3. She doesn't like his friends, his judgment, and more. 4. She recently started paying for his big dollar items because he's bankrupt. 5. He doesn't like to see her even sit at the same TABLE as another man. My male friend spilled some info on him that shocked me, showing this man's jealous side. 6. He grew seeing abuse and fears that one day he'll be abusive. 7. I can go on....these are the biggies. I won't say another word to her. She's heard it all from EVERYONE in her life. I try not to be the poison for anyone. I will be there for her, and I guess that means hanging out with her and not him. He likes me, and I like him, better than at first. But I just see heartbreak and it seems she's not as in love with him as he deserves. So, I feel like they're settling for each other. He's not the enemy in my eyes, I just don't think she's thinking clearly. Just days ago she said she wasn't sure they had a future, and now they'll be married before spring is over.
  21. Msnak
    Depends on how big this place is that you would move. And if your career opportunities would mean you bump into your ex. Me personally, I'd love to move far, far away so I can't be reminded in the least about my ex.
  22. Msnak
    First off, I know the title sounds like I'm trying to run my friend's life. Not the case. My best friend has been dating and living with a guy for a few years. We talk, hangout and email often, but she rarely talks about him. It' s like he's part of the background. I also haven't heard her say she loves him or in love with him, or anything like that. For a year she's always using the word "if we get married, we'll...." But I learned their wedding date has been set and it's soon. She's always said she wants to marry for love and forever. She has romantic ideas of how love and romance should be. She used to aspire and used to look for that. But her life disappoints her and she wants to have kids and she worries about finances. She's in her early thirties and feels like life is passing her by. When I first met him, I said I thought he was nice but that I didn't want to hang around him anymore. Being around him makes me physically ill. I get a weird vibe from him. When she got engaged, I nearly fainted from the announcement. He's become a better person since meeting her. But it's like she's looking for this new step in her relationship to make her happy. I know their relationship has affected our friendship because I can't stand to go anywhere that he might be. He has immature/dangerous friends, and when I tried to give him a second chance, that's when I met them! Should I say something to her? I already told her not to settle. And she knows I don't like him. It seems bad to reiterate it more than twice. It's NOT my life, I don't control her. I just want the best for her. Even her family and friends don't like him either. I think she's making a mistake.
  23. Msnak
    Roy-- great advice. I should print it for myself, as I try to drown my thirst for an ex who probably doesn't even realize what a prize I was when he had a chance with me. Iwantherback--It seems like everyone really remembers what you went through a while ago and want to spare you further anguish. You said you feel bad...don't. You're just fine. Sometimes we take one big step forward and a tiny step backwards. Just keep moving forward. In the meantime, I have another question for you to ponder. Are there certain things about this woman that you would like to find within someone new? Make a mental list of those qualities and use that as a guide. Good luck!
  24. Msnak
    Let's see...the half-dozen guys I've met from online, I only hugged one right away. Which was a bad idea. He kissed me unexpectedly, right after I'd told him not to! The guys I've liked the MOST...we didn't touch at all when meeting. Just walked up within two steps of each other and said hi. It builds tension and keeps you from touching someone you might want to punch later.
  25. Msnak
    OK, I was just worried you might get "caught up" in her, when it sounded as if a month ago, you almost were, but managed to stop. I guess I wouldn't want you to go through unnecessary backpeddling or pain. But you sound confident that everything will be fine and that you've learned lessons already from this relationship. That puts you way ahead!
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